2019-09-25 - Don't microwave apples or eggs.

(TXT to Harvey) Hailey : Hi Harvey. I have a question for you.

(TXT to Hailey) Harvey : Hi Hailey. I may have an answer for you.

(TXT to Harvey) Hailey : Have you ever been to an Apple orchard before?

(TXT to Hailey) Harvey : The random capitalization has me curious - are we talking about an orchard of actual fruit, or are they somehow growing iPhones on trees now? 😉

(TXT to Hailey) Harvey : But no, I've never been

(TXT to Harvey) Hailey : Have gotten tired of arguing with my phone about whether or not I mean Apple or the fruit. I surrendered, it won. We have an uneasy truce, so please tread lightly.

(TXT to Harvey) Hailey : Hoquiam has one

(TXT to Hailey) Harvey : I've never been to Hoquiam, either. Hey I have a question for you.

(TXT to Harvey) Hailey : Hospital people say it's fine there. Want to go pick apples on [some day]?

(TXT to Harvey) Hailey : Hey! I have an answer for you maybe

(TXT to Hailey) Harvey : nevermind you beat me to it, I was going to be super sly and ask you to go pick apples with me.

(TXT to Hailey) Harvey : But yes, I'll go pick apples with you on [some day]. Do I need overalls and a wicker hat?

(TXT to Harvey) Hailey : Hat for sure. Are wicker hats real things?

(TXT to Hailey) Harvey : Google says absolutely but Amazon calls them straw hats. I could get you one, too?

(TXT to Harvey) Hailey : Hillbilly hats? Sign me up! I will bring the wicker basket, just so wicker doesn't feel like it's being excluded.

(TXT to Hailey) Harvey : Done and done. They'll be here in two days. We'll be the prettiest pair in the whole orchard.

(TXT to Harvey) Hailey : How many apples are you going to pick?

(TXT to Hailey) Harvey : I feel like the right answer is somewhere between 5 and 20. I really have to decide what I'm going to do with all these apples before I figure out the right #. Do you know how to make pie?

(TXT to Harvey) Hailey : Homemade? No. Do you?

(TXT to Hailey) Harvey : Nah, me and the kitchen aren't exactly on great terms anymore either.

(TXT to Harvey) Hailey : Howcome? ANYMORE is intriguing!

(TXT to Hailey) Harvey : Let's just put it this way: apparently you can't hard boil an egg by sticking it in the microwave.

(TXT to Harvey) Hailey : Hold on. I have to look up what happens if you put an egg in the microwave.

(TXT to Hailey) Harvey : I was dodging eggshells like shrapnel, the egg was nice enough to wait until I opened the door to explode.

(TXT to Harvey) Hailey : Holy exploding eggs, Batman! Did it hurt? What's the temperature of a microwaved egg??

(TXT to Hailey) Harvey : I took an eggshell to the cheek, it just barely missed my eye. It was like being at war, Hailey. <attached is a selfie of Harvey with those pretty dimples, and a teeny tiny red mark on his left cheek below the eye>

(TXT to Hailey) Harvey : and temperature? idk I don't own an egg thermometer

(TXT to Harvey) Hailey : How sad. 🙁 You should probably get treatment for PTSD or at least a cookbook.

(TXT to Hailey) Harvey : I had half a mind to invite you over to check it out and make sure I wasn't dying but it was 3:30 in the morning and the smell was unbelievable

(TXT to Harvey) Hailey : Having run out of H words to start texts with and not wanting to become repetitious...

(TXT to Harvey) Hailey : This just happened recently?

(TXT to Hailey) Harvey : lol you could've kept going, clearly I had no idea. You're clever.

(TXT to Hailey) Harvey : It happened last night 🙁 the kitchen still smells.

(TXT to Harvey) Hailey : Clever and bored are different 🙂 Why were you trying to boil an egg at 3:30 AM?

(TXT to Hailey) Harvey : I was hungry and didn't want to wait for the water to boil. Why are you bored? Slow hospital night?

