2019-12-09 - The Aftermath

They've both been quiet since it all happened; since she came back with his car. Very few words have passed between them while they drove, while they were at Gideon's, when he drove her home and dropped her off, and even this morning, when they checked on the pup at the vet and she filled out the paperwork. It was a very somber affair, and the silence is thick with awkwardness and a lot of words that just haven't been said, mostly because what is there to say? How do you express what you are thinking? How do you PROCESS all that happened and turn that all into words?

At least, that is what Nicole wonders.

Arriving at the Kelly house after, Nicole heads up the stairs towards the front door, turning to look back at Joey and watch him. She's accustomed to just walking in half the time now. But today, she waits. She does, however, break the silence. "So... you said you would make me breakfast? Is it cereal? Are we having cereal?"

Joey has been quiet even for him. The house down the street hasn't burned down yet. How does he process things? He moves on to the next day and pauses at the door. "How you make cereal? It's in a box. I said I'm making breakfast." Acerbic, maybe a little more 'off' to a point it is showing and surfacing. Quieter he says, "Eggs of French Toast? I think I got enough for one or the other." With a hand to either invite or shoo her in he lets her go in first.

Her attempt to break the ice or lighten the mood seems to have definitely failed. Nicole nods and with a simple, "either is good," before she steps inside.

She's wearing comfortable clothes today, one of her many colorful broom skirts (black today, with sprinklings of silver stars), with an oversized and loosely knitted black sweater; so loose that it is made of holes. On purpose. Beneath that is a light grey camisole of silk, shining so that it almost looks silver. Her hair has been washed, but she didn't feel like dealing with it today, so it is simply held back at the nape of her neck in a hair-friendly tie. Black combat boots keep her feet warm, but once inside, she peels them off with a toe to heel pull.

She doesn't stop in the front room, just heads on back to the kitchen, taking up a seat at the table. Feeling a bit antsy and awkward still, she picks up the salt shaker and idly starts playing with it in her hands.

Joey is in stay busy mode. He does this when he's upset, stressed out, when something needs to get figured out. Byron is the talker, but Joey? Not so much. The front door closes. Joey's in the kitchen. Nicole's in the kitchen. Maybe Everly's home?! If it's Jaime he didn't say something. Leaves one person left.

The cooking is quiet and movements automated Scrambled eggs, bacon and toast don't take long, and get plated and set in front of Nicole. He doesn't ask about the coffee but he starts that too. His food is put on a plate. calloused fingers from years of hard labor, and bruised with recent intent turn the burner off. He stands perfectly still at the cooling pan.

"I'm sorry."

Looking down at her plate, Nicole picks up a piece of bacon and uses it to poke at her eggs a bit. It all looks appetizing enough, it's just that, she doesn't have much of an appetite in the moment. Especially since Joey hasn't come to sit with her yet. She's still letting him be a bit.

I'm sorry

Those words coming from him have her turning her head to look at his back as he stands at the stove. Her jaw bone seems to clench and unclench a few times, though, she isn't really clenching, just biting her teeth together as her thoughts run through her head. Okay, maybe clenching a little. Her foot rests on the toes, heel held aloft, and it starts to bounce with nervous energy. Then suddenly, she is out of her chair, crossing the distance between them fairly swiftly. Wrapping her arms around him, pressing her body and right cheek to his back, she holds him there, just holds him, and asks, "for what?"

Joey is wrapped up like bundled steel cable, and while his hands stay clenched at the edge of the countertop the slack goes into his spine as she presses her cheek to it. Taking a deep breath he stands up a bit and brings his arms across his stomach to hug hers. "Didn't want to get you involved in all this shit. Not that-" Well fuck you words. Fuck you right in your glossary. Maybe Alexander getting him a dictionary isn't a terrible idea. "I'm not... Look the shit people say? That's true. Mostly all fo it. You wnat the reformed guy that's actuallY Geoff and I'm trying to make sure he stays that way but I didn't mean to get you tangled up in this shit, Nicole. That's something normal people shout not have to deal with..." That sigh fills his chest with a hudred intents and exactly 5 regrets. A glancse back tries to see her and read her face but it's not visible. "I asked... teh Captain to leave you out of it. He'll make sure that happens so...nothing's gonna blow back on you."

