2020-01-17 - Coffee Talk AKA Beaston Rising

So it turns out 'coffee soon' turned into mid-January, but not for lack of good intentions. The bar turning the new fiscal year needed attention, their friends needed attention, Bennie's million jobs needed attention. Now finally they get to devote attention to each other, and the more pressing question at hand. Where are they with things? The reason for coffee in the late afternoon is simple: less distraction. Less crowds in Espresso Yourself yet less privacy than had they met at the apartment where clothes just happened to fly off last time they talked.

Bennie's already at a table near the windows, coffee and light bakery items waiting for them both to dispense the need for trips to the counter. She's dressed in a long black trench coat that's too big for her frame, but perhaps chosen because of the dreary weather. A patch of leg is exposed between the long em and her knee high boots, but she's staying bundled up as if she has a chill in her bones. Every time the door opens, she looks over expectantly.

Coffee. It's not complicated. It's the easy first date option or casual friend meeting thing that you do to keep the stakes low or comfortable. So why is it so damn hard to schedule. Come the day of Easton finds himself doing what he can to take his mind off their 'date'. He works out. He swims. He looks at the bottles lining his cabinet. He closes the door. He runs. He reopens the door and pours himself one drink. He turns on the tv. He opens the door and pours himself a second drink. Well let's just say it's a good thing that they are meeting for coffee in the afternoon. He's not drunk but that would have only been a matter of time at that rate.

Showing up at the coffee house Easton already knows where she's seated before he even enters the room. He's familiar enough with her bag, her possessions that they basically feel like his own in someways. He for some reason feels the need to 'look around' the shop before heading for her. The two coffees sitting on the table causing his lips to pull back in a smile.

"Hey"

Easton stands there awkwardly for a moment before taking a seat. No kiss on the cheek, no big hearty hug. Obviously he's entered over thinking territory and he's undertaking this like a mission, even with the drinking to 'help' keep him relaxed.

"Not even a hello, you must be nervous." Bennie's smile is open and genuine, the kind she favors few with where she looks relaxed in the giving it and not the need to plaster it on. It's all in the lack of tension around her eyes. "Fine. Allow me." They've been texting back and forth about sex in public bathrooms, so it's not as if a kiss in greeting would be too daring. Bennie slips around the table without really standing, settling herself onto his thigh and palming the side of his face to turn it into a ready meet of her lips. Meaning to keep it warm and reassuring instead of a preamble to something more, she presses her forehead into his after a few moments before it becomes too tempting. "Hi."

Easton tries to grin and play it off but he's not in his usual loud and boisterous mode at all. He relaxes as she invades his space for a kiss. He rumbles out a soft 'mhmm' at the kiss and lets his face nuzzle against her hand. But he's being good and when she breaks the kiss to lean against him he just grins. And returns her 'hi' with one of his own, this time at least at his normal volume and force.

Settling back into his chair, he perks up a bit and says, "Do you want to start?" He picks up the coffee, nice and black with one sugar, just to his liking. He looks at her, now with less seriousness and more like he's supressing a grin.

Bennie gives him one more pet of trailing fingers before she reluctantly vacates his lap to retake her seat. She must not have tasted the alcohol on his breath, because she's still smiling in that happy serene way. "Alright, let's call this meeting to order." Laying her palms on the table, she's suddenly suppressing a nervousness of her own. Deep breath, Benz! "Okay. So. I guess the main question I have is: what do you want?" As if that's not a completely complex thing to answer, but there it is, and what it all boils down to. To see if they are on the same page much less the same book.

Cigarette smoke and some minty gum is about all Bennie would taste on his lips, at least if that gum works as intended. The calling of the meeting to order causes the skin around his eyes to crease as looks at her with a mix of amusement and something else. He forces himself to stick with amusement, not letting his eyes slide over her and drink her in as he'd like.

What do you want?

"You."

The answer is immediate and firm.

"I want to be with you."

And though his answer is very firm, his follow up question is less sure, as if he's suddenly asking himself the question when he asks back, "And you? What do you want?"

Bennie's cheeks go a touch rosy at the decisive comment, garnering some guilty pleasure in the self-satisfaction of it. "And you have me." Bennie's voice holds that tone to it, when there surely is a 'but' coming, even if it's delayed as she toys with the handle of her mug of highly sweetened, no doubt flavored milk with a touch of coffee in stark contrast to his black. Their drink choices declare so much about them: Easton being linear and task focused, no frills just get the job done; Bennie being whimsical and prone to impulse, choosing a random flavor and no doubt changing her mind three times before it's finally done.

"But in what capacity? Do we stop seeing other people? Do you want to continue seeing men? Do you want to just pick up where we left off? I have thoughts about all of these, but I want to see where your mind is at first."

Easton's eyebrows raise a bit at that answer. Yes, they've been flirting and talking about hooking up and admitting that they miss one another, but that's a whole other thing entirely. He can see the but coming, but he's surprised still that this is the starting point. He takes a sip of coffee and waits while she asks her line of questions. He takes a small breath in as if he's getting ready to lay out his answer when his mind catches up to stop seeing other people and we and he can't help his head ticking slightly sideways. She's seeing other people? People plural? What does she mean seeing? His mouth hangs inelegantly open for a minute as he slowly comes back to what he meant to actually say in regards to those things.

