2020-08-13 - Of Course You Know This Means War
Bagel cannons and bureaucracy, weaponry of champions.
IC Date: 2020-08-13
OOC Date: 2020-02-03
Location: In The Ether
Related Scenes: 2020-02-17 - Gnomeowners Association 2020-08-13 - Heavy Ordinance
Plot: None
Scene Number: 5053
(TXT to Vyv) Grant: 
(TXT to Vyv) Grant: Vyv! Do you have access to a bagel canon?
(TXT to Grant) Vyv: If that's what that is, no. If that's not what that is... also no.
(TXT to Grant) Vyv: What is the bagel canon? Plain, salt, egg, and poppyseed, possibly with a cinnamon raisin heresy?
(TXT to Vyv) Grant: 😐
(TXT to Vyv) Grant: It's a canon that launches bagels in all of their aerodynamic high impact glory, Vyv
(TXT to Grant) Vyv: This leaves me with several questions.
(TXT to Grant) Vyv: What do you intend to launch bagels at?
(TXT to Vyv) Grant: Whom.
(TXT to Grant) Vyv: Why bagels and not donuts or more standardly water balloons or the like?
(TXT to Vyv) Grant: and the answer is the bag of dicks across teh lot.
(TXT to Vyv) Grant: Donuts didn't prove to hold up to the wind and were oft on impact
(TXT to Vyv) Grant: Water balloons would explode coming out of the canon
(TXT to Grant) Vyv: All right, AT WHOM-- ah. All right, I only saw their lair but that seems to check out.
(TXT to Grant) Vyv: I'm fairly sure there are cannons intended for water balloons.
(TXT to Grant) Vyv: I know there are huge slingshots for it.
(TXT to Vyv) Grant: I don't think it'll work great with a bagel tho
(TXT to Grant) Vyv: This seems like a waste of probably passable baked goods. Or else of money.
(TXT to Grant) Vyv: Further question, what leads you to imagine I would own a cannon dedicated to the hurling of boiled and baked breads?
(TXT to Vyv) Grant: Oh I never did
(TXT to Vyv) Grant: Hence why i asked if you had access
(TXT to Grant) Vyv: ...
(TXT to Vyv) Grant: If I thought you had one I'd straight up ask to borrow it
(TXT to Grant) Vyv: Yes, all right, I will allow that IS what you asked. Fair enough.
(TXT to Grant) Vyv: What did the bag of dicks do?
(TXT to Vyv) Grant: Soooo we're working on this new piece and he goes and tells the landlord to make me stop working on my new art piece calling it a fire hazard and gets the lot manager to come and have a talk with us.
(TXT to Grant) Vyv: Tell me about the new piece.
(TXT to Vyv) Grant: (sends picture of what looks like it might have been a propane tank once or at least shaped like it presently in the state of having circular holes the in the side and having a larger ring getting soldered onto the top.)
(TXT to Vyv) Grant: My buddy Josh was doing a job and they found this thing half buried and we thought hey it'd make a cool bomb shelter
(TXT to Vyv) Grant: Well that was like early last summer and he moves to Arizona and it got left so we hauled it over and I'm working on making a submarine.
(TXT to Grant) Vyv: Why is the neighbour saying fire hazard? Because of the soldering? I assume you've washed and aired the thing out or whatever one does to make sure something like that's safely empty.
(TXT to Vyv) Grant: it's over 14 months old and he is allergic to art and fun
(TXT to Grant) Vyv: Mm. What would the essential aim of bagel bombardment be?
(TXT to Grant) Vyv: I don't have a bagel cannon, but perhaps there's some other option available.
(TXT to Grant) Vyv: I'm fairly sure we could engineer a spaghetti catapult, for example. Less aerodynamic but I suspect it splats nicely.
(TXT to Vyv) Grant: confectionary concussion
Confussion?
(TXT to Grant) Vyv: Carbohydrate cannonade.
(TXT to Vyv) Grant: That legit made me laugh
(TXT to Grant) Vyv: Good.
(TXT to Grant) Vyv: There's always just me taking you out to dinner, also. Possibly less of an effect on him, but you might enjoy it.
(TXT to Vyv) Grant: Vyv?
(TXT to Grant) Vyv: Hm. Also, give me his address.
(TXT to Grant) Vyv: Mm?
(TXT to Vyv) Grant: Thanks for having my back ❤️
(TXT to Vyv) Grant: 538 Huckleberry Lot 9
(TXT to Vyv) Grant: You think maybe birdseed all over his roof when he's not home?
(TXT to Grant) Vyv: Always. ❤️ And thank you.
(TXT to Grant) Vyv: So that birds and squirrels will run all over his roof for a week? Promising.
(TXT to Vyv) Grant: What can I say you're inspiring me to think outside of my usual direct trajectory
(TXT to Grant) Vyv: Always happy to be your muse, darling.
(TXT to Grant) Vyv: I don't think anyone's got a leg to stand on complaining about the sculpture as long as it's on property you've a right to. You're not too near any gas lines and you're not nearing any power lines, are you?
(TXT to Grant) Vyv: While I'm at it: #9 doesn't happen to have lawn gnomes, does it?
(TXT to Vyv) Grant: I dunno? I haven't checked.
(TXT to Vyv) Grant: Why you need one? They seemed a bit Cotswold kitchy for you
(TXT to Grant) Vyv: God, no. Seven flavours of no. Possibly eight.
(TXT to Vyv) Grant: Oh thnak god
(TXT to Vyv) Grant: I thought someone stole your phone for a moment
(TXT to Grant) Vyv: Did you know there are living ones across the Veil? They're apparently into bestowing seriously acidic golden showers. Put Hya's brother into the hospital some months back.
(TXT to Vyv) Grant: Well tehre's pretty much everything over there so that doesn't surprise me. That sucks though. Consent is important with kinks
(TXT to Vyv) Grant: also research
(TXT to Grant) Vyv: I don't believe he'd been asked his opinion on the matter first, no.
(TXT to Grant) Vyv: Anyway. Lawn gnomes aren't illegal yet, but Hya's working on it.
(TXT to Vyv) Grant: What's this have to do with Lot 9
(TXT to Vyv) Grant: Seriously did you steal Vyv's phone?
(TXT to Vyv) Grant: It's hella unwise man
(TXT to Grant) Vyv: Look.
(TXT to Grant) Vyv: He who lives by the ordinance dies by the ordinance.
(TXT to Grant) Vyv: If he wants to play the rule weaponization game I virtually guarantee you I am better at it than he is. Particularly if he can't effectively argue a fire hazard.
(TXT to Vyv) Grant: You are amazing you know that? Give me a call 30 min before heading over. I wanna shower and get paint off of me
(TXT to Grant) Vyv: I think that can be arranged. Oh, and if you happen to have access to a copy of the lease and any rules the park has itself, that would be handy, too.
(TXT to Vyv) Grant: You are asking a lot of a guy who doesn't wake up before 1 in teh afternoon you know that?
(TXT to Grant) Vyv: But I don't ask more than I think he's capable of.
(TXT to Grant) Vyv: Anyway, I know for a fact sometimes you wake a good deal earlier.
(TXT to Vyv) Grant: Heh just don't tell anyone because then they'll expect me to do things >_<
(TXT to Vyv) Grant: See you when you get here ❤️
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