2019-05-15 - Cry Me A River

It was a thankfully short walk from the beach-side bar to the house on Bayside Road, though the date that should've ended in gentle kisses and under the blanket butt touching instead concluded in tears and a Ricky Ricardo level of Spanish cursing. It takes time for the two of them to calm down, but at least by now a majority of the tears have been cried and Alex's gone through the dictionary of bad Spanish words that Violet doesn't understand but definitely, absolutely gets the sense of. Violet's in bed now, in a long t-shirt and fuzzy socks, her nose red and cheeks blotchy, but that's the worst of it for now. Blue Bell is here, curled up at her feet, and the fish continues to swim lazily around its castle.

"Maybe we should wait awhile longer," her voice was quiet, laced with unspoken apology. "For me to have brunch with Sophia. I don't.." she scrapes her bottom lip with her teeth. ".. want what happened tonight, to happen around her."

Having eventually calmed down, Alex is appropriately prepped for bedtime now. This routine - ritual, even - helps. He does things in a nice, specific order, and it brings him from the brink of FITEYRAWR to calmly standing in the doorway of the bathroom, brushing his teeth. The trash can in the bathroom is full of snotty tissues now, which will bother him all night, but he manages to put it out of mind when he goes to rinse the toothpaste out of his mouth, tapping the brush on the side of the sink, tap tap tap.

Confusion knits his brows when he returns to the bathroom doorway, now toothbrush free, and asks, "Why would what happened tonight happen around Sophia? She would never talk to you like that girl did tonight." Girl. Alex insistently refers to her in terms of 'this person is a child.'

There was no ritual for Violet, no order in which things must be done. But there are a few things that she does to make her feel better - like reach for Blue Bell and pile the ragdoll cat into her lap, bending forward to nuzzle her face into Blue Bell's own and breathe outward. "No, gosh. No, I wouldn't think.." there's a furrow to Violet's brow as she sits back up again, shaking her head. "I don't think she would. Never." There's a quiet insistence there, an agreement that she thinks Sophia is a Good Person. "But Alex.."

And this is hard to say without bursting into tears again, but she's going to do her best. There's a quiet sniffle, and she focuses on smoothing her hand along Blue Bell's fur, taking in a breath and releasing it slow and steady. "They're never going to treat me normally here. They're always going to look and stare. People are going to talk. They're going to whisper.. or yell," she abuses her bottom lip again, "I don't want her to see that. I.. I want her to like me. I want to make a good impression. I .. I want.." Okay Violet, settle it down. She sucks in another breath, this one a touch trembly. ".. to be normal. For one day."

Stubborn Alex wants to be like no this is happening exactly the way i planned it gdi. It shows in the momentary press of his lips together, in the exhale through his nose, and the movement at the hinges of his jaw. Rather than just spit that right out at Violet, though, he does what she does and takes a cool breath in, exhales it reasonably, and leaves the doorway, settling down on the edge of the bed. "Would it be better if we went to the city and had lunch with her instead? I could go to early Mass, and we could drive into Seattle after." Look at him, being all accommodating!

The normal, though. That brings back the frown, and he reaches across to play with the cat's foot absently - jelly beans! "We're none of us normal, Violet. She's prepared for that, for you to be," delicately, "different. So I understand that you want to put your best foot forward, but I want for her to meet you, not some pretend version of you." He checks if this is making sense with a questioning look.

Violet doesn't immediately latch onto the idea of going to Seattle for lunch. She's contemplatively quiet, casting a look across to him as he comes to sit down on the bed. There's nothing hidden in her emotion tonight, she's an open book - and that gaze has weight to it. She's sad, confused.. and above all? Scared. "I.." she starts, and swallows hard, shifting along the mattress to come sit beside him and lean into him.

"I can't be a pretend version of me, I don't even think I'm capable of being anybody but me. But this.. This person that can't go out into public without ruining an otherwise perfect evening. I don't want this to be me," she stresses, "I've .. I've never had someone outside of Alice that was important to me, Alex. And now I have.. I have you," she reaches out for his hand, to grip his fingers. "And Sophia, too," by proxy, logically. "I don't want her to associate all of this with me. With.. with us."

