2019-07-14 - Nope. Nope, Nope, Nope.

It's mid-afternoon and Jens is sleeping on the couch in a pair of briefs and a plain white t-shirt. He's snoring a little, and he's a little tangled up in his own arms, to be honest. It doesn't look like the most comfortable position, despite the couch being pretty comfy.

Finding someone sleeping on the couch isn't really that odd. Finding someone sleeping on the couch in their underwear is a little more unusual. Ash is on her way to the kitchen and walks right past him, gets herself something to drink, finds a cookie to munch on before she heads back out to the living room.

There are a few seconds where she stares down at him, then the glass of water in her hand is lifted, and turned over to dump the water right onto his head.

"THE FUUUUUUUUCK." Jens wakes up with a start, sitting up and looking up at Ash with wide-eyed surprise. "WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT FOR?"

"Hi, Sunshine." Ash greets, foot moving to push him towards the wet spot as she tries to wedge herself onto the couch on the dry spot, "Cookie?" She holds the half eaten cookie out towards him, that bright smile still in place.

"God damn, Ash, you're a bitch, you know that?" He looks down at his shirt, completely wet, then at the wet spot on the couch, and then he refuses to move. "You sit on the wet spot," he says, nudging her and making it difficult to get in where she wants to. He takes the cookie though.

If he's going to not give up the dry spot on the couch, then she's going to do what makes total sense. Sit on the wet person. Makes sense, right? Especially since he's calling her names now, "I'm not a bitch. Why are you sleeping on the couch?"

"You're totally a bitch," Jens says, when she sits on him. Ugh. Fine. He bites into the cookie, saying, mouth full, "Yuh fifn't feed fu fake fee fuh fike fah." And then he drags his wet t-shirt off, because ugh. So now he's on the couch, in his underwear, no shirt, and Ash is sitting on him.

The front door opens, and in comes Astrid off her day shift from TFBS. She's looking a bit thoughtful-- and those close to her would recognize that look. Her wheels are spinning. She's looking without really seeing, going through the motions of kicking off her shoes, putting down her bag, and starting into the living room. There she stops, and blinks at the sight of the two. "Um, hey guys."

"I didn't understand half that. Something about my being amazing? Yes. You are so..." Ash starts, only to stop when the door opens and she glances towards it and the arriving Astrid.

To put it mildly this is probably way more questionable than it is. At least Ash is fully dressed, right? Makes up entirely for the half-naked guy on the couch. Or the questionable wet spots. "Hey, Ast. What's going on?"

Jens leans off to the side and looks at Astrid as she comes in. When she says hi, he smiles at her, cookie crumbs all over his lips, and he brushes his mouth off. "Hey, Astrid. Sup?" And then he pinches Ash's ass. "Gerroff."

"You're always amazing," Astrid says without missing a beat. She slumps forward until she drops down beside Jens. She glances between the two. "I've had a weird ass day." She frowns. "Met this guy in the park... really odd, but like not scary odd... but he said some things..."

"What the hell..." Ash has lost her place on the couch, and there is a glare sent to Jens for the fact that this is obviously his fault, then she gets up and moves to the chair, dropping into it with a frown. "Wait. You met a creepy dude in the park?"

Jens watches Astrid as she sits down and he winces a little and then shrugs at Ash. "Win some, lose some, baby." He kicks his feet out. "Creepy dude?"

It takes like two solid seconds before Astrid is shifting awkwardly and then realizing she sat in something she twists aside to see-- "Jens! What did you do." Because it's obviously Jens's fault. She scoots off the wet spot, ending up on the ground in front fo the couch, rubbing at her wet butt. "Ugh." It distracts her from immediately getting to the answers. "Yeah, you know, by the pond. I was out there getting samples before work for my lab project, and he was just asking me questions, you know, like not weird questions or anything, but then he told me I should move to Hoaquim, that the woods are going to eat me."

"The woods are probably not going to eat you." Ash reassures her, shifting around in the chair to make room for Ast, patting the very small, but dry!, spot that has been made available. "You probably shouldn't talk to creepy dudes out in the woods...or park...ponds. Whatever alone. That's how you end up behind dumpsters with Skittle Pox." She glances at Jens, lifting a hand up to flip him off.

"I didn't do shit, I was sleeping and this crazy broad dumped water on me!" Jens tells Astrid. And then she's talking about the woods and he goes a little quiet, glancing around. "Maybe don't get too close to the woods, though." He blows Ash a kiss, but it's kind of half-hearted.

