2019-07-26 - These Texts Are Insane

(TXT to Magnolia) Bennie: Hey, it's Benz. Kevin said you were in the hospital. I got your number from your mom. You doing okay?

(TXT to Bennie) Magnolia: Hi Benz. Sorry. We should have exchanged numbers. I didn't think about that.
(TXT to Bennie) Magnolia: I'm actually okay. Close call with a broken leg but I'm back to :100 emoji:

(TXT to Magnolia) Bennie: Phew. I'm dealing with my own shit, but if there is anything I can do lemme know. :heart emoji:

(TXT to Bennie) Magnolia: What shirt you dealing with?
(TXT to Bennie) Magnolia: Shit
(TXT to Bennie) Magnolia: :poop emoji:

(TXT to Magnolia) Bennie: Besides fucking things up with Easton after he asked me to move in with him? Everything.

(TXT to Bennie) Magnolia: Aw honey. I can't imagine you fucked things up. What happened?

(TXT to Magnolia) Bennie: ...
(TXT to Magnolia) Bennie: :deleting.
(TXT to Magnolia) Bennie: Snapped at him for something stupid.
(TXT to Magnolia) Bennie: After that he got all squirrelie.

(TXT to Bennie) Magnolia: You want to tell me what happened or should I just offer generic anger at Male Offender?

(TXT to Magnolia) Bennie: Neither is necessary, but I think moving in together might be a bad idea afterall.
(TXT to Magnolia) Bennie: Just tell me again I didn't fuck this up.

(TXT to Bennie) Magnolia: You didn't, honey. I promise.
(TXT to Bennie) Magnolia: Give it a few days and then poke him.

(TXT to Magnolia) Bennie: Or put on something slinky and let him poke me?

(TXT to Bennie) Magnolia: Or that. Either would work.

(TXT to Magnolia) Bennie: Alright. I'll stop freaking out. You sure you're good?

(TXT to Bennie) Magnolia: I'm good. Really. Um. A lot better than I was before. I think my luck's changed.

(TXT to Magnolia) Bennie: Happy to hear.
(TXT to Magnolia) Bennie: So. You and Kevin, huh?

(TXT to Bennie) Magnolia: Me and Kevin?

(TXT to Bennie) Magnolia: Oh.
(TXT to Bennie) Magnolia: We had one not-date and maybe a second date?

(TXT to Magnolia) Bennie: Uh-huh. And he's the one texting me about you being in the hospital and plans with Lark. Just a not-date.

(TXT to Bennie) Magnolia: Bennie
(TXT to Bennie) Magnolia: I haven't dated since Edgar. I don't even know how to do this.

(TXT to Magnolia) Bennie: Preaching to the choir, sweets.
(TXT to Magnolia) Bennie: I should've walked away after we screwed.

(TXT to Bennie) Magnolia: And Kevin isn't exactly you know forthright with his affections or interest

(TXT to Magnolia) Bennie: Easton. Not Kevin, I mean.
(TXT to Magnolia) Bennie: Just count his blushes.

(TXT to Bennie) Magnolia: You will be okay. Really.
(TXT to Bennie) Magnolia: What? Ugh.

(TXT to Magnolia) Bennie: You got this.
(TXT to Magnolia) Bennie: Feel up his muscles, he likes that.

(TXT to Bennie) Magnolia: :cry-laugh emoji: How do you know that?

(TXT to Magnolia) Bennie: I suck at personal bubbles?
(TXT to Magnolia) Bennie: P.S. Boy is ripped.

(TXT to Bennie) Magnolia: Kevin is?
(TXT to Bennie) Magnolia: Really?
(TXT to Bennie) Magnolia: I don't think I noticed.

(TXT to Magnolia) Bennie: Girl.
(TXT to Magnolia) Bennie: Srsly.

(TXT to Bennie) Magnolia: What?
(TXT to Bennie) Magnolia: Sigh.
(TXT to Bennie) Magnolia: I'm so lame.

(TXT to Kevin) Magnolia: Kevin.

(TXT to Magnolia) Bennie: Just rusty. So flush that snatch and get back out there, girl.

(TXT to Bennie) Magnolia: Okay.
(TXT to Bennie) Magnolia: Where should I take him on a date?

