2019-11-29 - Girl Talk

It's busier in the pawn shop than it normally is given the holiday season and Lilith has a little counter help today while she's working on doing actual loans and appraisals. It's a guy that retired once, then took up with the temp agency in the next town, and he keeps addressing her as 'young lady' and every item in the shop reminds him of a story back when blahblahblah. Okay, it's a little interesting, because Lilith likes to hear about the junk sometimes, and at least he doesn't mind being there and works, unlike the last temp, but she could do with a little less talking.

While there's a lull, Lilith posts up at one end of the glass counter and checks the time on her phone. She's expecting a Kelly at some point today, though she's not sure when exactly, so she's filling some time by knocking off an inventory chart and deciding what to pull out from stolen/fenced/repair stock in the storeroom and safe to replace what's been sold for the day. She never puts everything she has out at once because it makes her shop look like it's carrying too much high value to be natural if she does things that way. At least Lilith is smart about avoiding drawing attention while doing a few things for Felix as part of her debt.

She's wearing leggings and a figure-skimming ivory slouch sweater with a draped cowl neck, black calf boots lined with buckles and zippers for stylish casual accent, makeup subdued for work with hair up and out of the way in twist. And while she's leaned there at the far glass counter end with her clipboard of notes to herself with sales tracking included, she's digging the toe of one of those boots absently at the floor like unwitting anxious tick as she occupies herself with work.

Joey is the sort one finds in a pawn shop on Elm either looking for trouble, or looking to offload it. He's not here to haggle a $20 silver rig down to $15 cash though. He's here for a reason. On being addressed his attention shifts, just slightly to the man greeting him. Instead of a hi, how are you, or even a 'thanks' the response he gets is a gravely, "Lilith in?" and a grunt that might be 'thanks' for the answer.

Joey's wardrobe is neither expansive or flashy and mostly, until very recently, a couple of suits thanks to a hook up in opinion from B. Today there's a sweatshirt and his leather jacket, beat to shit jeans that haven't been washed in a month and love his ass, and the same boots that might as well be called 'evidence collectors' at this point given all the crazy shit he's walked though and homicidal spruces he's encountered recently.

He didn't come empty handed though and sets a box on the counter with a single Bavarian creme donut from Vyv's place in it. Officially he declares, "I'm not above bribing friends. How's shit treating you t'day?" His green eyes sharpen curiously on her and while he usually doesn't give two shits about gossip he does like to keep periphery knowledge of some people's general wellness and listens accordingly.

The old story-teller makes a point over at Lilith and apparently isn't going to regale Joey with a story about how he looks like one of his grandsons or how the donut was made, or some other old guy story shit that Lilith is pretty tired of hearing given how busy the day has been and other things on her mind. "Hey. Donuts. Nice. I'm all yours, keen bribery tactics." The brunette waves at Joey and straightens up into proper stand as she notices that he's in the building with his treaded evidence collectors carrying him. Looking at the box slid on the glass counter her way, she goes a digging with her clipboard set aside and picks something with fruit filling that looks like blood because she's a morbid little thing and even makes a charmed noise for it and says, "Oh good, the bloody middle kind." That's one way to think of a donut.

After taking a bite and putting her finger down in the filling while still half popping her hip in that counter lean, she shrugs a little at Joey and dismisses the question a little hastily after some truthful semblance of an answer, "Can't sleep worth a damn since some things cropped up during Thanksgiving dinner. Or maybe it was before that, I don't know. But hustlers need to hustle and the holiday season is the best time to take advantage of it and get through some inventory." AKA profit off the fenced stuff to pay another hustler off, knowing what Joey knows about her having her back against the wall courtesy of her now-late father.

Once she's made gesture around the shop, she wonders of Joey with a bit of a squint at him, picking at her donut in pieces now while finger-swiping the fruity blooded filling to eat in turns, "You looking for something specific other than what's probably a bit of an office chat with a time out? I admittedly could use the timeout and have vodka in there, but if we're going shopping for you or someone specific, we're doing that before I put the inventory sheet up." She raps on the clipboard nearby.

Joey stands there stoic faced, but winks. Damn right it's a good tactic! Works on all carbivores. He listens but a frown starts to form, eyebrow going up, "At my place?" He does wait for that answer. His head dips in agreement. Hustlers DO have to hustle. That rather nice Fossil he shouldn't be able to afford yet is wearing he shouldn't be able to afford in theory, but here he is.

