Now Renting: Broadleaf Apartments

KarmaBum -- Wed Sep 04, 2019 6:48pm
There's a big advertisement on the Gazette's website and in the Sunday paper to announce that the Broadleaf Apartments located on Sycamore Street are under new management and now renting! Affordable studios and 1-2 bedroom apartments! Luxury amenities like on-site laundry and minimal psychic serial killings - unlike SOME apartment buildings in Gray Harbor. (Okay, that last part isn't in the ad, but you get the idea.)

The advertisement does not mention that the building had been abandoned after its previous owner tried to burn it to the ground five years ago. Only a few people died. Like... eleven people died, but that's really just a drop in the bucket around these parts.

OOC: Feel free to put in a request if you want to move to the apartment complex. šŸ™‚ If you already have a home built, just make sure you save the desc before you put in the job, 'cause your friendly neighborhood builders will nuke your existing home.

Dear Iggy -- Questionable Advice Column - New Years

Ignacio -- Thu Sep 05, 2019 8:09am
Questionable Advice Column
- Ignacio deSantos
Where I'm not licenced to solicit advice, I'm just paid to

Well we survived that. Happy New Year! We here at the Gazette (Iā€™m speaking for you bullpen) we hope your New Year starts off where it can get better as it goes. I mean sometimes thatā€™s all we can do is accept thi is where weā€™re at, and then do something about it. So my New Years resolution is to be more honest with myself.

The truth is things have not been great, and they might be getting worse. We canā€™t allow it to hold us down. Thatā€™s how birds get eaten by cats and that there is a bad time. So letā€™s figure out how to get to flapping.


Dear Iggy,
What the hell??!
Seriously!

Yo Sirius Black,
I know right? I have been trying to figure it out for three days straight. I go nothin. We should start a support group at the Pourhouse or something because damn! Iā€™ll keep investigating and when I know youā€™ll know. Godspeed, neighbor.


Dear Iggy,
If I were to hypothetically borrow my dad's Harley
(without asking), the one he never lets me ride,
and hypothetically crash it, how hypothetically
screwed am I? (Hypothetically.)
-Donā€™t Tell Dad

Dear Completely Screwed,
You are going to catch some heat with this one. Like facing down something and you know youā€™re going to be hit with it you have to choose the conditions now. Universally in action films we learned donā€™t take a bullet to the gut. It is terrible. I donā€™t think youā€™re going to be shot and Iā€™m not speaking from experience. Iā€™m from New York not Newark. We donā€™t have free bullet with proof of residency.

What I am saying is you donā€™t want to try to hide something you canā€™t. Put together a solution plan, and be prepared that you will probably have to work it off and work at that rebuilding of trust. This is a great way to do that by saying Dad, I need to tell you I messed up and I have a plan to fix it and Iā€™m sorry. The apology is important. Apologies arenā€™t words pal, theyā€™re a change in behaviour.

Until then check out the Steelhead Garage. They do some really nice bodywork over there and Iā€™ll put in a good word for you. Trust me theyā€™d love to work on a Harley and are Harley certified. So thereā€™s your start. Wear a helmet.


Dear Iggy,
That wasn't from me, I know that printer is possessed by
the Lord of the Flies and any of its malfunctions are entirely
the fault of Satan himself. Besides, there are plenty of things
actually your fault which I can blame on you, like [redacted]
and [redacted], and I try to be correct when airing my grievances.

-FYI

Dear FYI,
Way to be well versed on the Apocrypha for one. Now before people get confused Beelzebub is the Lord of Flies and is one of the High Dukes of Hell in several religious traditions. I grew up in a Spanish Catholic family, let me tell you, you learn some stuff. Now the Malfunctions you describe as being attributed to Satan, a.k.a. Lucifer, who is even more elevated in that realmā€™s hierarchy per Gnostic, Hebrew, and Christian traditions? Let me be the first to give you the good news that your printer and application issues are way too middle management for a couple of infernal CEOs. I think youā€™re in the clear there which means you can probably save some money by getting anyone who is ordained to help you, or maybe update your drivers and firmware.

