2020-11-13 - Burn My Phone Come the Morning

(TXT to Itzhak) Ravn : I did a stupid. A funny stupid. But a stupid. Don't kill me when you wake up, ok. 🤣🤣(❁´◡❁)(❁´◡❁)(❁´◡`❁)

(TXT to Ravn) Itzhak : ugh, fuck, I'm up. what the hell did you do also those emoji faces are creeping me out

(TXT to Itzhak) Ravn : I arranged a brownie date with your boyfriend.

(TXT to Ravn) Itzhak : ...what? I know all those words but that sentence makes no sense

(TXT to Itzhak) Ravn : I thought I was texting YOU for a play date. If de la Vega didn't think I'm crazy before he sure does now. Also, I am so fucking high I ate three packets of cupcakes and now all I can think of is brownies.

(TXT to Ravn) Itzhak : you...wait wait, i'm too high to figure this out. fuck I have never been this high this long in my life, it's too much, I can't think. you texted de la Vega? and he wants to make you brownies?

(TXT to Itzhak) Ravn : Yes! 🤭🤭

(TXT to Ravn) Itzhak : wow. he must like you

(TXT to Itzhak) Ravn : Or it's the funniest pity brownie anyone's ever offered me. I'm so out of my head. I want to eat everything and fight everything and fall asleep on everything. Alexander punched me in the face. I was in a boxing ring with Alexander and Monaghan. I'm not sure I'm even me anymore.

(TXT to Ravn) Itzhak : he likes more people than you'd think but really not so many, so, hey, good job, now you get fuckin brownies! he's a fantastic cook they're gonna be some good fuckin brownies, oh man, that sounds so good, wonder if I can get him to do a test run

(TXT to Ravn) Itzhak : hahaha yeah I heard, Alexander said he was just seeing if you knew how to block

(TXT to Ravn) Itzhak : .......you mean Seth Monaghan, right?

(TXT to Itzhak) Ravn : Yeah, Seth. Big Irish guy. Pretty decent for someone who probably breaks knees in his spare time. I asked him and Kelly for tips. On self defence, I mean.

(TXT to Ravn) Itzhak : yeah. just there's a lot of Monaghans so less confusing if you use his first name in this case. well, good, nobody better to teach you than Kelly

(TXT to Itzhak) Ravn : Kelly is a ray of sunshine. Love that man. Every time he opens his mouth something falls out that ought to go on an inspirational poster. Why is he not in charge of some raise up the children foundation or something?

(TXT to Ravn) Itzhak : been training with him for a year now. ...haaaa you're killing me, he's totally like that

(TXT to Ravn) Itzhak : keep hoping he can keep this coach gig he's got going on

(TXT to Itzhak) Ravn : Fucking scary dog though. He makes me walk his mastiff. I'm scared of dogs. Fortunately, all the damn creature does is sleep on me. So I make it walk. Trickle down torture. Kelly makes me short of breath, I pass it on to his dog. Man. This week, right? Am I right? Monaghan's got a crush on Vic a mile wide by the way. I ship it so hard.

(TXT to Ravn) Itzhak : yeah? lol doesn't surprise me I guess, he's the kind of guy who secretly wants to know that someone can out-tough him. does kelly's dog like violin music? how about mandolin? could totally play and stroll, like them bards did in castle times

(TXT to Ravn) Itzhak : toss a coin to your witcher ::music note::

(TXT to Itzhak) Ravn : I think Harvey hates anything that keeps him awake. Harvey is the name, right? Harry. Habengut. Hairy. Something. I told Seth I'm not in the way. Not that I think he gives a shit but, can't hurt.

(TXT to Ravn) Itzhak : in the way? of what? wait wait...shit I almost have it.....

(TXT to Ravn) Itzhak : of VIC???

(TXT to Itzhak) Ravn : In the way of I am not fucking fucking Vic.

(TXT to Ravn) Itzhak : who the fuck thought you were?

(TXT to Ravn) Itzhak : toss a coin to your witcher oh valley of plenty, fight the mighty horde

(TXT to Ravn) Itzhak : A FRIEND OF HUMANITY

(TXT to Itzhak) Ravn : Ehh... It came up in the same conversation as the bit about Vic stumbling into my bed at 3:30 am and I just wanted it on the clear that if he wants to go for that, I'm not in the way. I like the guy. I like having friends. I'm not used to having friends, you know?

(TXT to Ravn) Itzhak : tateleh you are going way too fast. what? Vic what? in your bed? did she want to stargaze too????? also this song fucking slaps

(TXT to Itzhak) Ravn : Fuck, I forgot to tell you the first half. She was drunk. Forgot where she lives now. We had coffee, I put her to bed, nothing more. My brain feels like it's packed in weed. I can't think straight. I just want to eat cupcakes and make silly jokes.

