2020-02-08 - Men Of A Certain Age and Experience
August and Ruiz try to convince Isabella to take Alexander's phone away from him while he's concussed, and then later attempt to catch her up on candy underwear technology.
IC Date: 2020-02-08
OOC Date: 2019-09-30
Location: Elm Residential/13 Elm Street
Related Scenes: 2020-02-03 - Drunk Speak 2020-02-07 - A Simple Favor 2020-02-08 - Kneecaps Do Not Provide Autonomy
Plot: None
Scene Number: 3885
(TXT to August) Ruiz: Where's Alexander?
(TXT to Ruiz) August: the hospital. he went to interview that asshead walter whitehouse by himself, got into a bar brawl with most of the pourhouse. he's got a concussion.
(TXT to August) Ruiz: I was there last night, of course I fucking know he was at the hospital. Is he there now? or is he fucking around somewhere
(TXT to Ruiz) August: ...wait, you know all that. is he NOT in the hospital?
(TXT to August) Ruiz: He's texting me weird shit
(TXT to Ruiz) August: far as I know, still in there.
(TXT to Ruiz) August: probably just pain meds. or maybe it's that thing with his powers. he broke through in some way. got stronger.
(TXT to August) Ruiz: You need to take away his fucking phone
(TXT to Ruiz) August: got news for you I am not going anywhere near that building unless I am unconscious and have no say. isabella can do it. or itzhak.
(TXT to August) Ruiz: Right. I forgot
(TXT to Ruiz) August: I'll text isabella. he's probably just on some awesome drugs. you know how some people get.
(TXT to Ruiz) August: you need to screenshot those texts to show him later, though.
(TXT to August) Ruiz: Thanks
(TXT to August) Ruiz: Yeah, I really should
(TXT to Isabella) August: I am relaying a request from ruiz for you to take away alexander's phone because he's acting weird.
(TXT to August) Isabella: Define 'weird' in this instance?
(TXT to Isabella) August: unknown, he hasn't gifted me with any of these. I told ruiz to screenshot them for posterity.
(TXT to Isabella) Ruiz: <screenshot of the following:>
(TXT to Ruiz) Alexander: a book. we could rwite one. it would have poetry and murder and cop things. and imfine. these kes are tiny. why are they so tiny?
(TXT to Alexander) Ruiz: What the fuck are you talking about
(TXT to August Ruiz) Isabella: ((She ends up texting both, but with a few dots, probably because she's laughing her ass off)) I'm sorry, gentlemen, I wish there was something I could do about this but he sent me home.
(TXT to Ruiz Isabella) August: well then he's going to get what he deserves when he texts and emails people incriminating things.
(TXT to August Ruiz) Isabella: Not even going to lie that this is precisely one of the reasons why I'm not going back to the hospital to take it away. Plus the more he engages himself mentally in other ways, the less he'll try to explore his newest condition in the state he's in. I say let him have this one.
(TXT to Ruiz Isabella) August: p sure you mean let US have this one
(TXT to Ruiz August) Isabella: The fifth. I plead it.
(TXT to Isabella August) Ruiz: What if I told you he was flirting with the mortuary lady
(TXT to Ruiz August) Isabella: If he was, it'd be completely unintentional, Javier. I don't think he knows what that actually entails. You should have seen the texts he used to sent me in the beginning of our...uh. Courtship? Do people still say that?
(TXT to August Isabella) Ruiz: I have a very fertile imagination.
(TXT to August Isabella) Ruiz: And no, nobody calls it courtship. the fuck you're even old enough to use that word.
(TXT to Ruiz August) Isabella: Look the only men I had close relationships with in the last half-decade are my father and an aging British adventurer who did his best to bury me in sand and paper. I'm still catching up here, Javier, don't judge me!
(TXT to August Isabella) Ruiz: I'm not judging you, I'm just
(TXT to August Isabella) Ruiz: Actually I am judging you
(TXT to Ruiz August) Isabella: You're the worst.
(TXT to Ruiz August) Isabella: Though speaking of judging me, the two of you have been out there in the world. Experienced men of a certain age...
(TXT to Ruiz Isabella) August: gonna have to agree with isabella on this one, alexander doesn't really 'flirt'
(TXT to August Ruiz) Isabella: Is edible underwear seriously a thing?
(TXT to Ruiz Isabella) August: unfortunately, yes
(TXT to August Isabella) Ruiz: Don't fucking lie, Roen, your favourite flavour is cherry
(TXT to August Isabella) Ruiz: I know it, you know it, and now Isabella knows it
(TXT to Isabella Ruiz) August: you can call it courtship if you want, that's the sort of thing like, ellie's parents would call it though, if we're being honest
(TXT to Ruiz Isabella) August: my favorite flavor is coffee, tyvm
(TXT to Ruiz August) Isabella: I mean...how are these things even worn? It looks like a fruit roll-up! How's someone supposed to sit on this until a hot date?!
(TXT to Ruiz August) Isabella: I mean won't it melt? Won't it get sticky? Body heat is a thing! Who invented this?!
(TXT to Ruiz Isabella) August: ime you put them on right before they're removed. but I'll be honest last time I tried them they didn't taste that good. maybe they're better now
(TXT to Ruiz Isabella) August: you can get a high quality chocolate sauce and some whipped cream for that kind of money and no question on how to use THOSE, is my point
(TXT to Ruiz August) Isabella: Doesn't whipped cream curdle also because of body heat? Not that I was exploring or anything!!
