2019-09-15 - Hand On A Cold One Confession

He had left Dahlia off the hook while Stefano was there and had allowed the conversation to drift into other topics. But now that they are alone in the house, well, except for Caleb who is asleep in his basket in the living room, Justin goes to track Dahlia down to talk. "Hey," he says when he finds her. "We need to talk, sugarplum." It's said with a little bit of a smile, and the offering of a bottle of beer that matches his own as a peace-offering.

Dahlia has been diligently working in her craft room. Drowning in guilt and self pity and trying to pour all the negative energy into making something positive. It's not working out so well, because when Justin finds her up there, she's just kind of staring at the partially cut fabric on the workbench. She feels sick and twisted up and not sure what she's doing with herself. There's a startled sort of sound and she looks up to Justin. "Oh...hi." She inhales sharply and pushes the fabric more on the table so it doesn't fall. She debates on trying to make an excuse but she can't. She knows she's killing herself, she has to talk to someone. So she walks over to him and accepts the bottle. "Lead the way honey."

Justin lets her take the bottle, and then he wraps his arms around her to give her a warm hug. "You look like you need a hug, badly. You also look like you haven't been sleeping, you haven't been eating well, and whatever it is that's wrong, it's eating you alive. You know you can talk to me, right?" His voice is quiet and laced with concern as he squeezes her and then releases her. That done, he leads her back down to the livingroom and to the big, comfortable couch. There, he settles in and pats the cushion next to him. "Come talk to me."

Dahlia almost breaks down in Justin's arms but manages to keep it together. She returns the hug tightly, breathing in his scent. Then she released him and he released her and Dahlia gave him a barely there smile. Staying quiet until they're down in the livingroom and she curls up against him. Well. She remains quiet a little longer, trying to organize her thoughts. What to even start with? A shallow breath or two. "I...uhm..." How do you even say this?? She tilted her head to look up at him. "...I'm a terrible fucking human being." She finally said, with a humorless chuckle. "I don't even know where to start Justin..." Looking down now. "...I...almost cheated on Declan." Somehow that seems easier to admit to than the drugs.

Justin wraps his arm around her once she's curled up against him, keeping her close. He takes a sip of his beer and is quiet, just letting her get to it in her own time. He doesn't push. "You're not a horrible fucking human being," Justin says when she finishes that initial admission. Then he says, "So.. you almost cheated. What happened?"

"I was in a...terrible mood." For reasons not yet admitted to yet! "And I didn't want to come home after work so I went walking...Javier stumbled upon me on his drive." Javier Ruiz de la Vega. The infamous cop. "He asked if I needed a ride. We...went for a drive, I was an idiot and told him to bring me to his motel instead of taking me home." She rubs at her eyes with her thumb and forefinger. "We drank a little and...I kissed him. Mostly as a distraction from...having to tell him something else. But if felt so good Justin. And I feel so awful. If I had just been a little more gone...a little more drunk...I would have kept going with things."

Justin just listens, his gaze on the back doors, looking out over the patio toward the water beyond as he listens, just taking it in. He nods slightly when she mentions Javier. He knows the cop well enough from all her stories to recognize his name easily enough. "So what were you trying to avoid telling him? And why were you in a terrible mood to begin with?" He doesn't seem to issue any judgment on her almost-cheating.

Dahlia finally popped open her beer, taking a long pull from the bottle. Then she sighed. "....I have a coke problem...." She muttered. "And I had some in my purse. I didn't want him to find it." She is staring super intently at her bottle of beer. "I was feeling shitty...worthless...and paranoid. And I just didn't want to go home."

"Well, yeah, I could see how that would be a problem -- him finding it," Justin says as he takes another swig from his beer. He gives her shoulders a little bit of a squeeze, "So was that what you were feeling terrible about? The problem? Or something else?" He continues to prompt her, encouraging her to get it all out, rather than holding anything back. His tone is gentle.

"I mean...I kind of always feel terrible lately." Dahlia relaxed a little into him. "And...Declan was over here the other day...and he was so jealous Justin. Of the house...of how...it's everything he's ever wanted. And he apologized for it...and I know he meant it. But...then it just stayed in my head. I'm not good enough for this kind of living." The floodgate had been opened. "I'm always going to be trailer trash and. I love you Justin. You're my best friend and I'm so grateful for you letting me live here and being here for me and everything but...this kind of place, I just don't feel like it's something I could live in forever you know? I don't know what I'd do if I had all the money you do." Not that she was saying it in a negative way - just simple, matter of fact.

"Anyway. I just...my brain was being stupid and I kept putting myself down. Like, I'm just dragging him down and he's too good for me and..." Dahlia drew in a sharp breath . "Anyway...it put me not in a great frame of mind."

Justin turns his head and presses a kiss to the side of her head, resting his nose against her hair, giving her another gentle squeeze as she continues, just listening. He doesn't interrupt her at all, and only nods here and there to let her know that he is very much paying attention even if he's not saying anything right away. When she pauses again he asks, "Is that all of it? Or was there more?" He's going to make sure that she gets it all out, all of it.

Dahlia trembled a little, trying to think and then shook her head. "No...That...I think that's everything..." She murmurs. Taking another pull of her beer and then shutting her eyes tightly.

"Well, first, you're not a terrible human being at all. So let's start there. You're a beautiful, sweet human being, and you're my best friend. And if you have problems, then you have problems. But that only makes you a flawed human being, and we all are. We've all got stuff. Your stuff is just as valid as anyone else's," Justin says quietly as he studies her profile. "If you have a coke problem, then there's help that we can get for you for that. And I will help you, and I will be there for you, because you are very much worthy of love and happiness, and living the life that you want to live."

