2020-01-01 - Switching On

The party was actually a blast. They danced for a few hours after midnight, pausing only for the occasional drink or breather, but they aren't in their twenties anymore and have full-time jobs and responsibilities. Four o'clock in the morning was looming. It was time to go home. After checking in on the women they came with they made to depart. Putting on their coats they waited in the foyer of Addington House for their Uber to arrive while the party continued in the other room, but was slowly dying down.

Beth is pleasantly buzzed. Just enough that the dull ache in her feet isn't bothering her as much as it otherwise might. She zips up her modern coat over her vintage inspired but still modern dress. "This party is better than ours. I think I'm going to convince my dad and grandpa to give the money we would spend on the party to Meals on Wheels. In the end there isn't much of a difference in how much they receive."

Ciprian shrugs into his overcoat, buttoning it up before they step out into the cold. He's a little buzzed, too, but not too much -- enough to have had fun, but not enough to forget about it the next day. "It was fun," he admits with a smile. "Probably took a million hours to plan. You might as well do that and come to this one instead." He sounds like he's teasing her a little bit, though, as they head outside to the car. "Thanks for inviting me. Now I don't feel like I wasted a free night. Not that there's anything wrong with Netflix," he amends. "But I don't go out very much."

"Makes more sense." Beth rationalizes before admitting, "It's mostly old people who come to our party." Her smile turns wryly as she adds, "I guess they weren't old when it started." The Uber pulls up, and she climbs into the back and scoots over to make room for him. "You know you are pretty good at dancing, right?" Her smile widens before she says, "You move like a guy who doesn't stay home and watch Netflix on the nights his daughter is at a sleepover."

"We're none of us as young as we used to be," Ciprian agrees a little dourly, though the tone is marred by the smile that is hinted at despite his efforts to contain it. It can't be contained too long, and instead he laughs as he gets into the car. Beth's next words have him looking over to her as he settles back, and there's another laugh, a little more wry this time. "Yeah," he says, "I used to go out more. I took a ballroom dance class in college, and I liked it, so I kept it up. It's been a while, but I guess you remember things."

"I did not take a ballroom class in college, but thank you for guiding me around and making me look like I actually know how to dance." Beth jokes, but it's also sincere. There is a moment's hesitation before she adds, "If you want to go out to dance when Ashira is having sleepovers I'll go with you, you know. I'm always game so long as I'm not working." She smiles after she says this, laughs a little, and adds, "I don't know why I sounded so fucking weird when I said that."

"You're welcome. But I think you did plenty of that yourself." Ciprian's eyes close briefly, the lateness of the hour beginning to hit him. He's not down for the count yet, though -- his eyes open again when Beth speaks and they focus on her. "Thank you," he says after a brief hesitation of his own. "You didn't sound weird." There's another pause as he looks away and out the window, just for a moment. "That could be fun," he continues eventually. There's a little bit of weird-soundingness of his own there.

"I think it would be fun." Beth says, and she gazes at him as that weird tension hangs between them before also looking away at the back of the headrest in front of her. Their Uber driver sort of looks back at them in his rearview mirror before he looks away and studiously concentrates on the road. Beth tries to change the subject, "Well I guess we all successfully survived the holidays, huh? When does Ashira go back to school?"

Ciprian seems just as happy to let the other topic go -- or maybe he just doesn't notice, honestly. It's hard to tell because he doesn't actually address it, but it's likely to be the former, more than the latter. "We did," he agrees, looking back to her now. "She goes back on the 7th. So she has a couple more days. She's still at the age where she's excited to go back, even though she's been having fun on the break, so that's nice. I won't have to drag her out of bed."

"The dragging doesn't start until at least February, right?" Beth jokes as she looks out the window. That weirdness is still there even if the subject has been changed, but she is determined to power through it. She folds her hands together in her lap, and fusses with the ring on her right hand by twisting it around as she thinks of more mundane things to discuss to dispel it. "I imagine you'll be busy with the whole murder trial coming up." She mentions, but she doesn't sound as invested in it as she normally would.

