2019-08-03 - Terrifically Terrifying Tours

Finding people willing to talk about what happened to them at the theater has been difficult, to say the least. A couple of outsiders roll into town and start prying open old wounds? Of course they're going to meet with resistance, with people who eye them warily. It's frustrating, and the frustration has taken its toll on Duncan the past couple days. Now he's sitting at the table in the camper, holding his forehead in his hand, scrolling through a bunch of photos on his totally awesome iPad.

Because of course homeless-adjacent guys have iPads.

"There's no way the people in this town," he begins, reiterating a point he's made at least 10,000 times in the past week, "took out the whole troupe in one fell swoop." He pauses, tilting his head, shifting his eyes upward. "That rhymed." He's pleased with himself.

Maddie was fiddling on her own iPad, laying on her stomach on the tiny bed in the back of the camper. She's got one leg up, bare foot swishing through the air at a soundless rhythm. "Mm," she pokes her finger into the screen and makes a face at the game she's playing - Lemmings, it's infuriating! - before she cants her head to look over to Duncan and grins. "That does rhyme. It'd make a good song," hold on, let her hum a few bars, and sing-song the words. It's a great little on-the-fly-ditty, I'm not even gonna roll for it, she does amazing.

Then, with a snort of a laugh after her little song, she rolls herself up off her stomach, dangling her legs over the edge of the bed. "Keene wouldn't mess up like that. It makes sense that he's still here, in disguise," she's been toting her Alexander = Keene theory since she met the crazy man in the park. "Who would suspect him, if he was dressed up like a crazy homeless person?" No judgment.

He hums along, trailing off into a series of words that rhyme, mumbling something about group coupe dupe boop while he pores over the pictures on his iPad. "The only thing is," he pipes up after frowning at those pictures, swiping through a couple, "what'd he do with that guy really? Like, where's the actual Alexander Clayton if that's Keene?" He turns the tablet toward Maddie, showing her a picture of Gray Pond, all pretty and tranquil and not filled with dead bodies in a summer twilight. "'Cause this is where I'd stash a body, if I was looking to murder someone and take over his identity. The place is definitely haunted already anyways, so who'd even notice one more ghost?"

~They thought they took out the troupe in one fell swoop but it was just a dupe~

Maddie sways her feet rhythmically through her little song, then frowns to herself. The ipad is set aside and she jumps from the bed, coming up behind Duncan and leaning into him, dangling her arms over his shoulder. "That's assuming there ever was a real Alexander Clayton to begin with," she considers his picture as she props her chin onto the top of his head, then frowns again as she tilts her head into him to kiss his hair. "He's an actor. A leading man. If one of the costumers survived, and one of the make-up people? Who knows what they could do. That's a nice picture," the statements roll into one another, but the compliment is made genuinely. "Do you think it's weird? So many shiny people in one place, but I don't think they are collecting on purpose."

"Ooooohhhh," says Duncan, totally intrigued and one-hundred percent buying into the notion that there is no Alexander Clayton, looking spooked and excited all at the same time. "Y'know, I bet Keene has sleeper identities all over the place. Like, people he can just slot right into as needed?" He looks up at Maddie abruptly, and his thoughts are just so transparent: OMG WHAT IF MADDIE IS A SLEEPER IDENTITY but no, she's too short, he figures that out after a thoughtful squint.

Does he think it's weird? He hrms thoughtfully, snaking one arm around her waist while the other one skims through a few pictures. "I dunno, kinda? Most of the other places like this aren't all that inhabitable, seems like. Abandoned places, mostly. Weird that this city hasn't just collapsed in on itself or exploded or something." Now he's thinking about explosions, making boomy-fire noises with his mouth.

It's the kind of talk that makes Maddie twitchy, her fretful expression visibly worn as she slides around to sink onto Duncan's lap. "Kind of like Altered Carbon. He just.. takes on a new sleeve, over and over again. What if the Keene we knew isn't even the original Keene? What if he's just been surviving for generations, putting his .. his self into some kinda synthetic body? I mean we never even went into some of those trailers, maybe he's got an entire camper full of Keenes!" Her eyes widen as she tucks herself into him, a full-bodied shudder rippling through her at the thought.

But she sees that look, Duncan Donut! She reaches up to smack him on the shoulder, THWAP! "I am not a Keene-sleeve. It's impossible, we've been in the same room together. If I was a Keene sleeve, you would've never seen me and Keene in the same room," she sucks on her teeth, nodding as though she were very satisfied with her own conspiracy. But this town, that was a whole other thought. "Maybe it's getting ready to explode. Maybe it's so concentrated with shinies because it's pulling them in.." her eyes widen all over again. "Oh God, what if we were led here?"

