2021-05-26 - S.O.S. - Save Our Soup!

(TXT to Ravn) Grant : Hey. I need some advice. I didn't know who to ask and dad's stuck in court all day. Also, how you holding up?

(TXT to Grant) Ravn : IF YOU EVER GET A BOAT, NEVER LET A WOMAN ON BOARD YOUR BOAT.

(TXT to Grant) Ravn : Ahem. I'm all right. Where's the fire?

(TXT to Ravn) Grant : Please tell me you don't have drunk hookers passed out on your boat thinking it's the old boat. Cause I'll call my cuz and we'll bring the wheelbarrow. Just lemme know.

(TXT to Grant) Ravn : No, I just have one guy thinking I'm banging his fiancee, a woman thinking I was trying to set her up for a date with another woman, and that other woman pissed off I didn't try to kiss her after she specifically told me she was Not Interested. I blame the boat all the way. What's up on your end?

(TXT to Ravn) Grant : Iiiiif you want to switch teams it is never too late. Like we don't have this problem. We can set up a Ravn protection program and

(TXT to Ravn) Grant : and I dunno. People are not kittens. Stop bringing them home.

(TXT to Ravn) Grant : Also another reason I don't date women. Way way too complicate

(TXT to Grant) Ravn : What, go gay for my own protection? You have a point, no guys who visited my boat ever thought I was hitting on them, or that I was trying to set them up with other guys. I am interested in your concept and would like to subscribe to your newsletter.

(TXT to Grant) Ravn : I keep it simpler, I haven't been on a date since 2013. Anyhow, what's your fire?

(TXT to Ravn) Grant : It's a pretty bitchin newsletter. 🙂

(TXT to Ravn) Grant : also the kitchen. Or i'm trying to avoid fire in the kitchen. Vyv's home but he had his skull rattled like a pinball and he was used as some fucker's pin cushion so he's laid up a bit and he looks unhappy and hungry. I'm trying to make some soup or man & cheese he won't break up with me over cause

(TXT to Ravn) Grant : This is what it looked like last time I tried to cook back home

(TXT to Grant) Ravn : Yeah, I feel him. My arm and ribs still hurt, and my head still feels like someone banged me into a wall -- which is exactly what happened. You do realise my expertise with cooking pretty much boils down to, this is a microwave oven, this is a TV dinner, right?

(TXT to Ravn) Grant : I killed a hot pocket

(TXT to Grant) Ravn : Look, don't tell anyone, but 1950 did one thing right when it made women responsible for the cooking... Wait, what, open a cookbook? I really need to get around to do that some decade or other.

(TXT to Ravn) Grant : I wouldn't say that in front of Vyv or he'll fold us both like a crepe.

(TXT to Grant) Ravn : Vyv dresses like 1950, he doesn't get to have an opinion.

(TXT to Ravn) Grant : Well he's not going to dress like anything if he starves to death

(TXT to Grant) Ravn : This is true. And I dare assume that speaking of Msieur Vydal, take-out would indeed be murder. Have you considered open sandwiches, Danish style? Can't go entirely wrong with those. Mostly because no stove is involved.

(TXT to Ravn) Grant : Well we've been thriving off carry-out places that are on the list of things that spark joy. Delivery is what it is and I have no car.

(TXT to Ravn) Grant : Though if I borrow Vyv's roadster that will definitely get him out of bed. Not for the good reasons though.

(TXT to Ravn) Grant : What's a Danish sammy involve?

(TXT to Ravn) Grant : Like a sammich from Denmark or pastrami and lettuce between two pastries?

(TXT to Grant) Ravn : Lemme find you a wikipedia link -- but basically? A good piece of bread, traditionally rye but whatever, and various cold cuts. The point here is, you don't need to cook or boil anything so you can't quite manage to burn down the house.

(TXT to Ravn) Grant : And yet you'd be surprised...

(TXT to Grant) Ravn : I mean, you are talented.

(TXT to Ravn) Grant : Awww you're pretty baller yourself.

(TXT to Ravn) Grant : You need food cause I can put the skate squad together and hook you up

(TXT to Grant) Ravn : No, I'm all right -- I can walk and all, I didn't take half the beating Vyv did, and I have abused the hell out of Kinney for healing. Still pretty high on painkillers -- which is probably why I handled the ADA pretty badly the other night.

(TXT to Ravn) Grant : ADA?

(TXT to Ravn) Grant : Why are you fighting with the Americans with Disability Act?

(TXT to Grant) Ravn : Assistant District Attorney. Small blonde lady, big presence. Has Opinions. Lots of Opinions.

(TXT to Ravn) Grant : One of which is you should be wanting to sleep with her on a boat? I thought you got to vote in that sort of stuff, Tuna?

(TXT to Grant) Ravn : Oh, no, I don't think that was ever on the table. She just seems to get a kick out of riling people up. Bit of a show of power, you know? I get the feeling maybe she's had to claw out a fair number of eyes to get where she is, and might be dealing with a bit of Men Are the Enemy.

(TXT to Grant) Ravn : Hell, lots of guys go nuts over bitch with an attitude. I'm just not one of them.

(TXT to Ravn) Grant : This concept terrifies me in a lawyer

(TXT to Ravn) Grant : Though my sister's been known to bite people when she's had to

(TXT to Grant) Ravn : Honestly? That willingness to get in somebody's face and fight probably makes her a great lawyer.

(TXT to Ravn) Grant : And also why my dad agreed I'd make a shit one tbh

(TXT to Ravn) Grant : Okay this sammich thing looks doable. Is it cheating if I toast the bread? Is that okay or is that me being an asshole?

