2019-03-16 - Do No Harm

Violet didn't realize she still had his coat until it was too late; until she was already upstairs in the loft above the shop, the door downstairs locked and the sign still flipped to CLOSED. She didn't realize it until she folds herself into the oversized armchair by the window to watch the drizzle patter on the glass, finally safe and comfortable enough to take a slow breath in ... and with that inhale came the scent of him, clean and crisp. It's enough to startle her, the realization of unintended theft. And yet she tilts her head to bury her nose in the collar and breathe in again, lashes lowering over blue eyes as she sinks further into the armchair, further into the coat. She should feel guilty; it was there, of course, something in the pit of her stomach, but overshadowed by a different emotion altogether. This was something private, something special, something that was hers and hers alone. She wants to hold this moment in the palm of her hand, keep it close to the chest and linger in it. For once in her life, she didn't want to share. So she takes another breath in and holds onto it, letting the scent soak into her lungs and into her skin, and allows herself to relax on the exhale.

<<Vi?>> the voice fires through her synapses, makes her breath come out in a sputter, her muscles tensing again. <<What happened? Are you going to finish the story?>> Alice was quiet this afternoon; she sounds tired, drained. They must have come through with the medicine cart.

<<Hmm>> It was not Violet's turn of phrase, that rolling hum upon her tongue, but it brings a smile to her lips when she thinks of it. <<No, nothing happened, Alice. I just wanted to finish my lunch. I can read another chapter later.>> She hated to lie, especially to Alice of all people, but she didn't want to share either.

<<Did you see him again?>> There's no small amount of hope in the words that filters through, and Violet narrows her eyes. <<Who, Alice?>>

<<Him, silly! Alex. Did he ask about me?>> There's a fluttery feeling that is not Violet's own, invading and overtaking her senses. She shuts her eyes, grits her teeth, and pushes herself out of the chair and out of the jacket all at once, abandoning both in an instant. She keeps her thoughts to herself, at least for a time, annoyance and guilt and shame twisting and combining until it was all that she felt. But at least those emotions were hers.

<<Yes>>, Violet replies after the silence, casting a look back to the armchair and to the abandoned jacket. It will have to be returned, the jacket and the scent of him that was still on her skin, trapped now on her own clothes. She didn't even have his number, she never called her phone with his. She swallows the lump in her throat and retreats to the bed where she tossed 'The Governess' upon entrance, curls up in her pillows and opens the book to the dog-eared page. <<Yes, Alice. I saw him. He asked how you were, we talked about the books you like to read.>> It wasn't a lie, not really. <<He's so very nice, Alice.>>

There's silence on the other end, no words and no emotion. Violet straightens out the dog-ear and puts her finger onto the page, then sucks in another breath as the words filter through. Hesitance, reluctance to ask: <<You don't like him, do you, Vi?>>

Violet drags her teeth over her bottom lip, looks back to the jacket on her chair; and she sinks low into the pillows, sinks low into her shame. <<No, Alice, don't be silly. He wouldn't even talk to me if you were here. Come on now, let's finish the book.>>