2019-12-26 - Holly Jolly Dinner and Dancing

The winner of the evening with Roxy Kivela is not going to be skimped on for their kind donation to charity. A black towncar pulls into the Huckleberry Mobile Home Park and stops in front of Thewlis Moore's trailer. A driver in full black regalia gets out and opens the door, to let Roxy out of the back seat. She's in a gorgeous, 1940s style dress in a classic pale grey of draping sheer chiffon over a curve skimming sheath that flares in layers at the bottom, perfect for dancing.

The former ballerina has her hair in its usual sleek bob, her makeup done in a classic style reminiscent of the silver age of Hollywood. Her jewelry is tasteful as she steps up to the trailer door and raps lightly on it.

The arrival of the car is met with a shadow in the window facing out into the park. Slipping out the door in all black. Making his way down to the car, fighting the urge to pocket his hands, but unable to keep his eyes up from the ground as he nears.
"Hello miss, you... I... You... L-l-luhhhh..." his face screws up, the moment of his looking over the outfit a fleeting glance, "Yuh-yu-yuhoooo... vuh-veh-very p-uh-puh-puhhh-pretty." blushing with his head jerking as if scolding himself, or hearing something scolding him.

Roxy gives the man a gentle smile and gestures to the towncar. "You are very kind, Mister Moore. You look very nice tonight. Thank you for your generous donation to Angels of Hope." She gestures to the car with one hand. "Shall we?" If his difficulty in speaking bothers her, it doesn't show at all. She knows the pain of being overwhelmed in social settings.

The driver holds the door open for them to get into the car, then closes it and steps around to get back into the driver's seat. He has clearly been given directions already as he pulls out and begins the short drive to the restaurant.

Thew actually made sure to have Roxy in first, offering a hand for balance before slipping in as well - taking almost a minute to get his bearings once the car was on its way.
"Nice... puh-person... Didn't want... cuh-cruh-creep winning." offering a weak smile, head down, hands folded in his lap. "Y-yuhh-yuh-you don't... I. It's good... The cause. Y-y-you're nice... puh-person." brow knitting, eyes closing and his head jerks as if he's yelling at himself once again.

"Then you are doubly kind. I was worried who might bid as well. I am glad it was you," Roxy says sincerely. "How long have you lived in Gray Harbor?" Her words are too well chosen, lacking contractions, with that Nordic or Scandinavian accent. English is not her first language. "I have only been here a few months myself."

She watches him, wanting to offer to make communication easier, but if he's not familiar with the town's eccentricities, he may not even know he himself glimmers like a beacon next to her gentler flame.

"All my... Luh-li-hii... life." face flushed red still from her response to his reason to bid. "Caret-uh-tuh-taker. At the c-sss-cemetery." Thewlis blinks at something and chews at his lower lip.
"Can call... Thew. Easier. Just Thew. Or Thew-hoo... The-ooo...." the fact he cant even say his own name setting off a rage in him that flares for a split second before something else pours water on it, setting him to shivering frustration. "Thewlis... It's... fine. Which ever... yuh-you like."
He turns his eyes back to Roxy, lips in a line with an apologetic look in his features.

Roxy pushes the button to raise the partition between them and the driver, then she looks to him to speak quietly. "I have an easier way to communicate, but I do not wish to frighten you. If you have lived here that long, you likely know what I am speaking of." She taps a finger to her temple. She has the Mental Gift , very strongly.

Her expression is earnest, she is trying to be helpful without having any social understanding if that is rude to offer, or offensive to his issues. She lived a very sheltered life and then went into the Asylum. Her social graces are all what she gleans from old movies and television.

Looking up and back to her, a realization when she taps her temple. "If... you luh-lihii-like." One corner of Thewlis's mouth raising at the offer. "I'm not vu-very good... at... thu-thuhh-that." Thewlis looks back down "Buh-better if you." he starts to stutter again, going quiet.

Roxy nods her head and her bright blue-green eyes narrow a moment, to focus on offering up a connection to the man. Her mind is a moonlit woodscape, and she is not herself in it. Instead she is a ghostly white doe, with a crown bearing faux-antlers made of aspen branches, flowering with pink blossoms. <<Is this easier for you?>> she asks through the link.

