2022-06-09 - Apology and Promises

(TXT to Jules) Ava : I completely understand if you don't respond. But I would like a chance to meet up soon.

read receipt, but a good long pause

(TXT to Ava) Jules : Ok. I hear you got messed up too. Sorry that happened. But I’m still pissed af. Just FYI.

(TXT to Jules) Ava : You have every right to be. I feel like you deserve apologies in person, but I don't have the right to choose whether or not you're actually ready to see me in person. So would you rather do this face to face or through text?

(TXT to Ava) Jules : I appreciate that. Better to talk in person - where and when?

(TXT to Jules) Ava : Away from my place. I'm not going anywhere near it at the moment. Coffee?

(TXT to Ava) Jules : Sure.

(TXT to Jules) Ava : I can be there in about an hour if that works?

(TXT to Ava) Jules : Yeah that works for me too. See you then

It's only forty-five minutes later that Ava arrives for coffee, having rushed a little to make sure that she wasn't late. A little haggard and tired, the woman is settled in a corner table away from prying ears, cradling a cup of coffee between both hands. She's dressed casually compared to her normal attire in a pair of jeans and a button down that's been rolled up over the elbows.

There's no sign of baby carriage or car seat, so Nimue must be with someone else for the meeting, Ava wanting to keep her focus solely on Jules for right now.

Jules shows up ten minutes behind schedule. Enough time for Ava to stew, if she’s so inclined. She’s casual (but then, she most often is) in her jeans and olive green top, without either purse or tote. Pockets serve her well enough for the few essentials.

Instead of ordering, she spots Ava and heads straight for her table, dropping into the seat opposite. “Hey,” she says shortly. Just that.

Luckily, stewing is one of the things that Ava is great at, so she's twirled that coffee cup quite a lot by the time Jules finally appears through the doors of the shop. There's a brief sigh of relief through the woman's nose when the other does show, though it's immediately replaced with a hint of nerves as Jules heads straight over.

"Hi."

A hard swallow follows. "You're not still being afflicted, are you? I'm hoping that it's stopped by now." The concern is clear in her face. "You mentioned in the text that you heard I was affected too. Patient Zero, as it were. Obviously there wasn't no side effects and I was being used to spread the fruit. But that's... an explanation, not an excuse. Because there is no excuse. What happened to you was a violation and it's inexcusable. I'm so sorry that this happened, and that it happened as a result of something I did."

“If I were, I’d have a hell of a lot more to say.” Jules says it calmly enough, gaze straight and unwavering. She’s studying Ava, expression and words both.

She sits still, letting silence stretch out for a moment longer. Then: “None of that makes up for the fact that you thought it was okay to experiment with that shit. It wouldn’t have happened if you hadn’t felt to urge to play God. Or mad scientist. Take your pick.”

Ava doesn't shy away from the gaze, though she does frown softly as she's studied. It's fair, however, so she says nothing. "Mad scientist. Just scientist. I learn through experimentation. That's what science is. That's how discoveries are made, and breakthroughs come to pass." Ava glances down to her cup as it presses between her palms and rolls slowly. "It's not an urge to play God. It's an urge to understand the Veil and how different things effect our world."

"But the fact is, those attempts at discoveries extended beyond the reach of a lab, where they should have stayed. It never should have gotten to the point where it could have effected you or anyone else the way that it did. The fruits are being taken care of, along with the roots that create them. They're being carefully destroyed so that no more hard can come from them. The greenhouse won't be used for anything other than mundane plants again.

"All I can do know is offer my apologies and let you know I'm willing to offer whatever token of apology you'd feel comfortable with to prove that it's earnest.

An eyebrow arches, a silent really? Jules lets Ava speak her piece, though, without interruption.

“I believe you’re sincere,” she says when the other woman falls silent. A little shake of her head. “I don’t need anything. That’s why you do this in person. So you can look the other person in the eye and tell them how you fucked up. And let them yell at you, if that’s what they need to do. Honestly?” Here, Jules admits a wry, bitter smile. “I’ve yelled enough. Threatened to torch your greenhouse at least five times. Probably a lot more than that. Cause that’s what you do when you can’t shut up. You say every single damn thought that comes into your head, even when it hurts people, even when it might hurt you.”

