2020-03-27 - Sound Advice

It's been a while since Sparrow and Nicole have caught up face-to-face over anything beyond touching up the dark roots of her now-blonde hair, which is never ideal given that there are other clients and coworkers to distract from actual conversation. So, today, it's coffee outside of home or work. Sparrow's picked out a table just big enough for the two of them, where she currently waits. She's wearing her new favorite hoodie, even if it's a little creepy, black with eyes of different sizes clustered together on the arms from wrists to elbows, a couple more on the front at chest or hip. It's unzippered enough to show the pink tee shirt she wears below, the profile of a woman's face in blue showing the top portion of a larger design otherwise hidden beneath the jacket. Jeans, sneakers, a dusting of bluish color on her eyelids. Casual, sure, but put-together. Her usual MO.

She's got her hands around a mug with something fairly pale inside, still steaming, the nearby muffin--is that oatbran?--still untouched. Her phone sits face down, notifications hidden, while she stares out the window, her thoughts almost certainly somewhere else.

It's spring! The melting snow and slightly warmer temperatures have put a spring (ha ha) in Nicole's step today. Gone is the black puff jacket and layers of hat, scarves, gloves, boots. In their place she wears her long hair flowing free in its tumbled waves she is known for, a black leather jacket over a denim blue cable style loose knit sweater, the return of her broomstick skirts is marked with a pretty floral patchwork in cream and blue tones to match the sweater, and on her feet... blue low top Converse All-Stars.

She walks into the shop and spots Sparrow right away, waving in her direction. "Let me get my drink, then I'll come settle in." Heading to the counter, she orders a fragrant lightly floral and citrusy tea, hot because it is still chilly, and a slice of lemon pound cake to go with before heading over to the table. Easing into the seat across from Sparrow, she smiles. "Hey, Chica. How's things in the land of birds?"

Sparrow catches Nicole's approach through the window before the door opens, a bright smile readily turned her way. For all that she seems a little more low energy than usual today, there's no particular gloom dragging her down. Hell, she's happy to be drawn out of her own thoughts, reminded where she is, that she's holding a cup of coffee in need of some sipping before it goes cold. "Heya, gorgeous," comes her half-lidded hello when her friend settles in across from her, shoulders shrugging up in answer to the question before any verbal response spills out. "Iunno. Good mostly? AJ's schedule's letting up, so. Getting more of him in my life makes, oh. Everything better." The dopey smile confirms that, even short-lived as it is. "Still shaking off the winter weight, though, ya know?" Not that she appears to have put on any pounds despite how she eats. "Trying not to get lost in my own head." That has her expression flattening for a second before she pushes on, redirects. "How about you? Feels like for-fucking-ever since we've talked."

"I love your hoodie," Nicole says with a smile. "Oh! Good to hear about AJ." She chuckles a little at the look on Sparrow's face then nods. "Getting lost in your own head is far too easy for most people.' She stirs her tea and pulls the bag out, setting it aside and taking a nibble of pound cake. With it still in her mouth, she says, "sorry. Starving. So what's all up in that pretty head of yours?"

Sparrow gives her shoulders a twist this way then that as if to show off said hoodie even though it does, oh, nothing whatsoever to that effect. Still, it implies a 'thank you' that she doesn't actually voice. "Don't overthink is kinda my motto?" sounds uncertain, like she's having a hard time running with it lately. There's more coming, a full answer to the curiosity, but not until after she gives Nicole a look that says you could've gotten out of this. A door had been provided.

"But." She draws a breath as her gaze skirts off toward the window without really looking out at much of anything. "Still kinda stinging over the way things went with Bond. Partly cuz I really fucking liked him. Like. A lot. But partly cuz I've got all these weird feelings popping up about other people because of how that all went down." When she looks back to Nicole, she explains, "Like expressing how I feel, ya know? Cuz talking with him got so weird after we said certain words." She flashes a smirk. "Which, yeah, you can probably get in a told-you-so right there. But it's not just that, ya know? It's the age thing, too. And the weird stuff. And, uh." The left corner of her lips twitches sharply upward. "Interpersonal dynamics." Whatever that means.

