2019-10-15 - Breaking Up Is Hard To Do

(TXT to Isabella) Vivian : Are you up for drinking and forgetting?

(TXT to Vivian) Isabella : I'm always up for drinking, but not so much forgetting. I'll definitely try to help you forget, though. Is it official?

(TXT to Isabella) Vivian : As in have I spoken with him? Not yet. Hard to when he's not around. But I left a note that I wanted to talk, so we'll see if he squirms away.

(TXT to Isabella) Vivian : Although, to be fair, he has been around between murderous intent and flu, so it's just rotten timing.

(TXT to Vivian) Isabella : I haven't heard from him much, either, though once he fully recovers, I trust that'll change. He and I rubbed each other raw at some points during the illness and the rage - usually a bit of distance helps us back on track. I should check on him if he's feeling better, though.

(TXT to Vivian) Isabella : How are you feeling? Not just with...the Issue.

(TXT to Isabella) Vivian : Hurt, angry, resigned to the fact that I've given up the future I had been working towards. Hopeful that life can't remain terrible. Conscious of the fact that I need resolution, and curious about what that feeling was after the funeral.

(TXT to Isabella) Vivian : How are you feeling?

(TXT to Vivian) Isabella : Career or family? I think both can be recovered, Viv...eventually. You just need time, like with most things of this nature. I'm sorry you're hurting. I wish I knew what to say. As for that strange feeling, if we don't know now, we'll probably find out later. That's how this town rolls. Sure I can't convince you to save yourself?

(TXT to Vivian) Isabella : Alright. Well, better now. Still worried about everyone else and I'm hoping that they're on the road to recovery, and not just from the illness. Gohl's spirit did his best to really take more than what he deserved from many of us.

(TXT to Isabella) Vivian : Family. Not only figuratively, but now literally. This'll be the last time for me and Byron. I'm never coming back to this, to where I was before all this.

(TXT to Isabella) Vivian : I'd feel strange analyzing a dead man, but his wanting to take more than his due was unsurprising. Psychologically speaking, that lines up.

(TXT to Vivian) Isabella : I'd like to be the fiercely determined person who would readily say that now that he's dead and buried, we ought to forget him now. But I think in the end, that's an impossibility.

(TXT to Vivian) Isabella : I'm sorry, Vivian. I realize that this hurts. I wish I knew what I could offer to help ease the strain a little bit, other than get drunk with you one night.

(TXT to Isabella) Vivian : It's fine. Better now than ten years down the road.

(TXT to Vivian) Isabella : It's okay for it to be not fine right now, also.

(TXT to Isabella) Vivian : Is it? I'm so angry. I know Alexander was worried that I'd do something I'd regret before the funeral, and yes...I was more angry then. But I'm still angry. I still want my pound of flesh.

(TXT to Isabella) Vivian : I feel so foolish. I can't keep myself from asking what does she have that I don't.

(TXT to Isabella) Vivian : Where did I fail? But none of those are good thoughts, they aren't going to help move on.

(TXT to Vivian) Isabella : This sort of thing can damage your pride on top of everything, yeah. I'm...Vivian, I'll be honest. I've never been in a serious relationship before until recently. Certainly not the kind that you and Byron had. So, if I say something that's completely erroneous and unsympathetic, feel free to put a boot into me.

(TXT to Isabella) Vivian : I doubt that you would, but I'll keep that in mind just in case.

(TXT to Vivian) Isabella : But I think if a person feels...left, or thrown away, it's normal for them to question their worth. And I think...I don't think it's because you're lacking in any way. The two of you just didn't fit.

(TXT to Isabella) Vivian : I feel neither left nor thrown away. I'd have respected if he had been an adult and told me that it wasn't working. Instead he's been sneaking around my back for who knows how long. I feel used and disrespected.

(TXT to Vivian) Isabella : That would have been the ideal chronology, for sure.

(TXT to Isabella) Vivian : It would have. But it wasn't, and now this mess is what we're all left with.

(TXT to Vivian) Isabella : I'm not sure why he didn't but it might be something that you could ask him, Byron generally knows what he wants almost all the time.

(TXT to Vivian) Isabella : Not to press the issue, but so you can find your resolution and put you on the path to heal from this.

(TXT to Isabella) Vivian : Byron generally does always know what he wants. Maybe that's the answer. He thought he could get away with both. Either way, I'm going to speak with him.

(TXT to Vivian) Isabella : I think that's better than leaving and just letting it fester. Admittedly that's probably a lot more difficult than I'm making it sound.

(TXT to Isabella) Vivian : Theoretically.

(TXT to Vivian) Isabella : Well in this instance, I'm definitely going by theory.

(TXT to Vivian) Isabella : This isn't exactly my area. Not that it's stopped me from trying, especially for a friend.

(TXT to Isabella) Vivian : I really do appreciate the effort, but more than that I appreciate still being a friend. No one I know so far wasn't first Byron's friend.

(TXT to Vivian) Isabella : I'm among that number, but just because I met him first doesn't mean I don't like you, and don't want whats best for you and what makes you happy. Though Alexander's another story, the two of them are complicated. I think he would like to be his friend, as he does with most people that fascinate him, but you're definitely closer to him than Byron is.

(TXT to Isabella) Vivian : Alexander is a complicated man, it does not surprise me at all that his relationship with Byron is complicated. If I were to delve into it, I imagine that Alexander reminds Byron of a past that he often tries to forget. It's interesting to see what and who from his past he's clung to, and what and who he tries to shut out.

(TXT to Vivian) Isabella : Well, Byron's complicated also and I think his own contributions tangle that web all the more. He just hides it better, and he's less honest about his flaws than Alexander is. And you might be right, I know there's a history there, but I don't know the details.

(TXT to Isabella) Vivian : Byron is full of secrets.

(TXT to Vivian) Isabella : This town breeds them, honestly. I don't know anyone who was born around here without something to hide.

(TXT to Isabella) Vivian : I thought LA was bad.

(TXT to Vivian) Isabella : What do you mean? I thought you had a good life in LA?

(TXT to Isabella) Vivian : LA is great...but that city was founded on secrets, and always has more waiting.

(TXT to Vivian) Isabella : I'm sure Gray Harbor beats that in spades, so I'm not disagreeing with you in the least. This is definitely not small town pride talking.

(TXT to Isabella) Vivian : No, I wouldn't imagine it was. But this place is a cut from a different cloth than the rest of the world.

(TXT to Vivian) Isabella : It sure is. But I'll save that rant for another time. Anyway I should get back to drafting this lecture. Hang in there, alright? I'll talk to you soon. Stay safe.