(TXT to Magnolia) Bennie: Besides your bedroom?

(TXT to Bennie) Magnolia: (...)
(TXT to Bennie) Magnolia: Yes.

(TXT to Magnolia) Kevin: Lia! Hey. I'm not watching Sesame Street. You're watching Sesame Street.

(TXT to Kevin) Magnolia: Why are you watching Sesame Street?
(TXT to Kevin) Magnolia: I mean no offense to The Street.

(TXT to Magnolia) Kevin: I like Chris.

(TXT to Kevin) Magnolia: Of course you do.
(TXT to Kevin) Magnolia: Hey
(TXT to Kevin) Magnolia: So

(TXT to Magnolia) Kevin: I forgot how fun it is. How's the leg?

(TXT to Kevin) Magnolia: Oh
(TXT to Kevin) Magnolia: It's fine.

(TXT to Magnolia) Kevin: Are you going to rock a sword-cane for a while?

(TXT to Kevin) Magnolia: No. Actually, it's all better.

(TXT to Magnolia) Kevin: Woah!
(TXT to Magnolia) Kevin: Um. So. Yeah.

(TXT to Kevin) Magnolia: A nurse I think at the hospital can do stuff

(TXT to Magnolia) Kevin: Thanks for the check-in at the hospital.

(TXT to Magnolia) Bennie: Grab a blanket, some good tunes and some booze. There is the Delta Aquarids Meteor Shower Sunday night.

(TXT to Kevin) Magnolia: (lots of deleting and typing and deleting) You're welcome. You did good work on the story.

(TXT to Magnolia) Kevin: Thought I'd keep most names out of it. So when's #2?

(TXT to Bennie) Magnolia: Do people have dates during a meteor shower?

(TXT to Kevin) Magnolia: #2?

(TXT to Magnolia) Kevin: Date.

(TXT to Kevin) Magnolia: Oh
(TXT to Kevin) Magnolia: Apparently there's some meteor shower on Sunday night

(TXT to Magnolia) Kevin: askj4akd

(TXT to Magnolia) Bennie: He will love it. Though if he mentions aliens it's not my fault.

(TXT to Magnolia) Kevin: Sorry. Dropped my phone.

(TXT to Kevin) Magnolia: Wait
(TXT to Kevin) Magnolia: That's not how phones work

(TXT to Magnolia) Kevin: It is when you try to catch them. And your finger slips all over the keypad.
(TXT to Magnolia) Kevin: So meteor shower? That could be nice.

(TXT to Kevin) Magnolia: Oh
(TXT to Kevin) Magnolia: I guess that sounds legit.

(TXT to Bennie) Magnolia: He says it would be nice

(TXT to Kevin) Magnolia: Unless you prefer something else.

(TXT to Magnolia) Kevin: Would I lie? It's not like I fabricate reality for a living.

(TXT to Kevin) Magnolia: Ha
(TXT to Kevin) Magnolia: Yeah

(TXT to Magnolia) Kevin: Woah, that sounded way more supervillain than I twas supposed to.

(TXT to Kevin) Magnolia: A little.

(TXT to Magnolia) Kevin: No megalomania.
(TXT to Magnolia) Kevin: Promise.

(TXT to Kevin) Magnolia: Okay good
(TXT to Kevin) Magnolia: I only date regular villains
(TXT to Kevin) Magnolia: Supervillains are right out.

(TXT to Magnolia) Kevin: No, I'm good with meteor shower. I've never seen one except online.
(TXT to Magnolia) Kevin: Wait. I can only be Moist? Not Bad Horse?

(TXT to Kevin) Magnolia: So like maybe pack a dinner and go watch at the beach?
(TXT to Kevin) Magnolia: I don't get that reference

(TXT to Magnolia) Bennie: Bennie knows her shit.

(TXT to Magnolia) Kevin: You've never seen Dr. Horrible? Seriously? Okay. There might need to be a 1.5.

(TXT to Bennie) Magnolia: Who is Bad Horse?

(TXT to Kevin) Magnolia: Dr. Horrible?

(TXT to Bennie) Magnolia: Who is Dr. Horrible?

(TXT to Bennie) Magnolia: He's asking me about how he's only Moist and not Bad Horse? And then something about a Dr. Horrible?

