2020-02-19 - totally off the rails text conversation

(TXT to Alexander Anne) Enzo : Who is going to help me kill the gnome king?

(TXT to Enzo Anne) Alexander : Aren't you just going to kick him? You have a mighty kick.

(TXT to Anne Alexander) Enzo : I am. But it sounds like there might be a lot of kicking involved and I only have two feet.

(TXT to Enzo Anne) Alexander : I admit that I have never kicked a murderous gnome before.

(TXT to Anne Alexander) Enzo : I would rate the experience a 6/10

(TXT to Enzo Anne) Alexander : Hm. Better than minigolf, not as great as a fresh crime scene.

(TXT to Anne Alexander) Enzo : Almost anything is better than minigolf.

(TXT to Enzo Anne) Alexander : You haven't played the right minigolf.

(TXT to Anne Alexander) Enzo : Please enlighten me.

(TXT to Enzo Anne) Alexander : Minigolf can't be explained. Only experienced. I like the windmills.

(TXT to Anne Alexander) Enzo : That seems fitting somehow.

(TXT to Enzo Anne) Alexander : I'm not Don Quixote. But, if you want me to kick gnomes, I can.

(TXT to Anne Alexander) Enzo : I can't explain how thrilled I am that you got that reference

(TXT to Anne Alexander) Enzo : it brought joy to my cold, gnome kicking heart

(TXT to Enzo Anne) Alexander : I'm glad. 🙂 But if you ever call me Sancho, I might punch you. ::fist emoji::

(TXT to Anne Alexander) Enzo : Oh really

(TXT to Anne Alexander) Enzo : I'll keep that in mind. O:)

(TXT to Enzo Anne) Alexander : Your halo makes me suspicious.

(TXT to Anne Alexander) Enzo : I'm an upstanding person.

(TXT to Enzo Anne) Alexander : I'm an investigator. No such thing.

(TXT to Anne Alexander) Enzo : I've never committed any crimes.

(TXT to Enzo Anne) Alexander : Bet you have.

(TXT to Anne Alexander) Enzo : Like what?

(TXT to Enzo Anne) Alexander : Ever been in public while sick?

(TXT to Anne Alexander) Enzo : That's not a crime.

(TXT to Enzo Anne) Alexander : In Washington State, it is. Misdemeanor. https://app.leg.wa.gov/RCW/default.aspx?cite=70.54.050

(TXT to Anne Alexander) Enzo : Okay I'm pretty sure that's for if I'm sick on and go hang out at the bar and cough on your beer.

(TXT to Enzo Anne) Alexander : Ever bought a hamburger on Sunday?

(TXT to Enzo Anne) Alexander : Or a hot dog? Or any form of meat at all?

(TXT to Anne Alexander) Enzo : Let me amend

(TXT to Anne Alexander) Enzo : Crimes don't count if you don't get caught.

(TXT to Enzo Anne) Alexander : That is untrue.

(TXT to Enzo Anne) Alexander : Also, as an aside, your gnome-harassment is also illegal in Washington.

(TXT to Enzo Anne) Alexander : And that's a felony.

(TXT to Anne Alexander) Enzo : I'm doing everything I do in self-defense.

(TXT to Anne Alexander) Enzo : Plus they're not even citizens of this dimension.

(TXT to Enzo Anne) Alexander : The laws against killing undiscovered subspecies do not specify self-defense or extra-dimensionality as an exception.

(TXT to Anne Alexander) Enzo : According to the hospital

(TXT to Anne Alexander) Enzo : They're rats. At best I'd be accused of animal cruelty.

(TXT to Enzo Anne) Alexander : Okay, fine. You get a pass on that one.

(TXT to Anne Alexander) Enzo : (fist-bump emoji)

(TXT to Enzo Anne) Alexander : ::fist-bump emoji::

(TXT to Enzo Alexander) Anne : I would help but I don't want to be involved in the repopulating part after 😕

(TXT to Alexander Anne) Enzo : Okay, I don't think you have to be.

(TXT to Alexander Anne) Enzo : just the kicking

(TXT to Alexander Enzo) Anne : I still don't know if we should be getting involved in any sort of Veil-war. You did take the gnome back, right Enzo?

(TXT to Alexander Anne) Enzo : Eventually.

(TXT to Alexander Enzo) Anne : I don't want them to hurt you, but they seem incredibly fragile. I'm not really sure why they can't fight their own revolution?

(TXT to Alexander Anne) Enzo : I don't know. Maybe it's harder to kill each other than me kill them.

(TXT to Alexander Anne) Enzo : Anyway, I have to raise an army. There's four of us now.

(TXT to Alexander Enzo) Anne : I wonder how many gnomes there are.

(TXT to Alexander Enzo) Anne : And how many gnomes make up one human.

(TXT to Alexander Anne) Enzo : hopefully less than 4

(TXT to Alexander Anne) Enzo : I figure it's going to be a week or two before I can drop kick an elder gnome

(TXT to Alexander Anne) Enzo : We have time to search gnome fighting.

