2020-11-16 - The Blue Ribbon And Other Tales From The Weed Patch

(TXT to Abitha Seth) Ravn : SETH! ALEXANDER! ORIGAMI FORTUNE FLOWERS FOR THE WAFFLETACOS!!!!!11!!1😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎

(TXT to Seth Ravn) Abitha : (dancing dots)

(TXT to Seth Ravn) Abitha : Jesus fuck I can't type high. Tween wtf emoji use

(TXT to Seth Ravn) Abitha : Ravn*

(TXT to Abitha Seth) Ravn : FORTUNE FLOWERS! say shit like 'the land of the lilies is endless but the price of lavender is lefthanded', in origami flowers for wrappings!

(TXT to Seth Ravn) Abitha : Wait was this meant for Alexander 🤔 and wtf salaries

(TXT to Seth Ravn) Abitha : Whale taps

(TXT to Ravn Abitha) Seth : Are they edible? Because if they are not edible, they don't go on the WAFFLETACO! Because the sanctity of the WAFFLETACO is sacred, or something like that. Dude, I just want to be able to eat it without having to worry about shoving something in my mouth I don't want...

(TXT to Ravn Abitha) Seth : New phone, who dis?

(TXT to Seth Ravn) Abitha : WAFFLE TACOS*

(TXT to Seth Ravn) Abitha : image response

(TXT to Seth Ravn) Abitha : Also, isn't what what anyone wants I life? Without things sliced I their mouth without corset?

(TXT to Seth Ravn) Abitha : Omg I can't even be bothered to fix all that

(TXT to Seth Ravn) Abitha : Make joke about mouth rape, typo corset. Fucking mailing it.

(TXT to Ravn Abitha) Seth : https://tinyurl.com/v5g45u3

(TXT to Ravn Abitha) Seth : If I got what you were saying, yeah...no mouth rape. MOuth rape Bad.

(TXT to Ravn Abitha) Seth : God dman it. I never do those rioght. https://tinyurl.com/tzjh5lh

(TXT to Seth Ravn) Abitha : Did you just tell me to smile? Fucking patriarch

(TXT to Abitha Seth) Ravn : Hey Monaghan how's the nose

(TXT to Seth Ravn) Abitha : 🤣🤣🤣🤣jk

(TXT to Abitha Seth) Ravn : I broke his nose

(TXT to Abitha Seth) Ravn : And why does Alexander turn into Mac on my phone

(TXT to Seth Ravn) Abitha : This is a disturbing idea 1🤔

(TXT to Abitha Seth) Ravn : mac the kniiiiiife

(TXT to Abitha Seth) Ravn : I decked Alexander too

(TXT to Abitha Seth) Ravn : still not sure how

(TXT to Ravn Abitha) Seth : https://tinyurl.com/uzto3mx - Darth.

Wait..you tagged Alex?! WTF? You holding out on us? Are you some Jackie Chan savant or something? I'm taking you to kumete...or however you spell that shoit.

(TXT to Abitha Seth) Ravn : I shoulda gone for Joey too but I think I decided I wanted to live

(TXT to Abitha Seth Alexander) Ravn : I got you mixed up with Mac

(TXT to Seth Ravn) Abitha : Returrrrn of the Mac

(TXT to Abitha Seth Ravn) Alexander : How do you make that decision? She's much nicer than either of us.

(TXT to Abitha Seth Ravn) Alexander : Fucking autocorrect. That mistake. Wait. I can't blame autocorrect. I don't know what's going on.

(TXT to Alexander Seth Ravn) Abitha : first of all, how fare you

(TXT to Abitha Seth Alexander) Ravn : Not sure, I was gonna tell you about FORTUNE FLOWERS and I got the wrong number but FORTUNE FLOWERS are awesome, you need to sell them with the WAFFLETACOS

(TXT to Alexander Seth Ravn) Abitha : Dare* fuck

(TXT to Seth Alexander Abitha) Seth : Waffletaco.

How fare? WTF are we, a Ren Faire?

(TXT to Seth Abitha Seth) Alexander : Prithee, fair lady, I dost fare well. How fare thee?

(TXT to Abitha Seth Alexander) Ravn : Kailey's idea, you know Kailey, Sweet Retreats girl? Dyed origami paper flowers and you unwrap them like fortune cookies and there's something inside like

(TXT to Alexander Seth Ravn) Abitha : 👏👏☝🤦

(TXT to Abitha Seth Alexander) Ravn : Fuck you I have a ph.D in history, wouldst thou screw with yon Dane.

(TXT to Alexander Abitha) Seth : Are they edible? Because if they are not edible, they don't go on the WAFFLETACO! Because the sanctity of the WAFFLETACO is sacred, or something like that. Dude, I just want to be able to eat it without having to worry about shoving something in my mouth I don't want...