"Right," Ciprian says with a little laugh. Weirdness? What weirdness! Everything's great. The mention of the murder trial gets a nod, though, and he replies, "Yeah. Everyone's working on the depositions right now. I'm going to have to double down next week, I'm way behind. It's hard to stay motivated to get things done over the holidays." He looks over at her, "Hopefully you're not too stressed right now."

"It must all become a bit old hat and lose it's luster after you've done it for a while." Beth says of depositions. "My job does, too." She smiles and shakes her head. "My dad and grandpa kept up on everything while I was out. My dad just wanted to retire. He's still pretty good at what he does, and he can do it at about the same speed I do. Gramps is a little slower, but he took care of all the paperwork instead."

"It really does," Ciprian agrees with another little laugh. "Well, that's not true. Sometimes it's interesting, but sometimes it's just repetitive. I guess it's like any job in that way. I still like it enough that I'm not looking to do anything else."

He leans back then, his head tilting almost unnaturally due to his height and the relative height of the back seat's headrest. "That's good," he says. "It's nice to have people who are able to pick up the slack when you need a break. You have a really nice family."

"I do. They are a little clingy, but there's reasons for that." Beth scoots more towards the door in an attempt to give him more room. She is also tall, not so tall that she has to stoop over, but her legs need to go somewhere. She laughs a little, "We're going to have to start springing for the SUV if we keep using rideshare."

As if on cue the uber hits a pothole with enough force to jostle them. As usual Beth isn't wearing her damn seat belt, a habit that has caused her problems in the past, and she hits her nose on the back of the seat in front of her before she is bounced backwards into Ciprian.

"Yeah," Ciprian acknowledges, his expression softening a little bit at the words, since he knows the reason. He doesn't mention it, but he does know it. It's easy enough to move on to the next topic -- that's certainly much less fraught with pitfalls. "Probably," he agrees, and he might have said more, but it's right then that the car hits the pothole and Beth is flung back into him.

"Whoa!" he exclaims, his arm flying around her to catch her, as though that would actually help if something were to really happen. It wouldn't, but it's an involuntary reaction. "Are you okay?"

Beth isn't hurt. The back of the seat is nicely padded, thankfully, and she doesn't have to endure another concussion for being a dingbat who never puts her seatbelt on. She grabs a hold of Ciprian's shoulders to steady herself just as his arm goes around her to catch her. It's just as involuntary as his catching her. She doesn't pull away right away. Maybe it's the buzz she has managed to maintain for the entirety of the night or maybe it's the magic of New Years. Or maybe she would be trapped like she is, staring into his eyes with a stunned expression on her face that has nothing to do with smacking it into something. "...Yeah." She responds, and when she leans in to kiss him it feels as involuntary as being thrown into his arms.

Ciprian doesn't let go right away, either -- at first it was just making sure that she was okay, but when she looks at him like that it becomes less about that and more about something that he hasn't acknowledged at all until right at this moment. Before he even really can acknowledge it, she is kissing him, and he finds himself kissing her back without another thought. It's just as involuntary as his reaction when she'd got jostled into him, and it's easy to judge that it's genuine.

It's only after several seconds of the fully reciprocated kiss that his brain kicks in, and that's the problem. He shifts back a little -- not exactly pulling away, but just enough to break the kiss. "Beth..." he begins, his eyes opening to find hers.

Beth's eyes flutter open when he stops kissing her and for a moment she looks dazed as she looks into his eyes. As the daze clears away her eyes widen slightly as what she's done sinks in. "I'm sorry." She begins, her voice barely above a whisper because he is still so close to her. "I shouldn't have done that." And yet? She feels an urge to lean in and kiss him again. Her heart is beating a little faster. There are butterflies in her stomach. She doesn't lean in again despite all of her instincts telling her she should.

"Don't be sorry," Ciprian says, shaking his head quickly. That little bit of awkwardness is back, even though he still doesn't pull away. He doesn't kiss her again right now, sure, but he's not pulling away. He takes in a little breath, letting it out in something that's not quite a sigh, but it's close. "It isn't like I didn't want to." His eyes search hers for a few moments, and every one brings his brain further into the equation, which is never a good idea.

