2019-07-17 - 8675309

(TXT to Easton) Sutton : Jenny, Jenny, who can I turn to?

(TXT to Sutton) Easton : You used to call me on cell phone.

(TXT to Easton) Sutton : i got your # on the wall

(TXT to Sutton) Easton : Late night when you need my love.

(TXT to Easton) Sutton : got a reputation for yourself now ~

(TXT to Easton) Sutton : that took me way longer than it should have MASHUP

(TXT to Sutton) Easton : Can't sleep?

(TXT to Easton) Sutton : too man/not enough shots — srs tho, your #'s on the wall in what appears to be ballpoint pen

(TXT to Easton) Sutton : which is lazy, use a sharpie, god.... *many gd phone

(TXT to Sutton) Easton : It better say for a good time call. It's a classic for a reason.

(TXT to Sutton) Easton : And I vote not enough.

(TXT to Easton) Sutton : what i can read, yeah, but there's fine print scribbled over in a diff color

(TXT to Sutton) Easton : Yea those are the legal disclaimers. May include mid-intercourse sobbing, prone to not calling back and barely qualifies for amusement park height restrictions. I believe in being very honest.

(TXT to Easton) Sutton : omg, dude, sometimes i cry after sex just to make them leave. that shit works almost every time... except when it backfires 🙁

(TXT to Sutton) Easton : Brutal. Love it. But even more hilarious if you accidentally trap a teddy bear and he wants to talk about it.

(TXT to Easton) Sutton : will add to your graffiti next time i'm in that stall, ~specificity~

(TXT to Sutton) Easton : The Pourhouse? I feel like that ad has paid for itself many times over. Who says personals are dead.

(TXT to Easton) Sutton : that's when it gets brutal 🙁 so if you ever get a 911 txt from me like:

(TXT to Easton) Sutton : 🐻 🔪

(TXT to Easton) Sutton : i need you to run up here mostly naked & bang on the door & be crazy russian fiance ok?

(TXT to Sutton) Easton : You need a jealous husband to come home unexpectedly. I got you.

(TXT to Sutton) Easton : Aw, too slow.

(TXT to Sutton) Easton : If I need to clear someone out in the morning, I might all for a face-slap-you-bastard special.

(TXT to Sutton) Easton : *call

(TXT to Easton) Sutton : jelly hubs is better, good point... can you do the accent? bring a friend/girl/boyfriend. make it super awks... ooh high drama

(TXT to Easton) Sutton : i'm kinda method. you got any expensive dental work on either side?

(TXT to Sutton) Easton : Accents? Sure, so long as you don't mind racist stereotypes, which personally I think add to the experience.

(TXT to Sutton) Easton : No dental work. You can kick out my fake leg if you want to go full bitch mode. But then we risk the sympathy problem.

(TXT to Easton) Sutton : even better. both gotta look cracked w/ tenacious ones. ... sry in advance if i kick the wrong shin

(TXT to Easton) Sutton : no sympathy if you make like you're gonna beat 'em with it from the floor

(TXT to Easton) Sutton : maybe it should be 🔪🐻 ... if it’s 🔪🔪🔪 bring tire iron

(TXT to Sutton) Easton : That's true. I apologize in advance for the horrible names I'm going to call you.

(TXT to Easton) Sutton : hee hee

(TXT to Sutton) Easton : Pfft I'll just come armed.

(TXT to Easton) Sutton : do you have a secret teenaged daughter?

(TXT to Sutton) Easton : Only if it's a really deep secret that no one told me about?

(TXT to Easton) Sutton : shit that wasn't for you

(TXT to Sutton) Easton : Well at least it wasn't a question. I don't need the heart attack of being told I'm a dad on accident.

(TXT to Easton) Sutton : if i'm telling you you're a dad, we both drink too much

(TXT to Easton) Sutton : jesus some amazon is rattling my peaceful stall... sec

(TXT to Sutton) Easton : Make it sound like you're 🤮 And invite her in to party

(TXT to Easton) Sutton : hahaha right on ... huh... just learned some things about you & me

(TXT to Easton) Sutton : 1) i should read more carefully, 2) your #'s on the men's room wall, 3) dudes who gotta deuce are cranky AF

(TXT to Sutton) Easton : we lack boundaries?

