2019-08-20 - Dear Iggy #5 -- (Thanksgiving)

Questionable Life Advice
By Ignacio de Santos

Welcome back! As we enter the holiday seasons I'm compelled to remind that I'm not a licensed therapist. I'm not qualified to give advice, I'm just paid to.

That said I'll be the first to admit the holidays are particularly hard for me and a lot of us. It's walking, it's family stress, and I'm looking down the barrel of surgery number 14. It’s a time of a lot of changes for me and I’ll tell you the urge to relapse into familiar habits is out there. It’s just unbelievably overwhelming sometimes to run back to the devil we know because familiar, even unhealthy is a comfort. I’ll tell you what, though, and for those of you struggling with life’s hurdles, sometimes the change, while scary, is going to be better in the long run.

Instead of hiding I’m going to head out and maybe faila couple times, and you know I’ll work on that. It’s why I got two geese coming to the house- incase I burn one. As it’s Thanksgiving I’m going to focus on the things I do have going right instead of the parts not working so good. The Dalai Lama said “Sometimes not getting what you want is exactly what you need” and right now I got what I need, and I’m going to go make them the best family dinner I can.

Second chances are something to be grateful for and sometimes it’s ourselves we have to give one to. So there was a lot of mail this week. Let’s see where you are at today while the parade is on, Gray Harbor.

Hello Ignacio!
First, your articles are insightful and I love them.
Second, I was hoping you could help me with a problem.
I totally have a crush on one of my friend's friends.
He's cute and funny and we've totally had moments where
he's been so kind and supportive for me, but he's also just
a sweet guy. I've seen him having touching moments with
other people too, and it makes me depressed. I know I don't
have a claim, and I think he has a crush on someone else.
How can I deal with this? I don't want to lose my friends!
-Crushed by Crushes

Dear Orange Crush,
First off, Awww! I love you too, random citizen! Second, let’s deconstruct this because I think you have a lot of good things to work with here. So up front there’s no such thing as a ‘claim’ to a person. That’s actually outlawed. People are not property, Furosa said so. Someone cannot have a claim on another any more than you can ‘steal’ someone’s SO short of kidnapping. So that’s part one. They’re in control of what they choose for themselves just like you are and that’s actually great news. It gives you a ton of options like Netflix but without the annual fees controlling what you watch and what you choose for yourself.

As for this guy being nice on all sorts of people? This is a great sign! Who wants to date a jerk? Being awesome to others doesn’t make them disinterested in you, it means it seems they might be consistently a genuinely GOOD person and that’s a rare find, friend. Seeing value in others doesn’t mean you have less value. Tru fax.

My advice? Spend time with them. Let the goal be quality time and if something more happens from it? It does. Invite them out to coffee or even skating. If you don’t know how? Even better. It’s fun to have a project you can learn together and at worst you come out of it with a great connection. Or it’s a tandem trip to the ER but that’s still a way to learn about one another. Just don’t write me about that because I don’t want to be fined for a HIPAA violation.

Dear Iggy,
How can I get someone interested in me? Let me rephrase,
how can I get anyone interested in me? Sure, I work long
hours but I'm not a hermit - not yet at least. I recently
discovered I was fluid (I believe that is the correct term)
but that also means I discovered no gender was interested
in me - maybe it would be better if I had just thought it was
identified males with no interest? Even my friend, they shyest
person I know, is 3-0 up on me relationship wise in just this year!
Any advice will be appreciated.
Regards,
Nuns Have More Fun

Dear Habit Breaker,
People get so damn wired up about being in a relationship these days. If you want someone to love you then you have to first love yourself. I’ve been in therapy for that for like 6 years and here’s the truth, we have to love ourselves before others can love us. Take time to get to know you and find the things you love about yourself. That will gravitate people who love those things to TO you. We have to be around ourselves all the time. Be the person you enjoy the company of. If someone else is worth investing that time in they’ll want to be around that person you are too. Your value isn’t based on the opinions of others. Furiosa taught us people are not things. It’s also not a competition.

Love is a lot like sushi: You have to take quality over quantity or else it’ll just be fishy and leave you feeling sick.

Also, hey congrats to you for coming out. I thank you for sharing with us. And, also, you’ve inspired me to run a bar trivia night for singles. I’ll see what I can do to help our singles out there.

Dear Iggy,

What's your take on Black Friday? My store is reasonably new in town
(haven't even been here a year) and I'm not sure I even care for the
holiday. American consumerism is so played out. The thought of a
bunch of sweaty, mouth-breathing neckbeards waiting to pile into my
store as soon as I open pretty much makes me want to vomit. But also,
the possibility of parting those scrubs from their money also interests me.
Also, the thought of being up early kinda makes me want to kill myself.
I'm torn.
Yours truly,
Control Issues

Dear Quality Control,
I don’t have a take. I get paid a flat salary, not per paper sold, so I dunno! As for consumerism? Well it’s paying your bills. If you’re in retail and don’t care for consumers you are straight up not getting the RoI you deserve emotionally. I’d say find out what brings you joy and pursue that! Just because you’re good at something or have been doing it for a while, or even if it seems easy or convenient doesn’t mean it’s a good plan; much like running from the cops when you are a smoker. Also maybe don’t try crime. Or retail. If you don’t want to be up early get an employee and pay them enough to agree to work for you and do this. It’s what my boss does. (Aw, crap he reads this. All love, man! See you this afternoon.) The people you are railing on are the ones that decide to shop with you. They don’t have to. Gotta respect the people that keep you in business or get out of brick and mortar. Etsy’s an option.