"I don't know. I don't want to date anyone else." Yes, he realizes that the choice of the word 'date' as opposed to 'see' or 'fuck' or whatever else is very specific. "But I don't think we can pick up where we left off. I don't know about you but that wouldn't.. I don't think it'd be helpful." Helpful? He winces a little bit at his own word choice.

"What do you think?"

The more he talks the more he can feel how uncertain he is about this type of thing. He's normally very decisive. He's clear in what he wants and he goes after it. And here he finds himself all twisted up and backwards and unsure, and that just makes him feel even more off kilter.

Bennie reaches across the table, sliding her fingers over his wrist and rubbing her thumb against his skin. "I know I don't want to date anyone else. But I think that neither of us are ready for the kind of commitment it takes to picking up where we left off. We need to work on ourselves, first. That means I'm kicking my habit, and I need you to work on yours too." No need to call them out, they both know. "I need you to learn to sleep alone so if I'm on an overnight at the station I'm not worried about you, or what you might resort to. I also don't want to ask you to give up that part of yourself that I can't give you, and not for lack of wanting, I just don't have the right equipment."

Looking down as she takes his hand Easton's look of confusion abates. He visibly relaxes and rubs his rough thumbs over hers in turn when she admits that she doesn't want to date other people. He nods and says, "Yea, Geoff kinda got that ball rolling for me. He threw out all the booze from his place so I could have a place to crash without that." Easton would like to say he's done the same at his place, but can't. He mentally promises himself that he will. It's not a promise he'll keep just yet. "That's good though. For you I mean.. and me." The addictions aren't helping them at all for sure.

At the sleeping alone comment he looks almost hurt for a moment. He swallows hard and nods. "Okay." But the next part gets a wary look, as they wade further into topics Easton doesn't like to talk about. "Are you.. are you sure?"

"Easton, how can I claim to love you, if I can't accept this part of you. I'm not saying..." Bennie's face downturns for a moment, her lips pressing tight as a lock of blonde hair shifts from around the tuck behind her ear and falls against a cheek. "I can't do polyamory. I wish I could, this would be a lot easier if I could. So if that's what it comes down to, then I'm going to ask you let me go."

Easton looks like he's trying to follow what she's saying and maybe not fully succeeding at it. He purses his lips and then asks, "Okay. I'm not completely sure what that means. And I'm not sayin'.." He sighs and tries to gather up more of what he is saying. "Just because you can handle me being attracted to men doesn't mean you have to be okay with me sleeping with dudes." He sets that firmly in place before continuing, "But.." Yea, there's one of those here. It just takes him a long time to continue the thought.

"I thought I had dealt with Tom being gone. Like. Gotten over it or whatever." He looks down at his coffee, "But I still miss him like fuckin' crazy. And some of that wasn't just friendship. And it's not like we were a couple. It was never that." He takes a sip of coffee and admits, "I'm rambling. I just.. I'm not sure what I can commit to on that. But I don't want to lie to you."

Bennie stands up slightly, if only so she can scoot her chair around towards his side of the table. It makes touching him, comforting him, comforting herself that much easier. "Easton, I'm saying when you have that need. When you need that companionship, and yes, that sex that I'll be okay with it. But when it comes to who you love, who you come home to. Who you make promises to, and celebrate holidays with, and yes, eventually want to marry? I need that to be me, and only me. Is that something you can commit to?" The last is said softly, not a demand or an accusation but an earnest question longing for an earnest answer.

For a brief second the thought that she's about to walkout flashes across his face, but then she's next to him and he takes her hand in his lap with a small appreciative smile. He looks at her and asks, "Are you sure?" There's a note of hope in his voice as he asks. "But yes. That's what I want. I don't want someone else to be in my life, or to have a life with." He tries to frame it in a way that makes sense to him, but he's not even sure how to phrase it without making it sound like he's asking to be free to do whatever the hell he wants. He doesn't even blink when she talks about marriage, because the difference between wanting to build a life with her and doing that inside a marriage isn't really that big.

"But what about you? What do you need? Besides a fuckin' place to live? Because I'm not sure everything that comes after this, but one things is for damn sure. Not one more night there Bennie." His voice resumes all it's surety at the last part. The overwhelming command and volume that is his normal register. It's not anger, it's just pure indomitable stubbornness.

"I'm sure." Bennie says, solidly. "I might need some reassurance once in a while, that I'm your girl." Your only girl, that seems to imply, "And maybe throw me a bone once in a while and give me the hot and sweaty details, but yes. I'm sure. I want this for you. I want you to have this and be able to be open and honest about it with me. Because that's what I want for us and I want to be us again, Easton." She's leaning over to grab her purse from the floor and tug it over, but glances back with a guilty wince as he tells her 'not one more night'. "It's not by choice. I'm starting to get pressed pretty hard, but can we talk about that later? Because first, DISTRACTION!" And she's putting a little box on the table. She must not have had tape to secure the paper, because there are a pair of hair bands wrapped around it and a cherry red bow on top.