His arms coming to hug her own creates a chain reaction that has her giving him a tighter squeeze. "Not involved in... what went down?" Nicole shrugs and her shoulder rubs up and down against his back. "I was. I didn't have to be." She takes a soft breath then exhales. "Joey... I had a lot of time to think about it. Once we got the pup to Gideon, and you were off... and he was busy and shooed me away because I was more hindrance than help... A lot of time to think. When you dropped me off last night and I stood in my shower, letting the water run over me as if it could wash away whatever fears or worries... or things.. I had. I had time."

"The point is," Nicole says, lifting her head to rest her chin on his shoulder so she could like sideways to him. "I had time. I had time to back out. I had time to walk away, to run, if I wanted to..." Her head tilts a touch to rest against his and she closes her eyes. "Plenty of time to run... and I did, too. When you asked me to go get your car, I ran like the breath of a hell fury was on my neck. I ran as fast as I could.... then I drove back."

"I don't want Geoff, and yeah, I left him back then because he got in trouble. I know you've been in trouble. I'm not blind, Joey. I am also not a seventeen year old girl in shock that her boyfriend robbed a place and got sent away. I don't want Geoff."

Inhale.

"I want you."

Exchale.

"Besides," she says softer. "When have I ever been normal?"

Joey just holds her arms around his body forged of domestic war and the correctional system, and pure spite. Did he sleep? Not even remotely. Did he want to now? Weirdly he could really go for a nap just like this. Some days even the dogs of war want to call in. Can't help but to go back to the talk with Lilith about how he shouldn't have nice things, but the longer he stays out of trouble the more complicated shit gets, and maybe that's why going back to jail isn't always the worst thing; People can't take from you if you don't have anything.

"You did." He can't argue she had time to keep going. "You did that too." She did return. She knew. It still left the questions unasked. And then? And then there it is. This is now also the other talk they've put off for a couple months.

Knuckles press to the edge of the counter shoving him to a low stand. Arm comes up to not clock her in the head when he turns around. There. That's a 2 sided hug. Alright this can work out. He stands silent letting her have the last word for a bit, silent.

"I took you on a date to a felony." Yeah he's really not good with the words. "like... right now. Not the first and I can guarantee not the last.And..." Somewhere Lilith's voice is making Charlie Brown sounds in his head. He scowls at being pretty defeated in arguing the point. "I can't tell you... I can't make your choices for you. But I don't want you to make any choices without both eyes open, Nicole.There's nastier things out there than the people I do business with but some day? Some day I ain't coming home. I'll either be in a box with bars or a box with dirt on it. I made peace with that, but I need... I need you to know these things." Taking a deep breath he murmurs in a graveled tone, "I want you, but I don't want to hurt you."

She can feel the tension in him, even if she doesn't fully know all the reasons why, but Nicole keeps him held in her arms. Perhaps they have put off talking about a lot of things since he brought her pancakes. There is something to be side about just enjoying the ride, but sometimes... sometimes the things that keep that ride going have to be addressed. If you still wanted to stay on, that is. And it seems, she does. So here it is... bloodshed and a puppy's well-being has brought them here to apparently just get it all out.

Joey turns so that he can wrap his arms around her, and as his arm lifts she ducks, ensuring he has plenty of room to maneuver until they stand face to face, arm in arm.

"I didn't back out of that either," she reminds him about their 'date' to dig up a mystery box that they at one point wondered might be a body instead. But then he says, 'like... right now'. Her brows knit a little in confusion at that, but she moves on as he does.

And his words go right for the heart. And she's been stressed as fuck, tired... and when he talks about one day, he isn't coming home, her eyes well up with tears. 'Fuck. What is this?' she asks herself. But deep down, she knows precisely what it is. She takes a deep breath to try to compose herself. The normally pretty laid back Nicole seems to be having a really difficult time of that right now. She's not felt as much of a wuss as she has the past... well, within the last 24 hours. Crying like a baby. 'Snap out of it, Nicole' she mentally chastises herself, sniffling. She leans in, pressing her face to his shoulder, her hands sliding to his sides, gripping his shirt in her fists.

"My eyes are open, Joey," Nicole whispers against his shoulder.

