2019-11-13 - Duct Tape, Babe

(TXT to Sutton) Zoiya : I had a dream about you two nights ago.

(TXT to Zoiya) Sutton : oh god. phone scared me. i just woke up from the most... crazy dream. ugh, i fell asleep on my grilled cheese. how are you?

(TXT to Sutton) Zoiya : Grilled cheese? You'll have to explain that. I'm fine.

(TXT to Zoiya) Sutton : i was eating a grilled cheese and then dreamed i was in a Safeway fighting huge viruses with cans of Lysol. and woke up face down in my grilled cheese when you texted

(TXT to Sutton) Zoiya : Babe. You're supposed to eat it, not make a pillow out of it.

(TXT to Zoiya) Sutton : right? butter on your face is a good look for nobody. still tastes good tho

(TXT to Sutton) Zoiya : Tell me what trouble you've been up to?

(TXT to Zoiya) Sutton : ughhhh.

(TXT to Zoiya) Sutton : i took some time off work. i swear they're gonna fire me. i'm headed up to Seattle next week for my brother's memorial anniversary... if i can stay sober long enough

(TXT to Sutton) Zoiya : I doubt you'll get fired.

(TXT to Sutton) Zoiya : Babe. I'm sorry, that's gonna be rough. How are you getting there?

(TXT to Zoiya) Sutton : Javi wants to drive me, but considering we're... having an issue & i drink more every time i think about it, that's probs a bad idea. if i'm sober come Monday i'll figure it out. i'm wrecked rn. i think this dream wasn't normal cos... ow. yeah. yeah it was one of the weird ones. damn I feel funky.

(TXT to Sutton) Zoiya : You sound like you need chocolate, food and booze. Maybe a hug.

(TXT to Sutton) Zoiya : If you need a ride, call me on Monday. I could use a trip to Seattle, for reasons.

(TXT to Zoiya) Sutton : Alistair's given me grilled cheese, tea, and some shit to think about. he hid all my booze. fucking booze finding ninja.

(TXT to Sutton) Zoiya : Seems to me he is trying to do right by you.

(TXT to Sutton) Zoiya : Why don't you let him, just for tonight.

(TXT to Zoiya) Sutton : (bouncing dots)

(TXT to Zoiya) Sutton : ... maybe you're right

(TXT to Sutton) Zoiya : A broken clock can be right twice a day. So can a broken Mae.

(TXT to Sutton) Zoiya : If you don't take me up on the ride, hit me up when you're back. We'll drink to your brother. Safely.

(TXT to Zoiya) Sutton : i can promise the second. the first is fluid and when i wake up Monday, i'm gonna comb my hair, put on my yoga pants, and pack a bag. it might be a caravan. i dunno, i haven't mentioned it to Alistair yet.

(TXT to Sutton) Zoiya : If I can do anything, I'm a text away. I have candy, poptarts, booze and Netflix. The lethal foursome.

(TXT to Zoiya) Sutton : i was thinking about doing some snacking & streaming. tell me how you've been. are you staying healthy this irritatingly long flu season?

(TXT to Sutton) Zoiya : I got sick earlier. Then there was a thing with a dildo. It's complicated. Fine now though.

(TXT to Sutton) Zoiya : Skittles and StrangerThings. These are the boring things that strippers do when they're not strippers.

(TXT to Zoiya) Sutton : oh yes, i haven't watched this season i — wait what? dildo sickness? girl. throw those right in the dishwasher.

(TXT to Sutton) Zoiya : The dildo didn't get me sick, but a thing attacked me with one. It's complicated.

(TXT to Sutton) Zoiya : Do you keep yours under the bed?

(TXT to Zoiya) Sutton : uh.. i keep mine in my bedside drawer where it belongs. i have some blown glass ones i sometimes display on the mantle, but they're packed away. i usually only put them out when i knew my brother was coming over, so he could be horrified.

(TXT to Sutton) Zoiya : I don't have any. I prefer the real thing. I was just wondering.

(TXT to Sutton) Zoiya : Blown fucking glass? I need to see that.

(TXT to Zoiya) Sutton : yeah, they're great. they're really beautiful display pieces. friends started giving them to me as a joke one year, and now i have a collection

(TXT to Sutton) Zoiya : You're a puzzle. Sometimes I wonder if anyone has even tried to put your pieces together.

(TXT to Zoiya) Sutton : hm. mainly they ask me to bed or we fight. every once in a while, somebody who needs it lets me take care of them.

(TXT to Sutton) Zoiya : Those both sound fun, but you probably need more. Do you like taking care of people? Is that why you're a paramedic?

(TXT to Zoiya) Sutton : yeah, i do. i like to step in harms way for them too. i think some people aren't able to do it for themselves... on your worst day, sometimes all you need is a hand to take, to hold, or to help you up. my problem is learning to walk away when someone doesn't want it

(TXT to Sutton) Zoiya : Cheez its. You kept me from wanting to find another way out.

(TXT to Sutton) Zoiya : Girl, when is someone gonna take care of you?

(TXT to Zoiya) Sutton : i don't usually stay and talk, you know. i felt like you needed it and i was not about to leave you

(TXT to Zoiya) Sutton : Alistair takes care of me when i let him. when he's not running from me. actually he... i guess he stopped running. he bought a house a few down from my apartments.

(TXT to Sutton) Zoiya : That wasn't the first time. Until I met you, I wanted it to be the last.

(TXT to Sutton) Zoiya : Is there a reason you don't always let him?