Thewlis seems more keen to escape is own, when communicating. While there is a rich green sun shining in his, but there are more black clouds than open sky, shadows and voices snarling from the dark places - with Thew himself a shrunken twisted thing, like a Sméagol of his own existence. <<This will be easier... I'm sorry.>>

<<There is nothing to be sorry for,>> Roxy insists with that same kind smile. <<I find this much easier myself. I did not have many friends growing up, so I was never well socialized, and English is not spoken in the manner it is taught, so it has been difficult for me to make friends here. Speaking this way is a relief for me.>>

The car pulls up just a few minutes later at Rediviva, in another small town near Gray Harbor. It's in a block of buildings that look part of a main street, and has an eclectic corner spot, where the side is done in interesting blocks of autumnal hued colors. The front has a black metal pergola two walls of windows, and wooden front doors. The driver opens the door for the pair with a tip of his hat.

Roxy steps out and smiles at the building. "I have read good things about this place. The menu looked lovely. It is three courses, so you choose one from each column."

Looking up at the building, mouth in a line, Thewlis moves instinctively - offering Roxy the crook of his arm as he gets his bearings. <<Didn't... I didn't have friends. I wasn't... I don't know how to say. >> Thew frowns a little at that and a slow sigh escapes him.

Starting towards the entry, at least as long as she moves with him. <<I don't go out of town, often. Bad enough in town most times, how bad is it elsewhere?>> brow knitting as his eyes moves to the ground.

Roxy takes Thewlis' offered arm as they walk in. <<It was...It is hard for me to say. I was a ballerina and I traveled all over my whole life. Mostly. But it wasn't like here, not as much as here.>> She smiles at the hostess and gives her reservation name. They are seated right away. The interior has a nice feeling of farmhouse meets industrial, but classy. A lot of wood beams and exposed duct work. They are given a corner table along the wall of windows, where they can watch the mild amount of foot traffic stroll by. With the snow, people aren't out and about so much.

Menus are handed to them, and the waiter is there a moment later to take their drink order. "I would like a glass of the Block 3 Merlot please," Roxy requests, looking to Thewlis for his choice.

<<What has it been like, living in Gray Harbor your whole life?>> Roxy asks through the mind link, curiously. It's been incredibly weird for her in just the few months she's been present, so she can't even imagine a lifetime of the oddities of being near a Veil thin point.

He lets his breath slow and his eyes seem to unfocus some as he speaks, lips drawn back down into a frown - "Macallan, eighteen, single malt." and then holding up two fingers before Thew looks back to Roxy,

<<Everything felt weird growing up. I felt weird. But I don't know what made me feel like that. If I...>> he pauses and taps his own head, <<Or if it was other things>> he sets up his menu head tilting as he reads each line.

<<Did you hurt your ankles? Your knees?>> Brow knitting <<If you were a ballerina. Why would you stop? I'm sorry if this sounds bad, but you move like you can still dance fine. You float.>>

Roxy watches the waiter move off and she looks back to Thewlis, listening to his mental words is much easier than them struggling through awkward verbal exchanges. <<Something bad happened.>> She lowers her eyes to skim the menu a long moment. <<People took me away to a bad place, Over There. For two years. I can't remember much of it, but I woke up one day in Oregon at a bus station and felt the pull to come to this place. I no longer had my own identity. I had been declared dead. So I had to start over. There are not many jobs someone without identification can get. I did what still let me dance.>> Stripping.

<<I know this will sound stereotypical, but if you do not like doing it I know some people, I could talk to them see how to get you your ID?>> Thewlis actually looks up from the table and from hiding behind the menu, <<I know what being trapped feels like. You're a good person, you shouldn't need to feel like you have no place to turn.>>

Thew takes a breath and tries to maintain eye contact. It's a noticeable effort that gives way shortly to a twitch and a cough before his head lowers and his eyes close. A hurricane blows across the landscape of his find, emotions of shame, inwardly directed anger, fear. Fear over all of it. But of what?

<<I recently got my ID and such. I just moved out of the murder hotel into those new little cabins on Sycamore too. But for now, it pays really well. I need to feel my way around town, figure out where else I would fit. I may start teaching some dance classes at the local studio. And I do modeling for an art class a friend teaches, so that brings in some money as well. And when the weather warms I am a lifeguard down by the boardwalk. Plus the...bake sale.>> Where she is ring card girl for Fight Club.

