2019-08-30 - Devil's Dictionary

(TXT to Itzhak) Alexander: (This is somewhere near midnight) You may not receive this until morning. But. Hi.

(TXT to Alexander) Itzhak: Hi, I'm up

(TXT to Itzhak) Alexander: Oh good. What are you doing?

(TXT to Alexander) Itzhak: Insomnia gaming. Are you out of the hospital yet

(TXT to Itzhak) Alexander: Not yet. Will probably check myself out after talking to my new doctor. She
has me on too much morphine. What are you playing?

(TXT to Alexander) Itzhak: Too much or enough so you're out of pain?
(TXT to Alexander) Itzhak: Don't laugh, I'm playing Minecraft

(TXT to Itzhak) Alexander: Enough so that I'm out of pain would definitely be too much. And why would I laugh? Minecraft is fun. Have it on my computer.

(TXT to Alexander) Itzhak: Has a bad reputation as for 11 year olds on youtube. Anyway, whats up

(TXT to Itzhak) Alexander: Oh. Well. YouTube. Does anyone have a GOOD reputation on YouTube? I have many colored sheep in Minecraft, so it's good by me.
(TXT to Itzhak) Alexander: Nothing. I am stuck in a hospital bed. The man next to me is snoring. Machines are beeping. The morphine will put me to sleep soon, but right now I wanted to talk. THought I would bug you.

(TXT to Alexander) Itzhak: Wow, you just want to talk? ...that's really nice. I like that. Let's talk.

(TXT to Itzhak) Alexander: Just talk. Is that strange? Sorry if it is. But, yes. What's your favorite car? If you have one.

(TXT to Alexander) Itzhak: That's like asking me which is my favorite child. That said I'm pretty fond of Corvettes. Obviously, right?

(TXT to Alexander) Itzhak: It's not strange, it's nice. We can just talk sometimes. I like just talking with you. You always got neat stuff to say
(TXT to Alexander) Itzhak: Hang on, night is coming

(TXT to Itzhak) Alexander: Don't take any of it seriously. I'm on morphine. Not always. But right now. Corvettes are nice. I like sleek cars that growl. Not very scientific, perhaps. But there's something about driving something like that's just nice. Although. I have driven a Rolls and an Aston Martin now, too, and I can say they are very nice.

(TXT to Alexander) Itzhak: Sexy, that's the word you're looking for. Sexy af
(TXT to Alexander) Itzhak: I never got a chance to drive those, so you're pretty lucky there

(TXT to Itzhak) Alexander: Sexy af. Yes. I can agree with that. And it was only once. And I'm pretty sure Thorne will punch me if he ever finds out I drove his car. Still worth it. 😃

(TXT to Alexander) Itzhak: HAH. I met Thorne. You know Lilith? She salsa'd all over me in front of him. It was awkward
(TXT to Alexander) Itzhak: So how well do you know de la Vega?

(TXT to Itzhak) Alexander: Oh wow. Yeah. Stay...stay real clear of that whole mess, if you can. Thorne and Miss Winslow are quite attached to one another.

(TXT to Itzhak) Alexander: (many dancing dots)
(TXT to Itzhak) Alexander: It's hard to say. We've touched? But he's complicated.

(TXT to Alexander) Itzhak: He and Kelly were sparring, I was bored. She said she danced so, you know, I said let's dance. Then she climbed all over me. God I was embarrassed
(TXT to Alexander) Itzhak: I read you

(TXT to Itzhak) Alexander: Thorne and ...is this Joey Kelly?

(TXT to Alexander) Itzhak: Right. The hot one.
(TXT to Alexander) Itzhak: The thighs on that man, I swear

(TXT to Itzhak) Alexander: You should steer clear of him. He may be attractive, but he's mixed up in things you don't want.

(TXT to Alexander) Itzhak: Don't worry on that count. I might ask him to teach me a little more formal boxing. That's as far as I want to be involved
(TXT to Alexander) Itzhak: It'd do me good to hit things that aren't people

(TXT to Itzhak) Alexander: Sometimes the people he's associated with don't ask.
(TXT to Itzhak) Alexander: You're an adult. I'm sorry.
(TXT to Itzhak) Alexander: Just be careful.

(TXT to Alexander) Itzhak: This is pretty mysterious, just so you know

(TXT to Itzhak) Alexander: Mysterious?

(TXT to Alexander) Itzhak: You're really cute getting protective of me

(TXT to Itzhak) Alexander: You're my friend. I want you to be safe and happy.

