2020-07-03 - The Truth About Eggplants

(TXT to August) Cristobal : I hear you're to blame for me being alive.

(TXT to August) Cristobal : I mean thank.

(TXT to Cristobal) August : blame, thank, either way. how you holding up.

(TXT to August) Cristobal : Still breathing. S'all that matters. You make it out okay?

(TXT to Cristobal) August : yeah, I'll be fine. cavanaugh patched me up. taylor alright? didn't catch sight of him once it turned into a george romero movie.

(TXT to August) Cristobal : prolly a little pissed at me. Somehow managed to push him back to reality and he was a good boy and went the fuck home.

(TXT to Cristobal) August : pissed, for booting him out of the Dream? eh, he'll get over it.

(TXT to August) Cristobal : Probably more that I didn't try to follow suit.

(TXT to August) Cristobal : I'm a strong believer in do as I say not as I do

(TXT to Cristobal) August : well that's a conversation to have. for what it's worth, 'we need someone out there who can try to get help' might get you somewhere.

(TXT to August) Cristobal : this is why I keep you around

(TXT to Cristobal) August : I'm useful like that. how's things otherwise. liking how your plot turned out?

(TXT to August) Cristobal : there is a joke about tulips in here.

(TXT to Cristobal) August : I think you mean eggplant and cucumber.

(TXT to August) Cristobal : Why August, are you hitting on me?

(TXT to August) Cristobal : Also. Question.

(TXT to August) Cristobal : If someone gifts you a guitar. Sometimes it's just a guitar, right?

(TXT to Cristobal) August : no, just making horrible botany jokes.

(TXT to Cristobal) August : you mean, is it a guitar or is it a courting gift?

(TXT to August) Cristobal : Never understood that. If it looks like an eggplant, you need to go see a doctor. Just saying.

(TXT to August) Cristobal : Something like that, yeah.

(TXT to Cristobal) August : fair, fair. we'll go with butternut squash.

(TXT to August) Cristobal : You can nut my butter squash anytime, bb. There! Hah, my shit's not broken.

(TXT to Cristobal) August : I guess it depends on the person. some folks, they don't have an issue with giving friends nice gifts. like me. doesn't mean I'm looking for anything more than a smile from the friend, you know?

(TXT to Cristobal) August : and I know this will kill your romantic soul but it's easiest to just ask.

(TXT to Cristobal) August : there, see? you've still got it.

(TXT to August) Cristobal : WTF do people keep talking about my romantic, poetic soul? It's because I'm mexican isn't it. that's racist.

(TXT to Cristobal) August : maybe they're being racist, I mean that men, we're taught that not communicating and making assumptions, reading into shit, that's all how you act romantic.

(TXT to August) Cristobal : Then I'm romantic as fuck.

(TXT to Cristobal) August : see? so my point here is it's not actually romantic, it just leads to misunderstandings and confusion. like, is this a guitar, or is this a gift which says 'baby tear off my clothes'.

(TXT to Cristobal) August : easier to just ask that.

(TXT to August) Cristobal : That's not gonna fly but thanks for the advice

(TXT to Cristobal) August : it's okay, I'm used to people not liking that one. it's fine. enough kissing someone randomly and getting kneed in the family jewels will change your mind.

(TXT to August) Cristobal : Already learned my lesson with that one

(TXT to Cristobal) August : see? you're doing better already. also the poetic and romantic shit might be racist for some folks but it's also told men all think poetry is the gateway to a woman's pants, so.

(TXT to August) Cristobal : Sparrow prefers dessert and my kitchen counter.

(TXT to Cristobal) August : prime example of how it doesn't always work that way.

(TXT to August) Cristobal : What about your girl?

(TXT to Cristobal) August : now you can't expect me to reveal all my secrets, cruz. I know it's the mystery of the ages how a brilliant fire haired business woman like her said yes to a beat up old shoe like myself, but I have to keep a few tricks up my sleeve.

(TXT to August) Cristobal : Not even a morsel for the spank bank. I thought you were a true friend.

(TXT to Cristobal) August : I somehow imagine your spank bank is perfectly well stocked and not in need of any imagery of myself and ellie.

(TXT to August) Cristobal : So when's the wedding anyhow?

(TXT to Cristobal) August : August, ofc. down in oregon. stag's going to be in seattle, probably. we'll do a nice reception here, though, so people don't have to drive all the hell over.

(TXT to August) Cristobal : wise, gtfo of here for the nuptials

(TXT to Cristobal) August : oh yeah. no way we are having a wedding here. not happening. so, small private thing for family in oregon, then we'll come back and party with everyone here, hopefully not get waylaid by Them.

(TXT to August) Cristobal : Would make for a shit wedding night.

(TXT to Cristobal) August : and fucking how. so. no way on that count. but keep your ears open for the stag, itzhak's best man so he'll get around to it eventually.

(TXT to August) Cristobal : Damn straight I better be invited. Someone's gotta bring the sexy.