How strange they must look to other people around, never speaking a word outloud, just exchanging glances. <<Really, I am all right, and I kind of enjoy the challenge of elevating stripping to something more artistic. I want to do this on my own. I want to prove to myself that I am capable.>> She smiles at him with a sweet expression.

Listening, eyes on the table, Thewlis takes that in, looking up with a flinch when smiled at. <<I do that a lot. Things on my own. It can make you feel good - but if you need help just ask and I can try.>> he jerks again as if he is being yelled at, head ducking down and to the side.

He ducks again when the waiter returns, scribbling things down on a small bit of paper pulled from his inner suit pocket and handed to the man. "S-suh-soh-sohh-hoorry... stu-hu-hutt-st-uuhhhter..." turning dark red and staring at the table again, shame faced.

When waiter returns with their drinks and to take their food orders, he accepts the paper from Thewlis as if this is no big deal, because this is a fancy restaurant and they have to make things that way. Roxy gives the man a bright smile. "I would like to start with the beef tartare, then the roasted beets, and finally the smoked duck." She hands over her menu and looks back to Thewlis.

<<Thank you for the offer. I will ask for help if needed. I have met many kind people in Gray Harbor, kind in spite of the crazy things this town throws at them.>> She takes a sip of her wine.

<<Most people just become the monster the town wants them to become. Only a few try to be people still.>> Thewlis notes before nodding to the waiter, looking apologetic again, even as he sips his scotch.

<<I don't want to be what the town tried to make me.>> Biting at his lower lip. <<I like to fix things, too.>> he tilts his head, looking to Roxy <<What do you like?>>

<<What did it try to make you become?>> Roxy asks curiously. At the question to her she smiles shyly. <<I like vintage clothes, and old movies. American fashion of the 1940s and 1950s was so lovely, and classy. It was a beautiful period in many ways.>> And horrible in many others the ballerina doesn't seem aware of.

<<Violent. cruel... vicious>> Emotions try to burst forth with the thought. Thewlis knows what she means though, and is willing to let someone give something a golden hue in memory - allow someone something beautiful. Don't shatter what doesn't need it.

<<So you like clothing that is designed to twist and swirl... and dance.>> He blinks and there is a ghost of a smile that shifts and struggles to remain on his face. <<Like a fairy tale come to life in some ways.>> He looks up, finally, to look at her again, a pained expression warring with the pleasant, shrinking back when his bone marrow and her beef tartare. Looking like he was expecting to get five across the face and not the first course.

<<Dancing is all I knew from the time I was four years old. Maybe there are other things I will learn to like, now that it is not the sole focus of my life. My parents wanted me to be the best. I was tutored instead of going to regular school. I spent twelve hours a day practicing or performing or learning things related to ballet. What little time left in my day was for sleep and schoolwork.>>

As the food arrives, Roxy dives into it with real relish. She was on a very strict diet as a ballet dancer. She weighed maybe 85 pounds then. When she wound up in the Asylum, without the grueling daily schedule and strict eating, she finally hit puberty a few years late, she went from being a human stick figure to a curvy woman.

Thew sets into his own meal, cutting cooked marrow from the split bone, swirling it in the plated sauces, brow knitting again. <<I'm sorry, I didn't mean to offend if I did. I... I couldn't really know what that's like, but maybe something like it.>> fleeting glances allow him to study the woman, head canting to one side.

<<I've watched... documentaries, read stories. I'm sorry if you ever felt trapped by it and didn't know how to escape. I'm glad you've found ways to look at the world, instead of being forced to press your face to the glass.>> he closes his eyes and his expression matches the dark place of his mind, red spotlights and an filtered terror as he flees towards the soft green sunbeam cutting through the clouds.

<<I am free, for the first time in my life, to make my own choices. I do not plan to waste it.>> Roxy smiles at him warmly. <<I am sorry you went through something similar. I am a good listener, if you'd like to talk about it, or think about it, in our case. I will not judge.>> For someone life handed an absolutely horrible hand, she is still perpetually optimistic. Her spirit has not been broken.

<<I don't know how... I don't... know how to describe it. I am not very gifted in this.>> Thewlis frowns, looking back up at Roxy for a few moments. He takes a moment to consider and very casually smooths his hand across the tabletop, wiping away cracks, chips, and age - the affect rippling out until the top of the table is brand new.