Dahlia keeps her focus on that beer bottle, trying hard to control her tears and not let them out as Justin talks. Nodding a little, though she didn't know if she really believed him. "I..I know. I should've...said something." She gets out, a little waver in her voice. "But it just...suddenly was a thing and I didn't know how..." to handle it. Dahlia frowns a touch, picking at the label of the bottle. "I need...to tell Declan..." And she totally doesn't want to have this discussion with him. It's colored all over her tone that she's just expecting the worst to come of it.

"It's not like it's an easy thing to talk about, Dahl. And people can be judgmental assholes, too. So, you being reluctant to talk about it? Really not surprising," Justin says, lifting a hand to trail his fingers through her hair, brushing a few strands back. "Listen to me, okay? I love you. You are going to be my best friend forever whether you like it or not. So, you don't have to believe me right now.. but I am going to be here for you, through all of it. Got it?" He then nods and says "You should tell him. Let him be there for you, too. I have a feeling that he will be. And if he isn't? Then better you know now whether he can handle being there or not than later. Also, showing him that trust? And giving him the opportunity to be there for you? That'll mean more than him finding out down the line."

Dahlia nodded, leaning into his touch and finally letting some tears escape. He was right. Of course he was. Dahlia tilted her head to bury her face in his shoulder.Taking a few minutes to let the tears subside some and pull herself back togeher. "...You're right." She murmured. "I-it's only f-f-fair." To give Declan that chance. He was so good to her...too good for her. Despite what he kept saying. He would be angry...disappointed. At least disappointed. And, on the more selfish side of things, the guilty knots in her stomach wouldn't let up until she came clean. She shifted a bit more to give Justin a partial hug/squeeze. "Thank you for being my friend. For...everything."

Justin lets her bury her face in his shoulder, hugging her against him gently and resting his nose against her hair, keeping her close, protective. He lets her cry for however long she needs, not in any hurry to rush her along. He smiles a little lopsidedly and says, "Hey, I happen to like being here for you, crazypants. It's you who came here and kept me company when I was here all by myself." He then says a little more quietly, "Though, if you really don't like it here -- I understand. I'd be lying if I said I wouldn't be sad if you decided you didn't want to stay. But.. I'll also understand if you'd want a place that was more.. what you want. Sorry that Declan wasn't comfortable here." He looks around. "Maybe I should have gotten something.. else."

Dahlia nuzzles into him, taking refuge in her best friend for a few extra minutes. "No no..." She draws in a breath, looking up at him with red rimmed eyes. "I do like it here. Because you're here. I do feel out of place sometimes...but I'd rather feel out of place than not get to hang out with you so often." She looked around a little bit and then focused back on Justin. "I think it's a beautiful house...and Declan...well, I understand where he was coming from. I know I can't stay here forever, but unless something really perfect comes along - I'm not going anywhere." Dahlia assured him. "You deserve to have whatever kind of house to want and like Justin."

"You belong here because it's my home, and because you belong anywhere that I am," Justin says to her quietly. "You belong because it's just a place, walls, and floors, and ceilings. Sure, it's a nice place. It's an expensive place. But in the end.. it's nothing without the people who fill it with laughter, and warmth, and make it feel like a home. That's you and Stefano for me." Caleb whines and shifts in his basket in his sleep. Justin chuckles, "And Caleb. Who I am glad you can put up with." He studies thos red rimmed eyes and says, "I hope maybe in time Declan will feel comfortable here, too. It's just a house. And he's welcome in it any time." He pauses then and says, "But Dahl, you can't have coke in the house. That much, we need to fix as soon as we can, okay?"

Dahlia listened to him quietly, as if - maybe she hadn't really thought about it like that before. "I...told him I want him to meet you and Stefano soon. So...he will.I hope." She gives a fleeting little smile. Glancing towards Caleb and then back. "Caleb is cute...I'll concede that much." She agreed and sighed. Wiping at her eyes. "Yeah. I figured as much. I mostly just use it at work. At the Cabaret. I don't bring it home. Well I did that one night but...I don't have anymore in the house." Or, at least, she shouldn't Dahlia takes a moment of pause as if to remind herself if she does or doesn't. Then seems to decide that she doesn't.

"I'd really like to meet him," Justin says, "If only beacuse it's clear he means a lot to you, and anyone that means a lot to you means something to me, too." He reaches up and brushes a little bit at one cheek with his thumb, wiping it a little bit more dry. He nods when she explains about the coke and says, "It's okay. As long as it isn't here anymore, it's fine." He says, "But you tell me what you need. Okay? If you want to try and kick it, I'll do whatever I can to help."

"He does. He's amazing Justin...I. Well I don't want to throw around the L word yet. But I care about him a lot." Dahlia said softly. "I think you guys will get along really well. I hope at least. Can't have my boyfriend and my best friend hating each other." Maybe teasing a little bit. "I do...I should...let me talk to Declan...and, then we'll go from there."

Justin smiles at her and gives her another warm squeeze, "I doubt that I could hate anyone that you care about a lot. Maybe dislike them if they were truly an odious person, but from everything you've said, he seems like decent people. So, I have no doubt we'll get along just fine." He nods then and says, "Talk to him. I think he'll appreciate it." Then he settles in a bit and says, "For now.. we're going to put on something that makes us laugh, finish these beers, and then you're going to show me what project you were working on up there." He grins over at her, and settles in to take her mind off of things, for at least a little while.