It's a sticking point: "You didn't ruin anything. That girl was unhinged. I don't know who decided it was a good idea to let her out of that facility?" Did they even talk about the conversation Alex and Julia had in Spanish? Or is he just dumping this on her now in his inimitable 'oh you didn't already understand that part' way? "But I should look into it and recommend..." He trails off before he gets into the whole idea of ruining someone's career because of a bad experience in a beach-side bar.

So he listens, curling his fingers into Violet's, and he nods slowly. "I understand. I just hope that you also understand that - " Hmm. His fingers tighten briefly, and he asks instead, "Tell me what you want to do, and that's what we'll do. Another time, another place, never at all?"

There is a perceivable flinch when he talks about making phone calls, her frown stern. "Please don't," it's a quiet plea. This is Violet in a nutshell; even though this woman went crazy on her and caused a scene? She doesn't want to see any harm come to her. "I can't imagine .. what she must have gone through, what she's going through now. It must be so hard. Do you know what they do to the people there? It's.. The things Alice has told me.." There's another loud sniffle, and she moves Blue Bell gingerly off her lap so that she can curl up into Alex's side, exhaling outward.

But what is that she wants to do? He wants to know. "I want to meet her," and that was from the heart. She lays her cheek against his shoulder, and he may feel some wetness seeping into his shirt. "But maybe in Seattle. At least for the first time. I ..it's important to me, Alex. That she sees me. The way you see me. Not the way that everybody else does."

"Whatever she went through? Is not your fault." That's Alex's take on the whole thing. His sigh is frustrated, less at Violet than the situation, just based on the ease with which he tucks her against him, burrows a kiss into the top of her head. "I respect your compassion, Violet." There's a 'but' that he doesn't say aloud, it's just audible at the tail-end of his voice in her hair.

And then there's a shift while he nods into that hair, giving her a small squeeze with the curl of his palm around her bicep. "I'll call her in the morning, and we'll make a new plan, hm?" There's a momentary pause before he adds, "You know that she knows the rough sketches of your situation? She knows that your sister is institutionalized, and that your family is," breath, "a little different." Read: Her dad's an abusive drunk.

He may not verbalize the 'but', but Violet understands that it is there, hanging in the balance between them. It makes her abuse her bottom lip with her teeth again, working it over with a few nibbles. She doesn't say anything yet, instead focusing on the latter things that he says, her head bobbing in the world's tiniest nod there on his shoulder. "I wouldn't expect you to keep those things a secret. They're.. apart of me," her brow furrows, and she shifts to sit up so that she can look at him. "As much as I wish some of those things weren't."

She breathes out a sigh and wriggles her hand out of his grip, so that she can lay her palm against his cheek and brush her thumb over his skin. "I know it bothers you," she says quietly. "That I ... accept things. Bad things." At least she's talking about it. "But it's not really that I want to be hurt, Alex. I just.. I don't want people to suffer. Does that make sense?"

Nodding again, felt in the shift of his head against the top of hers, Alex says, "All right. I just wanted you to know that she knows. So neither of you are blindsided." His whole meticulous plan is already all falling apart; adding OMG YOU TOLD HER ABOUT MY CRAZY FAMILY AND DIDN'T TELL ME to the mix would probably pop his brains, so yeah.

Leaning back a little to put his eyes on hers since she's gone to all the trouble of stroking his face, Alex looks at her contemplatively for a while. "Yes." It makes sense. "I do understand your rationale. I just - " Shrug. " - don't agree with it."

"I know," that he doesn't agree. She leans to press a kiss to the tip of his nose, lingering there for a moment. When she pulls back, it's with a faint wrinkling of her brow. "I wish I could explain it better. The way I think. The way I feel," she shakes her head. "I want to be a good person. Through all the bad, I want to be good. I thought for a long time, that if my dad could just see.. if the people in this town could just see that I'm trying.." She breathes out again, and looks down to her hands, not finishing the thought.