The mention of that show gives Duncan the heebie-jeebies, makes him twitch from toes to forehead. "What if that's what was really in the trailer that - " He lowers his voice, leaning forward around the Maddie in his lap to peer at the passenger seat, " - Jimmy stole? And that's why everyone was so freaked out about it? 'Costumes?'" He makes air-quotes, then reels backward when he gets smacked. "I never said you were a sleeve!" He just thought it really hard.

Pro-tip: Don't climb on Duncan's lap then be talking about crazy, because he stands up abruptly, which means she's either going to have to get up or fall on her ass on the floor. "Then we'll just get led somewhere else! Gimme the map, we got enough gas to get to Canada?" The answer is: no, nor enough money to fill-'er-up.

There are a few wheels that click into position as Maddie raises her hand to her mouth, though it's done purely out of dramatics rather than to muffle the gasp that she produces. "I don't think I was ever in the costume trailer, they always brought the costumes to me. It all makes sense now!" No it doesn't. Nothing about this makes sense. Her shoulders sag, brows falling into a somber furrow. "Poor Jimmy. He knew. He must've known, no wonder Keene.." she would've said more, but Duncan abruptly stands up.

That athletics roll wasn't to see if Maddie falls on her ass; she absolutely falls on her ass. It was just to see if she thunked her head on the camper table leg as well. She doesn't, and instead sprawls much like a ragdoll, legs out and blinking, like how did she get from up there to suddenly down here? "Ow," she remarks about two seconds later, craning her head up to stare at him. "Dun-Dun, we don't even have enough gas to get us to the park again, let alone all the way to Canada. We're going to have to start pulling in some cash, come to think of it." She holds up a hand with every expectation that he's going to help her off the floor. In the meantime, she'll just chill down here. "So, first thing's first. Find this 'Alexander Clayton'," she makes air quotes, "and get him to admit he's Keene. Throw him in the Veil and have the shadows eat the flesh off his bones. Leave his bones in the Veil. Then get jobs. Then make enough money to move to Canada."

Poor Jimmy just sits in the driver's seat, blind and deaf to the conspiracy theories getting pushed around in the back of the camper.

Ow. "What?" Duncan was so deep in making plans for how they were going to escape to Canada that he totally failed to notice Maddie falling on her ass. "What're you doing on the floor? This really just is not the time to be goofing around, Mads," he points out very seriously, frowning down at her even while he reaches down to haul her to her feet. Since this pose is already all broken up, here's another-break point to see if he succeeds in getting her on her feet or just falls down with her...

I'll be damned. He grabs her hand, tugs, and pops her right back up to her feet. Way to go, team! "So," to recap. "Clayton, confession, Veil, bones, jobs, Canada. When do we bury Jimmy? I mean, since we'll have avenged him and everything, I kinda think we should probably give him a proper funeral." Beat. "Maybe we should get jobs first, 'cause I'm pretty sure funerals cost a bunch."

"I'm not --" Maddie starts to defend her position on the floor, and then stops, because there really was no point in arguing. She just accepts his help up, hopping to her feet with an extra bounce in her step. "I'm not burying Jimmy in this place, he's not even from here." Pause. "I don't think he's from here. Is he from here?" she looks aside to Jimmy in the passenger seat, brow lifting in expectation of a response that's never going to come from the skeleton. "No, he's not," she's mostly certain. "We'll bury him in Canada. It's probably free in Canada, on account of the government healthcare."

But yes, all those other things were in the right order, and she bobs her head as she makes her retreat back to the bed. "I was looking up the want ads," when she wasn't playing Lemmings, she scoops up her iPad as she settles onto the edge of the mattress and swipes out of her game. "There's a couple of bars hiring, but I don't know how to make drinks. There's always the diner, but mom always used to say that only wanna-be actresses work in restaurants and I'm not a wanna-be actress, I'm an actual actress," she nibbles on her bottom lip.

"Maybe we should actually put on a show."

"I'm pretty much positive that I can't mix drinks or serve food in a diner. Maybe I'm physically able to do those things? But I'm pretty sure it'll just end in tears for everyone. Me, the customer, whoever hired me, probably the customer's next of kin, the local cops..." The most of people that Duncan could ruin through sheer incompetence is lengthy, so he just trails off. Since they are not going to Canada after all (sigh!), He plops down onto the edge of the bed, adding, "You can't be a waitress, Maddie, you're an actress." Yes, Duncan. She just said that!

"What show? We got no costumes, no props - " He pointedly avoids glancing a Jimmy. " - no nothing except you. And you're terrific, but I don't think people will pay a lot if we don't have any, like, special effects."

Maddie tilts to lean into him when he comes a'plopping, nodding gravely when he mentions how many lives he'll ruin if he even attempts to apply at the diner or a bar. "Maybe even the FBI," she suggests helpfully, turning her head up to smile prettily at him. He gets a kiss to the side of his mouth when he insists she cannot be a waitress, and then one right on the mouth when he calls her terrific. It's safe to say this is probably one of the reasons that she keeps him around; he's always good for an ego bump. "You're probably right," she agrees, and grows quiet as she looks across the camper that's going to quickly become a brick on wheels if they don't get gas money soon.

