2022-03-24 - Non-Performative

(TXT to Ava) Mikaere : Dr Brennon? This is Mikaere Hastings, we met at the coffee shop over the weekend.

(TXT to Mikaere) Ava : I remember. Hi again, Mr. Hastings. Is everything alright?

(TXT to Ava) Mikaere : Oh, no, no, everything's fine. I asked my ma, though, about healing? And she says it's harder than it used to be. Last few years, maybe; she's not sure.

(TXT to Ava) Mikaere : No one's curing cancer or anything, that she knows of. Reading between the lines, sounds like they're avoiding the big stuff as much as they can. Ma says 'whakamātūtū not whakaoraora' which I guess sort of means more like... helping not curing? Because doing more would be tapu. Forbidden.

(TXT to Ravn) Ava : Gotcha. Well, I know the reason the it's harder. That was actually explained to me. That.. was started here. So, apparently what happened here did end up effecting the outside of town as well. Which is a scary thought. Which means the curing problem may extend that far out as well.

(TXT to Mikaere) Ava : Gotcha. Well, I know the reason the it's harder. That was actually explained to me. That.. was started here. So, apparently what happened here did end up effecting the outside of town as well. Which is a scary thought. Which means the curing problem may extend that far out as well.

(TXT to Ava) Mikaere : No, that's not especially comforting, is it? Someone broke the world. Of course, my mother is of the opinion that leaving things as they are is the best for everyone, but I'm getting the impression that's not your approach.

(TXT to Mikaere) Ava : If we leave this alone, what's to say they won't continue down this path and continue culling our powers back until we can't heal at all? Until we have no way to men between our fights with Them. I know you're knew to town, but there are times when we need healing and we need it fast. We can't be sure this isn't just the tip of the iceberg. Or that they aren't going to start going after other abilities next.

(TXT to Mikaere) Ava : This could be the start of something worse.

(TXT to Ava) Mikaere : I'm beginning to see that, yeah. Been a while since I spent a lot of time in a place like this one.

(TXT to Ava) Mikaere : And... if someone started putting limits on my power, that'd feel pretty violating. So. I get it.

(TXT to Mikaere) Ava : It's not a power I even use. I tried to use it that once for the first time since I was a kid. If I hadn't, I probably never would have found out. Which makes me think I was meant to find out. Which may sound odd, I know.

(TXT to Ava) Mikaere : No, not that odd. I'm pretty much of the opinion that things do happen for a reason. Someone had to be the one to trigger it, right? And if not you, it might've been someone who wouldn't think on it any further, and then no one would be looking at it.

(TXT to Ava) Mikaere : There's things out there more powerful than us, absolutely. But... that doesn't mean all powerful. Thin points are thin both ways.

(TXT to Mikaere) Ava : This thing is absolutely more powerful than us, that's for sure. But there has to be a way to stop it. But that will take time and research.

(TXT to Ava) Mikaere : It's an uncomfortable reminder, huh? We feel all powerful and then... nope, not actually, not in comparison.

(TXT to Ava) Mikaere : Anyway. I don't have even a drop of healing ability, but if I can help in any way... I'm in town, and for now, I'm at a loose end. So. Offer's there.

(TXT to Mikaere) Ava : Very uncomfortable. I felt like the tiniest little spec in a vast hurricane of power. It did not feel great.

(TXT to Mikaere) Ava : You don't need healing to help. I'll keep you in the loop. Thanks for the offer, it's appreciated. Thank you for reaching out to your mom, as well.

(TXT to Ava) Mikaere : No... no, that doesn't sound much fun. It's one thing to know you're an insignificant thing in the universe; it's another to feel like it is going to crush you completely.

(TXT to Ava) Mikaere : My pleasure! Happy to help. It's a little satisfying, to be involved in something. Connected. I don't know.

(TXT to Mikaere) Ava : I completely understand what you mean. I've was born here and I still strive for that feeling sometimes.

(TXT to Ava) Mikaere : The modern world doesn't really encourage it. Lots of superficial connection, but nothing real. And there we are, in the middle, trying to make sense of it.

(TXT to Mikaere) Ava : I wish I could say that the modern world made connection easier, but you're right, it just makes it more superficial.