"Crazy, beautiful broad," Astrid corrects before she tosses Ash a broad smile. Then she settles back against the couch, looking at first Ash and then Jens. "Uh. Do I even want to know what Skittle Pox is?" It sounds really disgusting, so probably not. Instead she shakes her head. "I don't know. I asked Easton about it. It was slow at the bar, and I was doing some studying... he said Alexander is okay, and probably has good advice." So, this is when she cuts a glance to Jens. "Why? They're just woods, Jens." Right?

Ash blows a kiss at Astrid, then she sticks her tongue out at Jens. "Hear that, she called me beautiful." She flicks a strand of pale blonde hair over her shoulder, then she stares at Astrid before laughing, "Haven't you even seen that Skittle commercial where they are under the bleachers?" She wonders, then glances towards Jens, "We're out in the woods all the time."

Jens takes a deep breath. "I'm not the best one to ask." He doesn't really like all that creepy shit. He channels the crap out of it. "Like, Marius explains shit better, you know? But you know the uh, the weird shit we do, it uh... there's other weird shit, basically!" He waves a hand around. "Dreams and creepy..." He takes a breath. "Shit, why did you have to ask me? This isn't fair."

Astrid collects kisses! One from Jens, one from Ash. She's rich! Then she is looking back to Jens. "Okay. Easton mentioned Dreams. Like capital D. But I've never had weird dreams. Except you know, that one time Ash and I split that pre-roll and that was just way too much. I have normal dreams." Then she gives Jens a look. "I can ask Marius, but Easton says I should like go talk to someone about it. But, what am I going to do? Oh look, you're sparkly, tell me about how there's things that want to eat me. That's how I end up with the Skittle Pox."

"I remember that time!" Ash snap-points at Astrid, "There was something about Teletubbies and pink goop." She shakes her head, dismissing the very weird memory before she turns back to Jens, "So, weird Dreams...and..." She shakes her head, clearly not believing anything. "That is exactly how you end up with Skittle Pox, my sparkly baby."

"Look. My mom said not to talk about the crazy shit unless we absolutely have to and honestly, in this, I'm gonna follow the rule. You talk to Marius. He's the, like, nerd. So he knows." Jens shakes his head, holding his hands up. Nope.

"I just remember that I couldn't shut my eyes or my head would basically float off my shoulders. It was a weird trip." But Jens is noping his way out of the conversation, and Astrid just sighs out a breath. "Easton said the townies were cagey, but seriously..."

"Jens..." Ash unfolds herself from where she's sitting, steps over Astrid, and promptly sits right back down where she started this whole conversation. "Please?" Her bottom lip sticks out, her eyes get wide and she gives him the very best puppy-dog look she can summon up. It probably would work on anyone that didn't know her.

"Look." Jens groans when Ash sits on him again. He gives them both a flat look. "It's not a big deal." It's an enormous deal. "It's just some weird shit in town." It's creepy fucking dudes haunting your dreams and hunting your soul. "Really, honest, just chill and be careful. And don't talk about it. And maybe don't over use the..." He waves his fingers. He clears his throat. Jens is usually never nervous.

Astrid hides amusement behind her hand at Ash's attempt to seduce-- ha!-- the answers out of him. Then she sighs out a hard breath and hauls herself upright. "I gotta go change, but I'm coming back and then... well, I don't know what." Then she is heading for the stairs, bouncing up them easily so she can go get out of her work clothes.

"Okay!" Ash calls after Astrid, accepting the warning that she'll be back. Like Terminator Ast. But then she narrows her eyes a moment at Jens, "Come on, you can tell me, right?" She reaches up a hand to pet at his hair, smoothing it back and not making any comment about how it is now totally damp because of her. Oops. "I'm trustworthy. What's this weird shit and why should we not go into the woods?"

"Are you seriously trying to seduce it our of me?" Jens asks Ash with a tilt of his head. "Come on." He snorts. "Look, it's just... it's weird. And a bad idea to talk about it. Maybe when we go to the beach. A different beach. Outside town. Maybe outside the county."

"Would I do that?" Ash would totally do that. Evidently ineffectively, too. "Just give me a tiny little hint about what it is?" She holds a hand up, fingers a little bit apart, eyes still wide and pleading with him, "I'll like...I don't know, give you something for it. Quid pro quo."

Jens eyes her. Seduction: no. Bribery, on the other hand, apparently, is maybe an okay. "Like what?" Because Jens is bribable, but he's not stupid. It does say a lot that he's not willing to talk about this shit; he's typically willing to talk about anything. Except his paintings. And, apparently, this.

