2019-05-23 - Mister Mew-Mews and Missus Glug-Glug

These guys are on fire tonight. 😃

Andre's been talking non-stop the entire way in the car. He has a glow ring bracelet (which is actually two glow-ring necklaces stuck together and put on his meaty wrist) that doesn't glow anymore, and he's showing it off to Hannah while he crams in with her in the backseat. Sure, there was a front seat, but Andre wants to sit in the back with his buddy. ".. And then I think we could go get a pedicure because pedicures are the best for team building." But now they are parked. So Andre, with his baseball bat (Guns are for people who want to kill people) sticks on his BASEBALL CAP, and puts on his serious face. After he gives everybody a thumb's up. GO TEAM!

Graham is in a mood, but he's trying to get over his mood. He did start out with, "You can't wear a glow - " But he didn't finish the thought, 'cause that thing doesn't work anymore, so yeah. He lets it go. "So, if the cops come," he says while he's opening the door. "It's every man for himself. Just getting that outta the way now." Like, he says it to both of them, but truth: he's making sure Hannah knows that he will leave her the fuck behind; he's probably done that to Andre at least once by now.

"Not every woman by herself though. I got you, Hannah," chimes in Andre. He's not leaving Hannah behind!

Hannah makes interested noises about the bracelet and definitely agrees with the plan for pedicures, but then it's go-time. She holds her pistol like someone who's never held a pistol before, and the kevlar vest is bulky but appreciated. She smiles a little tiny wobbly smile at Andre when he pipes up and waits for the signal. Or walking. Whatever it is that comes now. Thumbs up, gang.

"Like." Graham puts his pistol into his coat pocket, and he eyes Hannah with hers before they get too far from the car. "Just sort of... walk with it down at your side." He demonstrates, holding his hand against his leg super-casually while he walks ahead of this trio. "And try not to point it at anyone you don't intend to shoot, right?"

Up ahead, the guy on the deck of the boat hasn't noticed them yet - see above, Stealth rolls - so they get a nice little walk down the docks still. No one looks at Hannah holding her gun badly. Or Andre being giant. Someone glances out their houseboat window at Graham, but they wouldn't be able to make a positive ID later.

Andre frowns a giant frown at the way Hannah is holding her gun. He does not approve. "You just stick behind me, Hannah Banana. But listen to Graham. He knows all about guns. And bricks. He's pretty awesome, actually," there might be some stars in his eyes for Graham there. "And he knows a nurse! In case we get hurt." He'd ramble on, but he needs to hush now. Be one with the darkness.

Graham knows a little about guns. Andre is right!

Hannah gives a little hint of a nod and obligingly drops her pistol-hand to her side. Apparently she's still passing herself off as casual though, with that roll, and she's a sneaky little shadow behind Andre. "That's good, that's...very useful." She's just gonna not think about that too hard right now though.

Even though she's having trouble passing off a mere pistol casually, Graham laments, "We really shoulda got you a shotgun." Hindsight. Also, "Don't, though. Get hurt. If you do get hurt - shot in particular? Don't go to the hospital." Why don't they have some sort of Introductory Armed Robbery course for new-hires?

They stop a couple of slips away from the boat where Fred is on look-out duty and drinking and playing games on his phone. There's a shotgun leaning next to his chair.

Graham whispers, "See? Shotgun." Sigh. "Should we just rush this fucker?"

Andre nods sagely. This is wise advice that Graham is giving. "But maybe Graham will be nice and share his nurse-friend. She sounds great," he flashes Hannah a big smile, showing dazzling white teeth, before he looks out to the fucker on his phone. "We should knock him out. He can't shout for his friends if he's sleeping."

Hannah nods too. Lots of nodding. Shotguns, sure. No hospital, got it. Rushing? There she hesitates, being the third most experienced with this kind of thing.

"Like, just rush in there and brain him?" Graham eyes the guy on his phone, eyes Andre, eyes Hannah. "A'ight, go for it, man. We'll," he looks dubiously at the third most experienced criminal among them, "cover you." Again, with the demonstrating. He lifts the pistol out of his pocket and holds it like he knows what he's doing, bracing it with his left hand.

Fred, who is the guy on the boat - not that they're likely to get on a first-name basis with him, but it's easier than calling him 'the guy on the boat' all the time - gets pissed at the game he's playing. "I hate these spiky pufferfish bitches!"