In the quiet, Maddie thinks. And she thinks all the thinks she can think, as her eyes fall onto his iPad, abandoned on the table. And that's when the lightbulb suddenly comes on overhead, her eyes suddenly becoming HUGE.

"What if we don't need costumes or props or special effects?!" she bounces on the bed, suddenly excited, and leaps off the edge so that she can snatch his iPad. A few swipes, and she's back to the picture of the pond, that she damn near shoves in his face. "We have this." A pond? "Haunted places. All over! It's like this entire city is a stage, Dun-Dun. We could put on GHOST STORIES!"

"Oh, definitely the FBI." Duncan says that one like it's just a given, Maddie; if he has to wait tables or serve beers, the FBI is absolutely going to wind up involved somehow. He's halfway thinking about that and halfway thinking about how nice it is that Maddie just kisses him randomly - hence staring off into space with a distant smile that keeps switching between dreamy and dazed, dreamy and dazed - even while Maddie is making these remarkable leaps of logic.

That's probably why he keeps her around. She's good for BUMPING things, but also has brains. Plus, she's super cute.

Even when she's scaring the crap out of him by shoving his pond-picture in his face, leaving him scrambling backward across the tiny bed with the huge, startled eyes turned her way. He's twitchy! It's gonna take a minute for him top stop being prepared to karate chop her and actually recognize the brainstorm blowing through the camper. She can safely count to thirty while he figures all this out, then ding! His own light-bulb flickers on: "OKAY, SIGN ME UP!"

He probably also keeps her around because he lives in her house that is also his ride and he'd be homeless-homeless if it weren't for her. But yes, she's amazing at teh secks.

She keeps waving the pond picture at him, counts the thirty seconds that it takes for things to click, and then beams a triumphant smile when he finally gets it. "I mean, yes, I'm going to have to sign you up," duh, Duncan. "You're gonna be my researcher. And photographer. You can take video! And we can put it on YouTube!" Think of all the ad revenue they'll never see because the Veil protects itself. She drops his iPad so that she can squish his cheeks and smooch him again, swinging her feet happily off the edge of the bed.

"This is the best idea I think I've ever had. We need a name though. Something super catchy," she looks at him and squints, clearly expecting him to come up with something on the spot.

Every time she says something he/they can do, Duncan is positively cheerful. Researcher - "Okay!" Photographer - "Okay!" Video - "Okay!" On YouTube - "Okaaaaaaaaay but I really don't wanna wind up on any more lists. Pretty sure I'm still a person of interest in at least," he counts on his fingers, then stuffs them into his pockets (awkwardly, since he's half-curled into the corner of the bed still), "some number of incidents." He stops worrying too much about that, since squishy cheeks and smooches, woot.

But now they need a name. "Super... Scary... Tours. That Aren't Fake. Plus We Take Your Picture." Now register that domain name, Duncan.

"We were gone for an entire month, just BLIP! right off the grid. I bet the company declared us dead. So it's not like you can be on any more lists. Except the 'dead people' list," Maddie points out. "Actually, come to think of it? That might cause us a problem when we try to get into Canada.." she sucks on her teeth, thinking this through. "Add it to the list of things to do. Tours, Clayton, confession, murder, veil, bones, identity, Canada, bury Jimmy. Maybe we really should get new identities from that Noah guy. Oh! That can be our first purchase. After food," they should really write down this list. It's getting pretty long.

But first, they need a name. His suggestion earns a brow lift and a shake of her head. "No, no. It's gotta be something catchy. Duncan and Maddie something-something, we need to put our heads together for this," she tilts to touch her forehead to his own, because that's the best way to share brain power (duh). "Duncan and Maddie.. Maddie and Duncan.. MD? No, that'll make people think we're doctors..."

Later, when Duncan writes down this list, it reads: make tour company (will be great), get clayton to confess to murder and then have his bones eaten by veiltures (<-- veil + vultures, get it maddie????), ask bible-guy for new identities bcuz we are dead i think, go to canada and bury jimmy somewhere nice, get some food. Later, in a different pen, he adds, on 2nd thought, get food 1st bcuz we really will be dead otherwise

"Duncan and Maddie are Awesome," he suggests gamely. He just happens to be playing a different game than she is. "Duncan and Maddie and Jimmy are Awesome." Oh, hold on. He just figured out what she's doing. "Wow, though, if we could be doctors, that would really solve our cash-flow problems. We should get on that." He holds some air in his cheeks, looks at Maddie, really just trying super-hard here. "DM Tours." Squinting at her, 'cause, "That's pretty bland though. DM Super Spooky Tours, we guarantee we'll scare all the crap out of you, like an enema but with one-hundred percent more ghosts!"