"Eeeh couple things. I told you a couple weeks ago I'd be by for a digital camera. Wanted to follow up on that." He pauses and looks tot eh office and leans back on heel, "Yeah time out's good. I was kinda wondering if I could, ya know, get your opinion on some stuff." He eyes the donut disappearing on a haze of joy. Job managed! "Lead on."

"Nah, not at your place. We had our dinner the day before and things just... got stupid and have stayed a little stupid, I guess. But camera, yes, yes, yes. That's right. There's three to pick from and..." Lilith knocks a hand back through her hair after getting out one of those disinfecting hand and counter wipes from under the case to wipe the sticky from her fingertips with once the donut is done. Then, because she's stress eating and DONUTS, she gets another one despite just cleaning her hand, carrying it to the office in one hand with a tick of her head toward Joey and the back of the shop, "Let's go do a shot to go with the sweets and I'll show you what I have in mind on the way."

On the way back to the office, Lilith pauses to show Joey some pretty nice cameras, once of which she restored from smash status herself after it came in broken, which is honestly the nicest of the bunch, complete with attachments. Then she goes to settle up in the back office to get them both pours straight into little dixie cups she keeps behind the desk because she's classy and doesn't always like to feel like she's drinking straight out of the bottle for a nip. Not that paper dixie cups are classy, but... usually she's probably alone for the nips, too, who cares. It's principle to not feel like Hank sometimes when things are rough.

"Seriously glad you didn't explode the turkey, though." Lilith gestures back to where they passed the cameras, "And honestly, Joey? Any camera you want to give as a gift, just take it. I'm not above the illusion some of what's hauled off of trucks to come my way was probably punch-enforced by you here and there. I mean, yes, most of the kickback goes to you-know-who on the straight fenced things, but... one of those cameras I got very cheap because it was broken and restored it with my mojo, so it's not like it's a loss either. And you're old-hood, you know? I also suspect... who it's for, so I like to play Cupid during Christmas where I can, mm?" She's wearing a hint of a smile when she takes her dixie paper cup shot with that comment.

Joey knows this office better than he'd like to admit. He also remembers there's cameras in here per Byron, but that's not his lead concern here. He always walks like he's casing the joint or ready to start and end some problems; weight distributed between both feet out of habit. His gait carries him to follow and once inside closes the door. Oh shit, tiny cups. Fancy. A faint grin warms on his face, "Heh, yeaaaah. Turkey did turn out pretty good though." He pauses considering the gift and counter-offers, "You serious? If it ain't gonna put you behind, sure. I mean... I -" He pauses and takes a deep breath, "I dunno what I'm doin right now and feel like I'm kinda losing my fucking mind."

He turns the cup in his fingers and drinks a quarter. He swishes and swallows. There's a pause and rough hand comes up to itch at his no-shave November stubble grown in. "Well if you took a guess? Ya ain't wrong." Green eyes look down into the cup and back t Lilith curious. "How do we take someone that got out and drag them back into all this shit, ya know? Already got shot twice on one of my last jobs. You know well as I do shots like to go wide."

"Nah, it won't, especially if you pick the camera I made my baby. It's shiny, has all kinds of attachments and a bag to go with, good for photography sessions in nature or wherever. I'm actually going to ask her to take some boudoir shots of me in lingerie for Byron to have all to himself for Christmas since it's hard to give him something he doesn't already have. Hope he actually... doesn't just see it as selfie fluff and something he can see anytime he wants anyway." Lilith passes one of the little cups over to Joey filled fuller than it should be, then prepares to refill them both as she looks at his demeanor for a beat, then listens.

After a tick of pause, she nods a little to what Joey's asking, implying, and saying, though, and then goes to crack the back door open so she can rifle in a drawer and get out a pack of cigarette menthols for having a go at on her way to the couch. She also brings the bottle along to set on the floor for refills just in case. Lilith isn't really a smoker, but she does sometimes when drinking or having a tough go at things and she just assumes others might be too so she offers the pack to Joey after patting at one of the office couch cushions next to herself and pondering his question, "Well. That's a valid concern. Sit down here, let's go through some things to weigh..."

