2019-08-26 - When You're Told You Have To Include A Possum And A Fork In Your Scene.

Two o'clock in the afternoon on a Monday isn't typically a rush-time for greasy spoons, so the place is more empty than not. Most of the booths are unoccupied, the bar has one or two people at it, and the waitresses on duty right now are pretty much just killing time, pretending to clean but actually just dawdling. The booth closest to the door has someone at it, and that someone is Duncan, who is busy coloring something with a Sharpee on the back of his place mat, really just scribbling away intensely.

And that's when things happen. From the kitchen comes, "GET BACK HERE, YOU SCUMMY RODENT!" And the cook comes charging out with a meat-cleaver in one hand and a long-handled spatula in the other, chasing a (wait for it) possum - which scurries across the counter, causing the two patrons sitting there to scream and scrabble out of the way.

Kelsey doesn't come to the Diner too much. Honestly she doesn't eat out much at all. However, today brings her here because she's just finished painting someone's door for a little extra cash and she doesn't know if she's got the energy to pull out stuff for cooking when she gets back to the house. Especially because she's got to take care of Wishbone first.

So she walks in...just as the chef is running out of the back, chasing a ...Oh lord is that a possum?! Kelsey moves to lean up against the side of one of the booths, arms crossed and eyebrow raised as she watches the spectable. The booth, just so happens to be Duncan's. She doesn't speak yet - wanting to see how this fiasco pans out.

And right behind Kelsey comes Alexander, sliding in with his usual slouch. He's reading a book as he shoulders open the door - but the screaming tends to draw his attention rather quickly. He jerks upright looking for the disaster, only to find a 'possum on the loose. "Poor thing," he says, and backs up to open the door and hold it open with his body, perhaps hoping it will see it and BOLT FOR FREEDOM.

Profoundly, Duncan exclaims, "Holy shit!" He climbs up onto the seat of his booth, getting his feet under him and tramping around on it while he looks over the top of Kelsey's head toward the cook with the cleaver. "Holy shit holy shit holy shit," he repeats, dancing around on his seat, finally going as far as stepping onto the table-top to proclaim, "Stop! You can't run with KNIVES!" He's absolutely going to jump on the cook's back in a second, tackling him like a boss.

For now, the cook is way too preoccupied with chasing the possum to notice the short-dude losing his mind. The cleaver comes down with a whack onto the end of the bar, and the possum skitters down a stool and darts toward the wall, racing along it. "Catch that menace!" The possum cuts a hard-left, darting between Kelsey's feet, making for the bright light of the door - with the cook hard on its heels, meat-cleaver waving madly through the air.

A glance towards Alexander and maybe to what book he's reading, then to Duncan as he starts freaking out. "Dude, please chill. It's not the-" end of the world. As a possum weaves it's way through Kelsey's feet causing her to involuntarily yelp and do that little foot shifty dance. While also managing to side step and navigate her way AWAY from the clever-swinging chef. "STOP SWINGING THAT KNIFE YOU ASSHOLE!" She shouts at the cook, shoving a hand through her hair. Apparently on Duncan's side of that arguement now.

Oh no. Alexander's eyes widen as he realizes he has put himself at the doorway when there is a charging possum followed by an enraged, knife-and-spatula wielding cook, and a Duncan who is about to pounce. This was in NO WAY a good decision, and judging by his rising consternation, he's realizing it now. He flings the book (a rather nicely weighted book on the most famous unsolved crime cases in the Pacific Northwest) at the cook's knife hand, and flattens himself against the door. "Run, possum, run, before this becomes more of an health code violation than it already is!"

Pointing at Kelsey while he walks all over the awesome place-mat art he was making, Duncan says, "Yes, what she said!" Even when the knife comes down with a whomp onto the end of his table, putting a nice dent in the Formica. The cook is in the process of yanking the knife out of the table when the book comes along and whacks him in the hand, which means the knife is still in the table (this will be important in a minute).

The cook looks at Alexander, stunned. "Ow, you prick!" while he shakes his hand, which hurts a little now.