<<I do that... and fire... and... I've.>> rubbing at his forehead with the heel of his palm for just a moment <<They. Them. The town. They don't like when I heal, instead of hurt.>> something occurs in his thoughts. There's a brighter spot where all the shadow of his inner perceptions can't touch and he chuckles out loud, hiding it in a sip of his scotch before he resumes eating, the smile remaining. <<Running the risk of sounding like a creep, if you ever strain or sprain anything and don't know anyone that heals... I promise if you come to me for help, I won't use it as a sleazy opportunity.>>

<<I have a little of all the gifts, but I am strongest in the reading, or the mind gift, I'm not sure what people call it. And if I find myself wounded I will definitely come to you for help>> Roxy finishes her appetizer and sips her wine. <<I can read the histories attached to items. I can understand spoken languages. I can create illusions and channel electricity. And of course, speak like this.>>

<<You can't read my history like this? On purpose or by mistake?>> Thew's head tilts and he takes a few more moments to finish his appetizer, sighing as he sets his cutlery down.

<<I didn't want to... just in case. I've been trying to be careful. I only know the basics of this... and how to poke things I guess. But... I've cut things apart, and I can almost make fire out of thin air.>>

<<No, the mind gift can read objects, but not minds. Emotions yes. But we can only transmit our thoughts and receive those of others who actively project them.>> The explanation may be a relief. No one is poking around in anyone's heads for secrets and the like. Roxy looks around them for a moment then she focuses on his glass of scotch and wiggles her fingers at it. A goldfish illusion appears to be swimming in the booze. She leaves it up for a few seconds but drops it quickly in case someone sees. <<Things like that are what I've been trying to hone.>>

A long breath of relief and Thewlis smiles at the fish. <<I was worried... I didn't want someone to look in and... well... Not hiding secrets, but it's.>> chewing at his lower lip and taking a moment to collect his thoughts. <<Not many good memories.>>

<<I like horror movies, I guess it comes with the town. How about you?>> changing the topic fairly quickly now that he has history brought up

The next course is delivered, and Roxy looks delighted at the roasted beets. She digs in immediately. <<I like good food. I am enjoying not being told what I can and cannot eat. I also like the sound of the water on the boardwalk. It is very soothing. I had bad dreams and part of them I had to cross raging waters, so I learned how to swim in the real world. And now water doesn't scare me so much.>> She blushes a little and looks down at her plate. <<I'm sorry, I haven't really figured out what things I like or don't like yet. I'm still discovering all of that.>>

Gnocchi for Thew it appears, <<That's ok. It's good to expand and explore... I>> he stops, chewing and thinking now, <<Once I got out, I started finding what I liked. Before it was just... whatever I could to not be noticed. Does that make sense?>>

Forking up asparagus with a slice of the dumpling and closing his eyes as he savors it. <<I cook... I can't do a lot. But... I.>> head tilting <<When you're all alone you start learning things. Or I did. I think if I didn't I'd have become angry, and vicious.>> looking to her, trying to ignore the occasional glance their table gets for such silence. Mingling with the calm he is trying to maintain the admission of having been alone so much comes with a bright rush of shame that he can't quite quell.

Roxy seems to pay the other patrons no mind. She is content in this mental conversation and sharing a fine meal with a kind person who likely saved her from a 'date' with someone far less gentlemanly.

<<I understand that. I had no real friends in my life. Just other company members or ballet classmates. There was so little time for any of us to just be children. If anything, we were all rivals. It's a vicious industry, dance.>> She ponders for a long moment over another sip of her wine. << I think I want to have my childhood, finally. I want to do things I dreamt of as a little girl. Even if it's just going on the swings and riding a roller coaster.>>

<<Roller coasters are fun... When the boardwalk opens up more, after Winter you really should... I had my first date with Jade at the Boardwalk.>> it all seems to come out in a rush, moving away from sad topics. <<I think you'd really like it. I've been... a few times as I grew up. But it's good when you have a friend to go with. If you don't know anyone who would want to go, we will totally go with you. >>

The first real smile for Thew of the evening erupts across his face. He's a man in his mid thirties instead of a hunkering middle aged handy-man. Eyes lighting up, cheeks red from the rush rather than shyness or shame. <<I had only ever just played a few games and got out quick, but the rides are fun.>>

Roxy beams at Thewlis. <<I am glad you have found someone that makes you happy! That is such a victory in life. And I imagine doubly so in Gray Harbor. I might take you and Miss Jade up on that offer!>> She smiles much of the time, a bastion of positivity in a bleak world. One day, if she ever cracks, it may be quite a thing.