"It's complicated," he continues, but that sounds lame, even to him, and his mouth twists as he shakes his head again. "I know you know that."

Beth looks relieved when he admits that he wanted it. He can feel the tension leave her body as he says it. She nods her head in understanding when he says it's complicated. "So let's take it slow." She says, and she lifts her hand up from his shoulder to touch his cheek. "We're friends. We just go out on dates when your daughter is having sleepovers. Maybe we do other things together, too." She smiles and looks away briefly as a blush creeps across her cheeks at the thought. When she's recovered she continues, "We don't tell her we're anything else but friends until you and her are to the point where you feel like you can. That's not complicated."

Ciprian smiles, too, though it doesn't quite reach his eyes. He doesn't interrupt her, and he doesn't say no -- at least not until she's finished. "I don't have a lot of friends," he says after a moment, looking away from her briefly. "You're one of the only ones I have. It's been...a really hard year. Couple of years, if I'm being honest."

He takes another moment to consider his next words, before he goes on. "People always say they'll stay friends but they never do. I just...really don't want to lose you as a friend. We're not going to be able to go back to being friends if this doesn't work out, and if you're not ready to be Ashira's stepmother, it won't. I know it sounds crazy to be thinking that far ahead because anything I'd ever get into would be slow. That would be way down the road, but anything I start has to be with that in mind. I can't do casual anymore."

Beth listens, her hand falling from his cheek as he speaks, but she doesn't pull away from him yet. "I know Ashira is part of the package. It's why I suggested what I did. Because I don't want to mess with her head, you know? I don't want to be around and then not be around. That's not good for a kid." She nods her head softly when he says he can't do casual. "I don't want to do casual. I'm in my thirties now. I'm too old for casual. I want a family. I want kids. If we're together maybe that ends up just being Ashira or maybe it ends up being more eventually." She takes in a deep breath, "I don't want to lose you as a friend, either. I also don't want to miss an opportunity for something that could be good."

"Yeah, you're right. It isn't." Ciprian lets out another little sigh, before he finally lets go, scooting over toward the window to put some distance between them. The movements do seem reluctant, but purposeful. "I'm not saying no," he says after a moment. "Can I just have a day to think about it? I think it would be good for both of us. I don't want to say anything right now when you're so close and I'm just thinking about kissing you again. Okay?"

When he pulls away from her Beth suddenly feels bereft. Like she's lost something she never knew she wanted until this moment. "You can have as long as you need." She says in response. There is a look of hesitation on her face before she says, "But we can't just turn these feelings off. It doesn't work like that. Or at least I can't." The car pulls up on the curb in front of her house. She looks at him for a moment longer, and if deciding if she wants to say what she's about to say, before finally she just says it. "Or you could just come in with me and think about it later."

"I know we can't turn feelings off, Beth," Ciprian says, and despite everything, there's a tiny bit of amusement in his voice at that. "I'm not trying to turn them off. I just need a moment where they aren't right there." He glances out the window as they come to a stop outside her house, before he looks back at her just in time for that offer. His smile pulls just a little bit wider at that, and there's a moment where he seems to actually be considering it, before he shakes his head. "I can't," he says, and he doesn't explain. By now she probably knows why. He doesn't jump into things, or throw caution to the wind. That's just who he is. He does, however, lean across to kiss her again, even though it's brief.

"I know you know." Beth says, and she laughs a little, amused and a little embarrassed at the same time. "I'm just saying." She smiles when he says he can't. She doesn't look completely disappointed when he rejects her offer. Just a little. "I know you can't, but I wanted to ask anyways." She kisses him back when he leans across and while she will let him pull away when he wants to it must be said that it is quite a kiss. Clearly she wants to leave him with something to think about while he's thinking. When it breaks she looks at him for a brief moment before she says, "Bye." Then she reaches for the handle to open the car door and get out.

Does it make Ciprian reconsider? Who knows. He doesn't say he does, but there's certainly a lingering look when she gets out. "Bye," he says, watching her as she exits, and the car doesn't leave until she's gotten into her house and shut the door.