2019-07-12 - A Brief Synopsis

The funeral had come and gone and after bidding my parents goodbye, I had opted to remain at my grandmothers home. My grandmother who, over the years, had been more of a parent to me than my real parents had.

When I was younger I used to ask where my mother and father were. Depending on who I asked I got a different answer. The one person I could always depend on getting the truth from, I'd come to learn (and no matter how much it hurt) , was my grandmother.

The answer came and indeed it wasn't easy to hear at the time. Because they do not want to be bothered with a child while they are off gallivanting across Europe and Asia. The disapproval was heavy in my grandmothers tone and it rubbed off on me, I suppose. I stopped asking about my parents at all and focused more on my grandmother and becoming more like her child. I was an inconvenience to my own parents.

Affection in the Addington home was non-existent. Everyone is kept at arms length from Margaret Addington. Though if anyone came close to getting past that, it was me. Even now there's indulgence from Margaret and genuine love for Margaret from me. Or what I assume love is. How am I to know how to define it?

Without telling anyone of my plans, I backed off on the party planning long ago and have been doing something more constructive in the evenings with my time. Every evening. Maybe one day I'll share what that is, even if just on these pages. At least until I'm finished.

Now, with the death of my parents and a dual funeral to plan once the bodies are released, I just can't seem to rise to the occasion. I'll be leaving it to grandmother to deal with, which is exactly the way she wanted it anyway. Besides, I'm sort of used to people being disappointed in my actions, nothing wrong with keeping up with that. It beats planning your own parents funeral, because fuck that!

What's not written?
As for Erin? She's defiantly not answering texts or calls right now. Her car remains at the Body by Jack shop getting the upholstery redone and she's not home. Or she's pretending not to be.