"I wish I knew what it was like. To be normal. I wonder what your daughter thinks, how she felt when you told her about me and my.. everything," she frowns at her fingers. "I think if I was her, I would have told you to run away and not look back," it's a dry laugh that follows the words, a quiet huff, and she looks back up to him to catch the dark of his gaze. It's a long way around to circle back to that thought that she left unfinished. "You see it though. You don't agree with me, but you understand me. You.. you accept me. And you broke a barstool for me, and screamed at someone in Spanish for me, and I.." Big breath, slow exhale. "Thank you, Alex."

Alex presses a quick, brief kiss to that wrinkled brow, shifting his hand from her bicep to just beneath her chin to accommodate this gesture. "You are a good person. You're just a different kind of good person. Whether or not people will ever see that?" He inhales, shrugs, exhales, and releases her chin, settling his hand back where it was.

In due time for him to laugh briefly at all the things she wonders. "There's no such thing as normal in my experience. You talk about it like it's this thing you either are or you aren't, but I know so many people who aren't like us? And are still a far, far cry from normal." And he doesn't even know the nuts that hid from seagulls on the boardwalk the other day, for example! "As much as I'd like to take all the credit you're giving me? All I did was lose my temper. So you're welcome?" He smiles hedgily at her, like he's not real sure that's the kind of thing that deserves gratitude, dear, but okay.

Violet leans into the kiss to her brow, bending her chin into his touch to accept it. It brings a smile to her lips, however fleeting it may be, bright enough to reveal a dimple even if it doesn't last. And while she's there, she tips her head to kiss that hedgy smile of his, laughing again as she shifts backwards in the bed to fall back into the pillows. "I wasn't thanking you for losing your temper," she nudges him with the toes of her fuzzy wool socks, and coaxes him up to lay beside her with a wiggle of her finger. "I was thanking you for.. being you, I suppose. I .. like you, Alex, I like the you that you are."

There's a brief pause before she adds with a hint of a wry smirk, "And I like the you that yells in Spanish. It was .. really kind of sexy," and that makes her blush, to admit that.

"The me that I am very much likes the you that you are, too." Alex says this beamingly while he peels the blankets back on his side of the bed, only too willing to follow that beckoning finger. Now that he's not in the mood to stomp around and yell about people who aren't even here. He snuggles up close to Violet, scooting an arm around her waist and settling so the only thing to do is share the same pillow, forehead-to-forehead. And it's once there that he adds, those dark eyes all amused now, "You see? You're perfectly normal. About the important things." Like thinking yelling in Spanish is sexy.

"I probably shouldn't have broken that bar stool, though. That might have been taking things a little too far." Shrug, oh well, done is done.

Does Alex want to see Violet turn into a puddle there in the bed? 'Cause saying things like that is how Violet turns into a puddle there in the bed. There were practically stars in her eyes as he comes to lay down beside her, that whole 'me who I am' bit making her heart throb and getting her all twitter-patted. By the time he's there at her pillow, she's all too eager to lay her forehead to his own .. but only after she gets in a few gentle kisses. "Mm," she hums, laying a hand on his cheek and stroking her fingers back into his hair. "Maybe. But I never thought I'd be the kind of girl that someone would stand up for. And yet... here you are." And so she can excuse the stool breaking.

There's a lull in the conversation after, just enough quiet so that she can skate her fingers through his hair and gingerly scratch at his scalp. Just enough quiet so that she can kiss him again, to take her time there at his lips and soak him into her skin. When she's done, she puts her forehead back to his own, and asks: "Do you think we could spend the night in Seattle?" Because OCD people love spontaneous trips with very little time to plan! "It might be nice, to leave town for a day."

Alex likes puddle-Violet. He also likes blushing Violet and stammering Violet - and pretty much all the Violets. A couple of them frustrate him, sure, but he answers the <3-eyes without reservation, the same as he answers the kisses and, after getting settled cozily, the hair-stroking, too. The one arm stays around her waist, but the other one, the one he's laying on, bends at the elbow so he can at least brush the strands next to her forehead. "Then let me walk that back. I'm glad to have broken my first stool in a..." He pauses, squinting at her contemplatively. "Was that a bar-fight, Violet? Were we," them, "at a bar-fight?" This idea is funny; it makes him grin momentarily.