(TXT to Alexander) Itzhak: I appreciate that. Same here for you, right?

(TXT to Itzhak) Alexander: Harder to accept it from others than to feel it for them.

(TXT to Alexander) Itzhak: Yeah you got that right. Sorry for yelling at you. Seeing your throat like that got me some kind of way

(TXT to Itzhak) Alexander: It's okay. You didn't actually yell, you know. You just - snarled a bit. And that's okay. I didn't mean to upset you. Or get my throat cut.

(TXT to Alexander) Itzhak: I'm snarly. You may have noticed

(TXT to Itzhak) Alexander: It's very nice.

(TXT to Alexander) Itzhak: what's nice? That I'm snarly???

(TXT to Itzhak) Alexander: Yes. You care a lot.

(TXT to Alexander) Itzhak: God, don't tell anyone. Ruin my reputation.
(TXT to Alexander) Itzhak: Izzy said that about me. That I'm soft. I don't get called soft too much

(TXT to Itzhak) Alexander: It's not soft to care about people a lot, although I know the sense she meant it, and it's a good sense. I think it takes more strength to care than to not. Caring hurts.

(TXT to Alexander) Itzhak: I'm not complaining. Felt...well, pretty good. Like I don't have to only be me. Like I can be the way she sees me too.

(TXT to Itzhak) Alexander: I'm glad. Are you guys doing well?

(TXT to Alexander) Itzhak: Think so. It can be hard for me to read between the lines. One reason I like her is she doesn't make me do that.
(TXT to Alexander) Itzhak: I'm worried though. She showed me how much she doesn't remember. It's a lot, man. A lot

(TXT to Itzhak) Alexander: Yeah. I didn't quite realize that when she came. Thought it would clear up when she got off the pills.

(TXT to Alexander) Itzhak: She said it's better, but that's pretty fucking scary, if it was worse than it is now

(TXT to Itzhak) Alexander: I'm hoping that if she has stability, a place to call her own, a solid social support group, she'll be able to recover some of it. When she's ready.

(TXT to Alexander) Itzhak: I waited for her to tell me in so many words that she wanted to go to bed with me. Because I don't know how to read her otherwise.
(TXT to Alexander) Itzhak: ...was that awkward? That might have been TMI

(TXT to Itzhak) Alexander: She was always pretty clear on her desires, in my experience.

(TXT to Alexander) Itzhak: Want to hear more awkwardness from Itzil?

(TXT to Itzhak) Alexander: But that was a long time ago. I don't think it was as bad, then. But - as she reminded me rather forcefully - she's not a child. Not even close to one. She's not...WRONG. A little broken, but we all are.
(TXT to Itzhak) Alexander: Awkward away.

(TXT to Alexander) Itzhak: There's nothing WRONG with her. Totally agree. She's just different. I'm different too. And she's really not a child! Hoo boy
(TXT to Alexander) Itzhak: You should probably know this so you don't punch me. We're not. You know. Monogamous

(TXT to Itzhak) Alexander: I won't punch you. If you hurt her, I will hurt you. But I won't punch you, because I won't give you a chance to fight back.
(TXT to Itzhak) Alexander: But I'm not sure what monogamy has to do with punching you.

(TXT to Alexander) Itzhak: ...that's a little hot but trust me I don't want to hurt her either.

(TXT to Itzhak) Alexander: I'm glad that you don't. A little baffled by finding it hot. But you do you.

(TXT to Alexander) Itzhak: Look, some of my switches got messed up in prison, that's the only way I can explain it

(TXT to Itzhak) Alexander: It's fine. As long as everyone is agreeing that it's sex and not harm, there's nothing wrong with it.

(TXT to Alexander) Itzhak: And the monogamy is relevant because I don't want any confusion if either she or me dates someone else too. I hope she does. I feel like she needs more love than I can possibly give her

(TXT to Itzhak) Alexander: At any rate, Isolde wasn't monogamous in college, but none of us particularly were. As long as she's okay with whatever you've worked out, I'm okay with it.

(TXT to Alexander) Itzhak: Okay. Just wanted to say that. So what was up with the sex cult

(TXT to Itzhak) Alexander: Urge to make erection jokes - strong.

(TXT to Alexander) Itzhak: Bring on the boner jokes, buddy

(TXT to Itzhak) Alexander: Clarify - what do you mean 'what was up'?