(TXT to Grant) Ravn : ... Same. I mean, my mother wanted me to study law. My father pointed out that I'm far too much of a pushover to make it in court.

(TXT to Grant) Ravn : Well, that makes it not a traditional Danish open sandwich but who's going to come over and fine you?

(TXT to Ravn) Grant : Props to my pops for helping me do the thing I really care about though and am good at.

(TXT to Ravn) Grant : Fine me? Wait are there food police? Shit I can't have them come here. Vyv'll never live that down D:

(TXT to Ravn) Grant : Whatever you do I promise not to toast the bread but don't tell them I tried, man

(TXT to Grant) Ravn : Oh, I ended up negotiating successfully. I'd get a PhD. I'd just not get it in law or finances. Use a toaster? One of those with a timer, you can't bloody well over-toast things in those.

(TXT to Ravn) Grant : Timer? it's got a little level you push down on the side? Goes ding? Sets pop tarts on fire if they are strawberry

(TXT to Grant) Ravn : ... I mean, dude, you're even scarier in a kitchen than I am. I'm surprised Vydal doesn't keep you on a leash.

(TXT to Ravn) Grant : What would that have to do with cooking?

(TXT to Ravn) Grant : Oh you meant- nevermind

(TXT to Grant) Ravn : 🤣 Ffs, Grant, I'm practically a monk. If it sounds like I'm hyping BDSM, I'm probably talking about the most mundane and boring household task you can imagine.

(TXT to Ravn) Grant : Yeah well I'm technically not ALLOWED to be on this side of the line on the floor unless it's to use the sink, or get something from the fridge and get back on the other side of the line and that is mostly it

(TXT to Grant) Ravn : ...

(TXT to Grant) Ravn : See, I want to ask if this is an allegory but now I actually expect to find a literal painted line on that floor.

(TXT to Ravn) Grant : (SSMS text of kitchenline.jpg of a sort of inferred line of delineation marked by the edge of the counter island)

(TXT to Grant) Ravn : And I am proven right.

(TXT to Ravn) Grant : Happy Vyv means on we live.

(TXT to Grant) Ravn : Well, there's another reason I'm single, no one gets to tell me where I can be on this boat. AFK getting murdered by my cat for thinking about sitting on her bunk.

(TXT to Grant) Ravn : I actually kind of want to introduce you and Vydal to this woman. Mostly to watch the fireworks when she realises that she cannot flutter her eyelashes at you and then boss you around on a basis of hot blonde gives the orders here.

(TXT to Ravn) Grant : it IS his apartment so if you were not single it'd be your call

(TXT to Grant) Ravn : Hah, no. A girl moves in with you, the place is hers about three minutes later, trust me.

(TXT to Ravn) Grant : In all fairness that would probably work on me.

(TXT to Grant) Ravn : It makes me want to jump out a window.

(TXT to Ravn) Grant : I dunno. Sparrow never does that shit to us. Abitha either.

(TXT to Grant) Ravn : Are you kidding? Mac does that to me all the time.

(TXT to Grant) Ravn : Just, without the flirtation component. That's why I like her, Mac just bosses me around fair and square.

(TXT to Ravn) Grant : It's usually just 'Baxy, go here do this' and I do and everything's fine. life's a lot easier when people are clear about their expectations.

(TXT to Ravn) Grant : And Abitha's a sweetheart! Don't tell her I said that though. She might make me punch me for ruining her street cred.

(TXT to Grant) Ravn : Yeah, I can get behind that all the way. Someone tells you 'do the thing', you can do the thing or tell them to do the damn thing themselves, but at least you know where you stand.

(TXT to Grant) Ravn : Don't worry, Mac and I are regularly fighting like cats on Friendzone.

(TXT to Ravn) Grant : I live by this 90/10 rule. You heard of that?

(TXT to Grant) Ravn : No?

(TXT to Ravn) Grant : comply with 90% of people's cray requests. The other 10%? You pick and choose carefully. That's where you dig your heels in so if you say 'no this' people really listen. They know it matters. A lot less stress.

(TXT to Grant) Ravn : Hmm. That's actually not bad advice. People generally don't make a lot of requests of me -- but when they do, I tend to just go with it if it's not too crazy or complicated. I mean, why not? If it makes someone's day. But I do put the foot down a few places. I don't play flirting games as the ADA found out. I also don't bang girls who are in relationships with other men, as one guy has yet to grasp.

(TXT to Ravn) Grant : You need to find yourself a Vyv man. He's weirdly great at that shit. Once I get that look he already knows this is the 10 percent zone. And he makes shit happen. He can have whatever he wants the other 90% of the time. Works out well. We don't even have to talk about it.

(TXT to Grant) Ravn : I have this small black cat who is his soul sister, I think.

(TXT to Ravn) Grant : Might be. You seen him at the library you'd know. WHICH, reminds me. These crazy books? We're gonna head to the library to find out more about em. One of em the other night mean mugged me for my jewelry

(TXT to Ravn) Grant : Figured the library might know more about it. Also I need to start putting that stuff on Etsy clearly.

(TXT to Grant) Ravn : Vydal did mention that you were, yes.

(TXT to Ravn) Grant : Fucking worried about him. he's not ok yet and I dunno what else to do 🙁

(TXT to Grant) Ravn : He got hit hard, Grant. Give him a little time -- jokes about ruining his clothes aside, I don't think Vyv's used to the Veil coming directly at him. I didn't see it coming this soon, either.

(TXT to Ravn) Grant : If you and your brain are up to going for a distraction and help me keep Vyv from doing all the things until his imperious glory is fully restored I'd appreciate it and I miss hanging out.