Dear Iggy,
One question, since when did dating become just a free for all
to date and sleep with as many people as possible at a time?
-Rather Stay Single

Dear Singularity,
Unless you are Miramax and hiring Ben Afleck dating isn’t exclusive on assumption. If you are Ben Afleck you’re pretty much owned wholesale, but you are doing some great work there. Thanks for Good Will Hunting. Now in the olden days before the SIMs this was common to just go out socially, and unless you got a pin, or another dog peed a circle around you, or whatever that social mating ritual was that two people worked out their monogamous to-do it meant you were, and are, free to see other people and do as you like. It all comes back to some blame-free communication just so everyone’s on the same page, of the same book, to know how to set some expectations. Some people like to read a novel, and others like anthologies. There’s all sorts of stories worth reading, but not all stories appeal to all audiences, but that’s why there’s so many book genres. No one’s left out this way, just read the section you like.

Dear Iggy,
My boss keeps blaming weird shit on me. I know it's
just this town being weird as hell, but if one more
customer winds up complaining because their waffles
got up off their plate and ran away, I'm gonna get fired.
-Waffles2Go

Dear W2G,
I think we met once and yeah that thing with the waffles was really whack! If it makes you feel better this totally happened at the Cracker Barrell a couple months ago where something fell out of the sky, blew up the most beautiful James Bond looking car ever right into the place, and hit me right in the tater tots. Working in a diner should have hazard pay!

The biggest thing I’d say focus on is resolving this where you’re not going to break any health code violations or cross-contaminate for allergies. I’d definitely say start learning how to use telekinesis to hold the food on the plate. Maybe serve with nets over the plate? But really, COCINA, QUE ESTA PENSANDO??! If it can run off the plate is it done cooking? NO! No it should not! It’s a waffle not a steak. Clearly this is the kitchen’s fault here and this cannot be highlighted enough that that waffle is under done. I grew up in a restaurant so let me tell you as a line cook myself? That stuff needs to be dead before it leaves the expo and prep area. Make sure your food is chill, no longer sentient, then serve, yo.

Seriously, my pops might be right. I might be missing my calling not staying in the restaurant business.

Dear Iggy,
I want to major in something I’m really passionate about,
but my parents want me to earn a decent wage, maybe
go become a software developer.
FAFSA Ate My Pacheck

FAFSALICIOUSNESS,
This is the hardest choice you have to make. It’s not even what to major in; it’s are you going to let others make your decisions for you or not. Now, our parents have a lot of life experience and that’s cool, but they sometimes also get used to raising us and don’t realize this is that time in our lives we are making decisions for ourselves.

Sometimes we don’t realize that this is the time WE should be making our own decisions. My dad wants me to open a restaurant with him, and while I love cooking and it makes me happy to do, and restaurants are in my blood, I don’t know that’s what I want to do with my life. Maybe I’d be great at it, but that’s his dream. I don’t know if it’s mine and to be honest I’m going through a lot of figuring myself out. I love writing. I love helping people. I really, really, really love not being eaten by Utah Raptors. Does it pay the bills? Not always consistently enough and I got a couple jobs. It’s hard work but I’m enjoying it and I’m proud of the work I do. Hell I work with some great people and I don’t regret that.

Your parents, believe it or not, sound like mind and many where they want what’s best for you. The hardest conversation I’ve had in recent times was telling my father the money isn’t everything and I need to go be who I want to be. There’s no silver bullet for getting a high paycheck except a few illegal jobs out there. Work’s going to be hard work. If you don’t love what you do you will suck at it. You deserve to pursue what you love and you might not use it in conventional ways. I’ve seen gardeners turn into Rambo to fight shrubbery. BE RAMBO was probably not part of the PE requirement for Botany at OU and yet here we are seeing proof that all jobs can get more exciting than we planned for: Battle Botanists. It might be hard work, but if you are happy they’ll be proud of you, or at least I will.

So that was some groovy stuff. I really appreciate you sharing. We’ll be back if I’m not trampled to death by shoppers I’ll see you in the Espresso Yourself who is having the early bird specials on lattes for the Black Friday shoppers (Sorry Quality Control, we’re caffeinating them), or next Thursday as we start the Gray Harbor holiday cascade of frozen stuff and over-decorating all of the things. My family may come from a place where we run with bulls, but I don’t run. I do cook geese though and I have to go get that prepped. Enjoy your holiday.

Happy Thanksgiving, Neighbors,
Iggy out <3