2019-08-17 - Nothing Is Open At 3 In The Morning

(TXT to Harvey) Hailey : Are you being digested?

(TXT to Hailey) Harvey : <there's quite some delay, which may cause some alarm and suggest digestion has occurred. But the reply comes later that night> I am not! I decided not to take Mammoth and Banshee's offer. Nice people, but I don't think I could live with somebody who named their snake 'Barry', yanno? It just didn't fit with the theme.

(TXT to Harvey) Hailey : [... for a bit. Then nothing till, like, 3:15 AM. So either Harvey stays up late or reads messages in the morning.] What's their #?

(TXT to Harvey) Hailey : Please. 🙂

(TXT to Hailey) Harvey : [the response, this time, comes almost immediately] still looking for a room, huh? Their place was nice, if you don't mind American flags as decor. You something of a night owl? [owl emoji, moon emoji]

(TXT to Harvey) Hailey : :first, 15 super-surprised-smileys:

(TXT to Harvey) Hailey : Was not expecting a reply at 3:19 in the morning. o.O

(TXT to Hailey) Harvey : I wasn't expecting a text at 3:15 so I guess we're even.

(TXT to Harvey) Hailey : Ok that's fair but why are you awake??

(TXT to Harvey) Hailey : Because did you know that as many as 90% of people who suffer from insomnia also have another health condition e.g. heart disease, diabetes, high blood pressure, etc?

(TXT to Hailey) Harvey : Did I accidentally sign myself up for random medical facts again? 😃

(TXT to Hailey) Harvey : You don't need to worry about my health, but it's sweet that you do. I was just doing research and time got away from me. What are YOU doing awake?

(TXT to Harvey) Hailey : Lack of sleep impairs concentration, reasoning and problem solving and it makes it harder to commit things to long-term memory. So you would be better served to do research in the morning 🙂

(TXT to Hailey) Harvey : Maybe I'm a vampire and I sleep during the day. Have you thought of that?

(TXT to Harvey) Hailey : I don't think a vampire would care what the snake was named

(TXT to Harvey) Hailey : Do you want some facts about what happens when you ignore your circadian rhythm? They will help you go to sleep, I bet! 😃

(TXT to Hailey) Harvey : https://i.gifer.com/eGE.gif

(TXT to Hailey) Harvey : I think it's a little hypocritical that you're encouraging me to sleep while you yourself are awake. Are you an insomniac, Hailey? Or a vampire?

(TXT to Harvey) Hailey : Only a LITTLE hypocritical?? That's very generous

(TXT to Hailey) Harvey : It's late and I'm apparently dying of several different conditions, so I'm a giving man tonight.

(TXT to Harvey) Hailey : Diabetes and stroke and high blood pressure and heart disease and I can do this all night

(TXT to Hailey) Harvey : At least, apparently, I won't die alone. We can suffer together, here in the wee hours of the morning.

(TXT to Hailey) Harvey : So what are you doing? Is anything even open in this town at 3:47 in the morning? GASP! Are you coming home from a BAR, Hailey whateveryourlastname is?

(TXT to Harvey) Hailey : I am trying to make the fan in this motel room be quiet.

(TXT to Harvey) Hailey : I am failing.

(TXT to Hailey) Harvey : Not a fan of white noise?

(TXT to Hailey) Harvey : Put a towel over it. It'll muffle the noise at the very least.

(TXT to Harvey) Hailey : Wait what?

(TXT to Hailey) Harvey : What? You're in a hotel. Go into the bathroom, get a towel, and put it over the fan you're not a fan of.

(TXT to Harvey) Hailey : Ok but wouldn't it be smarter to just turn it off?

(TXT to Harvey) Hailey : Do you see what I mean about lack of sleep impairing your reasoning skills? 🙂

(TXT to Hailey) Harvey : Yes, I can see how your reasoning skills are impaired. Considering if you turn the fan off, you'll get hot in the middle of your sleep. Plus you'll probably be able to hear whoever is fucking next door. There's always someone fucking next door in hotel rooms.

(TXT to Harvey) Hailey : hold on

(TXT to Harvey) Hailey : [video of the fan with a towel over it, which is pretty effective at muting the squeaky noise but also Hailey puts her hand into the shot, in front of the towel-covered fan, and delivers one off-camera line: "Can't feel any air now."]

(TXT to Harvey) Hailey : So what is the # for the snake bikers and do they have central air??

(TXT to Hailey) Harvey : It will still cool the room better than turning the whole thing off. Anyone ever tell you that you have a nice voice?

(TXT to Harvey) Hailey : I am just going to FIX it

(TXT to Hailey) Harvey : I feel like your sleep deprivation, several serious illnesses, and lack of reasoning due to insomnia may be leading you to making bad choices.

(TXT to Hailey) Harvey : But since you're already going down that path, want to grab lunch tomorrow? >;)

(TXT to Hailey) Harvey : I'll bring the bikers' #

(TXT to Harvey) Hailey : [...] Maybe

(TXT to Harvey) Hailey : Where?

(TXT to Hailey) Harvey : Maybe not the Cracker Barrel. I met a stripper and a psychiatrist there the other day. Kind of a weird combination.

(TXT to Hailey) Harvey : You been to the creepy bear diner yet?

(TXT to Harvey) Hailey : Did that really happen?

(TXT to Hailey) Harvey : Did I really just ask you out to lunch or...?

(TXT to Harvey) Hailey : Did you really meet a stripper and a psychiatrist at Cracker Barrel?

(TXT to Hailey) Harvey : Oh, yes. It sounds like the beginning of a really good joke, right? A stripper and a psychiatrist walk into a bar, yadda yadda. The punch line definitely has to be 'daddy issues', I just need to work out the bit in the middle.

(TXT to Harvey) Hailey : How do you know they were a stripper and a psychiatrist?

(TXT to Hailey) Harvey : The same way I know you are a doctor. They told me.

(TXT to Harvey) Hailey : I never said that I'm a doctor so that makes this whole story suspect now, you're fake news

(TXT to Hailey) Harvey : Is forgetfulness another side-effect of sleep deprivation, doctor?

(TXT to Harvey) Hailey : Yes but I still never said that I'm a doctor

(TXT to Harvey) Hailey : I'm starting my third year of residency

(TXT to Hailey) Harvey : I suppose I did prematurely graduate you. 'Resident' sounds a lot less fancy though.

(TXT to Harvey) Hailey : I don't know what to call a stripper-in-training

(TXT to Hailey) Harvey : Amateur pole artist.

(TXT to Harvey) Hailey : That is nicer than "someone who should rethink their life choices." We can go with that

(TXT to Hailey) Harvey : Google also suggests 'bump and grinder'.

(TXT to Hailey) Harvey : You should go to sleep. I'm going to work on the middle part of my joke. See you at noon?

(TXT to Harvey) Hailey : [...] Sorry, I looked up "amateur stripper" and the internet defeated me.

(TXT to Harvey) Hailey : 1:00

(TXT to Hailey) Harvey : There's another joke in there but I don't want to kill you from laughing too hard. You're already on death's door.

(TXT to Harvey) Hailey : What is the joke?

(TXT to Hailey) Harvey : Maybe I'll tell you at lunch. Sweet dreams, Hailey.

(TXT to Harvey) Hailey : 1:30 though!

(TXT to Hailey) Harvey : 1:30 it is. Goodnight.