(TXT to Magnolia) Kevin: Dr. Horrible's Sing-Along Blog. Neil Patrick Harris and Nathan Fillion and Felicia Day in a musical about a super-villain.

(TXT to Magnolia) Bennie: Seriously? The Evil League of Evil? Doesn't ring a bell?

(TXT to Kevin) Magnolia: So, Doogie Howser, Castle, and Charlie are all in some sing-a-long? Do any of them know how to sing or is this some awful autotune crap?

(TXT to Magnolia) Bennie: Well, Moist's super power is to make things wet. Sooooooo...

(TXT to Bennie) Magnolia: I have no idea what you're talking about.

(TXT to Magnolia) Kevin: Hey! At least you recognize Castle and Charlie.
(TXT to Magnolia) Kevin: Are you a Supernatural fan?
(TXT to Magnolia) Kevin: And yes, Doogie Howser can sing. He's hosted the Emmies. A couple of times.
(TXT to Magnolia) Kevin: Tonys. Not Emmies.
(TXT to Magnolia) Kevin: Emmies too?
(TXT to Magnolia) Kevin: I'm babbling, aren't I? Save me from myself.

(TXT to Magnolia) Bennie: But Moist is a sidekick and Bad Horse is the main villain. It's a campy musical series on YouTube. C'mon, who's the PI here?
(TXT to Magnolia) Bennie: Maybe he's just high? But he doesn't seem the type.

(TXT to Bennie) Magnolia: I have spent the last five years watching Daniel Tiger, Sesame Street, and a lot of BBC Earth documentaries.

(TXT to Kevin) Magnolia: Dude.
(TXT to Kevin) Magnolia: I don't watch the Emmies, or the Oscars, or the Tonys.
(TXT to Kevin) Magnolia: I'm still 3 seasons behind on Game of Thrones.

(TXT to Magnolia) Kevin: I mean, neither do I. But I watch the video clips.
(TXT to Magnolia) Kevin: You're what? Okay, we need a 1.25.
(TXT to Magnolia) Kevin: Wait. No, those aren't good date material. That can just be friends.

(TXT to Magnolia) Bennie: Time to make some time for mama.

(TXT to Kevin) Magnolia: I don't know. Maybe 3. What season did Argus Filch go murderous psycho and kill the wolves and their owners?

(TXT to Bennie) Magnolia: Now he's giving me a hard time that I haven't caught up on Game of Thrones.

(TXT to Magnolia) Kevin: Oh my god.
(TXT to Magnolia) Kevin: Your geek fu is lacking.
(TXT to Magnolia) Kevin: Don't you know it's the age of the geek? You need to get caught up or you won't be cool.

(TXT to Kevin) Magnolia: Does this mean you don't want to go watch the meteor shower with me?

(TXT to Magnolia) Bennie: That's when you say something like: that just means we have to binge during breakfast.

(TXT to Bennie) Magnolia: Fine I'll try that.

(TXT to Magnolia) Kevin: Oh no, I want to.
(TXT to Magnolia) Kevin: Definitely.

(TXT to Kevin) Magnolia: Sounds like this means we have to binge during breakfast.

(TXT to Magnolia) Kevin: There might just have to be, yes.

(TXT to Bennie) Magnolia: There I said it.

(TXT to Magnolia) Kevin: Wait, breakfast?

(TXT to Kevin) Magnolia: The meal that comes after you wake. The meal that breaks the fast of sleeping.

(TXT to Magnolia) Kevin: I mean, yeah. Breakfast. Definitely.

(TXT to Kevin) Magnolia: Okay. Good.

(TXT to Magnolia) Bennie: Don't leave me hanging.

(TXT to Bennie) Magnolia: He said "Breakfast. Definitely."
(TXT to Bennie) Magnolia: What does that mean?

(TXT to Magnolia) Kevin: So Sunday. What time should I pick you up? You have someone watching Lark?
(TXT to Magnolia) Kevin: Overnight?

(TXT to Magnolia) Bennie: That means you had a grown up sleep over, sweets.

(TXT to Magnolia) Kevin: Wait.
(TXT to Magnolia) Kevin: Ignore that last one.

(TXT to Magnolia) Bennie: Congratulations. Buy some condoms.

