2019-12-02 - You Can Unscrew A Lightbulb

(TXT to Sutton) Bennie : E and I split

(TXT to Bennie) Sutton : i'm sorry, love. i really didn't expect to hear you say that. would you like me to steal his leg and tack it up just out of his reach? can i do anything?

(TXT to Sutton) Bennie : No, no sorries. I need you to get me tore up from the flo' up.

(TXT to Bennie) Sutton : that i can do. i'm staying at 13 Bayside. there's a guest room so you can sleep over when we murder every margarita the blender dare disgorge. or, of you wanna avoid all that peeing, we can skip straight to the tequila, vodka, or whiskey.

(TXT to Sutton) Bennie : Out. I need to go out. I need to dance with sweaty bodies and thin personal boundaries.

(TXT to Bennie) Sutton : he must have really fucked up ok... lap dance level fuckery?

(TXT to Sutton) Bennie : Maybe we'll start at the club and go from there. If any titties are getting paid for they're going to be mine with free drinks.

(TXT to Bennie) Sutton : ok, it's like that. i can be your wingman, but we'll need a DD if this is a multiple club shot.

(TXT to Sutton) Bennie : uber ftw

(TXT to Bennie) Sutton : have you ever hurled in an uber? they charge you like $200

(TXT to Sutton) Bennie : my acct is still linked to E's cc

(TXT to Sutton) Bennie : invite friends

(TXT to Bennie) Sutton : oh, yes. the LDB signal is going out tonight. when you wanna do it? i'll text some people.

(TXT to Sutton) Bennie : In a couple nights. I've missed too much work and I gotta figure out my sitch first.

(TXT to Bennie) Sutton : yeah, if i don't get fired after these two weeks off... my check is already sad, but i'm not buying groceries this week, so we'll just drink it

(TXT to Sutton) Bennie : Let me dress you and our drinks will be free all night. Then we can buy ice cream instead.

(TXT to Bennie) Sutton : yeah my never pay for drinks dress got ruined in the shootout at the Doody that time. deal.

(TXT to Sutton) Bennie : I'm hiding in Alexander's bathroom.

(TXT to Bennie) Sutton : the night of, want me to swing by there with some outfits and really traumatize him before we leave him in peace? if you need my keys, my place is still empty. lease is up soon, but it's yours if you need it until then.

(TXT to Sutton) Bennie : Can you believe he actually offered to pay my rent for a new place?

(TXT to Bennie) Sutton : he feels guilty. he kept telling me he fucks up with you all the time. i'm probably not the best person to give advice on love, but i wouldn't take it either.

(TXT to Sutton) Bennie : I don't need a new apartment. I need our apartment. I need him but he just can't keep it in his pants. If he wants to stop fucking up, he needed to invest in a chastity belt.

(TXT to Bennie) Sutton : he fucked someone else? you guys don't have an open thing, right?

(TXT to Sutton) Bennie : Not unless I missed a memo.

(TXT to Bennie) Sutton : yeah, you can't unfuck that situation, especially if it happens more than once... ugh. i thought he meant stupid boy tricks that didn't involve his dongle

(TXT to Sutton) Bennie : Difference between a pregnant lady and a light bulb? You can unscrew a lightbulb.

(TXT to Bennie) Sutton : yeah, i learned that one the hard way... he didn't, did he?

(TXT to Sutton) Bennie : ...

(TXT to Sutton) Bennie : We are so talking about that sometime.

(TXT to Bennie) Sutton : yeah, i should be drunk first

(TXT to Sutton) Bennie : In private.

(TXT to Sutton) Bennie : And no, I don't think dude's can get pregnant.

(TXT to Bennie) Sutton : drunk in private is fine too — Easy's branching out.

(TXT to Bennie) Sutton : hm. i'm ... do i want to ask?

(TXT to Sutton) Bennie : Nooooope.

(TXT to Bennie) Sutton : excuse me, i need a glass of wine

(TXT to Bennie) Sutton : (3 mins later) found some. back

(TXT to Sutton) Bennie : I'm taking a shower. With tequila.

(TXT to Bennie) Sutton : i have wine and i don't want to ask but i'm going to ask because now i need to ask

(TXT to Sutton) Bennie : How much wine are we talking?