Also I know who this is and if Iā€™m not going to be like every third American and abandon my New Years resolution 55 minutes after making it then I gotta be real honest and post this. Yeah the truth is Iā€™m not perfect, and I didnā€™t know that was your sandwich. And thanks for saving my life that time. I know. I owe ya. Lo siento.


Dear Iggy,
I recently found out I'm adopted. I'm twenty-something and
in college, and yet somehow, my parents have kept this a
secret from me this whole time. I'm having trouble coping
with it. I'm not really their kid. They're not really my parents.
Or is that blood is thicker than water thing all bullshit anyways?
I haven't told them I know, I found out entirely on accident. And
I don't know if I should confront them or not. I love them, they're
my parents, but they lied to me this whole time!
-Plz Hep

Dear Since You Said Please,
Breathe.

Step one is just breathe. You are clearly feeling raw about this and you are allowed. You love your parents that raised you and it seems they love you or you wouldnā€™t say that. Thatā€™s a hard thing to tell someone and iā€™m going to guess when they adopted you thereā€™s no ā€˜okay this is the procedure to followā€™. Maybe they didnā€™t say anything because they didnā€™t want to make you perceive you were differently valued to them. Iā€™d like to say it doesnā€™t matter, but it does. It matters to you and to them and you have to work with them to work on how you will all agree to communicate better. Theyā€™re just parents they donā€™t know any better. I love my parents but they had 3 of us and are still getting a lot of shit way, way wrong.

Until you decide how to talk to them you can at least know they loved you, were able to give you a home and love, and took the initiative to do so. I donā€™t know what the other situation is on your birth people. Could have been yeti that live in the Firefly Forest and put you on a human doorstep to protect you from some yeti curse or being picked on for being hairless and hornless and small.

You are loved. Itā€™s a start. They did the best they could, they tripped on that one. I have no idea what Iā€™m going to tell the chicken I hatched when she gets older and realizes she still doesnā€™t have thumbs. Iā€™ll just have to open her jars for her, and the day will go on. Youā€™re right though, people deserve the right to know, but sometimes the not knowing protects us from some bad stuff too. Make your choices with your eyes open.


So in contrast to when I started writing this article thereā€™s been a bad accident and I know I didnā€™t post two of your letters. I will reach out personally when I can, or next week if all goes well enough.

Take care of one another out there.

Iggy Out.

Opening Soon: Starlight Theaters

Thewlis -- Thu Sep 05, 2019 10:58am
By Jen Zapata

The old Grand Maple Auditorium Halls are being renovated, under careful care and work with the Historical Preservation Society to revitalize the aging building, maintain it's grandeur, and usher it into a new age in Gray Harbor. Under the care of Thewlis Moore, the Grand Maple Auditorium Halls, now becoming The Starlight Theater, will have it's two interior halls converted for modern movie goers, and an added bonus for the nostalgic - the exterior will mount and feature a drive-in for a third viewing screen.

Boasting new and classic movies alike for viewing, as well as options to rent theater halls for private screening, or sections of seats for group activity. The ground, balcony, and box seats remain, the latter available at a slight increase in price due to their own exclusive sound features and comforts.

Mr. Moore looks to have the theater opened soon, and will announce its' grand opening with three films to be shown - of which have not been announced yet.

Police and First Responders At Broadleaf

Thewlis -- Sun Sep 08, 2019 8:28pm
By Ella Wotjlowski

Police and EMTs responded to panic at the Broadleaf apartments in Gray Harbor that resulted in further confusion.
Reporters were not allowed entry, but first response EMT and police were the only people allowed inside before the Medical Examiner was contacted to come in.

During initial responses a window was destroyed from within, and several people reported hearing animal howling. Animal control began searching the surrounding blocks but have found nothing. Police have refused to interview with the press.

The Gazette is offering rewards for confirmed information about this. Could this be the third murder in a related string? Contact The Gazette if you have information!

Dear Iggy -- Article Postponed Due to Injuries

Ignacio -- Sat Sep 14, 2019 7:22am
Dear Readers,

Due to an unfortunate accident Ignacio de Santos is unable to write the Dear Iggy column this week. He has assured us he is trying to get better and heal up as soon as possible. The authors welcomes letters and submissions all the same.