Till there's more kissing to do, anyway, then his lips are preoccupied, and there are follow-up kisses while she's trying to ask questions. "On Sunday night?" Blink blink.

The AGONY, Violet! Say 'no' and bum her out but not have to reorder ALL THE THINGS to make this happen? Or say 'yes' and get YAY HAPPY NOOKIE.

"Yes?"

There's a tiny gasp at the thought. Them? In a bar fight? Behind the glasses, her eyes shine. "I think we were," she replies in a hushed whisper, the amusement washing away whatever remaining sorrow was lingering. "And we barely made it out with our lives." Which deserves an extra celebratory kiss thrown into the mix, now with added laughter muffled to his lips as the kissing commences.

The follow-up question earns him a peek of golden brows arched over the frames of her glasses, and she watches him work it through his mind. Of course she hears the verbal question mark, but that doesn't seem to temper the happiness that lights up her face at his answer. "Really?" she beams, and kisses him all over again. "I mean we could probably go on Saturday into Sunday, but then you would miss church and I know that's important to you.. But really??" Careful now, Alex, EVERYTHING HINGES ON THIS.

Man, if only Alex was the kind of person to inflate this story and brag about it. Because, really, as it is? He broke the stool under a slim woman in a bar. But whatever, he lets his eyes widen appropriately at the idea that they were in a bar-fight, and they barely survived! "Very harrowing," he mumbles back against her kiss.

And good gracious, why have neither of them had the sense to put her glasses over on the night stand yet? Here, he'll just do that, pulling them off by the bridge, folding them neatly. They don't belong on his nightstand, but that's where they can stay for now. "They have churches in Seattle," he points out amusedly. "Though. Between you and me?" And the cat and the fish, but he lowers his voice so maybe they won't hear. "I'm not convinced she goes to Mass except with me." Oh, but everything hinges on this, so he answers seriously, "Really. I'll - " AGONIZE. " - figure out the details. And we could stay somewhere nice." Cuz his house is suuuuuch a dump. "And have dinner. And Do Things in a hotel room."

Violet wrinkles up her nose in an adorable fashion when he removes her glasses, shifting closer on the pretense of being able to look at him without his face being all blurry. But really, shh, don't tell anybody, she just wants to be near him. There's a look of being appropriately scandalized when he admits to Sophia maybe not going to Mass except with her dad, and though that is faked, the offer that comes blurting out isn't: "Maybe I could start going with you." A blink, a beat. "I mean I used to go. To church. When I was little. But.. God and I.. had a bit of a falling out." Probably when her dad started using her as a punching bag, or when her sister went nuts. "I mean I don't have to go. But I just thought.. if you wanted.. maybe sometime."

She stops herself from rambling on. Besides, yay, hotel room and Seattle and he'll figure out the details so they can Do Things in the hotel room. And Violet was beaming broadly, and she cups his cheeks in her hands with every intention of laying a big kiss on his lips. But not before she says: "We should practice now. So that we can Do Things the right way in the hotel room."

And unless he says no? That's what they're gonna do.

"Do you want to?" Go to church, he means. Not practice. That's not even a question he's going to ask. Surprise colors both expression and tone when he looks at her, blinking a few times rapidly at the notion that he was wrong. "I assumed - " That she was a heathen, Violet. Alex assumed she was a godless heathen that would never want to go to church. This is her chance to correct that assumption, though, because he'll absolutely agree to bring Violet to church with him.

AS A MATTER OF FACT, Alex commits himself to getting her a little closer to God right here in this bedroom. It's his duty as a good Catholic.

Violet's gonna answer that question much later. Much, much later, after she's committed all kinds of sins in his bed with him like the goddamn godless heathen that she was.

But later, in the quiet of their bedroom? "I want to go. If you'll think God will have me." And now imagine all the side-eyeing they're gonna get in God's house. This gunna be great.

No, Violet. You're devilspawn. Haven't you been listening to your dad? Geez. "I love that you would even ask that question," says Alex, all happy-muzzy. And now everything's all decided: "We'll go to church on Sunday, and we'll leave from there for Seattle and stay the night." And he'll just do more shift-switching to make up for it. Life is that easy~.

They totes do it again.

duh