The smile stays and Thewlis tucks into his meal with greater relish, <<Very surprising. Just at the Waffle house. In comes this nice young lady, and she's in town with her friend and they're both looking for another who was a local... that went missing.>> Thewlis continues to near midway point of his dumpling as he thinks about that day.

<<They were looking for a safe place to stay... I offered my hide-a-bed. I could just lock my door. But I wanted to talk to her, and thought if I made them breakfast before they left - I could... It sounds creepy... But I just wanted to meet her. I expected her out the door, and gone . But she stayed.>> His smile remains, and he toys his fork around his food some.

<<That is wonderful! When I had that terrible flu that was going around, I had people come to help me. That was nice. It is good that people can still be kind in an atmosphere of...>> Of what Roxy? <<Of Gray Harbor.>> That sounds less depressing than terror, surely. <<I have been trying to pay forward that kindness since.>>

<<That's a good way to fend off Them as well... Positivity. It's a survival requirement eh?" Thew takes a sip of his scotch, sighing, and considering, <<That flu... the dreams that came with it. The nightmares. Did you get the soup too?>> He keeps his attention focused on his plate, or at least his eyes.

Roxy's eyes widen at the mention of the soup. <<I did! I have not used it though. I am worried there may be...a cost. If I am badly hurt though, I may have no choice some time.>> She sips more wine. <<The Dream I was in with the fever, it was, I think, something I experienced in that Asylum Over There. I think it's why my mind self is that doe. But I can't recall. Memories of there seem to just slide away from me.>>

<<I've never been Over There long... I. I was being chased. They used... Mom.>> Anyone who has lived for at least two or three months in town has likely heard of Maggie Moore. A tyrannical woman in her late fifties who manages to skirt arrest, even though she has blatantly committed battery at least once a month, ambushing her son and more or less mugging him.

<<I haven't used it either... for the same reasons. What is the cost?>>

Roxy frowns a little at their usage of his mother. She knows what it is like to have a horrible parent. She had two. They basically sold her to the Asylum to have her declared dead so they could get at the money she'd earned. <<I am so sorry for that. No one deserves that. You have Miss Jade now though so I hope things are better?>>

With a nod, Thewlis looks back up, setting his cutlery next to his empty plate <<Yes, things are better. But she's still... around. I don't know what.>> He frowns a little deeper, brow knitting. <<Jade makes things better. Really. I'm glad.>> there is an small sigh and a faint smile at the topic. <<What about you? Anyone popping up in your life?>>

Roxy shakes her head a little. <<No, I have met some people I would call friends? Not very close ones, but they have been kind in times of need. Joseph Kelly, Captain de la Vega, Mae and some of the other girls at the club. I have trouble making friends. And relationships? They weren't allowed when in a dance troupe. I am an adult woman who doesn't know the first thing about dating.>> She seems amused. <<Other than what I see on the television. That doesn't seem very realistic though.>>

The third course arrives in due time, Smoked duck which looks fantastic is set in front of Roxy.

Oregon flat iron for Thew. He allows a moment of consideration <<It's hard to... open to people. If you ever meet Lyric - I think she is the DJ there? She's a very nice person.>> while the radishes served with his third course don't interest him, the rest is gathered for small additions with each bite <<Ruiz is... a friend of Jade's father, actually. He came to the pig roast on Christmas.>> there's a chuckle, <<I didn't get a chance to talk to him much, but Jade's aunt probably bruised his cheeks with all the pinching... and not his face.>>

Roxy covers her mouth for a chuckle at the idea of someone pinching Ruiz on the behind. <<He was my neighbor at the motel. He protected me. He is going to teach me to shoot a gun so I can protect myself. I do not want to have to rely on the kindness of strangers my entire life.>> There is a glint of determination in her bright eyes as she sets into her meal. <<Lyric is very nice, and our bartenders and waitresses too.>>

Tucking in with a small smile, Thew bobs his head at that, <<I've never... I've not gone... To...>> even the voice of his mind embarrassed to mention it. <<I think I wouldn't... I'd be to uncomfortable, really.>> he turns a moment to look at a couple at another table that have been staring for some time. Fighting every instinct he has to keep eye contact until they turn away.

