2019-10-29 - Knowing Is Half The Battle

They are driven home, and possibly nearly mad. After Iggy's second trip through the asylum there was answers, a lead, and Ignacio heaving into the shrub outside by August's truck. Then? Then silence and being huddled up in the back seat in silence until they got back to Iggy and Raf's apartment.

There's a murmur of "nono I'm...fine." Everything was, infact, not fine and remains to be all states of other than fine, but by fine he meant he can get back to the apartment without passing out or throwing up. His life goals at present have become a very narrow to-do list and atop that was get Finch inside and safe. Whatever... whatever safe looked like these days. So far? So good and there is nothing better than a long fucking shower and being curled up on the couch in a blanket that can't fix the day. Or try.

Finch was virtually silent on the drive back, other than responding to direct questions. Getting answers was what she wanted, but the answers were disturbing. Basically, at any moment she could try to go nuts and kill people. Or some crazy Veil bird monster could swoop in and do it for her. The only glimmer of good that came out of it all is they might be able to barter for a change of terms. Oh, and she may be able to learn who her father is. That is its own ball of complications.

When they get to the apartment, she waits for him to open the door, her eyes dull and her expression weary. She clings to his hand with one of her own. She hasn't let go of it since they got in August's SUV.

She knows why he won't let go. She knows why ne never will. She knows what happened last time and not again and not her. His mind is teaming withthe noise and chaos and feelings of that place and Auntie Starling haunting the inside of his mind and being like bacon grease haunts a kitchen.

Stepping inside he stands holding her hand as the world jsut falls very still. Quietly he asks trying not to sound scared and failing, but looking at her, "Can you still feel her? All inside like a cackling film?"

Finch shakes her head. "No, she can't reach us here. That's in your head, Figgy. There's something happening here, in Gray Harbor. Everything has shrunk. I can't reach as far as I used to, no one can. So Starling can't either. Jesus, can you imagine having all that power wake up in you at once? No wonder she went mad." She shudders, just standing there, like she has no idea what she is supposed to do from here.

"Tomorrow. Tomorrow we'll go to my house and find that photo. Because if what Auntie said was true, whoever my dad is could be in danger too. Celaeno may consider him part of the family if she wipes us out for the deal going sideways." Finch grimaces.

Ignacio stands still watching her and memorizing the lines on her face and connecting with the emotional center of herself. Even if he could tamp the signal down he'd still be reaching out to her. Turning he slides his other arm around her and pulls her close. Knowing his luck this is the time Rafael will come home and whap him with the back of the door for standing there unintentionally and yell at him for being a magnificent door stop. Fingers wrap around the green sweater she's wearing in her effort to subdue herself and he usual layers of color. His heart is still shaking in his chest but he doesn't move away.

"It's soooo all in my head, Inch. She punched right through it like John Wick looking for his damn dog." He winces and murmurs, "She scoured my soul and ya know what? It do not feel any cleaner, but..." Taking a deep breath he leans back to rest his forehead to hers. "I'm glad I went with you." There's a pause and he asks curious, "Would it sound too cheesy if Iiiiii were to say it's scarier to make you go alone than that do that again? Cause if not I'm totally absolutely saying that like," His eyes roll up to the ceiling in a thoughtful head wobble and back to her, "right now. If it sounds ridiculous I blame being up all night writing my column for my editor."

Finch holds onto him tightly, her head pressed over his heart, listening to it beat rapidly. She just breathes him in, closing her eyes and trying to find herself again in this swirling mess of emotions. "Thank you for being there. I know how hard that was for you. And for Itzhak and Roen too. Asylum, prison, hospital, it was all things to all of you. This is why I consider you all family. I don't deserve it, but thank you," she whispers.

Ignacio holds his breath when she pressed her head to his chest only eventually letting it out and sinking against her. "We are. I mean it's a shit time to say so but I told Itzhak whatever I gotta do and we gotta survive to make this work- I eman... regarding you not... I'm not dating...Itzhak. I meant..." Words, author, why did you run out of them??? "Life is scary and it's dangerous and... sometimes you get flayed by plants, but... okay I'm making this worse. It's going to be dangerous and I knowall these other people like your Aunt and that unfortunate woman who, let' be honest, has some pretty fair ground to stand on here, but they don't get to make plans for who you are or your future... and whatever happens I'm going to stick around and make sure you're the one that gets to make that choice. I think... I think that is the part that scared me. most."