"I remember, "Nicole nods towards Sparrow. "You said that to me quite a few times regarding Joey. So... why are you overthinking things?" Her head tilts, then, at the look she is given from Sparrow, her brow arches. Oh oh. What is she in for? As Sparrow talks, Nicole listens, and closely, her shifting expressions riding the wave of the tale; a wrinkled nose and a nod followed by another arched brow. She bites her lip though, instead of saying 'I told you so'. Instead, whispers, "certain words are the devil's tools." She pauses then says, "the age thing? What, is there another older man? As much guff as I gave you, in general, age is just a number. Just with him, it seemed like more than just that. He was sooooo... I mean, on paper, you guys seemed nothing alike. So it was like, age and general personality? I dunno. But I've met older people that seem far younger than their age..." She stops then. "Ugh. Weird stuff.... don't let that affect your actual life. Whatever the weird is, the not weird is ours, not theirs to play with. Don't let them.... What does that mean? Interpersonal dynamics? Like, talking?"

"Cuz I'm dumb," Sparrow offers in answer to Nicole's first question like it's the most obvious thing in the world, just barely resisting sticking out her tongue. At least it brings her smile back. With a snort of laughter, she provides a quiet, "Right?" for the whispered words, clearly something she's learned of late. "Think I kinda got caught up in how good it felt after the first time, ya know? With AJ? And it is a really weird high to be chasing." Eyes go wide as she adds, "Super-destructive," with both hands pulling from her coffee cup to make low-key explosion motions. She doesn't go back to her mug then, fingers instead angling for her muffin to start picking at that while she talks.

"But you're prolly right about the age thing," she concedes. "There was definitely enough commonality to keep things fun for a while, but once we started getting serious?" She shakes her head. "So much disconnect. In the way we communicate, mostly, but." Not just that. She doesn't need to list out what Nicole already knows. With a faint smirk and a little dip of her head, she concedes, "But yeah. Guess there's kinda another older guy. Isn't there always?" She can't help the self-directed eyeroll. "As to the, uh. Dynamics? I mean sex. Power dynamics. Who's holding whose leash. So to speak." Though it looks like she has more to say on that, when the brief pause gives way to more babbling, it's to circle back to the even stranger topic. "And the Weird's a factor whether I want it to be or not. I mean, what am I supposed to do when someone I maybe care about volunteers for excursions into the awful? Do I open up Pandora's Box just to say something or. Just. Let it go and nope out when it gets too weird. If he doesn't get disappeared first."

'Pfft' comes the eloquent response from Nicole after she takes a sip from her tea, setting it down carefully. "Chemist girl says she's dumb." Shaking her head she says, "you are not dumb. But yeah, don't go chasing that high. Sometimes, like AJ, it works out great.. but like, you want to know to a certain degree how great it will be before saying it. I think. Not that it changes the hurt if it doesn't work out really... because what ever emotions are there are there, but, saying it is... different. It adds... permanence. I dunno... but don't chase it. let it come to you."

Chuckling, she asks, "I don't know, is there always another older guy? I mean, I guess Joey is a little older than me... So..." She stops to listen some more. "Ohhhhh...." Her chin raises and lowers slowly in one very long nod. "So there is a decided uh... leash holder?" And then things get weird. A small smile creeps onto Nicole's lips. "You.... do what I do?" She shrugs a bit. "Can you imagine if I tried telling Joey Kelly no, don't do that, it's too dangerous? It's something he was concerned about, sort of. Like, he didn't want me to worry, or worse... have to be told something extremely bad, the worst happened." A bit of glistening moisture begins to dance in Nicole's eyes. "The thing is, even without the weird. We never know when shit might happen... not to them, not to ourselves. So what do you do? You kiss them and ask them to please be as careful as can be, that you want them to come back to you, or... you go with. And if it gets too weird for you to handle... do what you ahve to do. Control your life, not theirs."

Sparrow murmurs a quiet, resigned, "Yeah," in answer to Nicole's insight on those dangerous words, on the rush which comes from speaking them. Chances are, she'll be mulling all that over for a few days. Just thinking. Totally not overthinking. The quip back about older men gets a roll of her eyes, but no proper answer. Unlike when asked who the leash-holder is. That has her pointing to herself with an expression that reads is that not obvious?

