2020-10-19 - Dear Iggy #11 -- (Valentine's Day)

Questionable Advice Column
- Ignacio deSantos
Where I'm not licenced to solicit advice, I'm just paid to

Happy Valentine’s Day, Neighbors.

As I’m taking care of family business, my sisters wedding (Muchas felicidades!), and sadly some unfortunate, local news. For those of you who read Section A of this paper it will not be new nws, but I wish to take this moment to pay respects to my editor this last half year, Harvey O’Donnell. You crappy bastard, you deserved better. Also yes, I just typed that because you can’t smack me on the head with the paper and say ‘De Santos, nice try. Remove it.’ We’ll miss you, man.

So in other news while I was out it was Valentine’s Day, and my birthday. Everyone’s always telling my mom that’s a romantic way to spend the holiday bringing a child into the wold. I can’t help but to think: What is wrong with these people?! Because nothing says romance like fighting and being kicked from inside out and having the winner scream at you. Great. What were you thinking, dad?

Anyways, taking a break from the format I did get this letter that put a lo of care and attention to detail into it and I wanted to put some time into answering. Also without an editor babysitting me right now this is what we get:

Dear Mr. de Santos,
I am a longtime reader, but first-time correspondent to your marvelous column and before I pose my question, I would like to take the opportunity to laud you for the admirable mission and purpose of your journalistic endeavours. It is always heartening to witness a concerned citizen reach out to his own community in an effort to make better the lives of those who operate within it. I hope that those who read and write you regularly appreciate just how necessary you and people like you are in a city like Gray Harbor, fraught with its very unique problems as it is.

My own research indicated that before your turn as a journalist, you were a satirical author of some repute. I have, indeed, purchased a few of your "self-help" parodies and enjoyed every single one, but I hope that you would indulge my burning curiosity by indicating whether you have ever given a thought of penning your own story. I understand that given your current project's aim that you might be hesitant in taking the center stage, when you would clearly prefer to focus on other people's lives and problems, but my inquiring mind would like to know.

Sincerely,
A Secret Admirer

p.s. I hope that you would also accept my well-wishes and salutations for your name day. How delightfully appropriate that you were born in a day that celebrates Love, when you have clearly taken up the heroic task of nurturing and spreading it.

Dear Secret,

For one, muchos gracias. I really appreciate hearing that what I’ve done reaches people. And to all you hardworking people at Espresso Yourself, and my physical therapist I threaten to bite on a regular basis for making me do leg lifts? YOU too are appreciated.

So have I given thought to penning my personal story? Sad as it is those self-help books are entirely autobiographical. I’d feel like a total [REDACTED} if I didn’t write what I know. (Really? Even without Harvey here WHO is editing me?!?) The truth is I don’t much care for disingenuous people and it’s sort of been a humbling experience for me being honest about my faults so I can fix them and also help others know that while they are not perfect they are far, far from alone.

Do I deflect by helping others? Well yeah. I think we all do that, and the trick is: don’t fault others for being faulty. Difficult is damn difficult. Not all scars are visible. Money doesn’t mean you don’t have problems. Maybe it is appropriate I was born on the day I was. You do NOT need a significant other to love or be loved. Where I come from we take care of our neighbors. Here in Gray Harbor little by little these events? The nightmares and tragedies could tear us into a husk of a beautiful city, but like all the Whos in Whoville somehow it doesn’t.

So next week we’ll be back to our format you’re used to where you all write me with your burning questions and I use as much salt and care as I can to get you a good answer. And until then? Here’s my advice to you all because you are my community and I love your faces:

If you have lawn gnomes get rid of them. In case. Just… trust me on this.
If you have bird soup of any sort it’s best to follow the instructions on the label before you wind up with chickie noodles exploded all over your damn kitchen.

I’m going to go settle back into being home. Start sending in your questions now. It’s cold out. I’m typing slow to respond. Life’s harder a year older, yo. And to our guest writer-inner this week, please do feel free to PM me or hit me up for coffee sometime if you have thoughts you’d like to catch up on.

Take care of one another
Iggy out