Then she starts with a breath of air, "You know... I got out. I did. But I wasn't any better at life outside of here than I was at life here. This place, our lives, they mark us and sometimes they just make us a certain way." She pauses, "I like to think, though, I'm choosing this now, even though there's a lot of things I'm not choosing. And I've found my life taking a turn for good that's making a whole lot of bad worth it. And I'm terrified of all that falling apart just after I started feeling that maybe... I'm going to be okay inside, you know? Because I'm real good at fucking things up and the past comes back. Sometimes that's a dangerous thing."

Her head tilts then, "Byron could be caught up in a lot that my life drags him into. But I try to make him aware of those risks so he can..." Her lashes drop, "Well. Take it or leave it, I guess. And he keeps choosing me even though there's a lot of things about me that don't fit his life now. So first things first, how much does Nicole know about who you are and what you do?"

Joey arches an eyebrow looking rather impressed, the tension drops out of his shoulders as Lilith goes on. That's a stand down even if it's subtle, and possibly made possible only by those that know where the dirt under his nails really comes from and how he spends the other part of his time off record. There's appreciation in the tone even if the words are gravel y and few, "Sounds perfect." Camera? Sold! For the low low price of thank you.

As story time gets started and Lilith gets real with him and tells him to sit he pulls up a seat and drops to an unceremonious sit swiveling attention her way; broken only by a glance to the door with a flick of a look at life's little noises out of habit. When she talks of getting out and returning, the nostalgia of a street and a situation that never really change, and being married to this lifestyle because they're good at it? Oh there's recognition. There's comfort in what they know. Bringing up Byron? That wins the faintest of smiles and Joey adds only, 'Weeeeeell, B ain't changed so mcuh. And you give him good incentive to come back. He hasn't forgotten who he is, he just hides his stripes better." Not a critique, but appreciation there.

And then the big questions which draw a deep breath from him, "Yeah you scared the shit out of a few of us winding up in that damn wheelchair ya know." An eyebrow pushes up. The glass is given a swirl and a drink. Open hand turns palm up in lieu of a shrug, "Ain't just B that's concerned about that. You got shit done though." Oh hell what does Nicole know about his really. Fingers rub his eye and the scruff of his face contemplating that. "Not... not a lot. She um, she know s I almost dug up a damn body. Wasn't one. Offered to help dig and saved the freak out for later." He admits in a resounding tone of well that's that, "We ain't really addressed her finding out some asshole plugged me a couple times in the chest last job which.. I got some feelings about so... she knows with a fuck ton of plausible deniability. Like, you know her. She's not stupid. I jsut..." He frowns and looks to Lilith to fill in the gaps. "She should go, and she needs to, but I don't want her to."

"Here's the thing... people like you and me make choices we're not real proud of but they're just us and we know our lot. We know we come with fallout, in different kinds of ways, you know? Anything could happen to any one of us at any time, living here... Nicole was on the boardwalk and in the exact situation that put me in the wheelchair, for instance. I just drew a lot more attention. So honestly?" Lilith pauses and tips her chin with weighting toward Joey, turning up a hint of fond smile for him while noting this bit after he's spoken his concern on seeing her in a wheelchair. She seems to be seizing on the obvious topic of there being absolutely no way to live without potential harm given the place they live as a point for him to start weighing and doing math with.

The brunette blows out a plume of smoke to wave around after a pause, taking a moment to real-talk disclaimer, "I don't say this to sound like an asshole, but she's probably more in danger of the creep-things than a stray bullet meant for you and you probably know that. And let's say thugs with a vendetta? I mean, logically, if someone wants to get to you through someone else, they're going to go for Jaime first." She seems to think the math is more skewed toward the town getting a hurting on Nicole when comparing the risk of being a thug's girlfriend and catching strays, and she might damn well be right on that, considering.

"So that said, Joey... how much worry is coming from what you think you deserve? You think she's better than you. And yes, you're right, but that doesn't mean..." She draws from the smoke again and looks at him and his expression with a bare knit of her brows coming with the curiosity in mild empathetic fashion. Lilith might know this topic well too, from the sound and look of her.