(TXT to Mikaere) Ava : More communication. But it feels more hollow.

(TXT to Ava) Mikaere : This. Yes. More... performative? I do think a lot of people are trying to connect, but I think things get in the way of it too, because we're more worried about how it comes across and what it might mean about us. Or even not just that personal.

(TXT to Ava) Mikaere : I worked in politics. Do I know all about performative, superficial connection. 🙈

(TXT to Mikaere) Ava : Hah, on no! Politics. Well, you're cut out for surviving here, at least. You'll need the runaround ability to talk around things sometimes. Until the Veil takes over and rewrites stuff, anyway. But yes, I like that. Performative is the perfect word.

(TXT to Ava) Mikaere : You can say a lot about politicians, and most of it is true, but... talking. Yes. I can do that. Hopefully well enough to avoid rewrites.

(TXT to Ava) Mikaere : So: more talking, less performing, more connection. Let's work on that.

(TXT to Mikaere) Ava : That is quite a lot easier said than done, I fear.

(TXT to Ava) Mikaere : Unfortunately, yes. Were I a conspiracy theorist, I'd decide one of those aforementioned greater powers took joy in thwarting our attempts to be real. Maybe there's something in the whole tin foil hat thing after all.

(TXT to Ava) Mikaere : Not seriously. But. You know.

(TXT to Mikaere) Ava : I look better in gold than silver. Tinfoil isn't really my color even if there is some stock in that theory. But I fear it's far more human nature than that.

(TXT to Mikaere) Ava : Also, trauma responses.

(TXT to Ava) Mikaere : Tin foil may not really suit anyone. I'm not one to judge. I think you're right, though. Life is traumatic. Whether you're like us or not, life is full of tiny little traumas, and not so tiny little traumas, and they teach us to protect ourselves. Much easier to build a wall against the unknown than let someone in who may cause harm.

(TXT to Mikaere) Ava : Or, you want people to come in, but they don't seem willing to make the effort, so you just kind of flounder. Because there's only so many times you can say let's make these plans and do this! and then things never come of it, before you decide to stop putting yourself out there anymore.

(TXT to Ava) Mikaere : Sometimes people are so afraid of being rejected that they reject themselves pre-emptively, I find. Or they'd rather politely ignore than admit they don't want to do something. Human neuroses are ridiculous.

(TXT to Mikaere) Ava : Or try too hard. Or think they are trying too hard and don't put enough effort in because they're afraid of pushing too much and pushing people away by accident. Which I have been accused of before. Accused of both.

(TXT to Ava) Mikaere : What a mindfuck.

(TXT to Ava) Mikaere : Basically, damned if you do, damned if you don't. And then everything feels so damn isolated and disconnected and it is all completely fixable if we would just talk to each other and...

(TXT to Mikaere) Ava : Yes. But talking risks the chance of finding out that you were right and you really were bothering people. Sometimes it's better not to know.

(TXT to Ava) Mikaere : Nah, I'd rather know. At least if I know I'm bugging someone I can move on and hopefully not-bug someone else.

(TXT to Ava) Mikaere : (Speaking of, I am clearly sitting around bored, but if you have things to do, tell me to buzz off and I will.)

(TXT to Mikaere) Ava : No, I assure you that you are not bothering me.

(TXT to Ava) Mikaere : Good. It's been a while since I had a repeat conversation with anyone who wasn't long-term friend or family, so I'm maybe a bit rusty.

(TXT to Mikaere) Ava : You seem perfectly capable to me. So far as I have seen.

(TXT to Ava) Mikaere : Well that's a relief. Score one for communication skills! Must be like riding a bicycle.

(TXT to Mikaere) Ava : So, where did you end up settling? Found a bar to serve at, yet? 😃

(TXT to Ava) Mikaere : Is 34 too old to be going back to bar work? Asking for a friend.

(TXT to Ava) Mikaere : I'm staying at the motel on Bayside while my boat's being worked on.

(TXT to Mikaere) Ava : Work is work.

(TXT to Mikaere) Ava : You're staying at Murder Hotel??

(TXT to Ava) Mikaere : You make a valid po

(TXT to Ava) Mikaere : Wait, what?