She pulls back to look up into his own, saying more loudly as she looks directly at him, "my eyes are open. And, frickin..." she is trembling a bit as a myriad of raw emotions flow through her. She takes another breath. "My eyes are fucking open, and I choose you. I choose... an us? I know there's whatever bullshit in the world. I know there's more bullshit in the world I may or may not ever see... I know that you are not perfect, but neither am I. I know you... the people you work for, I know the rumors... I know all this, Joey, and I still choose you. If you are giving me that choice..." her eyes shift focus from one of his to the other, back and forth. "I choose.. you. And... god..." She is really NOT able to hold onto her emotions and does not know how to deal with that. Tears begin slipping down her cheeks and she closes her eyes.

"Some day, you might not come home. You might end up in a box. You might end up in jail... don't think I forgot that time you slipped and said you were shot when we were digging up that box... and you didn't tell me, but, that's.. it wasn't... You might not come home one day. And if it's because you are behind bars? I will visit you there. The truth is, we never know what is going to happen in our lives. I know you know this better than many others. What we have can be lost in an instant. You could be shot or arrested. I could be hit by a bus or whatever else. We don't know." Somehow, she is getting all this out despite the tears that continue and in between sniffs. "I know these things. I know all of them. I also know that I want to... Fuck." I mean, yes, probably, but that is not why that word comes out in this moment. "Until that someday when one of us doesn't come home... I want to." Why are words and emotions so hard??? Her eyes squeeze shut as she tries to will herself past all the walls she has built up over the years. She tries again, the lump in her throat making her voice a bit raspy. "Until that day one of us doesn't come home, I kind of. No. I want to be home... with you. I mnnnn. I don't want to hurt you either. I want neither of us to hurt, but I know we will, in life. I saw your own pain, when we... outside of Gideon's and all I wanted to do was go to you and kiss it away... but it wasn't time."

"Fuck. Joey Lee Kelly. I want you. I feel at home with you, whever we are. I want to be with you now, not worry about that time you might not return, or I might not. Dammit! Just... Fuck!"

Ohfuckohfuckohfuck her face is doing the upset thing where the emotions boil over and the tears come out. Every historical inclination would be to hold her at arm's length and tell that person pull it together this is how shit is. That she's not her normal composed self, that self that stands up straight and tells the world in the kindest possible way bring it the fuck on betch, but instead is dissolving in a war against that wall he's surrounded himself with. The cascading words strike home and pierce him more than those paired bullets.

It reflects up though his face and his brain, as it is int hat way that may make Drax the Destroyer proud, brings him to ask, "Why are these buses stalking you? I'll punch a bus, Nicole. I will fight the entire fucking fleet of buses." in truth it's Joey for No one's laying a tire on you. The truth is they control so very little of that.

Dark green eyes search hers as that mean mug of his softens that fraction letting any of his feelings surface with that sliver of fear. That same one she saw on his face when Everly was taken even if toned very down. Quietly the truth comes as a bit of a rasp and not knowing with any expertise how to phrase, form or deal with them, and the annoyance of it making his eyes a bit glassy. "The rumors are true Nicole. I've done...do... a lot of ugly shit. The truth is I hurt a lot of people and I don't feel too fuckin bad about it. That I have to? Yeah. People don't live in this world blind ya know?? Anyone I have to go deal with is well aware of what their choices are and that those choices got consequence. And I try like hell to make sure those people don't hurt anyone hat don't need it. I know.." He winces and his hands squeeze her arms trying to be mindful. "I know it don't make me a good guy, but I want... I want you to hear it from me. "

Shit, the fight is out of him and he can't try to prevent what has already happened: he is already invested. She knows and as Lilith's said she's informed and going to make up her open mind and all the crazy fears of his is not going to change that. Those bear arms pulls the tall blonde that avenged his honor into a tight hug. "Baby, I'm with you, okay? Whatever... fucked up thing this is you got me, and" There's a pause, a very long pause thinking back on Giedon and that puppy. "we'll make the time. besides" he looks up and squints a loot at her, head tilted back some, "Already told Lilith I was pretty ride or die for ya and you did try to help me find a body. Just... if I tell you I can't tell you something? I'm a need you to trust me and not push it or think it's cause I don't trust you. It's to protect you, and anyone else involved or it might be about. Kay?"