(TXT to Zoiya) Sutton : when it happened to me, i would have, if not for my brother. maybe i saw that in your eyes. i'm so glad you moved here, found people

(TXT to Zoiya) Sutton : he pulls away, keeps his silences, sometimes he lies... i don't know what he wants

(TXT to Sutton) Zoiya : When you figure out what a man wants, it gets boring.

(TXT to Sutton) Zoiya : When is the last time you were happy on your own?

(TXT to Zoiya) Sutton : about 5 minutes before my brother died

(TXT to Zoiya) Sutton : i never dated until i moved here, not the same person, not... regularly. not like to the point they felt any responsibility or... right

(TXT to Sutton) Zoiya : I've never been happy on my own. I don't think I can be.

(TXT to Sutton) Zoiya : What changed since you moved here?

(TXT to Zoiya) Sutton : everybody's different. i think some people need to be with someone. some don't. i need people, but i don't need commitment

(TXT to Zoiya) Sutton : mainly i've been very drunk and emotionally wrecked. i don't like an empty bed.

(TXT to Sutton) Zoiya : So don't have an empty bed, babe.

(TXT to Sutton) Zoiya : Are you tangled right now?

(TXT to Zoiya) Sutton : staying with my best friend. he always gives me a cuddle when i ask

(TXT to Sutton) Zoiya : I mean in general.

(TXT to Zoiya) Sutton : yeah, i have three sometime lovers. one of them's just a palate cleanser, and there are no emotions involved. the other two, tangled. for sure.

(TXT to Sutton) Zoiya : But you don't want to be tangled. Why are you? I mean.. I'm in the same boat.

(TXT to Sutton) Zoiya : I got tangled when I said I wouldn't, not .. I feel stuck.

(TXT to Zoiya) Sutton : yeah. yeah, same. Alistair makes no demands on me, though, so... really it's just the one who told me he wouldn't be mine, not that i asked. ok, i did ask. i asked for two weeks, mostly because i was drunk and, in hindsight, ovulating. and mourning. mostly drunk.

(TXT to Zoiya) Sutton : wow, maybe i should stop drinking

(TXT to Zoiya) Sutton : yeah even as i typed that i knew it wasn't going to happen

(TXT to Sutton) Zoiya : Babe..

(TXT to Sutton) Zoiya : You sound like you need a shoulder rub and an ear.

(TXT to Zoiya) Sutton : a hot stone massage would be fantastic. probably i need one of those and a chocolate lava cake binge. you?

(TXT to Sutton) Zoiya : I need to clear my head.

(TXT to Sutton) Zoiya : I can't offer stone massages. I do have massage oil and crab cakes.

(TXT to Zoiya) Sutton : i do like crab cakes & massages

(TXT to Zoiya) Sutton : how about you and yours... have you talked about wanting to pump the brakes?

(TXT to Sutton) Zoiya : Yeah. He's willing to do what it takes to make me happy. I feel.. like I'm just hurting on him.

(TXT to Sutton) Zoiya : He.. said something the other day that upset me.

(TXT to Sutton) Zoiya : I'm not sure if it's because of how he said it, but he wants to be invisible. Said that I'm more important than he is.

(TXT to Zoiya) Sutton : that's... i wouldn't know how to take that either

(TXT to Sutton) Zoiya : Precisely why I need ..a breath or two.

(TXT to Sutton) Zoiya : I would like him to see that he's important, but I'm not sure how to do it and stay.. me.

(TXT to Zoiya) Sutton : did he feel that way before you told him... is this a him thing or a him not understanding not everyone's build for limitations?

(TXT to Sutton) Zoiya : I don't know if he felt that way. I feel like I'm breaking him now though.

(TXT to Zoiya) Sutton : in a way... in a way i feel like that too, but i also feel if i stay with mine, it'll break me. eventually. he'll take his life or give it away.

(TXT to Sutton) Zoiya : I think that taking care of others is a great, selfless way to be..

(TXT to Sutton) Zoiya : Not at your expense. You deserve happiness too.

(TXT to Zoiya) Sutton : so do you, love. so do you.

(TXT to Sutton) Zoiya : Yet, neither of us will let ourselves have it, not completely.

(TXT to Zoiya) Sutton : what's wrong with us?

(TXT to Sutton) Zoiya : honestly? maybe after things that's happened to us, we think we don't deserve it.

(TXT to Sutton) Zoiya : maybe that's just me though

(TXT to Zoiya) Sutton : mmm. no, it's not. it's not just you.

(TXT to Sutton) Zoiya : i think you and i need to talk

(TXT to Zoiya) Sutton : do you work tomorrow night?

(TXT to Sutton) Zoiya : no, took tomorrow off.. decided to lay off sin for one night

(TXT to Zoiya) Sutton : meet me at TIBS for a drink by the fire pits?

(TXT to Sutton) Zoiya : i'll be there, bells on.. or at least, a warm jacket

(TXT to Sutton) Zoiya : i'll even bring you a crab cake

(TXT to Zoiya) Sutton : if it gets too cold, there's Sweet Retreat or Fried Fish on the boardwalk. yum, crabby cakes

(TXT to Sutton) Zoiya : we'll figure something out

(TXT to Sutton) Zoiya : gonna go crawl in bed with Dyls. girl.. let that man take care of you, for tonight at least

(TXT to Zoiya) Sutton : yeah, i'll think about it. if he stops being infuriating for five seconds. sleep sweet

(TXT to Sutton) Zoiya : duct tape babe...it stops the infuriating, trust me

(TXT to Zoiya) Sutton : mhm. good point.