But then she's getting into the more troubling stuff, and the amusement fades from Sparrow's features. Her brows furrow curiously at that hint of glistening in Nicole's eyes, but she doesn't interrupt. Not even when she pulls a face at the prospect of going with, clearly not her favorite idea. Those closing words ring true, though, something in her head clearly clicking. Another, "Yeah," comes, just as softly, but this one's a prelude to a longer answer. "I guess I just. I mean. That's what Yule and I were talking about the last time we, like. Really talked. Before I just walked out. I know I was being kinda an asshole about it, but." A shallow scowl forms as she goes on. "He knew fuckall before I clued him in, right? I gave him language to talk about this stuff. And then he just. I dunno." One hand waves in a sweeping gesture. "Charges headlong into stupidity, and I don't wanna say pull up cuz. Uh. Have you met me? But at the same time? Like. Pumping the brakes isn't a bad thing when the alternative is, I mean. Apparently, getting blown up. But hey! Crutches are better than death, right?"

She tries to dismiss that all with a shake of her head, refocusing on more immediate worries. "I just don't want to share what I know with Cris only to watch him use it like a dumbass, too. I don't want to enable dumbassery. And, yeah, maybe I don't wanna be left behind either. Cuz Yule totally fucking did. Like he couldn't take me seriously. Like he didn't trust me. Which is fine. Another reason we didn't work." Pointing up at her face, at the unamused face she's making, she points out unnecessarily, "I'm still angry." When that hand comes down, it's with a dismissive gesture, brushing all that bitterness aside. "So. Do you go with Joey when he goes scary places?"

"Hey, how am I supposed to know? Some people bring it different sides of other people." Nicole shrugs, talking about leashes. She sips on her tea as Sparrow continues, talking about her time with Yule and how it complicates the now. She doesn't interrupt, waiting until it is all said and Sparrow asks about Joey before she begins.

"You might not like what I have to say here, but you know me. I tell it how I see it, generally speaking. So... Yule was clueless, and you gave him the clues. You gave him the terminology, the how, the what. You piqued his interest and he realized he was -very- interested in it all. So, you inspired him to go forth and learn all he could, teach others, experience it for himself. And it makes you angry? But... why? The weird stuff is not yours. It is around us all. some know more about it than others. You know way more than I do, so does he, probably. Others have experienced it more than others. So... my question is... why, exactly, are you angry over this in particular? Because he did something risky? Like... you don't?" She tilts her head, looking towards her friend. "Because he did it without you? Without asking you? I'm just... I'm your ride or die, but I am just not sure about the why here."

"I mean... Joey got blown up, or, covered in shrapnel. Why? Cuz he volunteered in a dream. A very dangerous dream. I wasn't there. He volunteered. He was in bad shape. Crutches are better than death. Stitches are better than death. Enjoying the moments we have while alive and not worrying about what might bring death when we might step outside and get hit by a drunk driver and die... is better than worrying about what might happen."

"Not saying it's good to be reckless. I try not to be. And I hope Joey you know, thinks he has something to live for... but, I'm not going to stop him. It's not going to make me angry..."

She stops and lets out a soft sigh, reaching across to touch Sparrow's hand. "Cris doesn't know about stuff already? He's been here in town awhile. I always just assume people know more than me. But here's another question. If you share what you know, and he is excited by it, goes head first right into it all.... Well, at least he did so with the knowledge. On the other hand, if he gets caught up in something like people do, like I have found myself in situations a few times when I knew nothing at all... If you didn't share... what if something happens because he simply didn't have the know how to make the outcome a better one?"

"And no, it is not fine if Yule didn't trust you. Trust is one of the most important parts of a relationship. And that part... I get why it would make you angry. But if you don't want to be left behind... go with."

Nodding, Nicole says more softly, "yes, when I can, when I know... but, he is protective, and I know in some situations it would be worse for him if I were there. But... I would, I have. I have even surprised myself at times with what I manage to do. Is it frightening? Yes... because." Because... because why? "Because I really... he's very important to me. I do not want to lose him, in any possible way. My life feels right with him in it right now. If he got into something like that, and it did not end in just stitches or crutches and he didn't come back to me... " There's that glistening again and she looks up towards the ceiling. "I would likely feel many emotions, angry would be one of them... but not towards him. I would want revenge on who did it."

"Becuase I held his hand and he dropped mine," Sparrow answers plainly, directly when Nicole asks after her anger. "Because there's a difference between risky and just fucking dumb. Because he kept talking down to me." Okay, yeah, so. Maybe that's really the problem, the perceived condescension. She rolls her eyes and follows that movement off to the side, attention elsewhere as she listens to the abridged version of Joey and the Shrapnel, but the touch to her hand pulls her focus back, her jaw still tight with irritation. She keeps quiet for the rest, just watching, staring. And when the answer ends with all that emotion, she leans in, not to comfort, but to drop her voice to a lower volume as she tells her friend in a firm, even tone, "And I would tie your hot ass up, throw you in my backseat and get you the fuck out of here before you could do something stupid. Cuz that's fucking stupid."

With a sniffle, she leans back in her, one arm crossing over her chest while her other hand still picks at her muffin. "Not that I don't get what you're saying." In a quieter grumble, she adds, "And not that I'm not promising you couldn't convince me to go balls deep into your revenge story with you and turn the car around so we can go all Sarah Connor--" She gestures toward Nicole, then toward herself. "--and Samus on the fucker. Just. I mean. I'd rather keep you alive than do the thing that's gonna get us both killed." The hand curled about her ribs drops, though her tension doesn't quite go with it, irritation still making a tight line of that well-defined jaw of hers. Even when she makes a sour face and sighs. "Mostly? I'm afraid that talking about it's gonna fuck up what we've got. It's serious. It's a serious talk. And, yeah, I wanna have serious talks with the people in my life. I wanna be able to talk about anything and everything! But I'm so fucking gunshy right now cuz of how bad the last attempt went, and it's dumb! I know it's dumb." Shoulders that had crept up nearly to her ears drop as her pitch does, as she finally lets go of that aggravation. "I know it's dumb," she repeats, softer this time. "I just don't want the fun to stop being fun just cuz I want more. Cuz that's dumb too."

"Ah.." Nicole says with a slow nod, understanding a bit more. "So it is less about the risk and weirdness, more about... he didn't treat you fully as an equal?" She assumes from the 'talking down' comment. "And yes, there is a bit of difference between risk and dumb... but the lines blur and what might be dumb for one person, might not be so much for someone else. Like, even some of the things you do, no way would I. For me, it's too unknown, too risky, too much taunting fate. For you... you know the risks, but it is not too much, because you have learned about it and believe you are doing things safely. Just the example that popped into my head. Another example... some people thought it was dumb to take off out of here when I turned 18 with no plan, not a ton of money, one suitcase and a broke ass car. For me... it was what I needed. Did it all go well? Fuck no. Some of it was scarring... like crutches or stitches but on the emotional side. Well, some physical too, but anyway... My point is, who gets to decide what is just risky and what is dumb?"

"And you know if I was dead set on revenge, you'd be there with me. But we'd plan it out, not just run in all amok."

"Amok amok amok." Nicole grins. "Sorry. I can't say that word and not have it pop in my head. Anyway... I would rather stay alive, I promise you. And I would rather you stay alive, and Joey, and everyone else we care about. But I can't make their choices for them... I mean." She levels a look at Sparrow. "If I tried to tell you what to do or not do...." She chuckles. "You are a free bird. I can tell you my thoughts. You might listen to them and change your mind, or you might not. Right? "

Listening some more as Sparrow works through what troubles her, she finishes off her cake before speaking. "The main thing is.... Cris isn't Yule. Don't look back over your shoulder towards the past with Yule and think that is going to be the future with Cris. Entirely different people. Perhaps take it slow. Gauge his reactions with the not so serious weird stuff before diving in. Move slowly towards more on a relationship level if more is what you want. Or.... and I heard this from someone before... I wonder who..." She turns her head and gives Sparrow the sideeye. "Don't overthink things. Just... enjoy the ride and see where it takes you. Right? Don't worry about the whatifs or write the script of how he might react to things... let him show you. Let him be him, and you be you. That's what drew you to him, right? Him being him? Enjoy the fun, don't force the more... let it just happen."

"Amok amok amok," spills from Sparrow with a giggle, that reflex certainly shared. It breaks the broody tension with which she'd been listening to Nicole and all that fine, rational advice which butts up against all the irrational, emotional worry. The only interjection she offers is an incomplete, "Yeah, but..." on the wake of the point about freedom. She's not just a free bird; she's very used to being the Mama Bird and telling others what to do, giving stern looks and getting her way.

When Nicole points out that the two men in question aren't the same, Sparrow snorts a laugh, a little smile lingering now. Even when she rolls her eyes at her own advice being turned back on her. "I mean. I know you're right. I know it." The impending but can be felt in the pause, preceded by a sigh. "It's just been a long winter. The conference was hard. Good, yeah. Phenomenal, really! But hard." Given that it was Yule's Christmas present to her, that it spoke to how well he understood her. Mostly. Sort of. Almost. "And I've just been a mess since I got home." Her brows pitch upward as she says, "This? This is me in a good place. Working through it." Which she knows is not her usual good place. Softer, she adds, "But thanks. Really. You're right. I just need to get out of my head and stop thinking and just do and everything'll... well. It'll be fine or it won't, right?" And neither of those sound so awful. "Anyway! How are you, beautiful? Did I mention how good you look today? So into it."