-the Editor

Lonely Goose B&B Fire

AlmightyMe -- Tue Sep 17, 2019 9:32am
At exacty three fifteen in the morning of January 18, the giant oak tree in the front yard of the Lonely Goose Bed & Breakfast is suddenly consumed by a column of fire. The inferno rapidly consumes the tree and spreads through the front yard and onto the wooden porch, before climbing up the siding of the house. At precisely three eighteen in the morning (confirmed by the neighbor across the street), the stained glass window at the top of the B&B implodes. By three forty five in the morning, the fire has eaten the B&B whole. All that remains is a pile of ash and some ruined framework.

Thankfully, the new owners, who purchased the B&B after Logan Miller and Emily Harris left town in the summer of 2019, were traveling at the time and there were no guests staying at the B&B.

One novice fire fighter on the scene expresses some concern about how the fire spread, because while it clearly began outside, the house burned in such a way that it seemed the fire started in the loft bedroom and in the basement simultaneously, and met in the middle. The Fire Chief notes that the novice team member is not an expert and is later quoted in the Gazette claiming that the fire was caused by a stray lightning bolt which hit the tree early that morning. Weather reports - and witnesses on Oak Street - indicate that there wasn't a cloud in the sky, but most people agree that lightning just happens sometimes.

The neighbor across the street proudly proclaims that his tree is now the oldest (and tallest!) tree in the entire town and has petitioned City Hall to declare his Oak a historic landmark.

((OOC Note: feel free to RP that you were on Oak when this happened, or you were one of the First Responders to the scene. The Lonely Goose B&B is now, obviously, no longer available))

Dear Iggy -- Questionable Advice - We're Back

Ignacio -- Thu Sep 19, 2019 10:38am
Questionable Advice Column
- Ignacio deSantos
Where I'm not licenced to solicit advice, I'm just paid to

Greetings, readers. As you know we had to miss a publication and Iā€™m sorry. Not because I feel anyoneā€™s holding me accountable for taking care of my health, but I wanted to and let myself down. Maybe thatā€™s a thing we all run into where our best laid plans fail to be plans and also fail to help us get laid and it just sucks all around.

The truth is for a while I was ready to give up; not on the people around me but myself and I realized though a series of long talks (and having the most significant other on the damn planet ā¤ļø) that itā€™s what They want. Negativity begets negativity and despair feeds the Beast That Is. The people of Gray Harbor? We can do something about that and it means so much hearing back from so many of you. I said it before the only way we can fight the ray in the harbor is to hope and help one another out.

Itā€™s the best I can do, I can only solicit questionable advice. I cannot help you get laid. That work is on you.


Dear Iggy,
My mother passed recently. I need to go through her things.
My family's things. I know I need to save whatever important
documentation I can find to help settle her estate and make
sure everything is in order for my family, but I'm inclined to get
rid of the rest. I'm worried my siblings will be upset later if there's
nothing saved for them. I'm worried, years down the road, that
I might also regret not having any piece of the past left.
How do you decide what parts of the life
you left behind are worth keeping?
Signed,
Paperwork Is Easy

Dear Easy,
For one, heartfelt condolences on your Motherā€™s passing. I will preface this with Iā€™ve never been in this position, however being Gray Harbor Iā€™m going to say step one? Remember you are not alone. Two? Get the documents organized, and maybe invite your siblings in early on the process and say hey weā€™re going to do an estate sale or a donate or whatever. You need to be here before this time.

Pictures take up very little space. You can come through and take a picture of the things you are parting with, or even have someone do it for you. Iā€™ll ask the readers if there are any archivers out there (Looking at you Library crew!) that have these services please feel free to leave a message to me or on my page on Friendzone so this person can get a hold of you. Also thanks.

Lastly? I mean find out if anythingā€™s haunted. You may need to sit down with mom if sheā€™s holding on to things. My Tia Rita hates throwing things out. I am fairly certain when she passes sheā€™ll be haunting everything and thatā€™s tiring for her and you. It can be an unhealthy situation, but it can also be pretty productive. If this is the case? The Gray Harbor Paranormal Society might be able to help you out. I know a couple folks we can hook you up with.


