2020-05-20 - Should is a Stupid Word

(TXT to Ruiz) Alexander : Am I interrupting?

(TXT to Alexander) Ruiz : (a good few minutes later) just my sleep. what's up.

(TXT to Ruiz) Alexander : Is that required? I hardly have any, and look at me.

(TXT to Alexander) Ruiz : I'm not sure how to answer that

(TXT to Ruiz) Alexander : It's okay. 🙂 Did you go to the Casino opening?

(TXT to Alexander) Ruiz : I did. Pretty swanky. Itzhak made me wear a suit and tie. Isabella was there, where the fuck were you?

(TXT to Ruiz) Alexander : It went well? I'm glad. I

(TXT to Ruiz) Alexander : Well. I was picking glass out of my face.

(TXT to Alexander) Ruiz : Go on

(TXT to Ruiz) Alexander : Dream. Not mine. But

(TXT to Alexander) Ruiz : Are you all right? You need anything?

(TXT to Ruiz) Alexander : I need to go back in time and kill someone. But I can't.

(TXT to Alexander) Ruiz : Uhh

(TXT to Alexander) Ruiz : Care to explain that one? I'm only about one quarter awake here

(TXT to Ruiz) Alexander : Sorry. It's complicated. But once upon a time, I knew a child. Briefly. When I was about 17. And pretty crazy. I could have helped the child. But I didn't know how. But I should have.

(TXT to Alexander) Ruiz : Should is the worst fucking word ever invented

(TXT to Ruiz) Alexander : Maybe. But it does exist. I'm sorry. It's just a thing. Regrets, yeah? I'm glad the opening was good.

(TXT to Alexander) Ruiz : You want to talk about it some more?

(TXT to Ruiz) Alexander : I. Yes? I think so. I knew the child, and I knew the parent. They were--important to me, in a way. One of the few people who occasionally listened. Let me help. With things. They took the credit for it, when they did, but it was still nice.

(TXT to Alexander) Ruiz : What happened?

(TXT to Ruiz) Alexander : I knew the child was being hurt. That the parent was bad. I can say that I didn't know how bad, but I also didn't want to know. Not really. I was focused on getting out of here, and i needed what the parent could show me, even if it was only from...not chasing me away.

(TXT to Alexander) Ruiz : (...)

(TXT to Ruiz) Alexander : I could have done more. But I didn't try. I ran away for myself, instead.

(TXT to Alexander) Ruiz : (several minutes later) You think you're applying some hindsight there?

(TXT to Ruiz) Alexander : Yes.

(TXT to Alexander) Ruiz : You think it's possible that you did the best you could, at the time?

(TXT to Ruiz) Alexander : No. I could have tried. Harder.

(TXT to Alexander) Ruiz : And do you think I don't think that same thing, every fucking time I read those seventeen names on my body?

(TXT to Ruiz) Alexander : Yes.

(TXT to Ruiz) Alexander : Wait, no.

(TXT to Ruiz) Alexander : The don't is confusing.

(TXT to Alexander) Ruiz : Yeah, it was, wasn't it

(TXT to Ruiz) Alexander : You have names on your body?

(TXT to Alexander) Ruiz : Haven't I shown you by now?

(TXT to Ruiz) Alexander : Javier, you may have noticed, but you only share personal information when someone already knows it and confronts you or you're very drunk.

(TXT to Alexander) Ruiz : Well then we'll have to get very drunk, won't we

(TXT to Ruiz) Alexander : We could. You could also learn to talk without rotting your liver. If you wanted.

(TXT to Alexander) Ruiz : Sounds like something normal, well adjusted people do

(TXT to Ruiz) Alexander : I hardly drink at all.

(TXT to Alexander) Ruiz : Well there goes that theory

(TXT to Ruiz) Alexander : 😃

(TXT to Alexander) Ruiz : You going to be okay?

(TXT to Ruiz) Alexander : As much as I ever am. I'm going to go for a walk. I don't want to worry Isabella until the morning; I'm sure she had fun with the casino games.

(TXT to Alexander) Ruiz : Last I saw, she was having a good time. You need me to go check on her though, you let me know, yeah?

(TXT to Ruiz) Alexander : I won't put you out. But thanks. For talking. I'm sorry I woke you up.

(TXT to Alexander) Ruiz : We're friends. It's not putting me out. that's what friends do.

(TXT to Alexander) Ruiz : Pretty sure you told me that.

(TXT to Ruiz) Alexander : Yes. I'm glad we're friends, Javier.

(TXT to Alexander) Ruiz : (a pause and then) buenas noches, Alexander.

(TXT to Ruiz) Alexander : Dulces sueños, Javier.