<<It is certainly not for everyone. I try not to think too hard that a good portion of this town has seen me naked.>> Roxy blushed again, chewing her lower lip. <<But I also think that I spark some joy in them, because of how I dance. It's not about the being naked, it's about the story I tell.>>

That's not a bubble he will burst. Some people seeing that? Certainly... most others... Well.

<<There's some anonymity though - I mean... You're very pretty>> Thew turns dark red now, <<You are distractingly beautiful, so the creeps probably don't know you in public because seeing you naked likely is too much to... well focus on details.>> paying the compliment taking a lot of him

<<I use a stage name as well. Echo. It gives me a little bit of space between what happens in the Cabaret, and what happens outside of it. You are very kind though. I am not completely naive. I know why they come to the club. I'm just hoping they gain something more than a cheap thrill from my performances.>> Roxy seems zen about it at least. She is acting when she's on that stage, just as she did in a ballet.

<<The nymph who fell in love with Narcissus and who wasted away to only her voice...>> Thewlis tilts his head a little, looking at her <<Interesting choice.>> Thewlis works at dinner, slowly, adding <<Or was there other inspiration?>> brow knit, mouth still in a faint, nervous, frown.

<<We performed the ballet Echo, based on the myth, a few years before I was taken. I played the part of Echo in it, it seemed a fitting name for me.>> Roxy seems to be enjoying her meal, savoring every bite of it. <<What of your name? Thewlis is unusual, isn't it?>>

<<In America. I'm named for one of my great, great, greats or some such, the first of our family from England in America...>> He pauses and thinks, <<There are some cousins I know, possibly a great uncle as well. I don't know a lot of my extended family.>> Thew finishes his steak already. sitting back some to sigh.

Roxy too finishes soon enough. <<Did you give some thought to whether you want to go dancing at a club, or have a foxtrot lesson?>> she asks as she finishes her wine. "It doesn't have to be tonight, if you are not up for that. I realize this was a big meal.>>

<<I'm used to big meals. I work outdoors all day. If you would like a rest and wish to raincheck, that is fine too>> sipping from his scotch and giving another contented sigh. <<A lesson would be good, help shore up what I'm bad at... Impress Jade...>>

Roxy smiles. <<Then we can have the driver take us to Dance Evolution and you will learn to Foxtrot like Fred Astaire and Ginger Rogers!>> She sounds excited about that. Anything to do with dance seems to make her brighten.

<<That sounds good. I'd like to learn that.>> There's a quirk at the corner of his mouth - <<I mean... if we went to the club you'd have to beat all the other ladies off me...>> A flash of confidence, but he ducks and blushes. Any chance of it looking like true bravado, drowned in his own neurosis.

That gets a little girlish giggle out of Roxy, and people look over surprised to hear anything from that table at this point. She texts the driver then signals the waiter for the check and pays it with a good tip. <<Then let's go teach you to dance like you float!>>

Thew stands and continuing to try and observe good manners, moving to offer his hand to her to stand, not at beet red this time as he has been before, offering his arm when they walk, doors opened. <<I hope I can make you proud then, and if I'm utterly terrible I can at least salsa to make it up to you.>>

Roxy allows his gentlemanly actions and links her arm with his for the stroll back to the car, which pulls up as soon as the restaurant door opens. The driver comes around and opens the back door for them again. "We would like to go to the Dance Evolution Studio in Gray Harbor, please," she informs him as she enters the car.

<<You will learn. If you can salsa, then foxtrot will not be too overly challenging and it shall surely impress Miss Jade!>>

In last again, sitting and folding his hands in his lap once they're on their way, Thew keeps his head down, eyes on his hand. <<I hope so. I. I'm just a handy man you know? She's an electrical engineer I think she said? I mean. What's to be impressed here>> Well other than the fact that he can conjure flames, break bones, and ail wounds with the power of his mind. That old chestnut.

Roxy gives Thewlis a gentle smile. <<If love were all about money and jobs, the species would have died out by now.>> She has a point. <<What you have is a good heart, a kind spirit, and you clearly care about her. That is worth more than any fancy job, Thew.>>

The driver pulls out and begins the drive back towards Gray Harbor.