(TXT to Harvey) Hailey : Hungry Harvey had a hardboiled hazard hit him in his

(TXT to Harvey) Hailey : None of the h-bones are in a person's face 🙁

(TXT to Harvey) Hailey : SLOW is an understatement.

(TXT to Hailey) Harvey : Hungry Harvey had a hardboiled hazard hit him in his head*, Hailey

(TXT to Hailey) Harvey : Maybe slow is a good thing when talking about a hospital? The alternative is grim

(TXT to Harvey) Hailey : WHOOPS, that's what I get for trying too hard!

(TXT to Harvey) Hailey : I think eggs exploding in microwaves and hitting people in their perfectly good heads is grim. You should have come to the hospital!

(TXT to Hailey) Harvey : I didn't really think it was an emergency room situation. Do you make house calls? You know, for the next time I decide to explode an egg in the microwave.

(TXT to Harvey) Hailey : Do you mean "upstairs from a gunshop calls?" 😃

(TXT to Harvey) Hailey : Because you don't live in a house, see

(TXT to Hailey) Harvey : 'Loft above gunshop storeroom' calls maybe?

(TXT to Hailey) Harvey : I could always come to you, but I a) have no idea where you live, and b) don't want to traumatize your roommate by showing up at 3am with eggshell wounds

(TXT to Harvey) Hailey : I live about two blocks from you and Abby's a nurse, so I think we'd probably both be ok but thank you, that's courteous. As to making house calls...

(TXT to Harvey) Hailey : Not as a rule but exceptions may be granted on a case-by-case basis

(TXT to Hailey) Harvey : So would it depend on the person or the situation? 'Cause I have this hangnail you could look at for me.

(TXT to Harvey) Hailey : Oh no, Harvey has a hangnail! I'll be right there, I'm sure most of these ppl will still be alive when I get back.

(TXT to Hailey) Harvey : You did say it was a slow night. I'm just trying to keep you from dying of boredom.

(TXT to Hailey) Harvey : Well now I know what we're doing with the apples we pick. Your microwave or mine?

(TXT to Harvey) Hailey : Let me think about it a while. It's a pretty big step, making microwave applesauce with someone. Next thing you know, we're on to grilled eggplant, and then it's a slippery slope straight toward overnight oatmeal in the crock pot

(TXT to Hailey) Harvey : You make a good point. Overnight oats sounds like a serious commitment.

(TXT to Hailey) Harvey : I have a better idea. We'll just cut up the apples and have Eggo waffles and apple slices in the morning after the orchard.

(TXT to Harvey) Hailey : [...] [...] [a few more...s] I don't think they'll have a toaster at the orchard.

(TXT to Hailey) Harvey : That's okay, I got one at my place. And my roommate's out of town for awhile so bonus, we don't have to leggo our eggos.

(TXT to Harvey) Hailey : Where did he go?

(TXT to Harvey) Hailey : Did he take the dog?

(TXT to Hailey) Harvey : some kinda gun show circuit. And hell no, Harvey and I are basically inseparable at this point.

(TXT to Harvey) Hailey : never ever look up "dog man hybrid"

(TXT to Hailey) Harvey : too late 😐 that's disturbing

(TXT to Harvey) Hailey : never ever look up the thing I just told you to never ever look up 🙁

(TXT to Harvey) Hailey : You know what's better than waffles?!

(TXT to Hailey) Harvey : Yes but it's probably not what you're going to say so, what's better than waffles, Hailey?

(TXT to Harvey) Hailey : I don't know because I never get any waffles so I have no basis for comparison. 🙁

(TXT to Harvey) Hailey : Now you can answer

(TXT to Hailey) Harvey : lol maybe we should avoid the Eggos altogether, least we be drawn into a war between frozen waffles and those breakfast toaster pastries where you drizzle the cream on them

(TXT to Harvey) Hailey : What's better than waffles?

(TXT to Hailey) Harvey : I mean considering what we went through? Basically anything else.