(TXT to Easton) Sutton : that's the alcohol

(TXT to Sutton) Easton : Nicely done on missing the clues. The urinal. The other men. The sign that says men's room.

(TXT to Easton) Sutton : 1) ok it was empty when i came in here, 2) valid point re: urinals, c) who reads the door?

(TXT to Easton) Sutton : fuck, gotta go, he realized i 4) stole the tp cos it was being a grouch lol

(TXT to Sutton) Easton : Everyone. Everyone reads the door. 🚹

(TXT to Easton) Sutton : YOLO

(TXT to Easton) Sutton : 🤘🏻

(TXT to Sutton) Easton : which is not say I haven't puked in a ladies restroom. In my defense I was drunk. And didn't care. And only noticed the lack of urinals on the way out.

(TXT to Easton) Sutton : context matters! all i'm saying

(TXT to Sutton) Easton : also when confronted with angry man who needs to poop just flash your tits. Where are your survival instincts? Don't they teach this in school anymore?

(TXT to Easton) Sutton : is that how you handle the situation? omg, i married an easy Russian

(TXT to Sutton) Easton : I think it's safe to assume we were both drunk for the courtship and wedding. Though that heartfelt rhythmic gymnastics routine you did at the reception will stay with me forever

(TXT to Easton) Sutton : rhythmic gymnastics? rly? mmkay but while you were sobbing your way thru the 80s power ballad tribute, i was def. doing your ex girlfriend in the coatroom. sry honey

(TXT to Sutton) Easton : but it's still true. I will always love you.

(TXT to Easton) Sutton : did you just Whitney me? we're getting a divorce

(TXT to Sutton) Easton : fine but I'm asking for spousal support

(TXT to Easton) Sutton : i can get you all the stolen donuts you could ever possibly want

(TXT to Sutton) Easton : stolen donuts do taste better

(TXT to Easton) Sutton : that's what i think every day before & sneak past the desk sergeant

(TXT to Easton) Sutton : 🚓 🍩 🚨

(TXT to Sutton) Easton : compare and contrast stealing 🍩👮🏻‍♂️Vs 🍭👶🏻

(TXT to Easton) Sutton : i have done both & stealing from cops is more entertaining, tho neither put up much fight

(TXT to Sutton) Easton : I think both can be considered a public service.

(TXT to Easton) Sutton : i knew there was a reason i didn't immediately leave when you sat next to me at murder meeting 1.0

(TXT to Sutton) Easton : despite our fake tumultuous and adultery ridden marriage that neither of us remembered, we still remain friends, it's a modern love story.

(TXT to Easton) Sutton : at the very least a like story. i would def consider dog-sitting for you for up to 4 days. ... hm there's an idea. what's this building's policy on pets?

(TXT to Sutton) Easton : I don't know. I want a dog though. I'm just worried he'd get Lost. Like legit, that thought makes me super sad.

(TXT to Easton) Sutton : aw puppy. 🙁 don't say that.

(TXT to Sutton) Easton : I'm willing to play my injured vet card and call it a therapy dog. I'm looking online now.

(TXT to Easton) Sutton : aw, puppy. you find one anywhere between Whidbey & here, i can find a ride for the fuzzbutt down to GH for the low, low price of beer

(TXT to Sutton) Easton : Yea, so this is happening. Bennie and I are going looking soon. Might take you up on actually picking it up, still haven't replaced the jeep.

(TXT to Easton) Sutton : yeah, not strapping a bowwow to my bike, but i know a fuckload of marines

(TXT to Sutton) Easton : Motorcycle? Marines? WTF. How are we not besties? <-- 1st Lt Easton Marshall formerly of the 3/8.

(TXT to Easton) Sutton : hey, you're totally dating my sometimes-partner <--- knew i knew your name, rock on. aw, we're def drinking now, lou

(TXT to Sutton) Easton : Hell yea we are.

(TXT to Carver) Sutton : 🤟🏻