2019-07-25 - Dear Iggy #1 -- (Beginnings)

Questionable Advice Column
By Ignacio deSantos

I won't lie. Since moving to Gray Harbor I've noticed some weird things. Like really weird things. I won't start with the lack of a Dunkin Donuts, but I'm looking at you Starbucks! it's like an all out coffee gang war. Pretty crazy but my concerns were pretty abated with a mint mocha frappuccino. I'll forgive you, Washington.

Living in NYC you don't get the level of community like you do around here. You aren't a tiny town but more of an assembly of neighbors helping one another out, hosting cake walks, and living on a hellmouth. I have not had my apartment broken into so hellmouth or not? You're up on New York City by one. Score one point for Washington.

Now, I may be an author but am I technically qualified to solicit advice? Technically no, but I am passionate about what I do, and lived through quite a bit, and my publisher likes me enough to not cancel my checks. So let's see what we have from you all writing in.

Dear Iggy,

So what's the right time to tell someone you're
dating you're kinda haunted, anyway? I mean,
like you said, literally?
ps also exorcism info might be good?"

-- Hauntings Are Unreasonably Nasty To Explain, Dude.

Dear HUNTED,

Let's start with I think that it's important if you're seeing other people that's important to mention early in the relationship. Dead or not it's important to set boundaries and if you need to break off that relationship you need to be really clear about those boundaries. If they don't take no for an answer? Hook up with the Gray Harbor Paranormal Society. Hit them up on Friendzone. they got a page.

Also? Honesty, Dude. If your SO can't handle you at your Exorcist then they don't deserve you at your She's All That. Good luck, man.

Dear Iggy,

What do I do when my friend with benefits yelled
at me for letting her act like a girlfriend, then
continued to act like a girlfriend?

• Exhausted E-Peen

Dear E-Peen,

Enjoy it, bruh, and stop complaining. I'm Spanish so being yelled at is sort of how we express a lot of emotion. Clearly the GF/Not-GF is working through some stuff. Maybe worry less about being yelled at and possibly dodging shoes, and appreciate that she trusts you enough to open up and express her feelings. If you care then you gotta be patient and work through that stuff together. Relationships are like the zombie apocalypse man. It takes work on all levels to make a healthy thing survive or you'll be eaten by the minutiae.

Dear Iggy,

What do you do when every time you go on a date
w/ a girl, bad Dreams happen? DO YOU JUST GIVE UP?!
I WANT TO GET LAID.

-Hopelessly Hard-Up

Dear Hopeless,

You're not alone. A lot of people want to get laid, but if you're falling asleep on your date? Eh, you might not be with the right person and the sex prolly wouldn't be as exciting. Keep looking. Don't give up hope! As for bad dreams? I'd suggest either melatonin, or change your Tindr profile to say Looking for a party healer, or someone who enjoys running. Then if you're surprised being chased by trees they got better odds of living long enough to see a second date.

Dear Iggy,

My co-worker uses the word ‘like’ constantly while
talking and it’s driving me nuts. What should I do?

--Unhappy

Dear U-Haps,

Just because they like things doesn’t mean you can’t too. It’s not a competition. Hell, it’s not even proprietary! Hobby and a ‘brownie’ might do wonders. It’ll be okay.

That’s all for this week. Feel free to DM me on Friendzone or through the paper’s website, and I’ll get back to you next Thursday. Stay safe. Don’t get eaten by lobsters.