Nicole gives a sympathetic look to Sparrow when she talks about the conference being a good experience, but very hard. "I can understand that... and it -has- been a very long winter, but it's spring now, and if you are a mess...." She smiles. Oh oh. Cheese warning. "Then it's time for some spring cleaning." She grins wider and wiggles a brow at Sparrow. Spring cleaning. Get it? Huh? "But seriously... I want you in a great place, not just a good place, especially if this is your good place, so... if I can help, let me know." She nods and says, "yep. Just do."

"Me? I am good. And of course I look good today. Even on my worst days, I make looking bad look sexy." She winks, she's not really quite that vain. "I am happy that winter is over. Got a bit used to not having to deal with them, so I am looking forward to warmer weather, and maybe stealing Joey out to the beach at some point... though that's a good few months off. Flowers blooming. That will be nice." Will it, Nicole? WILL IT?

Sparrow snorts a laugh for the cheese, answering that challenge with an arch of her brows. And a rather thoughtful, "Yeah. Maybe," like she might already have some ideas about what that means in this context. "Just gotta figure out what to get rid of, what to clean off and keep..." With a potentially self-deprecating roll of her eyes, she adds, "Quickly. Without overthinking it."

Given the grin that rises when Nicole talks about her style, there's a very good chance Sparrow's taken bad in a very particular context. And she doesn't disagree. "You better wear the pants when we go on our next adventure." Beat. "Cuz it's adventuring season, and I've got some ideas. Just..." The left corner of her lips quicks up a bit. "Got some cleaning to do first. Mine and for the house. Not that I'm touching anything blooming." Nevermind that she's the one with some untapped talent for it. "The garden's all Corey. Hoping the bush out front grows in right, through. It's had that weird dent in it since AJ's mattress fell on it in August." Yeah, if she knew at all how connected she could be with plants, she might've fixed that by now. "But. Speaking of. We're thinking about doing another movie night soon. I know I keep saying that, but. With the holidays over and all? Pretty sure I can make good. Just... not sure what it's gonna look like right now. Neighbors are all busy and quiet. And who knows what my social life will look like once I finish my cleaning, but. Still. We need some reconnecting."

"Those pants.... oh my God. Those pants are... hot. I feel like Black Widow in those things. Like I can kick a dozen Russian's asses then share a scotch with a hot secret spy who tipped me off to their location, then fly to London to hunt down some alien terrorists." Nicole grins crookedly and adds, "and, when I wear them, I swear I see Joey salivating. What adventures do we have in store?" Nicole blinks, tilts her head and reaches up to scratch right behind her ear. "Uh... his mattress did what?" She nods then and says, "yes. Lots of people need reconnecting. I don't want to hermit again!"

"I'll be your hot secret spy anytime, baby," Sparrow croons, choosing to happily ignore the fact that there is nothing subtle enough about her to allow her to pull off that roll even remotely convincingly. It's all make-believe, right? When asked after their impending adventures, her eyes go wide, and she insists, "I can't tell you that! Half the adventure is the surprise!" With a little wobble of her head, she concedes, "Well, not half. Would be a shit adventure if it relied primarily on surprise, but. Still. It's important. Just wear those pants and some good walking shoes, alright?" Her dark brows get a cheesy waggle, and she leaves it at that. No date. No time. Just a nebulous, unspoken soon. "And his mattress," she begins like this might be some salacious story before dropping into a drier tone. "Just fell on one of the bushes out front while we were moving in. It's dented. Wonky. I wanna say it gives the place character, but. Mostly it just looks weird." After popping some muffin past her lips, she asks, "Cult comedy or action classic?" of their movie selections.

Grinning at Sparrow, Nicole winks at the now-blonde. But when it is suggested that she wear good walking shoes, her brow furrows. "What good walking shoes go with those pants?" She thinks a moment, then shrugs. "Probably just wear my boots.. but, alright. Whenever, just let me know." She lets out a chuckle and says, "I totally expected a better story than that... As for movie? I vote action this time. Total action."

It's been a while since she sat with her friend, so she stays there for as long as the two of them can. She even goes so far to get another drink as they chat, offering to buy Sparrow one as well.