2020-11-16 - Mistexts - Food...porn

Kailey sends a picture that is either extremely forward or could be an American thing. But the young woman is on her back, pinky to her lips, purple hair splayed out around her. And boobs. Very big given that she is a mother who is nursing. That's the part that was probably not intended for the Dane. << Been thinkin' about ya... >> The text reads.

(TXT to Kailey) Ravn : Are we sending naked pictures? Here's one of my pussy. Or do we ask first who you actually meant to text? Hi, my name is Ravn, who are you?

(TXT to ) Kailey : Fuck

(TXT to ) Kailey : Sorry!

(TXT to Kailey) Ravn : I'm going to go ahead and assume that wasn't meant for me 😆

(TXT to ) Kailey : This is Kailey. Omg please pretend you didn't see that omg skrry!

(TXT to ) Kailey : Noooooooo!!!

(TXT to Kailey) Ravn : Deleting it, no worries.

(TXT to Kailey) Ravn : Hey, you're not even the first! 🤣🤣🤣

(TXT to ) Kailey : That was very definitely meant for Ev, not you. Oh damn really? Well...that does make me feel better.

(TXT to Kailey) Ravn : Let's just say I have seen some interesting angles on some of our gentlemen lately.

(TXT to ) Kailey : Heh. Oh my. I haven't had it happen to me yet

(TXT to ) Kailey : Well...now you can save my number proper in your phone?

(TXT to Kailey) Ravn : I'll refrain from sending back a picture of my asthmatic chest if that's ok 🤣🤣

(TXT to Kailey) Ravn : This weed thing. Everyone is doing it. Everyone is so high it's ridiculous. When it blows over we're all going to be creeping along the panels, crimson-faced.

(TXT to ) Kailey : Haha. I'm sure your chest is just fine. But thanks.

(TXT to ) Kailey : Pffft. Ya think thats it? I guess maybe. I swore I hit Ev's name but I didn't check. And I did have you queued up to message. Dunno. Well...how are you doing this fine eve?

(TXT to ) Kailey : I'm feeling cute and embarrassed. Does that make me acutely embarassment?

(TXT to Kailey) Ravn : I'm sitting in my bed trying to sort out a few things in my head. And this weed? It's not helping. I broke a guy's nose.

(TXT to ) Kailey : Oooooof.

(TXT to Kailey) Ravn : Guy twice my size, built like a brick shithouse, has actual boxing experience.

(TXT to ) Kailey : Anyone I know?

(TXT to Kailey) Ravn : Dunno. Seth Monaghan?

(TXT to ) Kailey : That Joey guy? Oh guess not. Dunno him.

(TXT to Kailey) Ravn : Taller than Joey, not quite so beefy but close. Nice enough guy, just... I'm not exactly Mike Tyson, right?

(TXT to ) Kailey : You sound like a man who needs a milkshake. Why'd you hit him?

(TXT to Kailey) Ravn : He's trying to teach me the very basics of self defence. Alexander Clayton's helping. I hit him too.

(TXT to ) Kailey : Oh. So during a lesson?

(TXT to Kailey) Ravn : It's this weed, I'm so high I forget to be afraid.

(TXT to Kailey) Ravn : And they forget to look out.

(TXT to ) Kailey : Oops. Well ok. Are there any hard feelings?

(TXT to Kailey) Ravn : I don't think so. Seth was laughing pretty hard as he rushed off with a nosebleed.

(TXT to ) Kailey : Well that ain't so bad. Lol

(TXT to Kailey) Ravn : Let me have this, weed cloud. The one time in my life I actually try to hit somebody and it's a guy eight times my size -- and I deck him. Let me have this, life.

(TXT to ) Kailey : Hahahaha. You totes can! Way to go. Kapow! Whammo! Pop!

(TXT to Kailey) Ravn : [oldschool Adam West Batman gif]

(TXT to ) Kailey : You totally got it! Yeah! 😃

(TXT to Kailey) Ravn : How are you guys? Still in business, or did the entire town having the munchies get you eaten out of the house yet?

(TXT to ) Kailey : Hah! Well I personally have made Everett go two Smart & Finals over for more mozarella sticks. Yet I've apparently only gained 2 pounds?

(TXT to ) Kailey : I think Ev was grousing about vanilla too. But that coulda been a sex thing.

(TXT to ) Kailey : Sometimes I can't tell

(TXT to Kailey) Ravn : I eat everything. I think my CAT gained two pounds. She eats everything too.