The possum runs out the door - hold on, there's more to this pose.

The possum runs out the door, does not get smashed by a car immediately.

Which brings us back to the big knife. Duncan leaps on that bad boy, grabbing the handle with both hands and trying to yank it out of the tabletop. This has 'Alexander dies in a bloodbath' written all over it...

Possum is gone, great! Cook is not waving a knife around, also great! Cook is mad because he got hit with a book...not so great. Duncan is trying to pull the knife out of the table?! Also not great. Because he doesn't look to be that strong and everyone knows what happens when knives get yanked out of tough spots and...Kelsey shudders. She's seen enough people get stabbed with a variety of things. She's got no desire to watch anyone get knifed by total accident.

So she focuses in on the knife. Trying to keep it IN the table for now. "Maybe let the big guy handle the big knife? No offense." She says to Duncan, but her attention stays on the knife. Hoping it works. Or at least, you know, prevents the knife from flying out and come out easier. Cause otherwise, her whole day is just going to be ruined. Surely.

Alexander glares back at the cook as he closes the door firmly behind the possum. Do not come back, little woodlands creature! "You're waving a fucking knife in the middle of a restaurant, and I'm the prick? Fuck you." Yeah, Alexander's chances of getting a meal here that doesn't involve special kitchen additions has drastically plummeted. He gives Duncan an exasperated look. "Leave the knife alone, Duncan. The possum's gone." He starts trying to sidle past Kelsey with an apologetic grimace, and maybe reclaim his book, although he IS keeping a wary eye on cook and knife in the process.

Duncan yanks and pulls, really truly struggles with this big knife. Since he was only marginally capable of overpowering Kelsey's attempts to stick the knife to the table, it's taking him a lot more effort than it should to - "GOT IT!" So you know how when something you're struggling with suddenly pops loose and knocks you off balance? Yeah, imagine that plus you're standing on top of a table holding a meat cleaver. Duncan loses his balance, falls comically off the table, landing in a wreck of limbs on the bench-seat at his booth. The cleaver slips out of his hand, sails across the room, and lands harmlessly on the ground directly between Alexander and the cook.

Ahem. Directly between Alexander and the cook that Alexander just said 'fuck you' to. The cook scrambles over to retrieve it. "...add prick soup to the specials," he grunts. And probably is a reasonable human that's not going to chop anyone up and cook them, but it is the Grizzly Den Diner, so there's always the risk.

Kelsey swore she felt her heart stop when that knife went sailing. Don't hit someone. Don't hit someone. Don't- Whew! It landed on the floor. As the cook grabs the knife, Kelsey eyes him hard. "You should probably get back to the kitchen." Definitely not in the mood to deal with any more of his shenanigans. Then she looks at Duncan. "And YOU, shouldn't be yanking knives out of table!" She shifts easily enough to let Alexander pass by and retrieve his book. "Pretty interesting read." She adds, like she's read it before. Then is walking up to the counter to order a milkshake and calm her nerves.

"With your general competence in knife handling, I assumed yours was already on the menu," Alexander snaps back at the cook, his exasperated expression turning to anger in an instant. He ignores the book kindly offered by Kelsey, and instead dives for the knife. Surely just to keep it out of the clearly unstable man's hands. SURELY. Either way, instead of grabbing the cleaver by the hilt, his fingers just skitter uselessly across it, knocking it back towards the cook's hand. Oops. This will end well!

"You should probably not tell me what to do!" Duncan delivers this line while he's flailing around on the bench-seat, his feet sticking up on the tabletop, his hands trying to get some kind of purchase on the slippery tabletop. So yeah, his righteous indignation struggles to be impressive at the moment. "This table is eating me!" And he kicks and flails around uselessly; his life is never easy.

Meanwhile, Alexander and the cook are fighting over a meat cleaver, so at least it's just ludicrous all around.

"What did you say to me?!" The cook's face is so red, it's basically purple, and he lifts the meat cleaver high, cocking his arm threateningly. "I will - " Something something, finely mince, boil alive, etc. He advances on Alexander while a waitress tells Kelsey, "Oh, you don't want a milkshake. We found the possum eating ice cream out of the freezer." She hasn't noticed the murder about to happen (and, really, would she care if she did? the waitresses here are meh at best).