Even later, when Maddie reads this list, she will laugh at the veiltures for like 30 solid minutes. She gets it.

There's a lot of squinting and head-shaking as he starts listing off names. Duncan and Maddie are awesome? "No," and, "No," again to Duncan & Maddie & Jimmy are awesome, even if it's true. She cups one of his blown-out cheeks and gives it a light tap, as though that's going to help his thought process here ... and look! He comes up with something that's marginally okay! "I like it," she decides, nodding her head. He gets a kiss, before she leans back. "But maybe like, DM Super Spooky Haunted Adventures," she thinks, "No, that's probably too big to stencil on the side of the camper. OH! I got it," she spreads both hands out through the air, as though unveiling an invisible marquee, "DM's Terrifically Terrifying Tours. People love alliteration."

"...and Harrison Ford." That is, one-hundred percent more ghosts and Harrison Ford! Duncan slips that addendum in while Maddie's all saying 'no' about his less stellar contributions. He's totally and completely focused by the time she spreads her hands in the air, leaning his head forward like he's utterly rapt, and he even goes, "Ooooohhhh," after her big reveal, like he can see it writ large! But then wait - "That's not a good tagline, though. What does 'people love alliteration' have to do with ghost tours?" It's his turn to kiss her tolerantly, to pat her on the top of the head for trying so hard, atta girl.

"DM's Terrifically Terrifying Tours - guaranteed to scare the bejeezus out of you!" Beat. "Which we can get away with, because what's a bejeezus anyway? Nothing, so no one can sue us if theirs isn't scared out of them. We're just the best team ever, Maddie." He smiles all dreamily at her.

"Huh?" At Harrison Ford, they'll have to get back there someday. Right now though, it's Big Reveal time, and she's delighted with his rapt attention. Even if he doesn't entirely understand. "No, that's not the --" she starts, and then drops it, because she was getting a kiss, and that was way more important than explaining why he was wrong. Besides, after the kiss? Brilliance happens.

And she's pretty sure brilliance happens because they put their heads together and she shared her creative brain-waves with him, but she wasn't about to say that. Instead, she kisses his dreamy smile and sidles up close for a snuggle, draping her arms about him. "Yeah," she agrees quietly, sincerely. "We really are," the best team ever. She's quiet for a beat or two, leaning her cheek on his shoulder, before she decides, "Yanno, I bet if we worked fast, we could make up some fliers and hand them out on the boardwalk. But we're gonna have to walk down there," on account of the lack of gas money.

Makes perfect sense. No money for gas, but totally money for flyers? Or is this just where Duncan winds up sitting at their tiny table for the next week straight, coloring flyers by hand, one-by-one? Because he will! He will go to such lengths for Maddie if that's what she thinks they need to do.

"Are we just gonna drive the trailer around? Or, like, are these walking tours? Ooohhh, or can we rent a hearse, like the the Ghostbusters car!" Again, no money for gas, totally money for renting a hearse. Duncan fails to worry about such logistics, instead turning his head to kiss the top of hers, noting, "You'll be the tour-guide, I'll be the utility-guy, and Jimmy can be the mascot. We can take people on tours of that pond, definitely haunted. That freaky sawmill - why do you think they don't just tear that thing down, y'know? And I think that big house by the ocean is definitely haunted, but they may charge admission, so probably not there."

Look, listen, Maddie's not the planner person. She's definitely not the logistics person, she's not even the spend-the-next-week-coloring-fliers person; she's the actress person. All that other shit's just gonna have to shake loose somehow. She'll be over here, actressing. Like a boss.

"We can definitely get a hearse. Like, after we have enough money for food? Add it to the list," this list is going to be a mile long by the time Maddie stops adding to it. But she keeps her cheek on his shoulder, nodding as he goes on about the pond and sawmill. "We'll just have to double the price of our admission to take them to the big house by the ocean," because that makes sense and surely won't get them added to any lists. "Maybe tomorrow we could spend some time in the library. Or try to sneak into the big house's museum," since they can't (currently) afford the price of admission, "For research. Oh, and because making out in a library is fun," she turns her face up to show him an impish grin.

"Plus, they never lock the bathroom cabinets at libraries, so we can restock on toilet paper and soap." Duncan has been homeless for a while now, so he's good at solving these little problems. Maddie can do research, and he can figure out how to get six rolls of TP out without attracting the notice of the librarian, and nothing will go wrong! "But I'll also make out with you a bunch," he cedes in light of her impish grin, his own brightening with unabashed delight at the whole idea of books and nookie. "Terrifically," smooch, "Terrifying," smooch, "Tours!" Big smooch. "This is gonna be so great. We'll make enough money to kill Alexander and bury Jimmy in, like, a week tops."