(TXT to Kailey) Ravn : Eh, it's Gray Harbor. It was probably a sex thing. Most things here are. Particularly this week.

(TXT to ) Kailey : 🤣 🤣 you're not wrong my friend. Not wrong.

(TXT to Kailey) Ravn : I had someone make dick jokes at me in text for two hours yesterday. Maybe that's why I broke his nose.

(TXT to ) Kailey : I've gently tapped Ev on his junk for twenty minutes of dad jokes...

(TXT to ) Kailey : So... yeah?

(TXT to ) Kailey : Lol

(TXT to Kailey) Ravn : I mean, I'm so high right now I'm actually pondering the mechanics of that.

(TXT to ) Kailey : Of being so high or junk tapping?

(TXT to ) Kailey : Oh! How did the shirt fit??

(TXT to Kailey) Ravn : Tapping things until dad jokes fall out. Like, if you keep slapping somebody in the face, will they start saying things like 'are you an angel because I think you fell down from heaven' or shit like that.

(TXT to ) Kailey : 🤣 🤣 🤣 omg im dying im dead now :lol:

(TXT to Kailey) Ravn : Oh! Oh! I went walking in it! It fits me perfectly! ... And people stare at me like they've only ever seen me wear black. I wonder why.

(TXT to ) Kailey : I'm crying. Oh man that was funny. And yay!!

(TXT to Kailey) Ravn : I gotta try this. Tapping Joey Kelly on the nose until inspirational quotes fall out, something.

(TXT to Kailey) Ravn : To be fair, inspirational quotes fall out every time that guy talks. I love him.

(TXT to ) Kailey : Hahaha! I wonder if you tapped August you'd eventually get fortune cookie botanical advise? 🤣

(TXT to ) Kailey : Have you met August?

(TXT to Kailey) Ravn : Oh god yes. You'd get like, Chinese fortune cookies, but about flowers.

(TXT to ) Kailey : I have uber briefly at a bar met Joey

(TXT to ) Kailey : Chinese fortune flowers!

(TXT to Kailey) Ravn : THE ROSE THAT GROWS IS THORNY BUT BEAUTIFUL

(TXT to Kailey) Ravn : and you just sit there going ... whut.

(TXT to ) Kailey : Origami flowers that when unfolded have sayings inside! Omg I have a new thing to try!

(TXT to ) Kailey : Heh

(TXT to ) Kailey : Luuuuuuv it!

(TXT to Kailey) Ravn : Oh my god, you have to do this. Dye the paper in wild psychedelic colours first.

(TXT to ) Kailey : You can get tiedye and patterned stuff. I have a variety pack somewh e re

(TXT to Kailey) Ravn : Pitch it to Monaghan and Røn -- I mean, Seth and August

(TXT to ) Kailey : Somewhere even

(TXT to ) Kailey : Hehehehe. Totally gonna!

(TXT to Kailey) Ravn : Monaghan and Clayton are doing something with some kind of cookie recipe they call WAFFLETACOS

(TXT to Kailey) Ravn : Could pitch to them that it comes with a FORTUNE FLOWER

(TXT to ) Kailey : How can it be a cookie if it's a waffle?

(TXT to ) Kailey : Oh...that's cool

(TXT to ) Kailey : You're pretty good at the gibberish too!

(TXT to Kailey) Ravn : I'm not sure... It's something with a waffle and a taco and ice cream and a metric buttload of alcohol, deep fried

(TXT to Kailey) Ravn : THE BEE STINGS BUT ONLY ONCE

(TXT to Kailey) Ravn : I want to write fortune flowers.

(TXT to ) Kailey : I'm not a chef...but not sure how that would work exactly...but could be good. Hmmm...alcohol in the waffle batter maybe?

(TXT to Kailey) Ravn : Beats me but I want them, I eat everything right now. I made spaghetti with sauce bearnaise earlier.

(TXT to ) Kailey : Fortune flowers will be the new chinese food fad! Just wait!

(TXT to Kailey) Ravn : EAT THE MORNING GLORY BUT THINK OF HER BEAUTY

(TXT to Kailey) Ravn : TASTE NOT HEMLOCK WITHOUT TASTING WISDOM

(TXT to ) Kailey : I made panka parmesan and garlic salmon. You like to fish right?

