2019-03-20 - l e a v e, reprise

'Go. You don't want to stay.' Those were the six words you said to her, but those weren't the ones you wanted to say. Because what you wanted to say was far more than six words, it was a lifetime of words, and she didn't want to hear them. No, she wanted to hear those six words that you said, she'd been longing for those six words this whole time. But it's okay, Logan, because it never really meant anything at all. Not to her. She took you to bed to use you up, she made you believe that normal was possible. That there could be a light in this endless darkness again.

But it was all a lie.

There is no light, my love. That light went out when I fell down the stairs, don't you remember? So drink your bourbon and take your pills, and I'll forgive you for fucking my sister this time. I'll forgive you for not thinking about me, for holding her after and not pretending she was me. I'll forgive you for telling her that you love her, for thinking that you meant it. After all, everyone makes mistakes, Logan. Just don't do it again.

I'm generous enough that I'll even forgive you for taking out that photograph, for covering my face so that you didn't feel guilty for wanting to only look at her. But I really think you should cut her out of the picture, burn her half in the sink where she wants you to cut open your throat and kill yourself already. Though, to be honest, you should really follow her advice on that one. It would be for the best. Then I'll be the one who gets to be with you, and I'll forgive you for what you did to me.

So just put down the phone. She's not going to respond. And even if she did, it would just be another lie. Burn up the photograph, take out the knife. And whatever you do, don't send that message to her. I'll never forgive you, if you send that message to her.

(several sleepless hours later)

(TXT to Emily) Logan: Em. I'm sorry.

(TXT to Emily) Logan: I'm sorry.

(TXT to Emily) Logan: Please come back.

(TXT to Emily) Logan: I don't want to be without you, either.