(TXT to Ravn) Itzhak : (a thirty second sound clip of Itzhak singing 'Toss A Coin To Your Witcher' and really working it)

(TXT to Ravn) Itzhak : oh my god lol

(TXT to Ravn) Itzhak : okay that's three you had showing up, i'm keeping a count. i'm just saying i never had a drunk woman stumble into MY bed

(TXT to Ravn) Itzhak : ...well, okay, no, i have

(TXT to Itzhak) Ravn : Talked a lot about not getting laid. Missing it. Making bad choices. Monaghan and Vic would be a good thing. They both seem lonely.

(TXT to Ravn) Itzhak : fucks safe every time you call him Monaghan i twitch, he's SETH

(TXT to Ravn) Itzhak : you could get laid, you could totally get laid, good looking guy like you? shit

(TXT to Itzhak) Ravn : About HER not getting laid. I could get laid if I wanted to. Totally. Probably. Whatever.

(TXT to Ravn) Itzhak : oh about HER not....fuck, i'm so confused right now, and i'm laughing because me being confused is really fucking funny

(TXT to Itzhak) Ravn : I KNOW RIGHT?

(TXT to Ravn) Itzhak : jesus christ this is the worst. I'm hungry and horny and can't fucking thing lol

(TXT to Itzhak) Ravn : I was just telling her and SETH and Alexander the other day, it's one of the things I like about the Twofer, nobody fucking hits on me there.

(TXT to Ravn) Itzhak : Vic's hot but I get the feeling any guy would draw back a bloody stump, you know what i'm sayin?

(TXT to Ravn) Itzhak : oh fuck don't say it in all caps you're killing me i'm DYING.

(TXT to Ravn) Itzhak : SETH

(TXT to Itzhak) Ravn : Oh, she's got a nice enough ass in red lingerie. Don't tell her I said that.

(TXT to Itzhak) Ravn : She's been trying to get me to admit it.

(TXT to Ravn) Itzhak : yeah? what do I get if I don't tell her

(TXT to Ravn) Itzhak : if you're thinking this is blackmail you're totally right

(TXT to Itzhak) Ravn : Fuck.

(TXT to Ravn) Itzhak : I mean she looked real real good at the Halloween party. so did I but she probably looked better

(TXT to Itzhak) Ravn : Look, I don't want her or anyone else to even KNOW if I think they're cute because people know that, they get ideas you might want to make something of it, and I don't want to make anything of it. It's so much fucking EASIER if people just go on thinking I'm perfectly oblivious.

(TXT to Ravn) Itzhak : but I'm the one who got to go home with de la Vega so which bitch comes out on top? THIS BITCH.

(TXT to Ravn) Itzhak : but you are cute

(TXT to Itzhak) Ravn : I should have gone to something. I mean, I did catch the tail end of that Halloween skate thing. Just me and crowds, man.

(TXT to Ravn) Itzhak : oh wait you said, if OTHER people think you're...no, that's the same way...you mean if people think you think people are cute. yeah.

(TXT to Ravn) Itzhak : yeah I know crowds are hard for you, you missed de la Vega and Kelly throwing hands though, my skirt was way too short to have to watch that kinda thing

(TXT to Itzhak) Ravn : Yeah, don't want to give anyone ideas. Look, I'm not stupid. I know I have a pretty face. People tell me all the time. Why, Ravn, you must be wading in pussy, face like yours.

(TXT to Itzhak) Ravn : .... You owe me a soda. I just spat out this one.

(TXT to Ravn) Itzhak : i'm cracking the hell up, you're welcome

(TXT to Ravn) Itzhak : and yeah you're pretty, you're gorgeous, look don't take this the wrong way but you are. but i'm not hitting on you this is just an objective statement of fact

(TXT to Itzhak) Ravn : I know you're not, you're not a dick.

(TXT to Ravn) Itzhak : you're straight, I don't fuck straight boys anymore. okay full disclosure de la Vega called you my boyfriend but he was just messing with me

(TXT to Itzhak) Ravn : Oh, he called me your boyfriend TO ME too.

(TXT to Ravn) Itzhak : oh my god he did? HE DID NOT. did he?

(TXT to Itzhak) Ravn : Pretty sure he doesn't feel threatened. Which is cool, right?

(TXT to Itzhak) Ravn : I'm pretty sure that when this fucking weed thing is over and I read back over the conversations I've had with people because I'm not bloody face to face with them and don't feel like hiding behind the ficus in the corner, I'm just going to go drown myself in a bathtub. Which I'm going to find OUTSIDE the city limits because I'm not supposed to give your boyfriend more paperwork. But until then? I'm high as a kite and it's all hilarious.