(TXT to Alexander Enzo) Anne : I just think this is going to be very one-sided. I mean except maybe if they pee on you again 😕

(TXT to Alexander Anne) Enzo : They have a lot of pee.

(TXT to Alexander Anne) Enzo : Also like, one gnome put me in the hospital again. It did as much damage as 10 Jills.

(TXT to Alexander Enzo) Anne : Okay, that's a good point. Do you think we're going to need armor? PEE ARMOR? Ugh. This is gross.

(TXT to Alexander Enzo) Anne : If their pee is made up of acid, we could probably neutralize it with something but I'm not a scientist.

(TXT to Alexander Anne) Enzo : I don't actually know what the pee is made of but it burns.

(TXT to Alexander Anne) Enzo : Maybe a wetsuit? like a scuba diver?

(TXT to Enzo Alexander) Anne : Maybe we could just ignore that Saldri ever asked you to do anything. Assuming we don't go back into their village and open another door that they can FOLLOW YOU OUT OF ... you might be safe.

(TXT to Enzo Alexander) Anne : Maybe.

(TXT to Enzo Alexander) Anne : They might still find a way to kill you.

(TXT to Alexander Anne) Enzo : I feel like they're really persistent.

(TXT to Alexander Anne) Enzo : And that anytime I go into the Veil again they'll show up and be like MY NAME IS SALDRI YOU KILLED MY FRIEND PREPARE TO DIE

(TXT to Enzo Alexander) Anne : You killed my friend and/or baby*

(TXT to Alexander Anne) Enzo : I didn't kill the baby.

(TXT to Alexander Anne) Enzo : In fact, they don't seem to care about the baby at all!

(TXT to Enzo Alexander) Anne : Which is strange if you consider that they are begging you to repopulate...

(TXT to Alexander Anne) Enzo : Yeah...

(TXT to Enzo Alexander) Anne : You're not actually going to entertain that idea, right?

(TXT to Alexander Anne) Enzo : I kind of wonder if that tree issue isn't making them crazy.

(TXT to Alexander Anne) Enzo : I will look for any opportunity I can to get out of it.

(TXT to Enzo Alexander) Anne : I mean, the tree issue might be making them crazy. They've been run out of their homes and didn't they say the trees are murdering them?

(TXT to Enzo Alexander) Anne : That would drive anybody crazy.

(TXT to Alexander Anne) Enzo : Yeah, I'd probably be ticked off too.

(TXT to Enzo Alexander) Anne : If my food was trying to murder me and I didn't have a home, yep.

(TXT to Alexander Anne) Enzo : I don't know that I'd launch a rebellion

(TXT to Alexander Anne) Enzo : or suggest inter-species breeding

(TXT to Alexander Anne) Enzo : Do you think I'll have to pay child support?

(TXT to Enzo Alexander) Anne : Maybe they are in awe of your strength and want to breed that into their line.

(TXT to Enzo Alexander) Anne : ughhh i don't want to think about you fathering half-breed veil gnome babies, this is ridiculous.

(TXT to Alexander Anne) Enzo : Maybe they're trying to have better looking babies.

(TXT to Enzo Alexander) Anne : It would take decades of breeding with better looking humans to take the ugly out of that.

(TXT to Alexander Anne) Enzo : You have to take a first step somewhere.

(TXT to Enzo Alexander) Anne : And obviously it's ability to determine what 'better looking' is, is suspect, because it called me ugly.

(TXT to Alexander Anne) Enzo : fwiw I didn't- lol

(TXT to Alexander Anne) Enzo : Yeah, I was going to say something about that.

(TXT to Enzo Alexander) Anne : It's fine, I'm not going to be insulted by a gnome who clearly has no taste.

(TXT to Enzo Alexander) Anne : Not that you aren't good looking. It's just that I am very good looking too.

(TXT to Alexander Anne) Enzo : Maybe

(TXT to Alexander Anne) Enzo : there's a dick deficit

(TXT to Enzo Alexander) Anne : What do you mean MAYBE?

(TXT to Enzo Alexander) Anne : Oh.

(TXT to Alexander Anne) Enzo : in the gnome population

(TXT to Enzo Alexander) Anne : oh goodness 😕

(TXT to Alexander Anne) Enzo : It's possible

(TXT to Enzo Alexander) Anne : I mean I guess that's a real problem in places..

(TXT to Alexander Anne) Enzo : I'd consider that a problem I would be more than happy to solve... most of the time 🙁

(TXT to Alexander Anne) Enzo : I'm significantly less happy about this scenario

(TXT to Enzo Alexander) Anne : Maybe they are really good in bed?

(TXT to Enzo Alexander) Anne : They are so very tiny though 😕

(TXT to Enzo Alexander) Anne : I still can't figure out the logistics. Where are we even going to find a turkey baster that small?

(TXT to Alexander Anne) Enzo : Maybe they'll bring their own.

(TXT to Enzo Alexander) Anne : Can they even carry your child? I mean I assume it would just grow too big and bust out of their stomachs prematurely, ala Alien.