When he breaks down the package, it's just shiny paper, two hair bands and a bow. And an empty jewelry box.

"Okay" Easton nods and tries to mentally process what that all means while still engaging in the conversation. "You are. And it's not even a thing with women, I mean.. look at you. And who you are." He does look at her, his eyes sweeping over her, a half smile cocking up his mouth to one side. "Alright. I can do details." He mentally considers if the photos on his phone that he sent Itzhak count as details. Probably best not to test those waters too soon? And it might be safer to stick to encounters AFTER she's given the green light. Her trying to put off talk of where she's staying just gets a "We'll talk." But then she's calling out distraction and he looks at the box and then back up at her. "Can I.." yes, he's about to ask if he can open it but figures that's what she wants so he opens up... an empty jewelry box. He looks down at it, back up at her and his head falls to one side slightly. "Oh. Kay?"

There is no doubt that they'll talk. She has a lot to fill him in on in that regards, and she's no longer hiding it from her friends and least of all Easton. But DISTRACTION! Bennie is beaming as he unravels the package and comes up...with nothing? Then she's leaning over and peeling open the collar of her jacket to reveal a silver Marine Corps pendant on a chain, the earth and eagle and anchor. Before he can think she spent too much money on it, she clarifies. "I found it while thrifting, but I had it engraved for you." She's reaching behind her head, sweeping aside her hair and undoing the clasp to hand it over so he can read the back. In tiny letters it says 'Banks - Easy' and their division number. "That way you can always keep them with you." And while he's occupied with that, she's sliding off the hairbands from the table.

Easton blank look of confusion lasts while she starts pulling back her collar. She bought herself jewelry is his surprise? Yes, that's about all he can figure until he sees the Marine Corp's symbol and she explains. He flips it over to check the engraving and his face gets a serious, thoughtful look as he looks down at it. He doesn't look up yet, just says, "Benz this is ... perfect." He didn't sacrifice Tom's tags, but he didn't keep them either. So to have this means that much more. "Thank you." He finally looks up and then asks, "Did you find it? The box I put in with your stuff?" He's not spelling out what he left for her in the stuff she picked up from his place. But now seems like a good time to check to make sure she has her mother's ring back.

Bennie pauses as she's unzipping a boot, having pulled a pair of sneakers out of her Mary Poppins bag. "I did." She says quietly, her smile a touch sad but she doesn't let it stray further from that least it diminish the moment. "I don't know how you found it, but thank you. I never thought I'd see it again." Her boots are tugged off and her feet, clad in knee high tube socks are wiggled into her other shoes. "But now I'm late." She says, affecting a frown that's a touch on the dramatic.

"Good." Easton doesn't push the issue. He understands all about it not being the happiest of things to talk about. But he is quick to clarify, "Lilith actually helped." And by helped he means called his attention to it and all but told him what to do. You know, helped. He then watches as she starts pulling on shoes and asks, "Late? For ...?" He glances at his watch and then wonders how much time she allotted for this talk between shifts.

"You have other ex-boyfriends you need to reconcile with tonight?"

"Yeah, I'm sorry." Bennie says slanting him a Look as her hands starting to split her hair into two sections and the rubber bands she used to wrap his present are quickly tying off her hair at the base of her skull. "I know, I know, I promised." Hair done, she's reaching for the tie keeping her jacket closed, letting it fall open so she can tug two knee pads down. And when she straightens? Well, only Easton can really see she's just wearing a sports bra and those volleyball shorts he bought her underneath the trench coat. "But I forgot I have practice." That bow from his present? Gets picked up and stuck to the top of her head. "Merry Christmas, baby."

The two pig tails cause Easton's eyes to enlarge slightly as that's not a hairstyle she has ever rocked casually around him thus far. But he isn't one hundred percent sure until the tie falls and the jacket opens. He sucks in his breath and holds it, taking in her outfit before nodding and agreeing, "Yup. Yup that works." He stands up and offers her his hand. He looks down the hall towards the bathroom and then out towards his Jeep as if deciding where 'practice' is being held. "Merry Christmas indeed." He pulls her up into a kiss, pressing his body against hers, not the friendly greeting kiss from before but an urgent, needful kiss.

Bennie is laughing as he hauls her up, the noise vibrating into the kiss for a moment before she gives over fully into it. It's a good thing you pay at the counter, because at this point she's likely forgotten all about paying the check. Much less that they're in public as one hand wraps around his back to snake beneath his shirt down into his waistband and the other is pawing for her purse. "Your place." She mutters between urgent presses of her lips because this is going to have just too many gymnastics for Eleanor's poor bathroom stalls.

Easton has at least the presence of mind to keep his hands outside the trench coat, because really there are kids around and he's trying to avoid a sex ed live demonstration. He agrees with a grunted, "Mhmm" at her request of venue and then has a request of his own, "I'm going to need you to button that back up, otherwise I'm going to crash another jeep." He breaks away from her and grips the two sides of the trenchcoat to start appreciatively at her outfit once more before tucking them closed around her. "My place." He repeats, more to himself, reminding himself that he can wait that long (and probably not a second longer).