She sits back, folding her arms across her chest. “I get that you want to get it, but history’s full of this stuff, too. It’s not just brilliant breakthroughs. It’s Tuskegees and people who suffer for the sake of someone else’s science.” The last word drips with disdain.

There's a soft breath. "I can't imagine what that was like. Only speaking in truths and having to deal with the fallout from that. There's a people keep in their head that should stay there for everyone's sake. Not being able to keep in there is terrifying. I really am sorry." Ava's jaw clenches tight. "I lost my inhibitions. Or, really, my ability to care. I thought all my stress was gone and the world was perfect. But I just couldn't care less about consequences to the point that I couldn't even see them. I couldn't see there was something wrong with me. Or you. Or Javi when he ate the apple. Even when it was so clear."

Her eyes lift to lock on to Jules', head nodding slowly. "A valid point. There need to be better checks and balances. /I/ need better checks and balances when it comes to trying things out. Something like this can't happen again."

“Do you think you can actually have checks and balances where the Veil is concerned?” Jules looks highly skeptical, brow lifting as she regards Ava. “I don’t think it will let you. It’s too damn unpredictable. It doesn’t follow any rules. And that’s what science is, in part, isn’t it? Figuring out what the rules are. A, not B. If you do this, you’ll get that result.”

She lets go of a sigh. “I’m not mad at you for what you did when you weren’t in control, you know. It’s just— I think the way you’re going about it is dangerous. And this is coming from me.” Jules allows self-deprecating humor into her tone, along with the bare minimum of a smile. “It’s not like I’m known for playing it safe. And I do think we have things we can learn from the Other Side, or from the spirit world, or whatever you want to call it. But it’s always going to come with a pretty significant risk. In this case, it felt like a poisoned gift. Like smallpox blankets. ‘Here, isn’t this nice, take this gift’ — and before you know it, you’ve decimated the town.”

"I think while the experiments might not have checks and balances, that I, as a person can. I shouldn't have blended Veil and Faerie stuff together to see what it could do. It was adding napalm to fire. Doing it in my own back yard was even more stupid. Not having someone monitor the experiment outside of myself? Also a problem. They would have seen the issues with me and put a stop to it before it could spread. There needs to be more controls in place. More limits. That's on me."

Ava focuses on Jules' words and inclines her head. "I appreciate that you don't. But I do, because I'm the one who put us in this position in the first place. I have to keep that in mind from here on out so that it doesn't happen again. No smallpox blankets." Her hands come away from the coffee so they can curl together in her lap instead.

“Well, that doesn’t mean not mad at you for getting us into the situation in the first place. I just—I don’t know. I hope these checks and balances you’re thinking about actually work, and that it’s not just dragging someone else in. It doesn’t sound like anyone’s going to convince you to stop.” Jules looks unhappy about this, mouth turned down in a frown.

“But I can’t hold what you did while under the influence against you,” she continues. “That’d just be hypocritical. I said all kinds of things I wouldn’t normally say. I had to call in sick to work for a week, because the last thing I needed to do was mouth off at tourists and get myself fired. So yeah, I’m pissed, but you gotta be pissed at the right thing.” She shakes her head, then lets out a sigh. “Goddammit. I feel like someone smarter than me would say that this is what the things that love our misery want—us to be divided, just as much as they want to lure us in unawares. Both ways, we’re prey.”

"Stopping completely could be another thing they'd like to see happen. I could just lay back and let what comes come, but that's not who I am as a person. I'm a scientist. If I can find a way to shift the balance of power our way, even a little bit, then I have to try. But I need to not let myself get carried away. I need to make sure that what I'm doing has an actual purpose and I'm not just doing it for fun." Ava frowns and squeezes her fingers together, staring down at them hard.

"I want to help people, not to hurt them. The fact that this hurt so many people, especially people that I care about--" the words fail as her head shakes. "This isn't about my feelings, though. This is about the fact that it did hurt so many people. I'll fix what I can, and there will be a lot less experiments in the future. What there will be will have a lot more caution involved," she assures.

Lips stretch thin, head nodding once in agreement to the last statements. "We're always prey."

Jules, completely frank, looks Ava in the eye as she states, “I don’t like what you’re doing. It’s not going to be enough to tell me it’ll be better next time. There’s still going to be a next time.”