<< I know... But she's so... and her family. It's. I don't know what to do sometimes, and sometimes I worry make her sad... They always get sad.>> Shame in the voice, eyes on his hands once more as he sits in contemplation. <<She said us, forever... But I don't her forever sad. So I need to fix me. So I don't.>>

<<Then work on fixing you, but not because of her. Do it because YOU want to. I spent my whole life trying to be what I thought my parents wanted, instead of being who I really was. Be you. She loves you as you are, but growing as a person is always a good thing when it's for yourself.>> She reaches a hand to pat one of his, a little awkwardly. She's still a bit off on the social graces.

He stiffens, but he doesn't flinch away. Touch seems to be a trigger any touch it appears. But he does look back at the pat, <<You're right... I do. But its very hard, and I... I'm always scared, you know?" looking out the window next. <<And I don't know where I should start.>>

Roxy removes her hand and sets it back in her lap. <<What did you dream of doing or being as a child?>> Roxy asks curiously, watching him with her brilliant eyes.

There is a look of pure shame and Thewlis looks down at the floor of the town car <<I dreamed of surviving...>> sagging <<Sorry... That sounds like a pity me statement.>>

Roxy shakes her head. <<No. Surviving is something to strive for when life is threatening that. I mean, was there any job you thought of having if life was going your way finally? Maybe you could take some classes at the college? If the stutter truly bothers you, maybe some speech therapy?>>

<<I never thought about it... I was just... going day to day... And then I needed to pay her back, for all the money I cost her. I ruined everything, and I had to make amends...>> He takes a long breath now, worrying his lower lip so that it looks like he might have broken the skin. <<Jade... she says I don't... But if I hadn't... I don't know. She gets so mad when I don't pay on time.>>

Roxy's brow furrows. <<Your mother? I am sorry, that is a very personal situation and I do not know much of it, but it seems like, your relationship with her was...difficult?>>

Thewlis's head sinks a little further, <I...> it is difficult. <<I owe her, I ruined everything. I need to pay her back.>> there is a tone there of someone who has had that beaten into them, rather than coming to the decision on their own. <<I deserve it... I...>>

Roxy's looks at him with real concern. <<How did you ruin everything?>>

<<I was born... They had a nice house... They... had all they needed. And then when I came I made everything too expensive." shame settling in more fully on his features.

Roxy frowns. <<That is not your fault. Not at all. They chose to have a child. You did not chose to be conceived and born, Thewlis. Everyone knows children are expensive, and that they come without guarantees of health or ease.>>

She's being logical, and he's listening, but the look on his face says he doesn't agree. But he has over a decade of it being hammered into his skull (or punched, or kicked, or swung into a wall... Maggie was really good at what she did.) He sniffs and looks pained at the idea of contradiction.

Roxy looks heartbroken on his behalf. <<No child should be made to feel responsible for the choices of their parents, Thewlis. I am so sorry you went through all of that. Maybe you should talk to someone? I am probably going to try to talk to a professional about my issues too.>>

<<None in town I know... I worry about... being like us. But it's expensive, I can't afford that.>> he looks shame faced. <<If I was... I mean. Dad is gone, he died. He got away. It's the only away. But I think I'll live a log time. I need to. I want as much time with Jade I can get.>> looking out the car window now.

Roxy grimaces. <<If I find someone, we can go to them together. I will see about finding one that isn't so expensive.>> Or maybe pay for it herself. <<If you were not paying your mother, would you have enough funds for therapy?>>

<<I don't know... I... if I don't pay her.>> leaving it there as he considers that, Thewlis shivers and shakes his head, <<It's bad if I'm late... I don't know what happens if I don't pay.>>

Roxy downright frowns now. <<If she hurts you, you can call the police. That is illegal, Thewlis. Do not let someone hurt you, even if they are your mother. My mother and father, if they knew I was alive, they would send someone to kill me. Does that seem right to you?>>

There is a long breath and Thew's hands come up to hook at the sides of his neck while he looks down <<But... I. She. I made. I.>> hyperventilating for a moment, distracted to the point that even his mental voice suffers <<You have bad parents... I'm just bad. I wrecked their lives.>>

Roxy doesn't touch him, since that seems to freak him out, but she speaks in her gentlest, sweetest voice. <<No, no you didn't. They are blaming you for things they should blame themselves for. It wasn't your fault. And I will never stop telling you that. And I hope Miss Jade never stops telling you that either.>>