Joey asks the thousand dollar question, "Creep things?" he pauses and his entire demeanor shifts in the way feral dogs do when hey hear something outside of their yard. Criminal to the core of him. Lilith knows that look. She didn't walk away; she walked back too, and that's why he trusts her. Still... "You tryin to say she's got a stalker or just like feral trees got more an interest in eating her cause she's a fucking snac?" Oh, the lengths to which he does and does not get glimmer at all. He falls silent and the math is almost visible behind the dark bottle green glance that is watching her.

She's not wrong. Brutal truths are brutal, but helpful. He adds to her ideas, "Or Jesse." His jaw sets and he looks around the office without comment on it. "Maaaan that bitch with the knife was hopped up on something. Might sell the knife. Trying to figure out if it's gang related or something. Sometimes they do stupid initiation shit. Maybe Santa's got a gang or something to be elves. Who the fuck knows anymore." It's a stall while he thinks it over, but really in Gray Harbor? Possibly true.

Adjusting to the slouch in his seat he looks back, studying her face with the concerns that, yeah, she's entirely spot on; eyes falling to the bottom of his glass when they talk about anything deserved. "Everything... nice she's ever tried to have has kinda turned to shit. I mean sure she grew up out here with all of us, but she has spent her whole life getting out of this shit, ya know? Christ she's got a business and skill and- and Shit, Lil!" His jaw slowly tighten. There's a breath and a moment to regroup. "Everything I touch turns to shit. Violence invites violence and I don't want that for her. I really like her. She didn't sign up to be some gangland moll. She wants to take pictures of plants, and... the closest I've been to bein happy in a long ass time. I don't want to leave her worse off., because in the end I mean I will leave. It'll be the cops or someone got a beef with Felix and that's..." said out loud. His brow furrows looking back to Lilith. "How do we keep them from having to go through that?"

"More like shit goes down and we have no control over it, especially the crazy shit that doesn't have a thing to do with anything you're reaping and sowing. So like trees and stuff yeah." Lilith tamps her ashes from her cigarette into her little emptied vodka dixie cup like a makeshift ashtray while looking at Joey a little longer, then letting his expression have a bit of privacy about thinking things through, gauging without staring. And her head nods a little bit about Jesse, because that was the next name on the list after Jaime if she needed to prove a point about certain paranoias, but she didn't quite feel it was necessary as yet. But since he brought it up, "Or Jesse, yeah. And it doesn't stop you from wanting to love or protect either one of them, doesn't make you pull away, does it? You just make yourself ready and do what you need to do and keep the eyes where they're needed."

After exhaling a plume of smoke and stubbing out the cigarette into the cup before crushing it in hand to toss toward the trash can, she bylines to Joey about the knife, "Should let Byron take a touchy-look at it and see what he can see with his mindbanging or whatever. I feel like someone was animating those trees and stuff on purpose or something, which... is stupid, but you know. Might as well know if there's woods terrorists or something before we get some idea to go camping or drinking in the woods."

"But back to controlling what hurts the people we care about? We can't. We can just try to mitigate it, and even then, we might fuck up doing it. I know that very first hand." Lilith sets her teeth briefly on edge and leans to pick up the bottle for a drinking swig, "Byron and I just got to a point where... he's not as angry or wounded at me, for what I did in high school. I shut him out entirely after we were inseparable for so long, no explanations, no nothing. Then I left. Do you know why?" Of course he doesn't, everyone just assumed Lilith was flipping her hormonal shit back then, and really, she kind of was, but it was the glimmer and power slamming her that caused the shutdown, "I used to dream of ripping him apart every night. Every. Single. Night. And then I started breaking things without meaning to. And I thought... he was next, along with anyone else that was near me. So I..."

Her lashes drop, lips twisting to the side, "I hurt him horribly trying to protect him from myself, Joey. I think sometimes he still resents me for it because he can't help it. And he hides things from me because of it. Don't start off with Nicole running scared because you think you're a wrecking ball. I lived... a lot of years feeling very, very, very wrong because I thought it was what I deserved. What you do is you love her enough to let her choose you fairly and know the risk, even though you can't tell her everything. And if she decides to be your ride or die after you've made risk and damages clear? That's... one hell of a girl." Her head ticks with consideration, "It's how I did it with Byron. He knows I'm a trouble magnet and a mess. But he doesn't know how to let me go and I don't know how to let him go and we make each other better, somehow. If you're feeling that, you deserve that feeling, and so does she."