Duncan just gets a fleeting, pity-filled look from the blonde before she's at the counter. Kelsey isn't a people person really, but she plasters on a smile when the waitress talks about the ice cream. "Shit you're right, I totally don't want that." Even as her blood is boiling because this Cook doesn't know when to quit. She turns around again to watch the Cook about to knife Alexander and has sort of had enould. She lashes out at him, Glimmer-wise. It maybe more looked like he tripped over his own feet. And then gained a little momentum because he was a big dude or something? Because he seems to stumble and fall backwards none too gently and then keeps sliding backwards, towards an unoccupied table.

Kelsey raps her knuckles on the counter with a "Oof, that hurts." As she watches the cook, but doesn't sound like she cares at all. "I think this all might be enough excitement for me today."

Okay. Alexander isn't exactly the most stable sort, and coming at him with a knife is not the best way to make friends. His expression shuts down and he starts moving into the swing, raising his hand to try and grab the cook's wrist.

And then the cook trips backwards and falls down without Alexander even touching the guy. He gives a startled look to Kelsey, then lowers his hands, and looks a bit sheepish. His shoulders hunch as he looks at the fallen man, his rage passing as quickly as it rises. "Sorry," he tells the guy, hands held out and empty. "Didn't mean to upset you. Just...don't swing the knife inside. Might hurt someone."

The cook stumbles into the table, landing with slightly more grace than Duncan did moments ago. The knife falls out of his had - AGAIN - and clatters harmlessly to the tabletop. "You know what? I quit." And he rights himself, blows right by Alexander and his apology while he peels off his apron and throws it on the ground before stomping out the door.

Duncan has managed to get himself almost sitting upright during this, his eyes peeking over the horizon of his booth in time to see the cook's storm-off. He puffs some air into his cheeks, pushing the bubble around behind his lips, looking between Alexander and Kelsey for a second. Then, "Well, that's disappointing. I was thinking possum-stew for sure." Seriously, though, he's bummed.

Kelsey waits until the cook is gone before speaking, "Good fucking riddance." Is muttered under her breath. Dude's an asshole! And shouldn't working in a kitchen anyway. Then those blue eyes level on Duncan - "Deer stew in way better than possum I can guarantee it...not sure I'd ever want to eat a possum." Wrinkling her nose at the though.

"You okay?" Looking to Alexander then.

"After one possum? Amateur," Alexander just can't RESIST tossing back to the retreating cook. He shakes his head. "This goddamned town." A sidelong look at Kelsey. "I remember you. With the worms. You were there. I don't know your name. Possums probably have worms, too," he mutters, peering over at Duncan. "Uh. You need help getting up?" He, notably, does not OFFER that help, his hands going to his pockets and remaining there. But at least he asked?

Kelsey's nose wrinkles up again. Fucking worms. "Kelsey." She answered to Alexander. "And you're Alexander. At least. I think that's one that one chick called you." Kelsey shrugs. "Anyway. I need to get home to puppy. You two have fun. No more knife throwin' yeah?" Raising a brow with a wry smile before she headed out the door.

Duncan can't get himself out of a booth at a diner without copious amounts of flailing, full of useful trivia. "You just have to feed 'em for a couple days and cook the meat good. And I'm okay, I got this, thanks." He rattles that good-natured response off to Alexander reflexively. Then remembers who he's talking to and adds, "Just you stay over there, Mister So-Called Clayton! Where'd that giant knife go!"

"It's right there," Alexander says, and points with instinctive helpfulness. Then, THEN, he figures out where this is likely going, and gives Duncan a bewildered look. "What is WRONG with you? I haven't done anything to you!" With that, he throws his hands up in the air, and storms out of the diner.

He even forgets his book, which gets left on a table. Sad face.

Duncan will just be here, drawing pictures of 'Alexander Clayton' getting eaten by possums. He's a good drawer.