2019-10-15 - Ventilation

(TXT to Lilith) Isabella: Your influence. ::heart emoji::

(TXT to Lilith) Isabella: I probably would have if you didn't really hammer home the fact that we're supposed to find a way to live after this.

(TXT to Lilith) Isabella: Sometimes I need that. It usually takes an army to sway me from a course of action. What about you? How are you? I couldn't quite make out what you put in the casket. Are you okay?

(TXT to Lilith) Isabella: Oh my god, Lil. I didn't know - about your shop girl or your mother's ashes. Is your shop girl going to be alright? I remember when you talked about how you didn't know who she was. Christ, the more I hear about what other people put in there, the angrier I become. I hate the fact that this is what it took and I wish you didn't have to give that up. Oh, Lil...

(TXT to Lilith) Isabella: You, Byron, and Alexander didn't want me to give up my pendant, so I had to find something else. I had to go back into the house and look for...it was a picture of the four of us. My father, my mother, my brother, me. On our sixteenth birthday. It was the last time we were all together. The negatives and everything. I'm never getting it back. It's fitting, in a way. All things considered.

(TXT to Lilith) Isabella: Jesus, Lil. I'm glad she's alright and alive, but that couldn't have been easy, for you or her. Is she in the know? Was she aware of what happened to her?

(TXT to Lilith) Isabella: As for Byron...I don't think he would've done that. He would have chosen something else. As complicated as his situation is right now, I don't think he would've been able to give you up. He never could, I don't think. Even when we were kids and you separated yourself from him out of necessity.

(TXT to Lilith) Isabella: Okay. Just...regarding Katy, if it gets too hard, if you would like to talk about it, we can. God. That fucker really did try his best to ruin everything for the rest of us. I'm sorry it happened. I hate that this happened.

(TXT to Lilith) Isabella: As for Byron and Vivian...

(TXT to Lilith) Isabella: It's always been complicated between them. Has been from the moment I ran into him again and when I met her. I don't know the full history but that's the truth.

(TXT to Lilith) Isabella: Ha ha ha, that's a club I'm definitely right in with you. Like I know anything about relationships, I feel like I'm making it up as I go along half the time. But I think the hard, objective truth is that Byron's loved you his entire life. Has since we were kids and well before we even got to know one another. As much as I like Vivian too, and consider her a friend, if that hasn't changed after all these years, I don't know how that would ever change now.

(TXT to Lilith) Isabella: It is selfish, Lil. It is. But I can't judge that, either. I don't know if I could put myself in your shoes and say I wouldn't do the same things you've done, or feel the same things you do. I know better than most how rare a connection like that really is, and how painful it is to lose it the first time around. Dealing with the prospect of losing it a second time? It'd be too much to bear. I know it would be. I'm living a life still wondering what I would do if I were ever given a chance to turn back time, so...if I'm getting the benefit of experiencing the heartfelt Lilith Winslow, I want her to know that I get it. I do.

(TXT to Lilith) Isabella: Also what the hell, really? You know, Alexander often jokes about how the Captain has sexual tension with everybody he meets, to think that he can actually walk into one of those dreams with a gorgeous woman half-naked in the outset? I knew he was good, I didn't know he was THAT good. ::winky emoticon::

(TXT to Lilith) Isabella: Yeah, I did. They got intense in the end and there was one...it was strange. Different from the others. I can't really quite pinpoint how, or why. Just that it was.

(TXT to Lilith) Isabella: I've been trying to figure it out but my brain feels so fried.

(TXT to Lilith) Isabella: Yeah...that, and not just that. It was definitely invasive, but what I experienced with August was intensely personal, also. But it didn't get that way until we were actually IN there. Like it was just this space, and suddenly things were just getting increasingly....you know? And the distance was strange, too. I was at the coast, August lives in the outskirts of town, we weren't just far away from one another, we were literally on opposite ends of the borders of the city. My prior experiences with Dreams, it was always just people within close proximity, or people who were already connected mentally when it happens. August and I were nothing like that when it happened, so how?

(TXT to Lilith) Isabella: Yeah. It's definitely weird. And this was well before we put Gohl in the ground, so whatever happened when we did THAT can't have been it. Whatever conditions were there, they were pre-existing. BB. Before Burial.

(TXT to Lilith) Isabella: It could be the fever. I know for a fact that this thing's killed thousands of people over the course of a few centuries. Something tells me it's not because people fall deathly ill.

(TXT to Lilith) Isabella: Jesus Lil, that's ridiculously disturbing. What you experienced with the Captain, I mean. And no, it's fine. Honestly the only reason why I hadn't been pestering you was because I knew you were just as bad off as I was, and if anything happened, Byron would be the first to know and the first to be there, and he's a capable guy. Not that I wasn't worrying. I was. About everybody.

(TXT to Lilith) Isabella: For an entire week there, I thought that everyone I knew was falling apart in some way.

(TXT to Lilith) Isabella: He and I were similar that way. I don't think either of us took a breather, even when we were sick. Erin was the smartest one of all of us, I think. She did absolutely NOTHING but rest when she got hit, so when she visited me, finally, to see how I was doing, she looked like a million dollars. I think it's that Addington blood. But that doesn't surprise me about Byron at all.

(TXT to Lilith) Isabella: Alexander was...

(TXT to Lilith) Isabella: (long dots)

(TXT to Lilith) Isabella: I knew there'd be times when the impulse would be too strong, and I wasn't going to chance staying around him when he's like that. I wasn't afraid for me, I was worried about how he would take it if he managed to hurt me. It was always like that with us, even from the beginning. He nearly tore himself apart when he had to overpower me and force me when I was under the influence of the Ring and that was even before...this. Whatever I have with him. To chance that would...it would destroy him. So I didn't risk it. But that meant staying away from him for over two weeks, in a time when I should have been there, or he should have been here. I had to rely on August and that was difficult enough.