Apparently, Joey being Joey is precisely what Nicole needed in this moment. That question about busses stalking her breaks through the fog of all that she is feeling emotionally, mentally, and even physically. She pulls back and looks at him. The tears glisten in her eyes but stop flowing. The sniffles fade and that scrunched up expression of uncontrolled emotion disappears, replaced with a smile before she begins to laugh. She reaches up to press her hands to his checks and whispers, "I know you would, Joey. I know." She pulls him down a little to kiss him, lips pressed to his with firm indignation. She is not going anywhere, neither are her affections.

"Every choice we make will affect our lives, for good or bad, Joey. Those people, they made their choices, and I am sure knew the risks. I know my risks right now... and I am pretty certain I know the possible reward too. It's a gamble. This... giving my heart to you. More like sharing it with you because I'm not giving it away to be owned. I am choosing to share it with you. My heart, my time, my however long we have together. You are not a saint, Joey. I do not think anyone would ever accuse you of that. But I, for one, think you are a damn fine man. You are a better guy than you give yourself credit for, and someday, if you need me to list the reasons why I say that. I will."

She's pretty much back to her usual self after his threat to all busses everywhere that might even THINK about harming her.

"Most of us, you know, here... most of us do what we have to sometimes. Sometimes, that makes us feel like shitty people. Me included. I am no saint either. But..." Nicole reaches back for one of his hands, lacing her fingers with his and bringing them up to chest level. "I am with you, too, Joey. I am your girl, as long as you'll have me there. Ride or die? I'll be your ride or die if you'll be mine. I even enjoy riding bitch." She smiles again, pulling his hand to her lips now to kiss bruised knuckles.

Nodding, she looks into his green eyes. "If I ask, and you assure me that it is not information you can or should share... I will trust you. Sometimes, it is safer to not know something... safer for me and for you. I trust you, Joey. I have not trusted anyone other than myself in... well, maybe ever. I trust you."

Joey watches in that same way he does when he's trying to figure out Where is the threat and how can I punish it into stopping. He is, however, total shit and falls silent. He's not going to tell a woman smarter than he is she's wrong, even if his perception disagree. She already knew more than she should, or more than is safe for her to. Here she is preaching his gospel of street justice and loyalty though.
He leans into the kiss for what is longer than a moment and likely being spied on by tiny eyes quite possibly from somewhere. SO be it.

Rough hands slide down and into her back pockets to hand out there. When she mentions riding bitch it brings an almost juvenile smirking grin that he never quite outgrew. "I'll try not to let you down. There is...one thing we do have to talk about." His jaw sets and he sniffles in some emotion evading, "What're we calling the damn dog? I vote Ripley. She can take on a Hive Queen and win. the bitch can live through anything."

Nipping at Joey's lip as his hands slide into her pockets, Nicole leans against him and smiles up at him. She doesn't know if there are small eyes watching or not, but she isn't concerned about it. "I'll try to not let you down either. We ride or we die, and I will enjoy my ride with you." She gives him a small kiss again then chuckles. "Ripley. Ripley is good. I approve of Ripley. We're going to have to go pet shopping aren't we? Stuff for my place too for sleepovers." She smiles at him . They pulled through all this, somehow, so far. Time to celebrate.

Joey takes a deep breath and he shakes his head, "Nah I got a sleeping bag for your place when the dog curls up with you." There's that wry grin. Looking up like the world started moving back into orbit gradually he says, "We can go later this afternoon. But you have to promise me something else. Try to take a five day weekend early January?" His eyes squint murmuring, "I didn't think I'd ever have a puppy. At least she's getting medical care. I'm guessing it'll take a while, but...I would love to buy a dog bed with you." Big commitment there. Tidal waves yo. "You get a charlie brown tree for your place yet? Let's go get something to fix that too. it'll make me feel better about the world kinda taking a shit on this week."

There is that grin of his that just melts Nicole. Every time she sees it, she just wants to steal it for herself with a kiss. She tries, placing a soft but brief one upon his lips, but it is still there when she pulls back. "Five days? Well, hopefully, I hire another stylist or two soon and then it will be no problem. But, why? When?" Nodding, Nicole says, "she is getting good care. And, she is going to love the shit out of you for saving her. Might need some TLC to get past some of her traumas though... but I will work with you to help her. " He talks about buying a dog bed with her and her brow arches up. Her own devilish smirk graces her lips as she says, "why Joey Kelly, you truly know the way to a girl's heart." She pulls him closer, resting her head on his shoulder. "I haven't had a chance. let's deck the halls, babe."