2019-08-05 - It's Not Complicated, I Am

Dahlia was laying in bed, having slept in late and not quite ready to get up and start the day or get ready to do some work. That was when her phone buzzed. Ruiz, asking her how work went, apologizing for missing her texts the night before. But it didn’t take long for her to start feeling a bit of a lump in her throat.

(TXT to Dahlia) Ruiz: what's complicated about it? Do you like him? is he good to you?

Dahlia stared at the question for a long moment. What’s complicated about it? She was glad that Ruiz couldn’t see her right now, and that all the words she wanted to scream at him were too much to text. She started typing, erased, retyped. “Because I’m still hung up on you, you idiot.” She muttered

(TXT to Ruiz) Dahlia: I do and he is. But I don't know if I'm ready to commit to someone again. And he isn't either. We're going to dinner soon and we're going to talk about it some more.

Not that it was even any of his business.

(TXT to Dahlia) Ruiz: then don't commit. sounds less complicated, not more.

(TXT to Ruiz) Dahlia: Rephrase: It's not complicated. I'm complicated. You know I can't just let things be easy

(TXT to Dahlia) Ruiz: Okay. why are you making this complicated, then?

Dahlia was also glad that Justin was currently out. She made a frustrated sort of noise. Because I just want you to give me a sign. Even though she knew full well it was better this way. Things were safer like this. She wasn’t an idiot, she knew that it was a pipe dream. Whatever she and Ruiz had, whatever lingering desires and tensions there were….”I am an idiot.” She muttered, using her thumb and pointer finger to wipe at her eyes.

(TXT to Ruiz) Dahlia: Because I'm an idiot. I'm going to take Mae's advice though. Try to. And just focus on the present. Instead of the past, and what ifs.

There. Let’s see what he had to say about that. She briefly made a mental note to ask Mae how she knew Ruiz from Seattle. Maybe she got picked up a few times? He was taking a while to respond and a little part of her felt hopeful.

(TXT to Dahlia) Ruiz: Well, I'd say that's good advice

Fucking asshole. Dahlia set the phone down, covering her hands with her face. Get a hold of yourself woman. Christ. A few slow breaths before she picked the phone up again to respond.

(TXT to Ruiz) Dahlia: I guess so

(TXT to Dahlia) Ruiz: I've got to get back to work. we can meet for dinner some time, and you can tell me more about him.

(TXT to Ruiz) Dahlia: Dinner would be nice. I should get ready for work myself. Have a good one.

(TXT to Dahlia) Ruiz: stay safe, Dahl.

Dahlia scowled softly, dragging herself out of bed. She really had to get over this whole thing. Clearly he was doing just fine. So why couldn’t she get her shit together? She grabbed up some clothes so she could hop in the shower. Maybe Declan could do dinner tonight, after she finished work. She was serious about trying to Mae’s advice. Maybe it would help.