(TXT to Ravn) Itzhak : nah, what on god's green earth does he have to be threatened by? there ain't a single man on this planet who could match up to him. no offense buddy but you could never fuck me like he does

(TXT to Ravn) Itzhak : ....yeah, same

(TXT to Itzhak) Ravn : Full disclosure here? I'm pretty sure I'd be a fucking disappointment to anyone in that regard. One more reason to not bother.

(TXT to Ravn) Itzhak : feh, I don't believe it for a minute

(TXT to Itzhak) Ravn : Suckup. The brownies are mine. Wheedle your own brownies out of your boyfriend, the first batch is claimed.

(TXT to Ravn) Itzhak : Alexander was saying he's gonna burn his phone and that seems like a great plan right now

(TXT to Itzhak) Ravn : Alexander's a smart cookie.

(TXT to Ravn) Itzhak : oh now it's ON

(TXT to Itzhak) Ravn : Now I don't feel like eating everything anymore. Now I feel like crying about everything. If I start confessing all sorts of shit to you in this haze, it's on your own damn head for picking up the phone.

(TXT to Ravn) Itzhak : oh hell yes we're way overdue for a crying and confession session holy shit that RHYMED and it's so FUNNY

(TXT to Itzhak) Ravn : I just want to have friends.

(TXT to Ravn) Itzhak : what am I, chopped liver?

(TXT to Itzhak) Ravn : Dunno. Is that kosher?

(TXT to Itzhak) Ravn : It's just like, face and name like mine, world is full of people who want to kiss your arse. And you're still alone. Fuck, I think I need to open a window and inhale some more because I am so depressing my cat just turned her back on me in disgust.

(TXT to Itzhak) Ravn : [snap of black cat pointedly turning her back on camera with an ear expression that clearly reads shut up I want to sleep]

(TXT to Ravn) Itzhak : it's super fucking kosher, you never heard of chopped liver and onions on rye? that's as jewish as it gets. ...god dammit you're losing me again, I ain't seen a single person who wants to kiss your ass

(TXT to Itzhak) Ravn : Not HERE. That's why I love living HERE. Well, part of it. I have friends here. My own friends. That I made. By myself.

(TXT to Ravn) Itzhak : fuck yeah you do. what, europe don't got friends?

(TXT to Itzhak) Ravn : I'm not good at making friends. In part because I haven't stayed anywhere for a week for three years before I got here.

(TXT to Ravn) Itzhak : you got de la Vega to promise you brownies, you're cry texting me, c'mon

(TXT to Ravn) Itzhak : you got Alexander and Seth and Kelly all wanting to teach you

(TXT to Ravn) Itzhak : if you're not good at making friends I'd hate to see someone who was

(TXT to Itzhak) Ravn : It's IMPORTANT. This place. This crazy hellhole of a town. It MATTERS. Because I BELONG here. I have FRIENDS here.

(TXT to Itzhak) Ravn : This place? Everyone keeps telling me it's hell and I keep telling them it's paradise to me.

(TXT to Ravn) Itzhak : And there aint NOTHING WRONG WITH THAT

(TXT to Itzhak) Ravn : Damn straight there isn't. (╯°□°）╯︵ ┻━┻

(TXT to Itzhak) Ravn : I should tell you the whole story some day. And you can pat me on the head and call me an idiot in Yiddish. And we'll get drunk and you'll tell me where the hell you find the courage to waltz into a party in a short dress.

(TXT to Ravn) Itzhak : I'm all ears, tati, and I got twenty different ways to call you an idiot

(TXT to Ravn) Itzhak : what, THIS dress? (image that's a selfie of Itzhak wearing a rather short 'slutty Little Red Riding Hood' style costume dress)

(TXT to Itzhak) Ravn : Beers at my place sometime. Or somewhere else. Doesn't matter where. Hold me to it because I will be pretending we never had this conversation, I never said a thing, and incidentally, you KNOW I don't speak English.

(TXT to Itzhak) Ravn : ...

(TXT to Itzhak) Ravn : Bloody hell, man. Stop making me question my sexuality. Now I want to wear a dress.

(TXT to Ravn) Itzhak : hey you don't gotta be queer to wear a dress, though I gotta say it helps

(TXT to Itzhak) Ravn : No, but you gotta like attention.

(TXT to Itzhak) Ravn : Dress like that? Don't tell me no one pinched your backside for fun.

(TXT to Ravn) Itzhak : hah guess that's true enough! ...well, yannow, everybody knows me and de la Vega. nobody's gonna do it here. but in New York, hell yeah, and I slugged every one of 'em too, part of the fun

(TXT to Ravn) Itzhak : no man pinches another man's ass unless he wants to get popped one

(TXT to Itzhak) Ravn : Yeah, but I'd be hanging in a chandelier, screaming because it'd feel like someone set my ass on fire, and not in that hot and interesting way.

(TXT to Itzhak) Ravn : Your boyfriend asked me, by the way. About the gloves. I told him. I wish more people would just ask.