(TXT to Enzo Alexander) Anne : You know, I don't know what's worse. That they asked you to do this, or that I'm sitting here trying to understand the logistics of it all

(TXT to Alexander Anne) Enzo : I don't know, maybe they lay eggs?

(TXT to Enzo Alexander) Anne : lolol

(TXT to Enzo Alexander) Anne : sorry I'm gonna need a minute, people are staring at me.

(TXT to Alexander Anne) Enzo : Maybe the babies only grow so big! Look, nature can find a way, Anne

(TXT to Alexander Anne) Enzo : I'm sure the COMPLETELY sane gnomes wouldn't suggest a suicidal idea like this.

(TXT to Enzo Anne) Alexander : Oh my god. I go to help a friend puke, and I come back to all of this. Why. Why.

(TXT to Enzo Anne) Alexander : Also, I need you to take a picture of Margaret's face when you tell her that you're making gnome-Addingtons.

(TXT to Enzo Alexander) Anne : You're welcome, Alexander

(TXT to Alexander Anne) Enzo : I'm not telling her that!

(TXT to Alexander Anne) Enzo : I already saw her once this month. That's enough for the year.

(TXT to Enzo Anne) Alexander : So you want her to find out on her own, instead?

(TXT to Enzo Alexander) Anne : Why not? Are you not a proud parent?

(TXT to Alexander Anne) Enzo : TBH she seems a little distracted.

(TXT to Enzo Alexander) Anne : They are going to need to add the babies to the family tree..

(TXT to Alexander Anne) Enzo : I don't think she'd notice.

(TXT to Enzo Alexander) Anne : Yeah, well. Not surprised.

(TXT to Enzo Anne) Alexander : At least the babies will all have three names. That is a good number of names.

(TXT to Anne Alexander) Enzo : 1) The babies aren't getting three names 2) A question

(TXT to Enzo Anne) Alexander : I'm pretty sure you don't get to decide. You never said anything about parenting rights in your agreement. You're just the stud.

(TXT to Enzo Alexander) Anne : lol stud

(TXT to Alexander Anne) Enzo : On a scale of 1 to 10, if you were to receive a memory of your relative in your sleep, how concerned would you be?

(TXT to Enzo Alexander) Anne : uh. 11.

(TXT to Alexander Anne) Enzo : I haven't signed anything. I'll get my lawyer.

(TXT to Enzo Anne) Alexander : Depends on the memory. Is it murder?

(TXT to Anne Alexander) Enzo : It all seemed kind of ominous though. I have enough of my own nightmares!

(TXT to Enzo Anne) Alexander : One thing learned about growing up in Gray Harbor: There are never enough nightmares. There's always another this town can add to the pile.

(TXT to Enzo Alexander) Anne : What was the dream about..?

(TXT to Enzo Anne) Alexander : What was the nightmare about--yes

(TXT to Anne Alexander) Enzo : I was my grandfather and he was yes'ing Margaret to death, it was terrible

(TXT to Alexander Enzo) Anne : Thomas was killing Margaret?

(TXT to Enzo Anne) Alexander : That sounds more boring than ominous. Were they watching TV?

(TXT to Anne Alexander) Enzo : No. He was just all like "Yes, Marge" when she was talking to him.

(TXT to Alexander Enzo) Anne : What were they talking about?

(TXT to Alexander Anne) Enzo : I don't think Margaret watches TV.

(TXT to Alexander Anne) Enzo : Also it was all black, so I don't know

(TXT to Enzo Anne) Alexander : At least it wasn't on fire. Were they younger, or the same age?

(TXT to Anne Alexander) Enzo : I'm not sure, she was trying to convince him they did the right thing?

(TXT to Anne Alexander) Enzo : hard to tell age from a disembodied voice

(TXT to Alexander Enzo) Anne : Cool. That's not ominous.

(TXT to Enzo Anne) Alexander : It is, though. It's ominous.

(TXT to Anne Alexander) Enzo : So again, should I be worried about picking up Thomas' memory of some OMINOUS thing. I have a gnome population to rebuild.

(TXT to Enzo Anne) Alexander : Probably you should be worried.

(TXT to Anne Alexander) Enzo : Ugh.

(TXT to Alexander Enzo) Anne : I mean, maybe it's nothing. If it wasn't a capital D Dream, maybe your brain just picked things up randomly?

(TXT to Alexander Enzo) Anne : And if all you dreamed about was Thomas telling Margaret "yes", that's not terrible. It could be worse.

(TXT to Enzo Anne) Alexander : Depends on what he was telling her 'yes' about.

(TXT to Anne Alexander) Enzo : (typing, not typing, typing)

(TXT to Anne Alexander) Enzo : Yeah

(TXT to Anne Alexander) Enzo : I'm sure this is all fine.

(TXT to Alexander Enzo) Anne : At least the gnomes will provide a good distraction.

(TXT to Alexander Anne) Enzo : Thank god for the gnomes.

(TXT to Enzo Anne) Alexander : I'll drink to the gnomes. And Vincenzo, the father of their people.