(TXT to Kailey) Ravn : Man, I can do this all day 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

(TXT to ) Kailey : Hahaha! Those are great!

(TXT to Kailey) Ravn : I've done some fishing, I'm Danish, we've all done some fishing, nothing here to do but fishing and sailing and then complaining about the weather

(TXT to ) Kailey : Funny, that's a lot of what is here! Well...beyond the spooky shit

(TXT to Kailey) Ravn : I know right? Maybe that's why I feel at home here

(TXT to ) Kailey : TRUE CALM IS BEING OF LAVENDER.

(TXT to Kailey) Ravn : I live in a haunted house back home. This feels like home.

(TXT to Kailey) Ravn : BE THE CALIGULA.

(TXT to ) Kailey : Really? Huh. That must have been a bit weird?

(TXT to ) Kailey : I don't wanna be a small boot!

(TXT to Kailey) Ravn : It's a flower

(TXT to Kailey) Ravn : you can eat it, it's a morning glory

(TXT to ) Kailey : Caligula also means boot or small boots.

(TXT to Kailey) Ravn : ... or a Roman emperor who was an asshole, don't eat him, he was the first neckbeard

(TXT to ) Kailey : I did not know that!

(TXT to Kailey) Ravn : AIRY HE IS WHO BREATHED OF THE JIMSONWEED

(TXT to ) Kailey : I'm pretty sure people ate him. Cannibalism wasn't as frowned on yet...and he was a REAL jerk

(TXT to Kailey) Ravn : maybe they ate his horse after he died, he made it a senator

(TXT to ) Kailey : Yeah. That guy was loco.

(TXT to ) Kailey : Did you ever see the movie?

(TXT to ) Kailey : The unrated is, uh, something.

(TXT to Kailey) Ravn : I don't think I did but I have a PhD in history

(TXT to Kailey) Ravn : Also

(TXT to Kailey) Ravn : Go watch Satyricon for unrated 😉

(TXT to ) Kailey : Oh it is horrible historical film. But a wonderful train wreck.

(TXT to Kailey) Ravn : Just, Satyricon is authentic. It's filmed off an actual Roman script.

(TXT to Kailey) Ravn : It's fucking insane.

(TXT to ) Kailey : Can I youtube it?

(TXT to Kailey) Ravn : Writer was trying to rally his contemporaries, this is why Rome is declining, stop fucking each other long enough to save the country, you can imagine how it is

(TXT to Kailey) Ravn : ... Probably, it's a Fellini movie so it shouldn't be hard to find

(TXT to ) Kailey : Cool. I'll do that.

(TXT to ) Kailey : Romans really dug their sensual pleasures

(TXT to Kailey) Ravn : They actually didn't -- they were hella puritan

(TXT to Kailey) Ravn : But the people writing about them didn't like them very much 😆

(TXT to ) Kailey : Didn't they have prostitutes and the like?

(TXT to Kailey) Ravn : And they had this tradition that if they were to write about a political enemy, accusing him of all sorts of sexual stuff was the way to get people to hate him

(TXT to Kailey) Ravn : Yes, but, well, so do we

(TXT to ) Kailey : I meant legal ones

(TXT to ) Kailey : Which we sadly do not have. 😛

(TXT to Kailey) Ravn : Oh, no, I think you're thinking more of the Greek courtesans. Rome did have them but not to the degree you're thinking.

(TXT to Kailey) Ravn : Sure we do, we just call them escorts and pretend old rich men really need that much help getting from their car to their bed and fortunately the best helper is a hot young girl in a short dress

(TXT to ) Kailey : Ahhhh probably. I can't remember my greek from my Roman. They liked to mimic a lot.

(TXT to Kailey) Ravn : Rome is later than Greece but --

(TXT to ) Kailey : That's still not technically legal/above board. 😛 I just wish people would stop being so prissy about it. Sex is fun. People do it. People should have fun doung it.

(TXT to Kailey) Ravn : you don't want a lecture.

(TXT to ) Kailey : I was going somewhere...

(TXT to Kailey) Ravn : Hey, as long as everyone in that bed is happy with how they got there, who cares

(TXT to ) Kailey : Right!?!

(TXT to Kailey) Ravn : I work at the Twofer, everyone there is in some weirdass poly relationship, it works for them, everyone wins

(TXT to Kailey) Ravn : Don't ask me to keep track of who's with who this week tho

(TXT to ) Kailey : This has been a very weird and amusing and fruitful conversation. I even found my origami paper!

