Questionable Advice Column
By Ignacio deSantos

Welcome back to another beautiful and festive week in Gray Harbor; where the ghosts of your past you owe money too may still try to collect. It’s Halloween and which means the ‘no taking candy from strangers’ rule is somehow suspended. Now I never really done Halloween out here on the West Coast and in NYC it was pretty wild. Honestly Queens gets a lot of flak from people that don’t live there. My favorite part was getting to see the neighbors and people getting dressed up as their ideas and sharing what they love without really any rules.

That said what questions have we got to try to help you all out with and stay safe this season?

Dear Iggy,
I have vowed triple revenge on a rude dude, let's call him the Headless Horseman for seasonal fun, because he's totally not the actual Headless Horseman. How does one lure a ghosting fool into a metaphorical flaming pit of fiery revenge? Is it worth it, or are my happy trippy karma points going to take a nosedive if I try? He hurt my feelings, man. And he totally ruined my haircut.
Yours in Frustration,
Perpetually Cute even with a Lob

Dear P.C. Lob,

First off let’s address this from top to bottom. The first is something I’ve told my sister many times and it that other people don’t make you beautiful- you do. Now if this is your hair dresser I’d recommend instead of trying to make this Horseman curl up and die go see the folks at Curl Up & Dye. Talk to the manager, Nicole, there. She will find you someone that is suited art-wise to the look you’re going for. Communication is key, world. It’s scary but it gets stuff done!

Second on that whole firey pit of revenge thing? Eh it hurts now but are they really worth giving up like 3-5 years of your life for time on assault charges? Nah. Their actions will catch up with them. Don’t let someone else bring you down. Until then tell people it’s for this wicked Halloween idea you got planned and then capitalize on it. Good costuming is a commitment!

Iggy believes in you Lob! <3

Dear Iggy,
My friend with benefits has a locked room in his house. I'm not saying it's a Murder Basement, but it's definitely basement-like and I'm undecided. I haven't been forbidden or anything, but it's on my mind all the time. Eating in the kitchen, murder basement. Taking a shower, murder basement. Snuggling on the couch, murder basement. Should I just go look? Is that a bad idea? Life's not a horror movie, but... a girl needs to know. Right? It's better if I just go look.... right?
Signed,
Have Taser & Bat, Will Travel

Dear William Travel, and Bat,

Ya know relationships are built on trust. Also to be fair to FWB? All basements unless they are finished and have a bar are creepy. Let’s not get too judgey there. So maybe it’s to keep people out, or not let people in. It might be a physical manifestation of shyness or maybe they are embarrassed about sea monsters in their basement.

My advice? Eh talk to them or hire a PI. There’s also by code windows that have to vent and look down into the basement. Also if they are really your friend they will be honest with you. Friends don’t lie. Then they’re sort of Associates With Incentives & Perks and no one needs to waste time on an Ass. WIPe.

Talk to them.

Dear Ignacio,
Ever since our loved one left us, our home has been shattered. We know that we've had our ups and downs, like any family. The good and the bad. Gray Harbor is a town filled with broken families. We just want ours to feel complete once again. Made whole. How can we convince him that it's safe to come home and that we miss him dearly?
Home Is Where The Heart Is

Dear Home <3,

You’re punching me in my feels, neighbor! I don’t talk about it a lot even though I dedicated my first book to the topic, that stuff hurts. Sometimes there’s a loss that leaves a hole other people, drinking, and all the drugs in the world can’t fill. Believe me I tried and I’m proud to say that rehab is hard but it’s been worth it. Right now my brother and my father are not talking. I chose to leave to support my brother and I don’t know if we’ll go back. We want to. Honestly, I am really starting to love some Gray Harbor and someone in it so I can tell you from someone dealing with grief and moving away from home? It is hard on those not here too.

Earth, period, is not safe it is just unsafe in different ways. Being human means having experience that leaves scars on us. Home and family are also not a geographic proximity. I will share with you what I did with my father when he asked me, ‘Mijo, cuando vendras a casa?’ and I told them ‘you need to become that safe place and that home first and then we will be back. Talk to them and see what is keeping them away and that might be several discussions and that might take a lot of time.

Be that home they need and they will live in it. It might be from a distance but I’ll tell you I call my mother every other day and it’s like she’s still next door. With the holidays around the corner I think we’re both going to be struggling with that, Home.

Keep in touch.
Let me know how that’s going for you

Also for those struggling with depression or addiction there’s a lot of great places I can recommend to help, or PM me and we can grab a coffee and I’ll just let you talk.

Dear Iggy,
I like kissing, and there are so many people worth kissing in town. I don't have time to kiss them all! What do I do?
xoxo
Sir Kiss-a-Lot

Dearest Smoochies Boochies,

That’s amazing you have this abundance of appreciation for other that you want to share that with them. I don’t need to remind people to get permission from the acquired target afore hand. That said? Time travel! Picknics in the Firefly Forest may work too as it seems like forever goes by in the span of an hour, but ya know the downside is werewolves and crabby apple trees so consider that with some caution.

Also, have you considered a kissing booth or a calendar in your phone? I mean volume is not the issue so much as time management and I’ll tell you having lost days before I find setting time aside and scheduling things out helps. Also the other people in your life if they care about you will respect your time. Don’t feel rushed. Even if they’re Pokemon and you gotta catch em all you are under no obligation to do it all at once. You can do it! I believe in you!

Time may not be our friend but we can pummel it into submission MMA style with good organization.

Enjoy spreading the love.
Remember to wear chapstick.
Self-care in fun is still important.

That is this week. Folks and I have to go surprise my special person with a pumpkin. Branch & Bole still has a few. Help us with our No Pumpkin Left Behind program. THE NPLB needs you and if you don’t carve them they look just beautiful and will last through November and move us into that Thanksgiving spirit.

Be safe and if you have questions and thoughts on Spirit maintenance, gifts for loved ones that might be haunting and visiting, and recipes for some good pan as Dia de los Muertos is around the corner hit me up.

I’ll talk to you next week, Gray Harbor. Come see us on the Boat Tours tonight and ask me anything direct if you wish and we take a look at the great haunts of the harbor https://gray-harbor.com/event/104]. Costumes welcome!