"The not having a choice part? Yeah, that freaked me out too. I almost want to thank my mother, since despite the fact she tried to kill me, she inadvertently gave me a shot to resist being driven mad. I think," Finch grimaces and looks up at him. "I think I need to learn how to do the thing you do, since she very clearly can do that and well. So it doesn't sneak up on me like it did her. Not a lot of it, but enough to be familiar with it, you know?"

Ignacio blinks and arches an eyebrow "Be snarky in the face of evil so I don't throw up Oooooor that other thing?" One might think he's deliberately inserting the bits of levity in their conversation to keep the color in her cheeks. "Yeah, I think I can do that. I um...I might have joined a support group to see iiiiif they can come up with some ideas to help. Directions we can look. Research group. Really. because... I'll be honest? I don't want to lose you to... this. All of whatever this is." He swallows and looks up at the ceiling trying to not make a situation worse but it's really the other thing he excels at. "It's either the worst time to bring this up or the best one but I meant it. I love you. I really... completely fucking love you and if we're scared we'll be scared together. We can work on solving this together with the fam and if you need me to help teach you how to mentally shield? Who knows maybe it'll help me get better at it too, but I'll do it." Taking a deep breath he can't help but laugh after getting that out with that lopsided smile, "I'd rather risk crazy ideas and possible death than not do any of those things and be in this reality without 'us' in it... I know what I'm getting into and... well work it out. if we're breathing we have a chance to change things."

His humor gets a little chuckle out of her. One of the many things she loves about him. Then he gets deep and she holds him tighter. "I know," she murmurs. "I completely fucking love you too, and we're gonna get through this, and we're gonna fix your leg too. We're gonna figure all this shit out because we are smart, even if we occasionally do stupid things." Occasionally? That's the understatement of the century.

She looks down at her palm where the golden tinged scar is from the pact she and August made with the dryads. Yeah, maybe the wise choices are the occasional thing, rather than the stupid stuff.

Ignacio lifts up her hand and smooches her scar and looks at her with a half-wide smile. Sure he's always known but she's saying things out loud and that's a big step. "Maybe you'll fix my leg. Maybe we will. Maybe it's crewed but maybe I dont' need to try and be all those things I thought I wanted to be either." Leaning back he sighs, "IT still hurts. We'll fix it and you'll coach me. I'll see what we can't learn about curses while youse are figuring out how to battle monsters. I'll be like that chubby kid from How to Train Your Dragon. I'll yell stats at you and you'll comic book Luccidor fight em. I'll teach you out to insult them. It'll work out and we have... options where generations before you did not. Maybe the lady that started all of this will be a little proud of you too and I can't help but think maybe she can use some help . Sounds to me like she really loves her family and wants to protect them."

Finch gives Ignacio a small, sad smile. "It was clear she loved her family and wanted to protect them. She just made a bad deal. Though back then it was probably a good deal. I mean come on, the Greek gods in legend were kind of dicks. If they were based on Veil things? That makes so much more sense." She reaches her hand to stroke his cheek gently. "I need to do some research on the Harpies. Starling said Celaeno was starving. We need to figure out what for. I think I remember them stealing food from a buffet before Phineus could eat anything. Maybe we just need to open a Golden Corral over on that side," she notes with a chuckle. She looks so tired -- like she could sleep for a week, despite having slept most of two weeks with that stupid flu.

Ignacio tilts his head to her hand. "Like Phineus and Ferb or a different one?" He knows the answer here! He murmurs, "If I have to open a restaurant like my father to keep her appeased... fine. But I can't do it alone and someone will have to watch Ully if I'm busy. That said maybbe teh thng she's starving for isn't food but like... reparations? Air? Freedon? Equality? Churros. Who doesn't love a good churro?" Leaning forward he presses a kiss to her forehead. "Cmon weeee are going to take a shower and I will make you forget there's a world beyond the tile for a while so there is less to worry about and then you can steal my fluffy monster feet slippers and I'm going to make breakfast for dinner and we can curl up on teh couch withthe window open and not feel like... well all of this morning or try."

Finch smiles at him and leans up to kiss his chin. "That sounds really, really perfect. Thank you. For everything. But especially for being you."