(TXT to Ava) Mikaere : MURDER HOTEL?

(TXT to Mikaere) Ava : Are you in a public place?

(TXT to Ava) Mikaere : No, I'm in my murder hotel room, apparently.

(TXT to Mikaere) Ava : Eesh. 👀👀👀 It was really nice getting to know you.

(TXT to Mikaere) Ava : The good news is that /I/ will being seeing you again. Since I'm also the coroner.

(TXT to Ava) Mikaere : Comforting.

(TXT to Ava) Mikaere : No, really. I feel loads better.

(TXT to Mikaere) Ava : I thought it might be.

(TXT to Ava) Mikaere : Seriously, though. Murder hotel? Who got murdered?

(TXT to Mikaere) Ava : Sooooo, so so many people.

(TXT to Mikaere) Ava : A lot of suicide, too.

(TXT to Ava) Mikaere : Thanks, now I'm never going to sleep again.

(TXT to Mikaere) Ava : I have a guest bedroom if you'd like.

(TXT to Mikaere) Ava : A couple, actually. This houses is quite large.

(TXT to Ava) Mikaere : You're that convinced I'm not a murderer?

(TXT to Mikaere) Ava : Ravn seems to be. I trust his judgement.

(TXT to Mikaere) Ava : Also, I can snap your neck with a thought.

(TXT to Mikaere) Ava : So.

(TXT to Mikaere) Ava : How about we just don't kill each other and call it even!

(TXT to Ava) Mikaere : As a general rule, I'm pro not killing people. So. Good deal.

(TXT to Mikaere) Ava : It's 1 Oak Avenue. Not hard to remember. You'll know it when you see it. It's one of the only three houses where it's Summer.

(TXT to Ava) Mikaere : You're genuinely serious? I mean, I know we've just had a whole conversation about being genuine and not performative, but I want to be sure.

(TXT to Ava) Mikaere : Also... why is it summer? Did you fall through space and time and are actually in NZ or something?

(TXT to Mikaere) Ava : I grew a Disney Garden, and the Faeries are bribed with cookies and liquor to keep it maintained. So all three yards are pretty much a magical Summer garden from a Disney movie.

(TXT to Mikaere) Ava : Yes, I'm serious. You can bunk in a spare room until you get your living situation worked out. I don't want you getting murdered.

(TXT to Ava) Mikaere : Damn, that's one hell of a trick. No complaints, the weather here is nuts.

(TXT to Ava) Mikaere : Ok. Well - thank you. Seriously. I'll take you up on that, and I promise, I won't outstay my welcome.

(TXT to Mikaere) Ava : I just created it. It's the Faeries that do all the upkeep, to be fair to them. (Also, not to piss them off)

(TXT to Ava) Mikaere : There is literally no mythology I've ever heard of where pissing off the faeries is a good idea. Yes.

(TXT to Mikaere) Ava : It's never a good idea. There is a faerie circle in one of the yards. So, bring yummy treats to it now and then.

(TXT to Ava) Mikaere : I have... ramen?

(TXT to Mikaere) Ava : I don't know how they'd react to that, if I'm honest.

(TXT to Ava) Mikaere : It doesn't seem like the best possible offering, if I'm honest. (It's not the best possible dinner, either.)

(TXT to Mikaere) Ava : Well, you'll have access to a full kitchen for better dinner options. At the very least.

(TXT to Ava) Mikaere : My arteries and whatever else thanks you in advance. I mean, all of me, generally. But the bits that are probably groaning under the weight of msg and salt in particular.

(TXT to Mikaere) Ava : It's the least I can do. Genuinely, it's been great talking to someone so open and honest.

(TXT to Ava) Mikaere : Genuinely, it's been a pleasure. I'll look forward to continuing it face to face.

(TXT to Ava) Mikaere : Non-creepily.

(TXT to Mikaere) Ava : Haha. I took it non-creepily. Don't worry.

(TXT to Ava) Mikaere : Oh good. Excellent.

(TXT to Ava) Mikaere : I'm going to go pack up my things. Thanks, Ava.

(TXT to Mikaere) Ava : See you in a bit.