2019-09-14 - Follow the Strings

Isolde was a little sad that harvest season was coming to a close at the Lavender Farm. The unharvested flowers were going to wither away soon, going to sleep until next year. They had such a simple life. Flowers. Bloom, go to sleep, bloom again. If only the life of a human could be as simple.

Isolde had seated herself in the middle of some of the unharvested plants, eyes closed. This place gave her a peace of mind. It was a good place to clear her head. A good thing. She wished that she could just snap her fingers and everything would be fixed. The knots of her memories would untangle and the blank spots would fill in.

But the damage was done. Isolde knew that. All those years of the drugs and the Bad Things. Some things were never going to be retrieved. It didn’t matter who wanted to help her or what their reasons were. It really didn’t even matter if she wanted to help herself.

She was broken.Broken things never lasted forever. Broken things were never good enough. Broken things were better off tucked away on a shelf and left to get dusty and forgotten. She’d accepted this a long time ago.

But things were different now. Weren’t they? She’d reconnected with her best friend. She had a...boyfriend of all things. Right? Was Itzhak her boyfriend? They didn’t really put a label on it. Whatever it was - she liked it. Liked him.

But it didn’t matter what Isolde liked, or what she wanted really. Because it was going to end. All of it would. All the good things always ended.

Stop that Izzy. Stop putting yourself down. You’re a grown woman. Who can take care of herself. Who can do whatever she damn well pleases. And you are good enough. You are. You know you are. Isolde tries to drive away her negative thoughts and refocus on her original task.

She was trying to follow one of her threads - trying to carefully assess and examine the path of the tangle it led to. If she could understand how it twisted and turned, then maybe it would help with remembering more things. Understand more about the powers she possessed and was starting to learn how to control.

“You know you’ll never be enough. What’s the use in trying?” That needling voice that constantly followed her around chided. The talking reflection in the mirror. The one that told her all she was trying to do and build was for nothing. “They’re all just going to leave you in the end. He’s going to leave you. For the not-dating girl probably. Because he doesn’t have to worry about hurting her.”

Isolde’s expression twisted into a scowl. “SHUT UP!” Good thing she was alone. No one is leaving me. Everything is going to be good. Now SHUT UP and leave me alone.

Isolde drew in a quiet breath, trying to quell the sudden surge of hate and anger that was bubbling up. Just let it go. Ignore it. Just focus on the strings. Follow them. They would show her the way. She just had to be patient.