(TXT to Harvey) Hailey : Pastry apartheid really ruined breakfast, didn't it? 🙁

(TXT to Harvey) Hailey : LET'S MAKE THIS! https://www.farmflavor.com/recipe/type/entrees/apple-cheddar-mac-and-cheese/

(TXT to Hailey) Harvey : 'intermediate' huh? Are we ready for 'intermediate' level cooking adventures?

(TXT to Harvey) Hailey : We're both gainfully employed, you edit a thriving (????) local paper, I graduated from medical school, our combined efforts saved two breakfast POWs, and it only took us about 25 tries to catch four lightning bugs.

(TXT to Harvey) Hailey : so you might have a point...

(TXT to Hailey) Harvey : 'Thriving' is pretty generous.

(TXT to Harvey) Hailey : Yes, I painted myself into a corner on that one but the point still stands.

(TXT to Hailey) Harvey : It's almost Halloween. We could dip them in caramel, or do this instead: https://i.pinimg.com/originals/bc/72/a2/bc72a2a8683704f4dec26eea9d760478.jpg

(TXT to Hailey) Harvey : How good are you with knives?

(TXT to Harvey) Hailey : Good heavens, warn a person next time.

(TXT to Hailey) Harvey : Warning: shrunken apple heads are on the pic I just sent you

(TXT to Harvey) Hailey : How good are YOU with knives?

(TXT to Hailey) Harvey : On a scale of one to blowing eggs up in the microwave, I would rate myself as 'okay'

(TXT to Harvey) Hailey : You know what I like?

(TXT to Hailey) Harvey : No. Should I start guessing?

(TXT to Harvey) Hailey : It was a leading question but nvm, please start guessing!

(TXT to Hailey) Harvey : Rainbows, non-sentient waffles, taking walks, Harveys (human and dog), fireflies?

(TXT to Harvey) Hailey : Yes, those are all the things I like.

(TXT to Harvey) Hailey : all things I like

(TXT to Hailey) Harvey : But what's the answer to your question?

(TXT to Harvey) Hailey : Easy Mac and Mott's applesauce and people with all 10 fingers

(TXT to Hailey) Harvey : well you're in luck. I still have all ten of my fingers and just added easy mac & applesauce to my grocery list 😉

(TXT to Harvey) Hailey : Oh yay! Everything's coming up Hailey today! \o/

(TXT to Harvey) Hailey : pls don't lose any between now and [someday], I don't want to have to pretend I don't know you since we're neighbors, it will be awkward

(TXT to Hailey) Harvey : I don't plan on it but who knows what'll happen between then and now.

(TXT to Harvey) Hailey : Really try not to?

(TXT to Harvey) Hailey : I BELIEVE IN YOU

(TXT to Hailey) Harvey : Okay, okay. You've convinced me to try really hard. I'll give it my all, for you

(TXT to Harvey) Hailey : As long as your all doesn't include amputating anything 👍 I appreciate it.

(TXT to Hailey) Harvey : did your slow night suddenly become rough?

(TXT to Harvey) Hailey : no why?

(TXT to Hailey) Harvey : idk the sudden liking of people with all 10 fingers, I figured something happened 😃

(TXT to Harvey) Hailey : Oh no, that was in reference to your lack of knife skills but I have a patient that has a torn tunica albuginea who I should go talk to about surgery and if THAT happens to you then pretty sure it doesn't matter if your roommate's out of town anymore o:)

(TXT to Hailey) Harvey : Is this another thing I shouldn't google because it's too late I'm totally googling it..

(TXT to Hailey) Harvey : OHMYGOD I am wrapping myself in bubble-wrap until the orchard.

(TXT to Harvey) Hailey : I like that mental image

(TXT to Harvey) Hailey : the bubble wrapped Harvey

(TXT to Harvey) Hailey : not the penile fracture

(TXT to Hailey) Harvey : I'll send you a pic later

(TXT to Harvey) Hailey : Ok I should work

(TXT to Hailey) Harvey : Be kind to that poor dude

(TXT to Harvey) Hailey : I will! Poke air-holes in the bubble wrap please or else you'll just be sending snuff porn and no thx