Dear Iggy,
I just moved into a new place, but I don't really know enough
people to have a housewarming party. Do you have any advice
on how to warm and empty house? Or how to make friends with
my new neighbors?
Thanks!
Lonely Dog-Owner

Dear Owner of a Lonely Dog,
Have you thought about a puppy themed block party? Like a pup party for folks. Talk to the city I guess so you can mark off an area. Set yourself up as a contact. Maybe start a Friendzone Group for local puppy parents!

Also to know thereā€™s a new vet in town too. Might want to reach out to them to set up someone there for are and advice. Let me tell you with my girlfriend adopting half the stray everythings in the city and we got the vet on speed dial in case. I said no on the Utah Raptorā€¦ I think sheā€™s still mad at me for that but ya know we have chicken nugget sized critters at home! I donā€™t mind coming home to +1 critter but coming home to -12 is a bad day. Host a dog walk. Itā€™s a great way to meet these people and itā€™s Gray Harbor; we are all neighbors.


Dear Iggy,
Why is there never enough time in a day? A week? A month?!?!?
The holidays have come and went and I still feel like I am stuck
in them! I have gifts piled on a table that I haven't yet had time to
deliver! I am in a holiday panic! I miss my friends! All I do is
work work work and try to fit in all this extra stuff. I feel like I am
letting people down man. I don't want to let people down... How
can I slow time down so I feel like I can stay atop everything?
Seriously,
Time keeps on ticking, ticking, tickingā€¦

Dearest Tik-Tok,
Well thatā€™s because the older we get the more time realizes we are winning in defiance of it and itā€™s punishing us. Someone tried to tell me that thereā€™s gnomes living in the clocks, a whole network of them, and theyā€™re trying to undermine Human society in subtle but significant ways. Itā€™s also important to note that Iā€™m in physical therapy 3x/week right now ad we are all hopped up on painkillers. I donā€™t know how credible we are as a source on that.

The best way to combat clock gnomes is plan to plan. Accept you will not be able to do everything and mail things out if you need to. If you communicate, then people will understand. The other thing you can do is pay someone to kidnap your friends and bring them to your house.
(EDITORā€™S NOTE: Apparently this is illegal and you should not kidnap people. Just ask permission first at least)


Dear Iggy,
I was having a debate with my friend about the best pizza.
We argued all the finer points, such as best toppings, pros
and cons of 'artisanal' pizzas, and the difference of New York,
Chicago, and Detroit Pizza. We also tried to figure out why
some "deep dish" pizzas seem to be all crust with toppings
and others seem to be like a cheese pie with toppings. Help
us resolve our debate? Dearest Iggy, what is the very best
pizza slice known to man?
Signed,
Craving a slice of 'za

Dear Zsa-Zsa,
'Artisanal' pizza is a hipster way of saying I donā€™t know what the hell a pizza is but I read a brief overview of it on the internet and my beardybeardy self hath decided other cultures are wrong in how they express love.

Any New York style slice IS ART. You want an artsy pizza just make the damn NY pizza properly the first time and let people eat REAL FOOD the way nature intended. As a cook and a New Yorker I might have some ...feelings on this. Anyone thinking otherwise honestly deserves being left to their inferior edible fate.

Detroit tho ainā€™t bad, but we share a lake for them so theyā€™re like the little sister thatā€™s trying to keep up, and for that, Motown? I love you. I feel like weā€™ve been over how Chicago Deep Dish is nothing but upholstery stuffing with sauce and spinach leaves and crap on it, but as this is important to the fabric of our society and evolution as a species it bears repeating.


On that note? Well hell Iā€™m going to surprise my GF by combining my PT with standing long enough to make a proper pizza. This spring Iā€™m thinking outdoor pizza oven. All I have to do is find a place that has stone available thatā€™s not from some indigenous graveyard, haunted quarry or cused, so if you have recommendations for me I welcome them.