"Whatever you want." Ash is terrible at bribery, it seems. She doesn't come up with anything fancy to offer him, instead she's putting this all in his lap to decide. While sitting in his lap. Petting his hair still.

"Bull-fucking-shit, you're bluffing." Jens rolls his eyes and then slides a hand under her legs and tips her tight onto the wet spot on the couch, standing up. He walks away for a few steps, hand reaches down to adjust something. Uh huh. "Look, it's just--like--Dreams. You--fuck. It's weird okay? It's like some Buffy Hellmouth shit."

NOT THE WET SPOT!!!

Ash flails as she's tipped over onto that spot on the couch, trying to move away from it to the dry spot before she protests, "I am not bluffing! Name it. Whatever." Bluff might be called, so now she's got to back up her own bullshit, it seems. She leans back, arms and legs crossing as she stares at him, doubling down on this bluffing business.

"Nope. Nuh uh. Not falling into this shit. No way, no how. I know this game," Jens says, waving his hand at her wildly, encircling her with a gesture. "It's all 'whatever you want' and then it's 'that's gross, ew!' and nope." Is he fucking with her? He's probably fucking with her just to divert the topic.

"I pinky promise that I'll do whatever you ask, as long as you tell us about this weird shit." Ash hops to her feet, moving across the room towards him to offer him her pinky. Can someone triple down on a bluff? Maybe. Or she was never bluffing and Jens is just fucked in general.

"Nope." Jens shakes his head. He's looking at her, though, like he's considering. And then he lifts a hand and shakes a finger at her. "Nope. Nope nope nope." He knows better. He knows better. "This is some Astrid-and-Marius-drunk-as-shit-type-fuckery and I ain't having it. Nope." He knows better! For now! "Look. I just--Gray Harbor is extra weird. The whole world is weird but we're... weirder. Shit we can do makes us targets for bad shit. Bad ... things. That we're not supposed to talk about. So you keep it toned down, you don't talk about it, you survive. That's it. You find yourself in a vivid, fucked up Dream--" how does he get it to sound like it has a capital D that way? "--you try to relax and find your way out. That's it."

"That's not..." Ash holds her hand up still, pinky finger out as she stares at him, "That's barely an answer, Jens." She holds her hand out towards him, wiggling it a bit, "Come on, pinky promise that whatever you ask for in exchange for information is yours. No Astrid-and-Marius-drunk-as-shit-type-fuckery. Just an honest, true exchange."

"That's the answer I got, Ash." Jens doesn't sound like he's playing anymore. "Honest to fucking God, that's the answer I got. You want more, you ask Marius. Or Runa. Or you take a fucking cab, you go ask my mom, see if she tells you anything or smacks you so hard you forget today ever happened."

The fact that he is not playing at all about this is enough to make Ash blink, her hand dropping to her side as she gives him a very odd look, uncertain about this Jens. This isn't the normal Jens everyone knows and loves. So she just nods, "Sure. Alright."

Slap her? That'd be painful. But a deal is a deal, and even though he didn't spill his guts, she makes good on her offer, "So what do you want for the information? I owe you now."

Jens shakes his head. "Naw, forget about it." He smiles tightly. "Look, I'm sorry, all right. But this is... this is deep shit and I'm absolutely the last person in my family, maybe in town, that you want explaining it. I'm just gonna fuck it up. I don't even know that much more, honestly, like, what I told you is the stuff I go by. If you want more, honest, just... Marius. He'll know what to tell you." Jens doesn't often look vulnerable, but he kind of just shrinks into himself a little, as if self-conscious, now, of being in his underwear. "You want a beer?" You just had a cookie, dude, jesus.

"No." Ash would probably stomp her foot if she was like two. But since she's like twenty-two, she refrains from stomping her foot and acting like a child. Instead she reaches out a hand, giving his shoulder a pat, "Seriously. You think about it, you can cash in this favor. I'm a woman of my word." She then starts towards the kitchen, "Is there beer left?"

Jens shrugs a little. "Yeah. Sure." Whatever. That last one isn't spoken. He clears his throat and then shrugs. "I think there should be. I bought some." Beer is a thing he can talk about. He walks to the fridge and opens it, leaning down, ass out from behind the door. "Yeah, there is. You want one?"

Does she want one? Ash wanders over to check the calendar that is on the wall, finger trailing towards the proper day before she nods, "Yep. I can take one. I'm not working tonight." Lush she might be, she's at least responsible enough that she doesn't drink before heading to work. After finding the proper day she moves to hop up on the counter, tilting her head to unabashedly watch his ass. He's the one in underwear, so that means he clearly is okay with being objectified.

He's never minded that before. He just stands up, closes the fridge, and hands her one, popping his own open and taking a long guzzle. Because Christ. He sniffs a bit and then asks, "So what's up? You do anything cool today?"

"I slept all day, and woke up to find a half-naked guy on my couch." Ash points out as she opens her beer, absently flinging some of the exploding foam off her hand before she takes a much more conservative sip off it before she sets it down on the counter next to her. "What'd you do today?"

Jens snorts. "I mostly painted all night and then went to sleep at like ... nine." Jens does that a lot. And while his paintings for class are usually whatever his professors expect, his private paintings are... well, let's just say he doesn't share. Last person to see them was Cammie, and she stopped coming around. "Fell asleep on the couch." He sticks his tongue out. "You couldda woke me up nicer, you know."

"But if I woke you up nicer you might realize just how much I love you, and then we'd have to run around the city, you'd have to have an epic car chase after my cousin dies and curses our families. Then get banished, which would just suck, because I'd become weepy and depressed, and fake my death to escape town..." Ash picks up her beer, pausing, "But you'd turn back up at the worst time and think I was really dead, and then you'd off yourself, and I'd wake up...It'd be all oops, and I'd be stupid and kill myself along with you." She takes a sip from her beer, adding, "What were you painting?"

"Whatever was on my mind," Jens says, answering his standard answer to that question before shaking his head at her and asking, "Did you just Romeo-plus-Juliet us for some fucked up reason?" He squints at her. "Look, I know I'm handsome, but I'm not, like, fucking 90s Leo handsome, okay? I know my limitations. Jesus." He takes another sip of his beer.

"I just confessed my love to you in poetic terms, of the epic ballad variety." Ash counters before she takes another sip from her beer, blinking at Jens, "Is my love not good enough any more?" She carefully sets her beer down, because that is too much risk to lose, then she slides off the counter to her knees, her hands lifting up and clasping together in front of her as she puts on her very best sad face, "Please, please tell me I am worth car chases and tragic deaths for."

This is when Astrid comes bouncing down the stairs and back into the living room, having gone the full nine yards with a shower. She's in black heathered joggers and a t-shirt that was probably an old boyfriend's, but she kept it because it is some vintage E.T. t-shirt-- all dull navy blue with purple lettering. It's soft. Super soft. She pauses just inside the room, and then leans into the rectangular doorway. "Um, don't let me interrupt. Jens must be getting ready to monologue."

Jens looks down at her, lifting his head and taking a long gulp of his beer. He looks up when Astrid shows back up, and then back down at Ash on her knees, and then back to Astrid, then Ash, then Astrid, then Ash. "I mean." He shrugs. "Tragic deaths, sure. But car chases? Man, cars are expensive." He's trying not to crack up. Honest.

"Hi, Ast." Ash greets cheerfully, a break in the entire whatever that is happening. But then she's knee-walking across the kitchen towards Jens, throwing herself dramatically at his ankles, sobbing, "I'm not worth a car chase? Why....why cruel world?!"

"Hi, Ash." Then Astrid is heading for the couch-- MINDFUL OF THE WET SPOTS-- and plops down to watch this dramatic display with interest. She cups her chin on her hand, elbow on her knee, smiling wistfully. "You're worth a car chase, Ash. I'd go Fast and Furious for you."

"Your best friend offered herself sexually to me if I talked. You'll be proud to know I turned it down because I'm a gentleman," Jens informs Astrid, while drinking beer in the kitchen in his underwear with Ash wrapped around his ankles. Total gentleman.

"I love you, Ast." Ash calls from where she's trying to lay on Jen's feet for two reasons. One, so he can't move. Two, so she can hold her hands out towards Ast, fingers together in a heart. "You complete me." She makes certain that Astrid sees just how much it all means to her before she looks up at Jens, "I did not offer myself sexually. I said I'd do whatever you wanted if you talked, there are a lot of things not sexual that could have meant. What you are doing now is turning me down. Which breaks my heart. Also, Ast, we need to ask Marius, but you have to sit on his lap. Not me."

"Um. You're an idiot." Astrid actually blinks in surprise. "Like, if Ash offered me sex, pretty sure I'd take it." She gestures off-handedly. "So, sure. A gentleman. An idiotic gentleman." Then she is laughing outright at the two, giggling as she leans back onto the couch.

"See? I told you. Fucking conditional bribes. Whatever." Jens takes another drink. "And I'm not turning you down. I just don't find your declaration to be very sincere," Jens says, waving his beer bottle around a little bit. He snorts at Astrid. "Please." He takes another drink. "If she really wanted to have sex with me she wouldn't want something in return." Point.

"Pretty sure I just said I wasn't offering sex in exchange for information. I was offering a normal sort of favor in exchange. Like. Ash, I'm lazy, bring me pizza tonight, and pay for it." Ash rolls over onto her back, feet resting flat against the floor before she crosses her legs, "So, ahem. Stop mixing your wires." Then she glances towards Ast, winking at her before she waggles her brows.

"Except an orgasm," Astrid points out. But then she's flashing a grin toward Ash before she nods soberly to Jens. She meets the brow waggling with some of her own, and then she looks at Jens. "So, what are you cooking us for dinner tonight?" She rests her elbows on her knees, giving Jens a serious look. "And you can't order in pizza."

Jens stares at Astrid. He stares at her right in the eyes. And then he lifts a foot, slowly, and nudges Ash with it. "Hey, Ash. Cook dinner and we'll call it even." And then he smiles.

"Why d..." Right, Ash, right. You offered the exchange of a favor for information. Ash rolls herself over, then pushes herself up off the floor, dusting her hands off before she heads towards the fridge to look for things. "We can have...salad. Everyone on board with salad for dinner?"

"Salads sound great." Now Astrid lays out across the couch, still mindful of the wet spots. "With lots of lettuce and cucumbers and tomatoes. We should add some tofu, too. And maybe some of those bean sprout thingies." She smiles toward Jens before she sticks out her tongue at him.

"Ew, fucking salad? See? This is why you guys are the worst." Jens takes another drink of his beer and then he points at Ash with it and says, "Don't stick your tongue out less you're gonna use it."

"Sounds good." Ash replies cheerfully as she starts pulling all those things out of the fridge, starting to set them on the counter so that she can start to get the salad together. Jens told her to make dinner, he didn't tell her what to make. Which was really his fault. "What about cheese?"

"Cheese would be okay. Do we have cheddar?" Look how the girls ignore Jens. It's an art form! She does then smile toward Jens now that he baits her. "Okay, cm'ere and I'll give you a lick!"

Aw, hell no. He already called one of their bluffs. Jens just saunters over to Astrid there on the couch and then bends over, in his underwear, all up in her face like, "Oosagoodgirl?"

"I think we might." Ash calls back, turning her attention back towards the fridge, digging around in it before she lifts a bag of pre-shredded cheese, "Got it!" She is a warrior among women, fighting the good fight against the dinner monsters. As soon as three bowls of salad have been made she collects the bowls, heading towards the living room.

"Jens!" Astrid didn't expect that, but she's shoving at his face with her hands, laughing gleefully at the absolute absurdity of this. She snaps her teeth at him before she grabs him by his cheeks and-- SHE WARNED YOU-- licks with lots of slobbery up his cheek! Careful whose bluff you call with the Ashtrid. Then she gives his hip a shove with her foot. "Ugh, are you sure you showered today?" Then she calls back to the kitchen. "We should check to see if Marius is gonna be around for dinner!"

Jens just lets her lick. What's the worst that could happen? Her question gets a snort. "HAH. I'm pretty sure I didn't, actually. I was up until like nine am painting and then just fell asleep on the couch." He smiles at her and wiggles his brows.

"Does Marius even eat salads?" Ash holds out the bowls towards them, "I don't have my phone on me, either. So you should probably give him a call so that he can tell us he'll be here, and that he doesn't eat salad." It doesn't actually take long to make salads guys, so she's done and Marius has missed out on the glory that is Ash's salads.

"Gross," is all Astrid says, but she's laughing. Then she rolls up to her feet, giving him a playful shove. "You Viking boys." Then she turns to bounce up to Ash to get her bowl, and Jens's. She leans in to peck a kiss to Ash's cheek. Then she spins on heel to offer Jens his salad. "I'll shoot him a text. See where he's at."

Jens looks at the salad and then at Astrid. "You guys are so mean." But he takes the salad anyway, setting it on the table. "I'm gonna go put some pants on." Fucking finally.

There is a sad little sound when he announces that he's going to go put on some pants, "Oh no." Ash shakes her head, but then she moves to find herself a seat, shooting a wink in Astrid's direction, mouthing to her 'I love you, boo'.

"Booo, hissss," Astrid says but she's already tucking into her salad, mixing up her greens with all the other goodies. She glances after Jens briefly before she looks up at Ash and she winks before she mouths the same back.