(TXT to Ravn) Itzhak : awwwwwww ::heart emoji:: he's great ain't he?

(TXT to Itzhak) Ravn : He's intimidating as hell. I told him that too. He said something... that made a lot of sense. About the Marines and being scarier than the enemy. I UNDERSTAND that. I can do that. I can do arrogant privileged asshole so hard people just go the fuck away.

(TXT to Ravn) Itzhak : ugh now I'm gonna cry, I love him so much

(TXT to Itzhak) Ravn : I thought I was the one cry texting. Do you need to stick your head out the window too?

(TXT to Ravn) Itzhak : it's a good crying!

(TXT to Ravn) Itzhak : how's a guy like that decide to go out with a loser like me

(TXT to Itzhak) Ravn : Beats me. One relationship guy, remember? I don't know how these things work. People go with someone who makes them feel like they matter. Like they're something more than just another face in the crowd. Someone who's willing to look past their defences. At least if they're smart about it.

(TXT to Ravn) Itzhak : you know you're pretty much the only guy I know who could have multiple women fall in his lap and not fuck any of 'em? i mean I admire that actually

(TXT to Ravn) Itzhak : well no Roen wouldn't either but that's different, he's old and wise and shit

(TXT to Itzhak) Ravn : That didn't actually happen, you know.

(TXT to Itzhak) Ravn : Unless our definition of 'fall in laps' is different.

(TXT to Ravn) Itzhak : actually de Santos wouldn't either, okay you're not the ONLY guy, but you and them, just decent fucking guys, you know?

(TXT to Itzhak) Ravn : I mean, yes, there have been some situations where I could probably have gotten my dick wet if I was an asshole about it. And then I'd be working with those women the day after and that would not have been awkward AT ALL. Also, you realise how much of a commitment I'd be asking someone to make? I can touch you, but you can't touch me.

(TXT to Ravn) Itzhak : lol I dunno if I buy that Vic Gray accidentally totally forgot where she lived, you had that other girl out there telling you she doesn't like 'attachments', there's the whole Bennie thing, I'm just saying

(TXT to Itzhak) Ravn : She was so drunk she barely knew her own name, I believe her.

(TXT to Ravn) Itzhak : yeah but my point is that actually wouldn't stop a lot of guys

(TXT to Itzhak) Ravn : Look, the thought of Vic punching me in the face the morning after is a pretty good deterrent. You slapped me once. Imagine what I'd feel like if I got socked proper.

(TXT to Ravn) Itzhak : HAAAAAAAAA i'm scared of her, i'm pretty sure she's got a bear trap instead of a vagina

(TXT to Itzhak) Ravn : Yes, well, you want that woman to walk up to you at work the day after and not feel certain she actually consented to something or whether you CAN consent to something when you're that drunk? Not me.

(TXT to Ravn) Itzhak : to be fair I wouldn't have fucked her and I wouldn't have fucked Benz. but that OTHER girl? ehhhhh yeah probably.

(TXT to Itzhak) Ravn : Any angry woman is bad. Angry Vic? People get HURT. I have never seen her actually slug someone to the ground but I am firmly convinced it's only a matter of how hard some yachter pinches her ass.

(TXT to Itzhak) Ravn : Who's that other girl? Am I so high I forgot another girl?

(TXT to Ravn) Itzhak : yeah miss stargazing and booze numero dos

(TXT to Itzhak) Ravn : Oh, Zoey? I didn't think of her like that.

(TXT to Itzhak) Ravn : At least she's up front about what she wants and no hard feelings when it turns out we don't want the same thing? I like her. I hope she'll stick around. And that she finds a boyfriend who isn't an asshole.

(TXT to Ravn) Itzhak : Zoey, right, couldn't think of her name. well, I guess it depends, but I'd definitely THINK about fucking her. ...you realize this is the first conversation we've had about sex? I had my first sex conversation with Alexander today too, maybe there's something good about this stupid townwide high, normally he don't even think about sex, which is pretty fucking alien to me

(TXT to Itzhak) Ravn : I have had so many weird conversations and talks the last 24 hours I am starting to question my own sanity and finding out the hard way how many cupcakes I can eat in one day.

(TXT to Itzhak) Ravn : I mean, come on, of course I think about it. I'm not dead.

(TXT to Ravn) Itzhak : really? you don't SEEM like you think about it, like maybe you're like alexander, he can kinda take it or leave it

(TXT to Itzhak) Ravn : It's just... kind of private? Not used to really involving anyone else? Who wants to hear what I'm thinking about somebody's backside? It's not like I'm going to do anything about it.

(TXT to Itzhak) Ravn : I want to sleep this off. Wake up not high.

(TXT to Itzhak) Ravn : Burn my phone, drown myself (outside of city limits). Talk to you later?