Hang in there. Itā€™s going to be an ugly winter, bu ā€˜ll give it a shot if you do. Look forward to seeing you at the coffee shop when I can. Be good to each other.

Iggy out.
ā¤ļø

Trial of Joshua Foster Underway

KarmaBum -- Thu Sep 19, 2019 3:26pm
The front page for the Gazette's website runs a recap of the opening arguments that took place on 1/22/20 in the trial of Joshua Foster.

The story reprints some info from a previous article, talking about the struggles to open the Grand Olympic Casino. It goes on to note that, with Foster behind bars, the fate of the Casino is now even more uncertain. The article notes that the lawsuit brought by Joseph Pursley was dropped almost immediately following the arrest, which throws the future of the Casino into even more uncertainty. For now, it remains unopened, but speculation suggests that it may go up for public auction if Foster is convicted.

Foster is on trial for the murders of local business owners Pam and Karl Kruger on 9/13/19, along with several other related charges. The District Attorney's office painted Foster as a powerful man with no remorse for the lives he ruined, suggesting that he's responsible for smuggling drugs into the Quinault Reservation. They told the story of a man that paid his employees $20,000 to assassinate the Krugers in an effort to ensure that his Casino was able to open.

Foster's defense team lines up an argument that the actual murderer is the man that pulled the trigger, and that there's no direct evidence proving his client ever paid to have the Krugers murdered. They also lean heavily into suggests of improper police procedure.

The trial is expected to last at least two weeks.

KarmaBum replied on Wed Sep 25, 2019 11:27am
Update to this story: The prosecution has rested their case, having laid out a convincing argument that Joshua Foster paid several of the security guards that work for his company (Foster Security, DBA Bulldog Security) to assassinate the Krugers to prevent their testimony in the case against the opening of the Casino.

Court is currently in recess, and the defense is expected to lay out their case beginning Monday.

Six More Weeks of Winter

KarmaBum -- Thu Sep 26, 2019 12:19pm
The Gazette shares the good news? Bad news? Matter of perspective? Anyway. The groundhog saw his shadow. Six more weeks of winter.

The article also talks a little bit about the history of Groundhog Day (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Groundhog_Day if you're really interested), and talks about past festivals in Gray Harbor. In the late 19th Century and early 20th Century, the Addington Sawmill used to have a big Groundhog Day event. In typical GH fashion, the festivities got a little skewed so that, by the 1920s, it had become a hunting holiday - local hunters would have competitions to see who could bag the biggest marmot, squirrel, or gopher. And then there were cook-offs to see who could prepare these varmints the best for eating.

By the time the Great Depression hit, the festival was pretty much done. Not least because eating these nuisance critters had become a sustenance habit for most people.

Nowadays, people just watch the news for whatever that one super-famous groundhog in Pennsylvania does.

Bar Brawl at the Pourhouse

AlmightyMe -- Sat Sep 28, 2019 4:59pm
A bar brawl makes front page news in the Gazette today! The Pourhouse was temporarily closed after a particularly raucous evening leaves one man in a coma and several others admitted to the Addington Memorial Hospital ICU with significant injuries. It is unclear who started the fight, but the Gazette quotes an interview with Walter Whitehouse, who claims that all involved "seemed like they were on a significant amount of drugs, probably bath salts or something."

The Gray Harbor Chief of Police has refused comment. The article notes that the Pourhouse reopened on time the following day after the front window was replaced.

Dear Iggy -- Questionable Advice Column - Groundhog Day

Ignacio -- Sun Sep 29, 2019 7:55am
(Sorry for late posting due to RL. Thanks for being groovy)

Questionable Advice Column
- Ignacio deSantos
Where I'm not licenced to solicit advice, I'm just paid to

Happy Groundhog Day where prophetic Rodents have benevolent granted the snowboarders something to look forward to. Next year remind me to leave a bowl of nuts out or something to bribe that chubby lil dude to release the sun and stop snowing on us.

Being Gray Harbor I would not put it past the groundhog ACTUALLY holding us hostage. Who knows? Maybe just maybe this Ibuprofen and coffee has gone to my head. You can decide and let me know. Until then, letā€™s be thankful an army of tiny Snowpeople havenā€™t marched up on us like Castle Macbeth and see whatā€™s going on in the lives of our neighbors today.