(TXT to Ruiz August) Isabella: I'm inquiring. For science. You believe in science right?
(TXT to Isabella Ruiz) August: Are you thinking you leave this one for hours, because really, it's kind of an apply-and-remove situtation.
(TXT to Ruiz Isabella) August: on*
(TXT to Ruiz August) Isabella: Oh my god I can't believe I'm having this conversation. I'm just completely baffled this thing exists. I mean look at it!
(TXT to Ruiz August) Isabella: ::YES SHE IS SENDING THEM A PICTURE OF EDIBLE UNDERWEAR::
(TXT to August Isabella) Ruiz: God, you put it on right before you're planning on licking it off, how can you not know this?
(TXT to Ruiz Isabella) August: like I said they're NOT that sexy. look, another option is honey and apples slices, I'll let you put that one together.
(TXT to Ruiz August) Isabella: ....I'm trying to draw a diagram.
(TXT to Isabella Ruiz) August: this is where I could offer to demonstrate but I'm not sure I want either of you in possession of a picture of me sans clothes
(TXT to Ruiz August) Isabella: ::sends another picture, WHAT IS THIS? Isabella can't draw for shit and it looks less like a diagram and more like a monstrosity that could have resulted from an unholy union between an HP Lovecraft book and a Picasso abstract:: ???
(TXT to August Isabella) Ruiz: Oh please, Roen. As if I'm that easily scandalized
(TXT to August Isabella) Ruiz: what the everliving shit is that
(TXT to Ruiz Isabella) August: it's not that I think you'd be scandalized, it's that I know how extortion works.
(TXT to Ruiz August) Isabella: Oh god I don't think I'm drunk enough to try and explain what I was trying to convey in my diagram, but I think the general consensus is this invention is dumb and those who invented it should feel bad, right?
(TXT to Ruiz Isabella) August: eh, it's not a bad idea, just aside from the hard candy ones, they're not as tasty as they should be for their ideal purpose
(TXT to Ruiz August) Isabella: Good to know. ....there are hard candy ones?
(TXT to Ruiz Isabella) August: yeah, those are the reliably best tasting ones, ime. (this was years ago maybe candy underwear technology has had a breakthrough.) because hard candy's pretty tough to fuck up, and all you're doing is shaping it into a bikini or whatever.
(TXT to August Isabella) Ruiz: The goal is not to be tasty, Roen
(TXT to August Isabella) Ruiz: The goal is foreplay
(TXT to Ruiz Isabella) August: if I'm eating something off someone the goal is for it to be INCREDIBLY tasty or I am NOT going to be turned on
(TXT to August Isabella) Ruiz: You're doing it all fucking wrong
(TXT to Isabella Ruiz) August: look, if you'd tasted something liek gym socks and cellphane in the midst of foreplay, how hard would you be? not very.
(TXT to August Isabella) Ruiz: I can't be having this conversation
(TXT to Ruiz Isabella) August: and yet, here we are
(TXT to August Isabella) Ruiz: Here we fucking are indeed
(TXT to August Ruiz) Isabella: ...sorry I think my brain hasn't managed to move on from 'candy underwear technology' yet.
(TXT to Ruiz Isabella) August: I can't imagine you don't know this but the porn industry is pretty much one of the strongest market forces in driving technology
(TXT to Ruiz Isabella) August: a lot of innovations exist because someone wanted to use them to get off.
(TXT to Ruiz August) Isabella: I haven't really kept up! I mean, the last porno I actually watched was something called Pirates? And all I remember is the male protagonist flexing his arms and saying something about his 'hellfire cannons'!!
(TXT to Isabella Ruiz) August: I haven't in a while either, don't really have much interest in it now. maybe some of the 20-somethings know what the current situation is there
(TXT to August Ruiz) Isabella: Oh thank god. I was starting to suspect the 'Botany' in your phD was actually a euphemism for a completely different field of expertise. 😉 Admittedly there are worse things to be than the community sexpert.
(TXT to Ruiz Isabella) August: look I can't help it if I made sure to get the full college experience
(TXT to August Ruiz) Isabella: And here you are, educating the next generation. ❤️
(TXT to Ruiz August) Isabella: ...I don't suppose I can convince either of you to delete this text history, can I?
(TXT to Ruiz Isabella) August: I can't have you out there eating cellophane-tasting edible underwear off Alexander, just, no
(TXT to Isabella Ruiz) August: oh honey. that's a big ol' no
(TXT to Ruiz Isabella) August: but the next time I'm high as balls and texting nonsense I'm sure you'll pay me back
(TXT to Ruiz August) Isabella: God damn it! First of all that definitely was not the plan, I can only imagine the sugar that stuff actually contains. Second of all it only came up because Google is being extremely unhelpful!
(TXT to Ruiz August) Isabella: ...okay point.
(TXT to Isabella Ruiz) August: look there's no reason to be ashamed, it's a reasonable thing to do for valentine's
(TXT to Ruiz August) Isabella: Wh...I wasn't...
(TXT to Ruiz August) Isabella: (....)
(TXT to Ruiz August) Isabella: Oh, look, the cat escaped, I better recapture her. Goodnight!
(TXT to Isabella Ruiz) August: why ELSE would you be lookin up edible underwear????
(TXT to Ruiz August) Isabella: GOODNIGHT DR. ROEN.
Tags: