2019-08-01 - Dear Iggy #2 -- (Autumn Kick-off)

Questionable Advice Column
By Ignacio deSantos

Halloween weekend was something wasn’t it? You know I never did Halloween in a small town before but it was much better than being in a city. So whether you got to be visited by family, or even got dressed up and got to try something out with new people, I hope you did so safely.

I got to speak to someone I’ve not seen in a long time and she gave me something to think about: Forgiveness. It’s great and all to forgive other people. People cannot change unless we give them a chance to change, but on the other hand, those are not indefinite chances. Harder is when we can’t forgive ourselves, even if the person we wronged says it’s okay. I won’t name names but we all know who we are. I think the important part is tarting with knowing we’re not alone, and apparently that’s human.

Remember: I’m not a licenced therapist. I’m not qualified to give advice, I’m just paid to. Upon looking on the crystal ball that is the internet though this seems to be a very human condition so, neighbors, que sera.

Let’s talk about your problems because THOSE I might be able to do something about.

Dear Iggy,

How do we stop this flu epidemic from going around? I’m tired of myself and others catching it so no one can do anything.

Running Out of Losanges, Excedrin, & Kleenex

Dear ROLEX,

Easy fix. STOP LICKING THINGS! Fun fact from a legal standpoint (and I checked with the Law Office of Williams, Martin, & Baxter), licking does not convey ownership. It’s gross and that’s how you get the flu. Just…. Stop.

Dear Iggy,
This is my third attempt at a letter. I just can't seem to get out what I am trying to say.
I made bad choices in my life. Some left me pretty damn miserable. I told myself I would just not do the things that caused me misery, which was basically to catch feelings for someone. Never has ended well. I was all fine and good doing so for awhile until, well, against my better judgement, I am fairly sure I've gone and ignored my own rules. Even worse, fairly sure this person would fall into the 'not the best idea to fall for' list of people, for reasons. I dodge the question when it comes up from friends, and it's never come up from this person. I guess the question is, do I continue to lie to myself and others even if I am a terrible liar, or do I just blurt out the possible truth of the matter? Or maybe, the question is, if you go into a 'bad choice' armed with the knowledge that it might not be the best for you but damn, it feels good, should you embrace that you are doing so anyway because maybe just maybe it won't end badly? Or maybe the question is, should I listen to my heart or my brain (tbf, the brain isn't arguing against it as much as I expected either)? Or should I just listen to my one friend who basically says have fun until it no longer is fun and not to put anymore thought into it than that? Or, should I just say, 'let's put your baggage together with my baggage, go for a ride on this thing called life, and see what's left at the end'?

In other words, I think I really am into him. What do I do?

Signed,
How was this shit easier in High School?

Dear Varsity Grade WTF,

I think the real question here is what do we do if we want to try something but we’ve been burned before? What do we do when we want to do something and we might get hurt? You’re talking about a relationship but really this is about making life choices and they are really scary.

Recently I had to make the decision of risk my own sure thing vs. help someone get what they want that could be good for them. In the end? You need to trust yourself. Make a fallback plan. Weigh those risks and accept the truth that no one can see the future.

Except maybe that lady on the boardwalk or the one at that crystal shop. I’m not saying it’s a guarantee but hedging your bets ain’t bad either.

Dear Iggy,

My brother keeps taking my Almond Joys and leaving me with tootsie rolls. I’m pretty sure those are the same ones I didn’t eat last year and our mom keeps putting it all together. How do I protect my candy?

-Hunger Strike

Dear HS,

First off if this is your problem I don’t know you’re old enough to remember that song. If you are? You need to be getting a better paying job and just go to CVS or Dosie’s Market and buy a bag and don’t share.

Candy-Barring that Buzzfeed has a helpful guide located here: https://www.youtube.com/embed/wGdYhmFH-DQ

Above all, a slingshot is your friend and candy corn at high speeds hurts like hell. Load to bear. Chew fast. Don’t run with candy in your mouth.

Dear Iggy,

I’m used to living alone. I travel a lot and frankly my job can be a bit dangerous. Everything was fine and now I come home and there’s someone there happy to see me making me feel like all the mistakes I’ve made in life don’t matter. It’s pretty great. I just don’t want to make all of my crap her problem.

-Wat Do?

Dear Wat,

For one I feel like Little Jon even writing that. For two? Part of me really, really, really hopes you are talking about a new car, and if so I totally feel ya. That said? Hey, my girlfriend lives in a haunted house and her ma tried to drop me off a roof once but we’re working it out. My point is every union has baggage. We can’t decide what’s best for other people. We have to be honest as we can and in the immortal words of our Poet Laurete, billy Joel, ‘Tell her about it. Tell her everything you feel.’ and if I type more than that I get sued for copyright. Seriously, it’s on You Tube. Brilliant stuff. Be honest, but accept the answer and then? Well at least you’ll know.

Look that's for now and I am getting ready to fly home for a week to wrestle with my family. I would love to see what DuoLingo would suggest for translating some of the fun phrases they’re about to use. I’ll keep you posted, but you do the same, and I’ll talk o you when I get back in next Thursday’s paper.

Iggy out.