Dear Iggy,
I don't have much experience with relationships or flirting,
and there is someone I might want to attempt to flirt with,
but I am unsure of their relationship status. They seem to
be with someone, but I am not sure it's a committed sort of
thing like wearing someone's ring or being pinned or going
steady as they used to call it. How do you ask someone if
they are seeing someone exclusively, without sounding like
you're prying, or being otherwise awkward?
Sincerely,
I Hope You Dance

Dear Hope,
I call it potentially dangerous territory. Iā€™m with you. Iā€™m terrible at flirting, just ask my girlfriend. Literally had to get attacked by a giant monster and get injured crawling my way across a floor before I realized You know I think she kinda digs me. And by then- well nevermind. My point is short of an earth breaking catastrophe sometimes we donā€™t know unless we ask. And the? They might not know. What a great reason to find out though.

I checked with a co-worker too to get a broader poll of what someone might consider doing. Being that they are chronically single Iā€™m disallowing their answer to be advice. So we are def not saying just barrel into it and see what happens. (Sorry dude). So the consensus is to ask them and let them know, Hey I know you have this going on but what is the status on that because I respect you and donā€™t want to make your life complicated.

Now if you are a ghost asking me this (Iā€™m trying not to be corporealist here) I would say also make sure to give them some privacy. I eman Iā€™m not going to tell you you canā€™t go all Patrick Swayze on them. There is a fine line for ghosts between guardian companionship and stalking. But if youā€™re not? No big deal and just ignore that last part.


Dear Iggy,
After things got serious with someone I was seeing, they started reading things into everything I said. What had been an easy rapport was suddenly a minefield. Any light joke or teasing which would have been fine while we were getting to know each other was read as an attack or callous disregard for their feelings/capability/etc. not too long after the L word was exchanged. I'll admit that I did a pretty poor job expressing my worries, which might have all come out like criticism, but I'm pretty sure that it wouldn't have been insurmountable if we weren't already feeling the strain from several other minor incidents.

It's not the first time this has happened either. It seems like that word is cursed. As soon as it's said, there's a decent chance (less than 100% but scarily close) that the whole dynamic of the relationship will change and everything I say will be misconstrued. It's definitely left me gunshy.

I don't want to just close up and keep people out, but neither do I want to have to start being serious all the time just because the relationship is getting serious. Help?
The One Who Didn't Change

Dear Stasis,
The L word is a tricky thing. Itā€™s like a bullet: It might hit the target, it might skid off to the side and cause collateral damage, and it might just because people to dive for cover out of the way, or even have a PTSD response because theyā€™ve been through some stuff.

I was thinking on this topic the other day. With each decade we have to deal with a new set of struggles and those of the decades before like stacking plates and cans and kitchen stuff. I saw a cirque guy do this before and it was amazing, but over time the weight keeps increasing. Sometimes thatā€™s a lot of things to stack so going back and saying something can make them thing something that was messed up in the balance stack was sorted is wiggling again, and though it hasnā€™t they adjust accordingly.

So yeah, telling someone you love them is a great way to get hit in the head with a soup can. If you wanted soup this is a great shortcut and it works out well. So we canā€™t decide how someone will receive the news, only that they are going to react, and that might be scary for them and that stack is going to get shook up. You can either catch the can and help put it bac or get out of the way and cover your head to avoid getting dented.

Also, I recommend the minnistrone.


Dear Iggy,
I was thinking about planting a garden soon and wanted to know if you recommend traps or insecticides incase of bugbears.
My Lawn Rolls Initiative

Dear Level 6 Citizen,
Lettuce begin by saying you are so not planting a dang thing for a while. (Really? They went back and edited that?! I didnā€™t know that was still considered cursing) At the speed of eventually to answer your question you want to take a look at the type of plants you are looking to grow. You really want to be careful using any sort of insecticide on anything that is or is growing next to your edibles (Yes, that type too). (Oh sure they let me print that!) This also brings up a gardening rookie mistake of don't plant anything in the ground next to a fence made out of treated wood. Thereā€™s a lot of toxins in that wood that go into the soil and up into your food. Raised flower beds in that case are your friend. NOT the way to Hulk out and get cool mutant powers. If you did youā€™d be like RoB Schneider in that Family Guy episode where he became a carrot or something. Not one to get you elected city guardian beloved by all I tell you.