Someone below deck answers, "Quit playing games, you twat!"

"I don't want to kill him! Just make him go to sleep," Andre frowns at Graham. FROWNS! Andre doesn't like killing, he does NOT APPROVE. But this is what he's going to do, so even though this gigantic lug is a gigantic lug? He somehow gets the slip on Fred, and.. baaatter up! The baseball bat makes a sickening CLUNK as it connects with Fred's body, but Andre really should've aimed for the head. You don't make somebody pass out with body shots, Andre. "Sorry!" he blurts out.

Graham exchanges a look with Hannah. The look says: welp, it's been nice knowing you.

Dark eyes flit from one experienced criminal to the other, and when Graham raises his pistol Hannah copies him carefully. She flinches when Andre does his thing, slightly, and the pistol trembles a bit in her hands.

Fred takes the bat right to the chest. His phone goes flying out of his hands, skids across the deck of the boat, teeters precariously on the edge - will it fall over? will it hang there? He rocks back in his chair, thunks against the exterior wall of the boat's cabin, and looks terrified into the face of this huge person attacking him. "HOLY FUCK! Billy! Help!" He slumps out of his chair and snags the shotgun.

We can assume the guy coming out from the deck a second later with a club is Billy (get it?). "What the shit are you doing?!" Criminals always ask dumb questions. He raises his club to attack Andre, because no one has noticed Hannah and Graham yet. They are stealthy.

"I don't want no trouble! So if you could just go to sleep!" Andre isn't really the talker of the group. Besides, someone just tried to shoot at him! So he swings his bat into Fred once more, as two bullets whizz past, and luckily everything was really just a flesh wound for Fred. For once, Andre doesn't kill someone on impact. Yay, Andre! "Thank you," he says to Fred as Fred goes to take a nap.

Fred might have survived the shot that hits him in the chest - Hannah's first bullet~ Awww~ - but the baseball bat to the chest a second later? Yeah, that definitely finishes him off. Bones crunch, and his phone slips off the side of the boat, disappearing under the water. 🙁

Billy brings his baton-thingie around to try to club this monster, but he does it right when Andre is thanking his buddy for dying, and he's so stunned by this that he just gapes instead, completely failing to finish swinging.

His BOSS, not some guy named John, comes out of the cabin a second later, because of the gunshots. And he also gapes. "You guys're with Felix!" he deduces immediately, and starts shooting. Like you do.

When Fred starts yelling for Billy, Hannah squeezes her eyes shut which is a SUPER BAD IDEA and squeezes the trigger way too hard. But hey, a bullet comes out and it HITS FRED! A little bit. "Oh shit," she sqeaks, very quietly, when the man crumples. Oh yay, now there's more shooting.

In Andre's defense, he's dumb and thought Fred was complying with his request to go to sleep 🙁

Graham echoes Hannah's, "Oh shit," but the intonation is totally different. Apparently, these two are just standing on the docks, firing off rounds at the people on the boat. Which is not all that subtle, if you think about it. He snags her by the bicep and sort of drags her toward the boat, out of the middle of the docks. "But keep shooting," he says loudly. Because of all the gunshots going off.

Good thing Graham dragged Hannah over here, so Billy could start whaling on her with his club. This is surely going to enrage Andre...

"Hi," Andre says all casual-like to Billy while his mouth is all agape. "I'm An..." he starts, and then NotJohn's screaming 'you're with Felix' and Andre has to pretend he's stupid. "Who is Felix?" It works, because Andre's got Wits 1 guys. He was just about to start talking again when Hannah and Graham come to hang out on the boat, and he might've said 'hey guys' were it not for the fact that Billy rushes Hannah.

Does Billy want to see a 300lb of muscle black man lose his shit? Because this is how you do that. "DONT YOU FUCKING TOUCH HER!" he screams, and goes right after Billy, smacking him with a baseball bat to the boobs. Err. Chest.

Hannah takes a deep breath and keeps shooting despite being dragged, somehow managing to actually hit people, people who aren't "her" people. There's a potshot to Billy's chest, for which she's rewarded with a club to her own torso. It makes her huff out a breath, but the kevlar does its job. "People are going to hear us," she wheezes to Graham, who is probably delighted to be told something he already knows. And then? Oh lawd, he comin'.

