2020-02-17 - Gnomeowners Association
Hyacinth does not approve of lawn gnomes peeing on her brother. Or of discourtesy, but I repeat myself.
IC Date: 2020-02-17
OOC Date: 2019-10-08
Location: In The Ether
Related Scenes: 2020-02-17 - Gnomes Suck 2020-02-27 - Ranger Rick and the No Good, Very Bad Week 2020-02-28 - You Agreed to WHAT?!? 2020-08-13 - Of Course You Know This Means War
Plot: None
Scene Number: 4029
(TXT to Vyv) Hyacinth: My brother's in the hospital
(TXT to Hyacinth) Vyv: What's happened to him?
(TXT to Vyv) Hyacinth: He was peed on by a lawn gnome
(TXT to Vyv) Hyacinth: It turns out it's even more horrible than it sounds
(TXT to Hyacinth) Vyv: (...)
(TXT to Hyacinth) Vyv: It sounds like he's got unusual kinks and terrible taste, but I'm going to presume this is a particularly Gray Harbor sort of incident.
(TXT to Vyv) Hyacinth: It's not a usual Enzo Addington sort of incident
(TXT to Hyacinth) Vyv: It would explain why we've not been properly introduced yet.
(TXT to Hyacinth) Vyv: Is lawn gnome urine particularly corrosive, then?
(TXT to Vyv) Hyacinth: I don't particularly care to find out but I have access to an industrial grinder and I'm prepared to make lawn gnomes a non-issue moving forward.
(TXT to Vyv) Hyacinth: You know I think we might be able to pass ordinance at city level prohbiting them. I'll have to talk to my cousin. I am certain there's some group they are offending.
(TXT to Hyacinth) Vyv: It's definitely something I'm happy to learn secondhand. But I'm not sure I see a major downside to outlawing lawn ornaments. No plastic flamingos, no little jockeys, no acid-emitting gnomes. Good.
(TXT to Hyacinth) Vyv: Although I'm sure there's already a law against urinating in public in any case, regardless of pH.
(TXT to Vyv) Hyacinth: So I did some research and it turns out criminals don't actually care about laws. I'm more than willing to try to get this passed in any case.
(TXT to Vyv) Hyacinth: Except those stone garden snails. Those are super cute.
(TXT to Hyacinth) Vyv: Well, yes, that is a small flaw in the general arrangement. On the other hand, you can slap them with it.
(TXT to Hyacinth) Vyv: Why would you put in your garden stone versions of something you don't want the real version of? I don't think snails observe a strict shells per square foot quota.
(TXT to Hyacinth) Vyv: In any case... was this an owned lawn gnome? Because I think a law against sentient ones might be harder to push through.
(TXT to Vyv) Hyacinth: You know I don't know. hat I know is for one my brother deserves better. For two? Industrial grinder.
(TXT to Hyacinth) Vyv: I am not sure I can adequately express how much I would enjoy watching you take out an impertinent lawn gnome with an industrial grinder.
(TXT to Hyacinth) Vyv: Will he recover all right?
(TXT to Vyv) Hyacinth: >) Not at all
(TXT to Vyv) Hyacinth: OH! Enzo? He'd better
(TXT to Vyv) Hyacinth: I'll invite you to the de-gnomification procedure tho
(TXT to Hyacinth) Vyv: Please do. And yes, Enzo. I have full faith that any gnome on the wrong side of your power tools will find his new best career prospect to be gritting the streets next winter.
(TXT to Hyacinth) Vyv: Which, frankly, we could use. The number of people blaming the snow for their being late, you'd think we really were infested with lizard people.
(TXT to Vyv) Hyacinth: Awwww I do appreciate that. Courtesy needs o be a course in public schools.
(TXT to Hyacinth) Vyv: Yes. Far too many people seem to think it means 'somewhat like Curtis'.
(TXT to Vyv) Hyacinth: Well we're should find Curtis and slap him.
(TXT to Vyv) Hyacinth: We should
(TXT to Vyv) Hyacinth: Dyac
(TXT to Hyacinth) Vyv: We should. Curtis has gone far too unslapped for far too long. And he's got such a very slappable face.
(TXT to Hyacinth) Vyv: Not to mention constantly being late.
(TXT to Hyacinth) Vyv: Frankly, I wouldn't be surprised to learn he was a secret lawn gnome.
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