(TXT to Alexander) Itzhak: Like what the hell was that all about? WHY were you in a sex cult? Wait...was it for sex? Maybe I figured it out

(TXT to Itzhak) Alexander: It wasn't for the sex. The sex was a nice bonus, though. I wasn't really what you'd call popular in high school. In any sense.
(TXT to Itzhak) Alexander: Have you ever heard of something called 'lovebombing'?

(TXT to Alexander) Itzhak: Had problems in high school too, I was six feet tall and weighed 120 lbs in 10th grade. Most of me was nose. So I feel ya
(TXT to Alexander) Itzhak: If it ain't something from that bath store my sister likes, nope

(TXT to Itzhak) Alexander: It's a cult indoctrination technique. Take a new recruit, or potential, and surround them with...love. Acceptance. Belonging. People who really believe in the cult's message and mission. I was desperately lonely, lost, looking for purpose and belonging.
(TXT to Itzhak) Alexander: I was a good recruit.

(TXT to Alexander) Itzhak: Sucked you in, is that how it worked?
(TXT to Alexander) Itzhak: I didn't mean that to sound dirty I swear

(TXT to Itzhak) Alexander: No. That's...no. It implies that I didn't want it. I did. I still do. I like following orders. I like someone defining reality for me, because I don't always trust myself to do it. The cults I joined - I wanted to be there. Hell. The sex cult was some of the happiest years of my life, and I only left because I graduated and I got kicked out for being too weird.

(TXT to Alexander) Itzhak: (dots dots dots) Just because you wanted it doesn't mean they were right to do that to you. Of course you wanted it. It must have felt like heroin

(TXT to Itzhak) Alexander: You're getting indignant on my behalf, aren't you. Don't. I wasn't a victim. The sex cult wasn't even that bad - I mean, it was mostly so that some of the professors and Classics grads could screw co-eds, but the rituals were fun, and it wasn't particularly controlling. It IS where I learned I don't like my brain on drugs.

(TXT to Alexander) Itzhak: What can I say, I get indignant. But I have to admit that sounds more fun than my 20s

(TXT to Itzhak) Alexander: It wasn't bad. You were stronger than I could have been, I think. To get through prison.

(TXT to Alexander) Itzhak: Hard for me to say it was anything about strength. It was just about surviving one minute to the next. That doesn't feel strong. I didn't come out strong, I came out messed up.

(TXT to Itzhak) Alexander: Survival is strength. Ultimately, it's the only strength that matters. You can patch what you need to, as long as you get through it alive.

(TXT to Alexander) Itzhak: It sucks. Surviving sucks.

(TXT to Itzhak) Alexander: You'd rather be dead?

(TXT to Alexander) Itzhak: Tbh there are times I wished I could lay down and die, and just couldn't.
(TXT to Alexander) Itzhak: I feel like that less nowadays

(TXT to Itzhak) Alexander: I've felt like that. A lot, through the years.

(TXT to Alexander) Itzhak: Degradation and violence, meyn boychik
(TXT to Alexander) Itzhak: That's not a nickname, its an endearment

(TXT to Itzhak) Alexander: I understand endearments. It's nice. Thank you.

(TXT to Alexander) Itzhak: Oh, I can do endearments? You have unleashed the endearment fury

(TXT to Itzhak) Alexander: There is an endearment fury?

(TXT to Alexander) Itzhak: I do everything furiously, it's one of my many charms
(TXT to Alexander) Itzhak: Speaking of degradation and violence, de la Vega
(TXT to Alexander) Itzhak: Are you friends?

(TXT to Itzhak) Alexander: It is. And. Yes. I think. Yes.

(TXT to Alexander) Itzhak: Hah, I was joking, now you made me flustered. I don't blame you for not being sure if you're friends with that guy, but I think probably you are

(TXT to Itzhak) Alexander: Have you been having problems with him?

(TXT to Alexander) Itzhak: Imagine me saying 'ehhhh' and doing the hand wobble thing

(TXT to Itzhak) Alexander: So, that's a yes.

(TXT to Alexander) Itzhak: pretty much a yes.

(TXT to Itzhak) Alexander: What happened?

(TXT to Alexander) Itzhak: He's really hot and really mean. And he doesn't like that I have a record
(TXT to Alexander) Itzhak: And that the Kellys are people I need to talk to

(TXT to Itzhak) Alexander: He has a fascinating mind. But yes. He can be mean. He can be kind, too. Complicated. I'm sorry he's been mean to you. I can talk to him.
(TXT to Itzhak) Alexander: Why do you need to talk to the Kellys, Itzhak?

(TXT to Alexander) Itzhak: Don't, that would only make it worse

(TXT to Itzhak) Alexander: If it makes you feel better, he's threatened to arrest me several times. He
warms up, eventually.

(TXT to Alexander) Itzhak: (Several minutes of bouncing dots. Then they stop.)
(TXT to Alexander) Itzhak: You've been so honest with me. I know there's things you don't tell me, but it doesn't matter. You're just an amazing person like that.
(TXT to Alexander) Itzhak: So I'm gonna say, because I trust you, and because I trust you to have Izzy's best interests in mind

(TXT to Itzhak) Alexander: I'm listening. Reading, technically.

(TXT to Alexander) Itzhak: I'm already mixed up with the Kellys. Hate it. Can't stop it.

(TXT to Itzhak) Alexander: With the Kellys, or with Monaghan?

(TXT to Alexander) Itzhak: Yeah

(TXT to Itzhak) Alexander: How?

(TXT to Alexander) Itzhak: So yeaaaaah I understand if you are over the whole 'me' thing now

(TXT to Itzhak) Alexander: Why would I be?

(TXT to Alexander) Itzhak: Man I don't know. You're killing me here. I can't say how, just, they got me by the balls.

(TXT to Itzhak) Alexander: They do that. I'm not 'over' you, Itzhak.
(TXT to Itzhak) Alexander: I'm very angry right now. But not at you.

(TXT to Alexander) Itzhak: thank you. Seriously. Thank you.

(TXT to Itzhak) Alexander: We're friends. So don't be stupid about thinking I'm going to be an asshole because you're in trouble.

(TXT to Alexander) Itzhak: Not that you're an asshole, but that you have the right to protect yourself and Izzy.

(TXT to Itzhak) Alexander: Myself, Isolde, and you.
(TXT to Itzhak) Alexander: I take it, then, considering how we got on this subject, that the Captain has figured out your associations, and is wanting...what? For you to inform?

(TXT to Alexander) Itzhak: That made me so fucking emotional, goddammit Alexander
(TXT to Alexander) Itzhak: Idk, I'm kind of assuming that, but there's got to be easier ways. No I think he just likes hassling me and letting me know that he knows

(TXT to Itzhak) Alexander: I don't think that's it. Not entirely. I think he feels very frustrated that there's so much in this town that a badge and a gun don't help solve at all, Itzhak. Organized crime is probably something of a relief. I'm sorry he's hassling you, though. How can I help? And don't give me the 'you can't' bullshit. I can at least listen.

(TXT to Alexander) Itzhak: Hah. This is why I want to tell you things, you can see things I can't. Well listening is a big help. I'm so fucking lonely carrying this on and nobody knows but the fucking Kellys and their crew. Now you know and...wow. That helps a lot.
(TXT to Alexander) Itzhak: Talking about how insanely fucking hot de la Vega is while he's bracing me might help too, or might make things worse, don't know

(TXT to Itzhak) Alexander: You both do seem to be very attractive and have sexual tension with just about every other human being on the planet.

(TXT to Alexander) Itzhak: Man if you could see the color I turned

(TXT to Itzhak) Alexander: Red, I'm guessing. Very red.

(TXT to Alexander) Itzhak: Practically plaid

(TXT to Itzhak) Alexander: That may be indicative of a serious medical condition.

(TXT to Alexander) Itzhak: Do you ever miss screwing around with guys? Because I sure do

(TXT to Itzhak) Alexander: I don't really think about sex when I'm not having it. The bodies are largely irrelevant - just means you have to do different things to build arousal and pleasure. I enjoy that. The arousal and pleasure.
(TXT to Itzhak) Alexander: I'm a bit weird.

(TXT to Alexander) Itzhak: I'm not going to call you weird over that. How do you get from not thinking about sex to having sex? That's a neat trick

(TXT to Itzhak) Alexander: When someone else is aroused. Wants to touch or be touched, and I pick up on that, I usually get into it. And it's fun. I like sex. I just. Before Isabella, I hadn't had any the entire time was back here in Gray Harbor. 13 years? Maybe 15? It was fine.

(TXT to Alexander) Itzhak: I'm a little in awe. I didn't let anybody in my pants the entire time I was in prison and that was, whew, that was a tough one.

(TXT to Alexander) Itzhak: There's just no room for a guy like me in there.

(TXT to Itzhak) Alexander: Awe? I think people are just built differently. It's not wrong to be you, or to be me. Maybe to be me.

(TXT to Alexander) Itzhak: Seems like an easier way to get through life, that's all, not getting a hard-on over some brutal thug of a cop, yannow?

(TXT to Itzhak) Alexander: I suppose. He has a fascinating mind, though. If I were not otherwise engaged, and he was interested, I would definitely - hit that?
(TXT to Itzhak) Alexander: Do people even say 'I'd hit that' anymore? Probably not.

(TXT to Alexander) Itzhak: No, but you can say it, because that's flippin adorable

(TXT to Itzhak) Alexander: ::grumpy face emoji::

(TXT to Alexander) Itzhak: Cuteness quotient only increasing
(TXT to Alexander) Itzhak: Listen, real talk, thanks. I can't believe how badly I needed to tell somebody. Can't tell Roen

(TXT to Itzhak) Alexander: I just meant. I can see the appeal. So you shouldn't feel bad about being attracted to someone who is probably very good at sex but very bad at anything outside of sex.

(TXT to Alexander) Itzhak: That's the problem, I don't feel bad about it at all. The problem is if he wants to bend me over I'm 100% going to let him
(TXT to Alexander) Itzhak: Little too much honesty going on here
(TXT to Alexander) Itzhak: Rosencrantz tells all I guess

(TXT to Itzhak) Alexander: I'm glad you told me. I'd rather know than not. And. Oh. Well. That is very honest, yes. But it'd probably be a good time.

(TXT to Alexander) Itzhak: I'm trying not to be the town bicycle over here, don't encourage me

(TXT to Itzhak) Alexander: I'm not encouraging. Just commenting. Making observations.

(TXT to Alexander) Itzhak: You make really good observations you know that? I like that a lot about you

(TXT to Itzhak) Alexander: It's my one skill that translates to situations outside of crimes, so, thank you. I'm glad you like it.

(TXT to Alexander) Itzhak: That's not true, you also walk really good

(TXT to Itzhak) Alexander: Now I have real concerns about your taste. 🙂 You're a sweet guy.

(TXT to Alexander) Itzhak: There's nothing wrong with my taste. To be fair, you and de la Vega pretty much are the boundary markers

(TXT to Itzhak) Alexander: I don't understand.

(TXT to Alexander) Itzhak: You're one side of the bell curve and he's the other

(TXT to Itzhak) Alexander: Oh. That makes sense, yes. We share several personality traits, but express them in very different ways.

(TXT to Alexander) Itzhak: Seriously let me know if you're getting tired of me running my yap about men. We can actually talk about other things. Like what's your favorite book

(TXT to Itzhak) Alexander: Most of my favorite books are text books, actually. On forensics, anatomy. Although I do like poetry. I don't really have a favorite there, though - it just depends on my mood. What about yours?

(TXT to Alexander) Itzhak: Toss up between The Last Unicorn and Neuromancer. Tell me some poetry you like

(TXT to Itzhak) Alexander: I very much like the Black Riders and Other Lines, by Stephen Crane. I read them often. And I like Whitman. Paz. Sappho. Blake. Frost.

(TXT to Alexander) Itzhak: Used to see a guy who was into Whitman. Especially the gay parts

(TXT to Itzhak) Alexander: There a number of gay parts. I also like Ambrose Bierce, although he's not strictly speaking a poet, most of the time.

(TXT to Alexander) Itzhak: What is he then?

(TXT to Itzhak) Alexander: Do you not know Ambrose Bierce?

(TXT to Alexander) Itzhak: Kind of sounds like fancy perfume?

(TXT to Itzhak) Alexander: ::laughing emoji:: It does. But no. He was a journalist and writer. He wasn't nice, but he was very bright. Look up 'The Devil's Dictionary' some time.

(TXT to Alexander) Itzhak: Devil's Dictionary, okay! Afraid I don't have an education. Shameful for a Jew

(TXT to Itzhak) Alexander: No one knows Bierce anymore. Don't worry about it. You're very good as you are.

(TXT to Alexander) Itzhak: You are such a sweet talker. How's the morphine doing? You're pretty damn awake

(TXT to Itzhak) Alexander: Not for much longer, I think. I should sleep. I am going to talk my doctor into releasing me tomorrow. Yes.

(TXT to Alexander) Itzhak: Want me to pick you up? They won't release you without a ride, will they?

(TXT to Itzhak) Alexander: I've never had any trouble. Usually, they are glad to see me go. I don't patient well.

(TXT to Alexander) Itzhak: Okay. I don't know how you got along all these years without me pestering you

(TXT to Itzhak) Alexander: They were poorer years for it. Good night, Itzhak.

(TXT to Alexander) Itzhak: Night. I'll see you soon