(TXT to Kailey) Ravn : THE SUN RISES ON THE PATCHOULI FIELD AND THE BAMBOO ALIKE

(TXT to Kailey) Ravn : I'm gonna run my phone over with a steamroller when this cloud lifts

(TXT to ) Kailey : A ROSE'S THORN CANNOT HURT WATER

(TXT to ) Kailey : EH...JUST DELETE STUFF. 🤣

(TXT to Kailey) Ravn : THE GRASS IS STILL WET WHEN THE BEAR IS DRY

(TXT to ) Kailey : Wtf? Hahaha!

(TXT to Kailey) Ravn : I know right?

(TXT to Kailey) Ravn : Why am I not asleep

(TXT to ) Kailey : We should go fishing. I'll let you give me a priper history lesson and I can pay you back by cooking up some of what we catch. Also dunno? Cause I texted you my boobs and we're high?

(TXT to Kailey) Ravn : oh yeah

(TXT to ) Kailey : I'm gonna go make bacon and mini quiches.

(TXT to Kailey) Ravn : ... I want bacon.

(TXT to ) Kailey : Sorry again about that

(TXT to Kailey) Ravn : I'm gonna walk down and get bacon

(TXT to Kailey) Ravn : Don't sweat it, I deleted it

(TXT to ) Kailey : Pretty sure Shari's is open. Their bacon isn't bad!

(TXT to Kailey) Ravn : BACON

(TXT to ) Kailey : Bacon ftw!

(TXT to Kailey) Ravn : AT THE END OF THE VALLEY OF LILIES THE BACON LIES

(TXT to ) Kailey : BACON WILL ALWAYS TRIUMPH OVER THE ROSE

(TXT to Kailey) Ravn : HE WHO HATH THE PIG CONQUERS HE WHO HATH ONLY LETTUCE

(TXT to ) Kailey : 🤣

(TXT to Kailey) Ravn : and then we got shut down by angry vegans

(TXT to ) Kailey : Vegan's don't hunt. We just gotta run away!

(TXT to Kailey) Ravn : THAT'S TRUE

(TXT to Kailey) Ravn : SHOW ME A VEGAN WHO CAN FIRE A GUN I'LL SHOW YOU A VEGAN WHO ATE DEER

(TXT to ) Kailey : 🤣 🤣 🤣

(TXT to ) Kailey : SHOW ME THE BACON!

(TXT to Kailey) Ravn : I wanna punch a deer in the nose now.

(TXT to ) Kailey : [Picture of uncooked bacon, thick cut, and a cast iron skillet on a gas stove]

(TXT to Kailey) Ravn : I hope this weed stuff clears before I make punching things in the nose my solution to EVERYTHING

(TXT to ) Kailey : Deer are mean

(TXT to Kailey) Ravn : ... Oh god woman NOW we're getting to the true porn

(TXT to ) Kailey : You know it baby! Gonna make it sizzle!

(TXT to Kailey) Ravn : Show me your crisp edges beybeh

(TXT to Kailey) Ravn : I'm gonna have to make up with Gina Castro so I can go back to eating bacon at the Black Bear

(TXT to ) Kailey : [Picture of four slices starting to sizzle away* Like that?

(TXT to Kailey) Ravn : ...

(TXT to Kailey) Ravn : I'M GONNA HAVE TO MAKE UP WITH GINA CASTRO FAST

(TXT to ) Kailey : Bring her to Sweet Retreats!

(TXT to ) Kailey : Everyone loves and wants ice cream right now!

(TXT to Kailey) Ravn : Let's see if I can get past 'No Ravn, don't punch HER in the nose' first

(TXT to ) Kailey : Just imagine her nose is bacon

(TXT to Kailey) Ravn : I don't think it's going to help if I bite her either

(TXT to ) Kailey : And try not to eat it

(TXT to ) Kailey : Ow. Ok. Gotta focus on cooking. 😆 talk laters!

(TXT to Kailey) Ravn : ... now all I can think is "Sir, please stop chewing on that woman's face or we're gonna have to give you a citation"

(TXT to Kailey) Ravn : Right

(TXT to Kailey) Ravn : Send me food porn later, ok?

(TXT to ) Kailey : [Pic of bacon turned over and turning lovely crispy shades]

(TXT to Kailey) Ravn : [picture of shower, presumably cold]

(TXT to ) Kailey : Hah got it!