(TXT to Cristobal) August : excuse you, that will be me, but you're permitted to bring some to spare.

(TXT to August) Cristobal : I'll allow it. It is your day afterall.

(TXT to August) Cristobal : We talking The Hangover level or Super Soft Birthday party stag?

(TXT to Cristobal) August : it is, indeed, my day. mmm, probably in between. I won't deny my guests a hangover level ending but I'll head about before it gets too crazy.

(TXT to August) Cristobal : No roofies for the groom then.

(TXT to Cristobal) August : not for me, no. I know some guys treat their stag as a last chance to party but ellie's not one to keep me from having fun with me friends. this is more of a 'fuck yeah getting married' deal.

(TXT to August) Cristobal : Light on the banana hammocks and banana bags then

(TXT to August) Cristobal : Fuck yeah married

(TXT to Cristobal) August : eh, there can be plenty of those. I just won't be partaking, doesn't mean you all can't be.

(TXT to August) Cristobal : I have to use my powers of working in a strip club for good.

(TXT to Cristobal) August : you will definitely be required to do so. Itzhak will probably pay kelly to strip, we'll see how that goes.

(TXT to August) Cristobal : Kelly'd probably volunteer.

(TXT to Cristobal) August : ...that's true. well, maybe he would--he was paid for Alexander's birthday, look how that turned out.

(TXT to Cristobal) August : I need to tell Itzhak that I expect boots and a dress this time too.

(TXT to August) Cristobal : Dunno. Wasn't invited. Okay, the takeaways. We're not dead. Sometimes a guitar is just a guitar. And no drugging the groom and piling on the hookers. Eggplant.

(TXT to August) Cristobal : Wait. Itzhak in a dress or Kelly?

(TXT to Cristobal) August : I meant Kelly but Itzhak would do it too, let's me honest.

(TXT to August) Cristobal : Be careful what goes in the spank bank can never be withdrawn.

(TXT to Cristobal) August : that's between you and kelly and itzhak, I'll be there in some fine attire and I've no plans to take it off.

(TXT to August) Cristobal : Damn dirty shame.

(TXT to Cristobal) August : I'm sure you can talk to Ellie about hiring me for a private event or somesuch.

(TXT to August) Cristobal : ...gimme her number right the fuck now.

(TXT to August) Cristobal : I'm in the need for a shirtless nurse.

(TXT to Cristobal) August : oh please, you can go to the coffee shop and ask her in front of god and everyone

(TXT to August) Cristobal : That would require leaving my comfy couch and I don't like you that much.

(TXT to Cristobal) August : cruz that's just hurtful.

(TXT to August) Cristobal : call my fucking bluff why don't you

(TXT to August) Cristobal : Take pity on me in my weakened state

(TXT to Cristobal) August : more seriously how bad did they get you? I can patch you up some but, the healing's changed. it just...heals faster, now. it doesn't erase it. put another way, you'll probably have a scar.

(TXT to August) Cristobal : Itzhak took me in a fight bad. My pride is wounded worse than my chest.

(TXT to August) Cristobal : Whatever you did at the cemetery kick started it. My ink is fucked tho.

(TXT to Cristobal) August : ha. don't let him hear you say that. but sorry about the ink. wonderland down in Portland does good work, they might be able to fix it up for you.

(TXT to Cristobal) August : I can see about getting you a little less fucked up, though, if you want.

(TXT to August) Cristobal : Fuck, I want him to hear. Gimme a rematch.

(TXT to August) Cristobal : I'm good, save your art. I might need it in the future.

(TXT to Cristobal) August : ::laughing emoji:: if he's smart he'll turn you down, say he's retiring undefeated.

(TXT to August) Cristobal : I'm very convincing.

(TXT to Cristobal) August : alright. offer remains if your girls and guys get tired of you not puttin in the work.

(TXT to August) Cristobal : Hey. I turned down my TV volume for Sparrow. That's commitment.

(TXT to August) Cristobal : Fuck. Not commitment. You know what I mean.

(TXT to Cristobal) August : you said it. no takebacks.

(TXT to August) Cristobal : Don't make me bake you a batch of fuckyouup cakes.

(TXT to Cristobal) August : are those a coconut poundcake with a nice chocolate glaze?

(TXT to August) Cristobal : I gotcha glaze right here.

(TXT to Cristobal) August : I bet. listen, gotta get back to work. need any help on the plot, shoot me a text.

(TXT to August) Cristobal : I'll shoot alright.

(TXT to August) Cristobal : Heh, okay man. Take it easy.

(TXT to Cristobal) August : I let you have that one, just so you know.

(TXT to August) Cristobal : I'm more of a giver than receiver.

(TXT to Cristobal) August : you too. watch yourself out there. I hear it's ugly.

(TXT to Cristobal) August : that's a shame, there's joy in both, you know. learn to love all ways.

(TXT to August) Cristobal : I said more. Not exclusively. Peace.