"People already hear us," Graham promises. It's hard to tell if he means that to be reassuring or warning, since he's stepping back from Hannah while he delivers this line, so as not to get beaned with Billy's club. (What? He doesn't have a vest on!)

The guy not named John insists, "You tell Felix - " Bang! He shoots at the people who are supposed to deliver his message, which begs the question of how he intended them to deliver the message if they are dead, but. Again. Bad guys are stupid(er than Andre, even). " - that this town don't belong to him!"

Andre's seeing red. Literally, there's probably some blood from all of the bullets that are grazing all over everybody, and there is RED on HANNAH and, "How about I tell you that this baseball bat belongs in your FACE?!" is Andre's comeback, it's a terrible comeback, but man NotJohn is gonna get beat for shooting Hannah.

"Is that supposed to be OW!" Hannah yelps as a bullet that definitely didn't come from the pistol of a guy named John tears through her jacket sleeve and nicks her arm. She doesn't try to assess the damage, that'll only make things worse. Instead she keep firing, wincing every time the gun goes off.

Again, Graham answers Hannah, since that's his role right now: "Yes!" It's supposed to be ow. There's no good place to get cover on this little boat, but he (sorta gently but not real gently because combat) one-hand shoves her against the cabin. She should land ever so comfortably against the arm that just got shot, yw.

Billy is not doing well, with blood welling out of his chest and a bat beaning him right in the gut. But that other guy! Joe or Jake or Jim or whatever? He's still up and firing off rounds - one of which hit Hannah a second ago, but he decides to take aim at Andre since Andre is talking all the shit in the world at him. "How about you tell Felix NOTHING, BECAUSE I'M GOING TO SHOOT YOU!" He is also awesome at comebacks.

See? He shot Andre right in the head. Which is the only part of his body that Andre doesn't USE on a regular basis. He should have aimed for the heart, because Andre uses that the most. <3

You know what doesn't feel very good? A bullet wound grazing across your scalp. Andre howls, but not in pain, and instead in PURE UNADULTERATED RAGE. It is this rage that makes him slam the bat into NotJohn's skull. It doesn't so much as thunk as it does.. sort of cave in NotJohn's head. He crumples to the floor, in a pool of blood, and Andre goes from feeling all the rage in the world to feeling so, so very sorry. "Uh-oh, guys, guys! I think I hit him too hard! SORRY!" he flails.

"OW! Motherfucker!" Yeah, that smarts, thanks Graham. And she still manages to kneecap Billy. "Ohmygod," Hannah mutters as Andre rages and the goons go down. Not looking at NotJohn's head. "It's fine, Andre." This is fine.

Even Graham reels back a little bit from Andre's rage. (Which is funny because of what Graham will be doing TOMORROW NIGHT, but let's just move on.) "Maybe a little." Blink blink. Wait, shoot shoot, he lets off another round which gets Billy right in the face. So Hannah shooting him in the leg a second later is overkill but hey; "Never hurts to double-check?" He's too busy being quippy...

...but Andre is the first to hear what sounds like clucking coming from inside that cabin. Cluck cluck SQUAWK! Then Hannah hears the squawk, too, even though her arms is all bleeding.

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry!" Andre is exclaiming to the corpse of NotJohn, and he means it guys. He really really does. But all the apologizing doesn't stop him from hearing what's happening from inside the cabin, and he leans his head that way, then blink-blinks at his friends. "Hey guys... what kinda thing makes a cluck-cluck squawk sound? A robot parrot?

"Always double-tap?" Hannah says faintly, apparently only growing a sense of humor under extreme duress. With no more people to shoot at blindly she cradles her left arm and shakes her head at Andre, mystified. Because fortunately, she doesn't need her arm to hear.

The cabin is filled with the weirdest assortment of shit. The meth is there, in whatever people store a bunch of meth in. And the money is there, in whatever people store a bunch of money in. And there are a few guns (Graham will take a couple of those once he shows up, thanks), but there is also a goldfish in a dirty bowl - one of the ones with the big eyes, blubbering around - and feeling very loudly at Hannah that it is not enjoying this bowl and wishes it had a bigger one; goldfish don't have the most coherent FEELINGS, but she can get the gist. And then there are cages of chickens crammed against the wall, like roosters who are probably fighting roosters. They want out really badly, Hannah, but if they get out, they will FITE each other, so that's a conundrum.