But she knows an impasse when she butts up against one, and as hard-headed as she is, Jules recognizes Ava’s own stubbornness. “I’m getting something to drink,” she decides, standing up from the table and putting the debate on hold.

Ava locks eyes with Jules as the woman speaks her peace. There's no argument on the reasons why, or the fact that she feels that way in the first place. Given what just happened, Ava seems to understand. Especially if her slow nod is any indication. "I get it."

Bright eyes watch as Jules gets up to go grab a drink, Ava's posture changing slightly as she slumps back against her chair.

Jules needs this break. She’s tense, stiff in her movement and speech as she orders an iced coffee and pays. She doesn’t look back to check on Ava or make eye contact while she waits at the counter. It’s a quick wait, given her simple order. Coffee in hand, she heads back to the table she shares.

“So I guess that’s it, then,” she says with a kind of finality. “I don’t know what else to say, here.”

Straightening back up as Jules heads back over, she sighs at the words. "Well, I haven't asked how you are, yet. Were people pretty understanding once they knew what was going on? If not, you're welcome to feed me to the wolves as necessary."

There's a pause, Ava tilting her head as a question pops into her mind. "You said that you heard that I was under the influence of the fruits as well. But I've been away from home for a week and literally nobody has checked on me enough to know about that outside of the people I was with. How did you know?"

Jules answers in reverse order, sipping her iced coffee. “The police chief came by to check on me, and he mentioned it.” A pause, an eyebrow lift; she nearly asks the question or surmises further based on what Ava shares. Instead, though, she holds her tongue in the way she couldn’t just days before and changes the subject.

“Everyone was pretty good about it, once we figured out what was going on. Mikaere asked me if I’d taken drugs before going to the ball, and I nearly bit his head off, but I somehow managed not to say something I’ll regret forever. Della actually said she liked me that way.” Jules looks bemused.

"Oh." Ava looks surprised, but for half a second there's a pleased expression there. Jules is observant so there's little doubt she'd miss it. "I'm glad that he checked up on you like that." There's no hint of a flush on her cheeks. Nope. It must be the lighting.

"Mikaere is a good man. Even if you had said something regretful, I imagine he would have forgiven it. Especially given that you didn't have control of it." There's a soft laugh at the mention of Della's comments. "That sounds accurate. She's always a delight. What about Una? As delicate as she is, as imagine that one was a little tough.

Jules’ mouth twists to the side in a sort of rueful smile. “I think it was a little hard for Una,” she readily admits. “But we also had a good conversation, despite everything. I was pretty worried I’d offended her that night. You might think she’s delicate, but damn, when she gets mad…” Jules lets that one hang. It speaks for itself.

“All in all, I got off a lot lighter than I could’ve.”

Ava considers for a moment, her eyes wandering. "You know, I don't think that I've ever actually seen Una get mad. I would like to see it. Not directed at me, though. I'd like to see her get mad at something else while I am there to witness it." There's a frown. "I witnessed Perdita get mad. At me. That was not fun. I was delighted in the moment because I had no sense at the time. I'm glad she did what she did, though. It stopped a lot of other people from being poisoned."

"I'm glad. That it was lighter. Because it shouldn't have been anything."

Jules just shakes her head a little in response. “You say that, but trust me, you don’t want to see Una mad. When she is, you know you really fucked up. Her patience is not infinite. She doesn’t get dramatic. More like…she’s disappointed in you, because you’ve let her down, and you may or may not get back on her good graces again, because if you’ve hurt her to that degree, she may well decide she’s better off without you. It isn’t fun.”

"Oh, I don't want her mad at me. No way!" Ava's head gives a vehement shake at that. "I think I'd rather go up against Them one on one than have her disappointed in me and giving me a sad face if I'm perfectly honest. I can bear scars of battle better than any emotional wound." There's a sigh.

"Una didn't eat anything, though, did she? I tried to get her help make the pastries, but she declined, thankfully. I did rope Vyv into it, and he ended up eating some fruit and then helped me make all those pastries. So he's next on the apology list. But I want to make sure she didn't end up poisoned, too."

“A little too late on that front.” Jules lets this drop bluntly, not sparing Ava or trying to lighten the blow. “She’s upset about the whole thing. Think of it less as a sad face and more of a frosty, what the fuck face.”