(TXT to Lilith) Isabella: And then one afternoon, I said something that set him off, because detectives showed up at my door, and they didn't offer me protection, and he was going to correct them. I managed to yell him down and threaten him to stop by going to where he was. And then he...

(TXT to Lilith) Isabella: Oh, Lil. He said he didn't know if he wanted to live anymore.

(TXT to Lilith) Isabella: And I couldn't be there. I wasn't there.

(TXT to Lilith) Isabella: He seems alright. He's the most straightforward person I know, if you asked him a direct question, he'd answer it honestly, but he'll shut people down also immediately if he doesn't want to talk about something, and if you try to pry, he'll just clam up further. We've had time together since he's able to come back to his own house, but we haven't talked about it. What he said. I intend to, though. I'm grabbing him in a day or two and we're leaving the city for a day. I'll bring it up then.

(TXT to Lilith) Isabella: But it was horrifying, Lil. I left August a frantic voicemail after that to keep an eye on him. I didn't go...I didn't tell him what I told you, only that he needed watching. I'm sure he did. He's a great guy like that, and a good and reliable friend.

(TXT to Lilith) Isabella: I think August just likes feeding people, too. That's what I'm hoping, but I can't chance letting it sit there because...he doesn't like himself. I know that many like him and there's always a part of him that hopes he realizes how important he is to other people, but...if you don't love yourself, with everything going on, it'd be too easy.

(TXT to Lilith) Isabella: Er, a part of ME that hopes he realizes

(TXT to Lilith) Isabella: Christ, I'm sorry Lil. For venting. I've been holding it in for a week, when you asked it just...

(TXT to Lilith) Isabella: But it's over and we can try and get back to our lives, and fix what this broke the best we can. If nothing else, we can sort of breathe again without feeling like the walls are closing in.

(TXT to Lilith) Isabella: Byron's definitely not the only one, not with August trying to feed you, for starters. Always a good sign, there. And there's me. You know I'd always answer the phone if you call, or text...if you needed me. Same with Erin, too. She might even have a bit of a crush after you sensei'd her into discovering her bad self. She needed that, too, more than anything - that sense of empowerment you gave her, and I don't think she's going to forget that anyone soon. As for the sneaky, but clever Scarlet Letter reference, I'm definitely not...I wouldn't have a leg to stand on if I judged your situation. Maybe someone else would have a harsher opinion, but from my own experience, those answers are not cut and dry at all.

(TXT to Lilith) Isabella: I don't know what tomorrow is going to bring - like I said, things with Byron and Vivian have been complicated from the beginning, too. But no matter what happens, I'm here for you, okay?

(TXT to Lilith) Isabella: As for Erin, she's been doing good! She'll tell you herself when you check on her. Losing Geoff hit her pretty hard, but she met someone, if not just to have some fun with. She was happy the last time I texted her.

(TXT to Lilith) Isabella: Er. So wait, some guy who knew Hank came in and asked for a job, but he's a tweaker? I mean, I think you can handle anything. You say you're avoidant, but I think once you have to buckle in and decide to get something done, it gets done. So, I think, it's not a question as to whether you're capable of handling anyone, because you are. I think the question that needs answering is whether you should.

(TXT to Lilith) Isabella: As for the cursed ring...I don't know if I can in good conscience not help out. They could end up like the past borrowers and I don't know if I could live with myself, especially when I know that Magnolia has a kid.

(TXT to Lilith) Isabella: I think there's a way. But I don't think it can be done without practice. I met with them just the other day, and I suggested that they talk to you about apparatus. Things we would need to see if the method actually works.

(TXT to Lilith) Isabella: They said they would, and Mags said that she wanted to see you anyway because she hasn't since the Bridge incident.

(TXT to Lilith) Isabella: ::laugh emoji:: I will. And yeah, I definitely don't want anywhere near the thing, either, and I'm sure Magnolia feels the same. But if we could return it to the rightful owner without cursing ourselves all over again, it'll be gone from where we live. I suppose we could just let it lie, too, but that would mean potentially sacrificing two people we know and leave one child an orphan. And if we don't help out Magnolia, she might get some other people who will - people not as familiar with how ridiculous the ring's hold is as we are. Either way, I don't know if there's any way for that ring NOT to resurface again.

(TXT to Lilith) Isabella: Yeah. We all need a break. I mean, if it helps, I don't think Magnolia and Kevin are in any immediate danger. It isn't like we have time running against us like the last thing we had to deal with, so we at least have that. If there was a timetable, Mags would have told me when I visited her, or she would've been more insistent in doing this now. I think this time around, we should definitely take the window to plot a way to do this very, very, very carefully and I think...we definitely need a time out. Do what we need to in order to right ourselves again and revisit the problem with fresh eyes.

(TXT to Lilith) Isabella: Exactly. Let's catch up with those first and then we'll experiment and go fishing. But first thing's first, you, pretty lady, need some much needed restful sleep, and so do I. So let's do that and we'll talk again soon?

(TXT to Lilith) Isabella: It does. I don't usually do this, so I'm glad you let me, and I'm glad you're able to confide in me. This town is ridiculous, and while we're uniquely equipped to survive and fight its stupidity, we can't do it alone.

(TXT to Lilith) Isabella: But yes, you too. Goodnight, Lil. Stay safe okay?

(TXT to Lilith) Isabella: I will. Promise. ::kissy emoji::