2021-07-06 - Horoscopes

"Welcome to the storm shift." A slight change in the cadence of Ash Jones' voice, but perhaps that's due to the storm that been barreling down upon Gray Harbor for the past week and change. The radio, however, has still been going strong. They've been broadcasting without fail, but then... the station lies on the outskirts of town and has a generator to keep things going. It's a bastion in the darkness. Or at least it tries to be.

"I hope everyone is staying dry out there," AJ continues in that sonorous voice he takes on during his broadcast. "Just a friendly reminder that the high school is open for refugees and is completely, entirely, weasel-free."

Havana Brown - Warrior

Kesha - Raising Hell

The Veronicas - Untouched

"Now for the weekly horoscopes... Cancer, you are very astute. Unfortunately, your detective skills will fail you this week when... actually, you figurte it out, Sherlock. Stop being so cocky."

"Leo, remember how Inception ended really ambiguously and the director was all "I want you to decide if the top stops spinning" and we were all "uh, no, you're the director and it's your job to make a decision."? Well, I totally get why Christopher Nolan did that now. It's a lot easier, plus it makes you look really insightful and mysterious. Listen, I'm going to do it now to Virgo-"

"Virgo, your week will be determined by how you interpret this spinning top. There's no right or wrong answer. Don't get it wrong."

"Now, Libra, this week the stars indicate that you need to stop being so damn jealous all the time. Don't deny it, I know you're seething over that inside joke me and Leo just had. Oh, by the way, I forgot to give Leo a prediction. Just tell them they'll have to make a big decision this week. Thanks."

"Scorpio, look, the equilibrium of Saturn's seventh moon alignment with Pluto puts the sun in your water axis this week. That could go either way, so try not to do too much speaking or walking or living."

"Sagittarius, this week everything will become just as clear as it is unclear. because when a mind man holds the key to life's acorn tree-" Static cuts in for a good thirty seconds.

"Okay, Capricorn, listen. You need to spend the next week learning absolutely everything there is to know about the migration habits of the North African Yellowstone Frog. It has to do with you winning a lot of money."

"Good news, Aquarius! Things get adventurous this week. You know how you always want to order that other dish at Thai Table but then you're like 'what if I don't like it and then I've wasted all this money when I could've just ordered Pad Thai which I already know I like'? Well, Aquarius, this is the week. This is the week you take the plunge. Also, get a more interesting life. I mean, come on. 'Do I try that new dish?' There's people out there saving lives and discovering the cure for cancer, Aquarius. Kick it up a notch."

"Pisces, you will encounter frustration this week when you come across a Capricorn trying to research an animal that I made up. Just roll with it and they'll let you in on the riches later."

"Aries, the rising moon on the tipped axis of Uranus says you were once born and at some point in the next few days you will meet someone else who was once born. You will exchange words that may or may not be interesting."

"You will find your soulmate this week, Taurus. Look to your left. You will be passionately kissing that person by the end of the year. If there's nobody sitting there... well, sucks to be you, I guess."

"Gemini... look, uh, I spilled coffee on the rest of this, so just try not to do anything just in case. You're better off just staying still all week. Unless your horoscope warned against staying still. Maybe you should study Schrodinger's Cat. They'd be a good role model for you this week, Gemini."

Beck - Saw Lightning

KISS - God of Thunder

The Doors - Riders on the Storm

When Ashley returns to the mic after the music block, it's with the sonorous tone of one of his 'rants' as opposed to the more upbeat nature of the horoscopes.

"Listeners, there's something happening out by the sawmill. They say it's just the rain, but we know differently. We know it's come. The old woman warned us -- or perhaps she was just being polite and giving us an advanced notice of something coming to town, it's hard to say -- of its arrival."

"Some say they've seen things. Shadows drifting in and out of the rain. Antlered creatures hulking alongside trees that move. The air is said to ripple in that place, as if somehow alive. I have had phone calls, reporting hearing static near the sawmill. I want to assure you, people of Gray Harbor, that the station's signal is strong. Your radio is operating just fine. The static... is the sawmill. Or perhaps it is whatever has arrived at the sawmill attempting to communicate with us."

There's a moment of silence before he adds: "Tomorrow, we may just try to listen in."

And then it's on to music for the rest of the night...