(TXT to Bennie) Magnolia: Help
(TXT to Bennie) Magnolia: He asked about overnight babysitter.

(TXT to Magnolia) Bennie: Help you buy condoms?

(TXT to Bennie) Magnolia: And then told me to ignore that
(TXT to Bennie) Magnolia: No!
(TXT to Bennie) Magnolia: Help!
(TXT to Bennie) Magnolia: SOS

(TXT to Magnolia) Bennie: Yeah, I'll take Lark.

(TXT to Kevin) Magnolia: Bennie will take her overnight.
(TXT to Kevin) Magnolia: I don't need you to help me buy condoms!

(TXT to Bennie) Magnolia: FUCK

(TXT to Magnolia) Bennie: Shave your legs, trim your bush, you got this.

(TXT to Bennie) Magnolia: I sent him a text that was going to go to you!

(TXT to Magnolia) Bennie: I'm not laughing.
(TXT to Magnolia) Bennie: What was it?

(TXT to Magnolia) Kevin: (typing, not typing, typing, not typing)

(TXT to Bennie) Magnolia: I just told him he didn't need to help buy me condoms!

(TXT to Kevin) Magnolia: Ignore that

(TXT to Magnolia) Kevin: Good to know. I'm sure you can handle that.

(TXT to Kevin) Magnolia: What?

(TXT to Magnolia) Kevin: Sorry. Supposed to be ignoring that.

(TXT to Bennie) Magnolia: Oh my god

(TXT to Magnolia) Bennie: He'll just think you're progressive. Grab the magnums. I have a good feeling about this one.

(TXT to Bennie) Magnolia: Magnums??

(TXT to Magnolia) Kevin: It's like when the judge tells the jury to ignore what the bigshot lawyer just said, but they still totally heard it. But they're ignoring it.

(TXT to Bennie) Magnolia: BENNIE

(TXT to Magnolia) Kevin: Totally ignoring it.

(TXT to Magnolia) Bennie: Yes, love?

(TXT to Kevin) Magnolia: Okay.
(TXT to Kevin) Magnolia: 9 PM on Sunday

(TXT to Bennie) Magnolia: Okay. You're watching Lark on Sunday night.
(TXT to Bennie) Magnolia: And I am not buying magnums!

(TXT to Magnolia) Bennie: Done.

(TXT to Bennie) Magnolia: What if I've forgotten how to have sex?

(TXT to Magnolia) Bennie: I hope you're on b/c.

(TXT to Magnolia) Kevin: 9 PM Sunday. Should I bring a waffle maker? Or I don't know, something?
(TXT to Magnolia) Kevin: Since I don't need to bring condoms.

(TXT to Magnolia) Bennie: It's like riding a bike. That makes you orgasm.

(TXT to Magnolia) Kevin: Shit. I'm supposed to be ignoring that.

(TXT to Bennie) Magnolia: He just asked if he should bring a waffle maker.
(TXT to Bennie) Magnolia: Is that code for something?

(TXT to Magnolia) Bennie: Yes.

(TXT to Kevin) Magnolia: Yes. I'll bring the condoms.

(TXT to Bennie) Magnolia: I'm never looking at a bicycle the same way again.
(TXT to Bennie) Magnolia: What does that stand for??
(TXT to Bennie) Magnolia: What does bringing a waffle maker mean??

(TXT to Magnolia) Bennie: Man, I am so tired. I'm going to hit the hay.

(TXT to Bennie) Magnolia: Okay. Thank you. I think.
(TXT to Bennie) Magnolia: Except you didn't tell me what a waffle maker means.
(TXT to Bennie) Magnolia: I haven't forgotten.

(TXT to Magnolia) Bennie: I can't give you all the answers.
(TXT to Magnolia) Bennie: XOXO

(TXT to Bennie) Magnolia: You're going to make me Google it aren't you.
(TXT to Bennie) Magnolia: Ugh.
(TXT to Bennie) Magnolia: Goodnight. I hate you. :heart:

(TXT to Magnolia) Bennie: You love me.

(TXT to Magnolia) Kevin: (typing, no typing, typing, no typing)
(TXT to Magnolia) Kevin: I will see you Sunday. 9 PM.