The other thing to consider is leaving traps around that can hurt things not-bugbears. I mean also theyā€™re not bears. Theyā€™re technically a Goblinoid race that has a culture and religion and voting and pants and stuff. I mean sure theyā€™re chaotic evil but they can be reasoned with and are far likely to maraud your lawn.

Your answer: Neither. Negotiate and try to incentivise them to go elsewhere. Or just a pictorial sign with a diagram oof a turnip, an arrow down, and an unhappy face. They might not have language but I think everyone gets the idea that itā€™s not a cheeseburger and will probably leaf it alone.


Dear Iggy,
Iā€™ve been reading the news following the Joshua Foster Casino Murder Case. Iā€™m wondering what your take is on it. On one hand heā€™s working to organize a lot of jobs and incoming revenue for the city, but on the other hand people are trying to say that he had those people killed. I donā€™t know what to believe here.
So Much Bad News

Dear Newsreader,
You know this is Section C and not Section A of the pepper right? If you want to know what to believe Iā€™d say start there and probably not with the word of a twenty-something satirist. Pretty certain my publisher uses me as proof that we can literally print anything these days, but if my readers are happy then Iā€™m happy. That said? There is literally an entire section of this paper dedicated to that and my colleagues are happy to answer this in mind-numbing depths.

What do I believe? I think if we went up to Josh Foster and pulled back the mask we might find out it was Farmer Johnson all along! Or I just had the Scooby Doo Dream again. Does anyone else dream in Hanna Barbara? Seriously.


So next week is my birthday, I know Iā€™m a Valentineā€™s Day baby. This means I have been ruining Valentineā€™s Day for my mom for like 27 years now. Iā€™m a menace on a winning streak I tell you.

As the weatherā€™s going to be crap Iā€™m going to say you can either get pissed about it or go drop into Ruby or Abithaā€™s places. We got board game central and a video game Mesopotamia right here in the city. Get out there. Dare to have fun in this slop. What do you have to loseā€¦ other than your GP and your HP....

Okay you can lose a lot and still have fun.
Have a good week out there Gray Harbor.

Iggy Out

Strange Shooting on Spruce Street

KarmaBum -- Sun Sep 29, 2019 12:24pm
Residents of Spruce Street had to deal with emergency services traffic for several hours on February 5th into February 6th at Abernathy Ammunitions, where gunshots broke out abruptly around six in the evening, lasting a few seconds. People reported hearing the shots - which some thought were a sonic boom, a lightning strike, or an earthquake - across the city. The GHPD on scene quickly confirmed that the building was empty and moved in, only to find everyone inside was dead.

Although the Gray Harbor Police Department officially has no statement, one officer on the scene told the Gazette that he'd never seen anything like it. It seemed as if every gun in the store went off almost simultaneously, killing owner Noah Abernathy and his roommate, Harvey O'Donnell. Miraculously, the dog (whose name was also Harvey) survived and seems unharmed, albeit nearly catatonically tired.

The Gazette also runs a thin bit about Harvey, who served as one of the paper's editors from August 2019 until his death. People are encouraged to donate to the local hospital instead of sending flowers.

Valentines Special

Thewlis -- Sun Sep 29, 2019 7:33pm
An advertisement in the papers

February 14th - Lovers Who Love to Love Movies

Theater 1: Alternating showings of Moulin Rouge, Love Actually, and Brief Encounter (1945)

Theater 2: My Bloody Valentine (alternating original and remake) and Warm Bodies

Drive In: Punch Drunk Love and Rocky

Date Night couples coming from Dance Evolution receive choice of free large Popcorn and M&Ms Date Mix, or large bag of Pink Lemonade cotton candy.

Pre-purchase tickets for entry into a raffle for a chance for a bonus upgrade for private box seats instead of general or balcony,