She plays with the straw in her iced coffee, making the milk and ice swirl. “Una didn’t eat any as far as I know. Or Della. One person per household is enough.”

Ava sighs. Her shoulders slump forward. "That's fair. I can't argue that it isn't well deserved."

There is, at least, a flicker of relief across her features that neither Una or Della had any of the fruit. "I wish it had been nobody in the household, but at least it wasn't everyone. I guess I'll take the small miracles where I can get them."

Jules regards Ava without a change in expression, without overt sympathy. “Yeah,” she just says. “An apology for Una wouldn’t be amiss. It might not solve everything, but she deserves one.”

One last swirl, and then Jules picks up her drink and sips. “So where have you been?” she finally asks. “If you’re avoiding your house. Where’s the baby?”

"She was already getting one for my trying to get her to make pastries with the fruit and the forceful introduction to Vyv, who I knew who was a little too shy to want to actually meet yet. So, she was already on the apology list." Ava rakes a hand through her hair.

"Nimue? She's with my dad right now. He hasn't gotten to see her all week since she's been with me. I've been detoxing at Javier's. He and Joe were doing watches so my fruit addicted ass didn't sneak out to go try to get some. Eating one gave a side effect. Eating all of them created an addiction. Thankfully Joe realized it."

A little nod from Jules as the pieces fit together. “I don’t know Joe, but Christ. Good thing he caught it. Not just for your sake—you would’ve tried to keep peddling them, maybe get a whole lot more of us addicted.” She grimaces with distaste. “Glad you’re off it now. You are off it, right?”

"I am off of it. But until the roots are destroyed, I'm staying away from the house. As hypnotic at first sight as they are, I'm not risking it. He's going to help me destroy them all, down to the the little, living root creatures. Then there will only ever be mundane things in that greenhouse again. Never again." Ava's eyes are hard as she glares towards a wall.

Jules has a nod for that, along with a definitively stated, “Good.” Good for the destruction, good for this Joe and his help, good for Ava having the sense to keep her distance now and stick to normal earthly plants thereafter.

“Well,” she says then, “when it’s all done and you’re back in your house, let us know, okay? And let us know if you do any more experiments. You get it if I want to keep my distance if you do—sorry, but I really don’t want to risk getting caught in the crosshairs again. But we should also know. Not just because of this, but because we’re a community, and you shouldn’t go it alone. Even if that means I’m saying, ‘dude, Ava, what are you doing, put down the scalpel.’”

Ava glances back up to catch Jules' eyes and gives a firm nod. "If I do more experiments, there will be warnings. I think I'll also run it by a couple of people first and make sure that at least one or two other people agree that it might be a good enough idea to try to see what happens. If I can't get that, then it might not be worth the investigation after all. That was one of the checks and balances I was talking about earlier. Listening to others a little bit more when I get overzealous and curious about sciencing things."

There's a smile without any humor in it, her eyes sad and filled with apology. "I think you've more than earned the right to slap the scalpel out of my hand if need be."

The other woman’s lips just quirk to one side for the final remark, wry and still slightly bitter. She feels no need to comment on it further, though, instead turning to Ava’s proposed system.

“That’s a good one,” Jules approves with a nod. She’s no longer looking quite as harsh. “Maybe have someone who tends to be more cautious on your call list, so you’ll be more likely to get a balanced opinion.”

"Agreed. It'd be a useless system if I just picked folks who'd say yes all the time. But also equally useless if I picked people who'd say no all the time. It'll be tough finding people who are fair and balanced in that sort of thing." Ava frowns. "But important. So, until I do, no experiments." A finger crosses over her heart to signify the promise.

Jules gives a lopsided half-smile for the gesture of promise. “Okay then.” Her chair legs scrape against the floor as she pushes it away from the table and stands. “Well, I’ll be seeing you around, I’m sure. Let me know if you need any help removing the rest of the plants.”

Ava doesn't move to get up as Jules does, but her face does relax a little bit at the sight of the other woman's smile. "I'll let you know if it looks like we need another hand with them. Thanks for meeting me."

She stays put while Jules walks out, reaching for her coffee again so that she can finish it off. One apology down. A whole lot left to go.