(TXT to Bennie) Sutton : roughly 6 ounces but the rest of the bottle's there too

(TXT to Sutton) Bennie : Bottle may be required. Ask.

(TXT to Bennie) Sutton : is he fucking Javi?

(TXT to Sutton) Bennie : Where are your weapons currently?

(TXT to Bennie) Sutton : just got my hands, babe — i have a revolver, but it's not loaded

(TXT to Sutton) Bennie : Fucked. Don't know if the active participle is appropriate.

(TXT to Sutton) Bennie : Don't get arrested before girl's night.

(TXT to Bennie) Sutton : jesus. i don't answer a few texts and he torpedoes your relationship. i'm sorry, love.

(TXT to Bennie) Sutton : fuck all i ever asked him was don't fuck anyone else in my building

(TXT to Sutton) Bennie : Don't. Don't be sorry. The only people who's fault this was is E and I.

(TXT to Bennie) Sutton : it's not your fault. the only way this could be your fault is if you said go do it and couldn't handle it when he did it

(TXT to Sutton) Bennie : If I hadn't reacted the way I did after the Gohl thing, if I hadn't treated him like a monster, he wouldn't have felt like one, Sut

(TXT to Bennie) Sutton : what do you mean, treated him like a monster?

(TXT to Sutton) Bennie : Handcuffs. I started relying on them.

(TXT to Bennie) Sutton : so did i. for a while. even after... so you flinched when he touched your throat? because it brought back choking to death? of course you fucking did. i still do. nobody can touch my neck and probably won't be able to for months without me flinching

(TXT to Bennie) Sutton : your body is protecting itself... it's not personal. it's survival. jesus... he should know

(TXT to Sutton) Bennie : I signed up for counseling. I was trying. Just not fast enough.

(TXT to Bennie) Sutton : (dancing dots)

(TXT to Bennie) Sutton : this is not your fault nor your shortcoming

(TXT to Sutton) Bennie : Truth is it doesn't matter any more, does it. I walked out.

(TXT to Bennie) Sutton : so did i, i asked for space... he didn't give it, i left town. three weeks or so, nothing. seems he kept busy tho

(TXT to Sutton) Bennie : I'm getting all the space I could ever want.

(TXT to Bennie) Sutton : this isn't about me, i'm sorry. residual anger keeps sucker punching me. can i do anything else before we drink? can i order you a pizza?

(TXT to Sutton) Bennie : Shit. Sorry, though.

(TXT to Bennie) Sutton : dumplings always improve my mood

(TXT to Bennie) Sutton : check under the sink. if there's hidden liquor, it's probably under the sink. everyone keeps it there or the linen closet

(TXT to Sutton) Bennie : Pizza. Definitely pizza. With all the pineapple of ever on it. ALL of it. Tell them to raid a plantation and cut up all the pineapple and stuff it on some crust.

(TXT to Bennie) Sutton : that's absolutely abhorrent but i still love you. what's the address there? i'll have one coming at you in 30 or less.

(TXT to Sutton) Bennie : 13 Elm.

(TXT to Bennie) Sutton : that should be easy to remember. also of course it is. ok, ordered!

(TXT to Sutton) Bennie : It's a very Alexander address. You're a peach.

(TXT to Bennie) Sutton : hot dresses & all the booze. i'm inviting a bunch of strippers, ok?

(TXT to Sutton) Bennie : Abso-friggin-lutely

(TXT to Bennie) Sutton : this will be memorable or we're blacking out, so we better take video

(TXT to Sutton) Bennie : The liver damage will be epic.

(TXT to Bennie) Sutton : good thing that bitch regenerates

(TXT to Sutton) Bennie : Fuck. That gives me a great idea.

(TXT to Bennie) Sutton : i'm two glasses in the bottle so let's hear it

(TXT to Sutton) Bennie : Later. I gotta go put on clothes for the pizza delivery. Or wear a towel. 50/50. See you for DRANKS.

(TXT to Bennie) Sutton : if it's the pizza dude i had earlier, he's seen it all and doesn't care 😃 enjoy! <3

(TXT to Sutton) Bennie : xoxo