There's also a bunch of cereal boxes on the table down here. Sugary cereal with ACTIVITIES on the back of them. Those are for Andre. Have at, big guy.

Oh, and a little calico kitten is mewing from inside a cat-carrier; it's very lonely and misses its mom. Hannah knows this FOR SURE, but the guys can probably tell, too. Mew mew mew.

It was like opening a treasure chest! Goldfish and chickens and SUGARY CEREAL! Oh my! Andre forgets all about braining that poor dude who is still bleeding out on the deck - he makes a beeline for the cereal. "It's my favorite!" he shoves his fist in, takes a handful of cereal out, and just goes for it. While he has a mouthful of sugary cereal, he sees the kitten, and a few puffs fall out of his mouth as he gapes. "Awwwwwwww!!!!!!!!"

"What...the..." Hannah's never been in a meth-boat before. There's a lot to look at, even if her arm is killing her. It doesn't take long for her attention to be pulled to the goldfish, the kitten, the roosters. She shoves her pistol in her jacket pocket and touches her fingers to her forehead, wearing a pained expression. Finally the newly-minted firearms expert wraps an arm clumsily around the fishbowl and hefts it, splashing dirty fish water on her sleeve. "Andre, can you get the kitten?"

Graham finishes the question: "...fuck were these guys doing?" He grabs the money first, priorities, then one of those guns - fuck it, TWO of those guns - and stops to gape at the chaos in this tiny cabin. "What're we gonna do about the chickens?" Since he now has a bunch of meth under one arm, a bunch of money under the other; Hannah only has one good arm and it's holding a goldfish; and Andre is going to get stuck with cereal and a kitten.

ANNNNND now they can all also hear the sound of a police scanner, 'cause these dudes also have one of those (fucking tweakers), playing somewhere amid all the random crap in here. Cops have been called.

"We should go." And leave the chickens is his unspoken vote. Every cock for himself.

Andre's not leaving the cereal behind. And since Hannah asked if he can get the kitten, you sure as fuck better believe he gets the kitten. "It's okay sweetie baby," he purrs at the kitty-cat, and makes a 'meow' sound that is actually pretty spot-on. Good job, Andre. He's beaming, even if the threat of the police is on the horizon. "But what about the chickens, Graham?" Won't somebody please think of the chickens?!

No one likes roosters anyway. Except Andre, apparently. "The cops will take them somewhere." Hannah has absolutely no idea if this is true, but...plausible? "If we let them out in here they'll peck each other to death." Her jaw tightens and she hitches her googly-eyed fish in its bowl up a bit higher when Graham tells them they need to book it. She's ready and so is this here goldfish.

The fish is too stupid to know that it's being rescued. It's not enjoying this sloshing, but whatever; it's Hannah's fish now. The kitten is very happy that Andre meowed at it, and mew-mews back at him. The chickens are PIIIIISSSSSEED, but that's their whole job, so.

"What she said." Graham tilts his head sideways at Hannah, since his arms are full, and starts backing out of the cabin and onto the deck where the bodies are. "Yeah, we should run now." With all this shit they're carrying. He does that.

Effectively. I'm surprised.

Andre casts a sad glance to the chickens. "I'm sorry, chickens," and he means it. But then he's off like the wind! Except.. he isn't going to leave a WOman behind. And that great success means he can carry Hannah with him. Onward and upward!

Graham gets passed on his way back to the car by Andre carrying a kitten and Hannah and has a moment where he wishes he was black smoked less.

Graham should see Andre naked, and then he'll REALLY wish he was black.

Andre gives Graham the cat once they get back to the club. "Can you find a home for Mister Mew-Mews, Graham? The Club's no place for a baby," he frowns. He's very sad about it. But he lives in a club, you guys!

Graham thought we were supposed to be getting Andre a houseboat. Hannah, what happened to the houseboat?!

SOMEONE said to run.

TAKE THE FUCKING KITTEN GRAHAM.

Hannah will take Mister Mew-Mews, OKAY!?

That is, "Sure." Graham brings home two more guns and a kitten. YOU GOT A FISH GREEDY

Andre, please name the fish, too.

Andre brings home cereal. And he's happy. But sad about the chickens. And probably the dead guys.

Andre names the fish: Missus Glug-Glug.