Then the most solid thing Lilith has to say to Joey to think on when she looks back up with a huge breath, hand on the bottle neck curling some, "Life is not fair and it is not safe, and it is not easy and this place we live is mean. Don't you think we should get some kickback with happy? Can't live in a bubble, babydoll. Neither can anyone else. Nicole is never going to be in a bubble, so isn't it maybe better you have her back instead of trying to put her in one?"

Joey murmurs, "Yeah. that makes sense." He doesn't run from his family, even if he is always concerned and hyper-aware when they're about. Aware enough the man couldn't tell you glimmer wasn't a street drug, but uses it like a kid leash when watching his niece. "Naw. Naw it doesn't" Doesn't stop him at all. When being told to let Byron take a touchie-look at things he shakes his head, "I don't really think me and my knife are B's idea of a good time, Lil. He's got enough to worry about." As she elaborates he revisits his idea picking up what she's putting down, "Naw, that... makes sense. I don't wanna fight the Canadian Jason Momoa or nothin. I like that dude."

His attention shifts when she tells her story offering a curious, "I didn't." a pause, "Was kind a dealing with my ma being murdered and being incarcerated at the time. Wondered though." With her he can be blunt and factual without being salty about it. As he listens his lower eyelids pull up. His jaw sets and he can read her. It reads: You did the right thing. "That... makes sense. I still got the ones that chase me around and they don't..." He pauses frowning two fingersc ome up to point to her in question, "You know I woke up from a fuckin dream kinda like that. We lost Everly and then bullets ringing out and shit with these shadow sons of bitches grabbing people and dragging em off. I woke the fuck up and Nicole's there and first thing I gotta do is check her fucking pulse." The words as strained in the faintest sense of being a very, very real fear she clearly understands and needs no explanation for all her life. Well, half her life. That's two halves too many in his math.

Of all the stolen broken things he's brought to Lilith over the years his peace of mind might be the most near and dear that he's trusted her with. there's another slow deep breath to fuel the engine of his mind to take his thoughts where it will. "Heh, yeah , He's a different sort of rabbit. Just protect him from himself. He ain't no different than we is there." They're older, and different, and in so many ways the same. It's the old guard and he still has mad love for his peeps that didn't bail out on one another like the fucked up ghetto Sandlot. She and Nicole were... part o that too Pawn Shop Wisdom gives him a lot to think about, "I think she could easy be my ride or die Lil. I just dunno how that's gonna hit her the night I don't come home again. But maybe you and the paperboy is right. Maybe... it ain't my choice."

Slowly a faint look of amusement that still looks like he might make anyone that interrupts them eat their own car, (hostile resting face is real), a quiet laugh follows, "Ya know I ain't been scared for myself in a long ass time... feels fuckin weird." And he was almost stabbed by a crazy Canadian the other night. "I think B's gonna dig the present. My advice on that? Do that and take him somewhere. Don't matter where really. One fucking thing he never really got growing up is time, ya know? And he's a pretty big fan of yours. I mean we all are too, but that's important to him. What about you?"

“I’m more of a fan of Lilith these days than other days, I suppose. Byron makes me… I mean, even before we were doing what we were doing, he makes me feel like a whole person instead of the pieces and damages that make me. I’m not all fragmented and trying to find a way, I pretty well… know who I am. And that’s nice.” Lilith tells Joey after a vaguely uncomfortable shrug at the question, picking up what he’s throwing down with the commentary on turnabout. After pulling in a breath to hold, she rises up and goes to toss the dixie cup in the trash.

While wandering, though, she tacks on, “But if you’re feeling like this one’s kind of ride or die it, just go for it, Joey. We can’t control life, we get what we get and all we can do is protect what’s precious the best we can. We’re old enough now to know the difference between bullshit crush blinding and what feels right at the core, we’ve had our wiggle room to learn. People like us, we aren’t as scared of things from the outside as we maybe should be, but we’re terrified of the things that come from inside, which is kind of backwards, but it’s just… the way we’re made, hm?”

“Now come on. Let’s go pack up that camera. It even has a bag for the attachments.” Once Lilith has thrown the cup away, she comes to knock a kiss on the top of Joey’s head with old-guard fondness and encouragement for the conversation to stick, perhaps. But it’s given her things to kind of think on too. That’s the thing about good conversations that matter— they do that.