2019-05-23 - It's a New Dawn, It's a New Day

The headache woke Elise up before the incessant buzz of the alarm by her bedside could. The scent of vodka and stale cigarettes clings to her t-shirt, to her skin; when she takes that first deep morning inhale, it's this smell that she drags in, and it makes her head throb worse. She smells like a fucking ashtray, but there's layers to this scent, something distinctly deep and pleasant underneath it all; something familiar. And it's that scent, the scent underneath the vodka and the cigarettes, that makes her hurt.

"Ugh," a grunt of pain, of discomfort, as she sits up in the bed and the ache in her back reminds her that it was still there. At least the bruise on her face was mostly gone, just a trace of fading yellow across the cheekbone. The memories of last night come in trickles, in hot flashes; a reminder of the weight of his hands on her hips when she takes the limp, useless ice pack out of the waistband of her leggings. The taste of his skin when she runs her tongue over her dry, chapped lips to moisten them. "Fuck," she mutters, rubbing at her temples to try and relax the headache as she inches to the edge of her bed and creeps out of her room.

Graham's room is empty when she passes it by. He said he had something to do, something to take care of, and she never would've given a second thought to what that actually meant before. But today was a new day. Today, she gives pause, and she says a quiet prayer under her breath in the doorway before she moves along and down the stairs. How long had he been in her life, and yet she'd never given consideration to what he was truly doing with his? Maybe she'd been willingly ignorant, maybe she just chose not to know. But it didn't matter anymore, she knew now.

Today was a new day. Today, was the start of a new life. But did it really change anything at all?

She retrieves her phone from the kitchen table, shoots back the water and Tylenol left out for her, and looks over the seventeen texts he's left on her phone. The bubble by his name has a picture of him she took the last time they were both in town, a year and a half ago now; Graham wearing that smarmy smile, a bruise above his left eye. He'd gotten into a fight, he said. He was fine, he promised. Life was good, he claimed. She'd canceled a date that night to have dinner with him instead. They were supposed to do something after, a movie maybe? But he'd gotten a text.

Sorry baby, there was that smarmy smile of his again, the one that she hated and loved. Gotta take care of something. Met a girl at the club, you know, she's needy. She had wanted to smack him and kiss him and ask him why he couldn't fucking see that she'd dropped everything to be with him tonight, that she would always drop everything to be with him, that she just wanted to be with him. But instead she she just told him to have fun, that it would be fine. That she was happy with what she got, with him. And then she went home to her bed. Alone.

He had looked her in the eyes that night and she knew he was lying but she thought he was lying about being sorry.

But today was a new day. It was a new life. And all those little lies were unraveling, and yet it was still just Graham there underneath all those lies and secrets and deception. So had anything really changed at all?

She winced again at the pain in her back, a distinct reminder of this new life. She didn't know what it all meant just yet - she was scared and confused and hurt and mixed-up, but she wasn't alone. She never wanted him in her life like this, but she had wanted him in her life somehow. Best friend, left wanting more, but not this kind of more. But maybe she should just be happy with what she could get.

Her phone buzzes in her hand, the alarm going off. Time to get ready for work the text read. And she knew what today would bring.

It was a new dawn. It was a new day. It was a new life. But Elise was anything but feeling good.