(TXT to Abitha Seth Alexander) Ravn : something like THE CALIGULA BITES BUT THE ROSE MOVES WATER

(TXT to Abitha Seth Ravn) Alexander : I like Kailey. And they have edible paper.

(TXT to Alexander Abitha) Seth : No, but I would bit emy thumb at you...

(TXT to Abitha Seth Alexander) Ravn : Shut up, I can deck you both.

(TXT to Abitha Seth Ravn) Alexander : ...

(TXT to Alexander Seth Ravn) Abitha : 🔥

(TXT to Seth Ravn Abitha) Alexander : I was about to say you can't. But then I remembered. You did.

(TXT to Abitha Seth Alexander) Ravn : Only fight in my life I ever won, let me have it ok.

(TXT to Alexander Abitha Ravn) Seth : He is some kind of idiot combat savant, Alexander. We have to take him to UFC

(TXT to Abitha Ravn Seth) Alexander : ::medal emoji:: Yes. Unleash him on the world. The Fightin' Dane?

(TXT to Alexander Abitha Ravn) Seth : So, whose Kailey? Don't know her.

(TXT to Abitha Seth Alexander) Ravn : Purple haired girl. Very nice. Has a kid. Married to the guy who runs the sweets shop.

(TXT to Abitha Seth Ravn) Alexander : Nice girl. Has a baby and a very, very, very large lover.

(TXT to Alexander Abitha Ravn) Seth : YES! Can I get him one of those Mexican wrestling masks?>

(TXT to Abitha Seth Alexander) Ravn : Sent me a mis-text this morning

(TXT to Abitha Seth Ravn) Alexander : Only if Mac can design it.

(TXT to Alexander Seth Ravn) Abitha : 👍👊🍪

(TXT to Alexander Abitha Ravn) Seth : Fuck..someone translate? I don't speeak emoji.

(TXT to Abitha Seth Alexander) Ravn : (╯°□°）╯︵ ┻━┻(❁´◡`❁)

(TXT to Alexander Seth Ravn) Abitha : There's no ravish emoji

(TXT to Alexander Seth Ravn) Abitha : Danish*

(TXT to Seth Ravn Abitha) Alexander : I think she's saying that she would punch us all for a cookie.

(TXT to Abitha Seth Alexander) Ravn : are we doing the turkey thing?

(TXT to Alexander Seth Ravn) Abitha : IT'S EASIER TO EMOJI THAN ROPE

(TXT to Alexander Seth Ravn) Abitha : TYPE FUCK

(TXT to Abitha Seth Alexander) Ravn : FUCK

(TXT to Abitha Seth Ravn) Alexander : Depends on what you're doing with the rope. And yes. Think so. Kelly and I invited Javier.

(TXT to Alexander Abitha Ravn) Seth : FUCK

(TXT to Alexander Seth Ravn) Abitha : OMG

(TXT to Abitha Seth Alexander) Ravn : who's Javier?

(TXT to Abitha Seth Ravn) Alexander : ::no-circle emoji::

(TXT to Alexander Abitha Ravn) Seth : De la Vega

(TXT to Alexander Abitha Ravn) Seth : COP

(TXT to Alexander Seth Ravn) Abitha : 👮

(TXT to Alexander Abitha Ravn) Seth : Chief Of Police

(TXT to Abitha Ravn Seth) Alexander : Acting.

(TXT to Abitha Seth Alexander) Ravn : 😮

(TXT to Alexander Abitha Ravn) Seth : EYEROLL EMOJI

(TXT to Alexander Abitha Ravn) Seth : IF he is doing the job, he is it. DOn't care about fake title.

(TXT to Abitha Seth Alexander) Ravn : He's pretty intimidating

(TXT to Abitha Seth Ravn) Alexander : Mac. Are you going to eat fried turkey?

(TXT to Alexander Seth Ravn) Abitha : that sounds fastening af

(TXT to Alexander Seth Ravn) Abitha : Fattening

(TXT to Alexander Abitha Ravn) Seth : YOLO

(TXT to Alexander Abitha Ravn) Seth : Besdies, someone told me I could afford to eat shit now. I have abs for days.

(TXT to Alexander Seth Ravn) Abitha : I've had to take up running already cause I live with Corey.

(TXT to Abitha Seth Alexander) Ravn : ... I'd rather eat turkey

(TXT to Abitha Seth Ravn) Alexander : It's true, he does. And it's delicious. You should come.

(TXT to Alexander Seth Ravn) Abitha : But thenwhat Abbott my campaign on eastern Europe? The napkins aren't gonna conquer themselves.

(TXT to Alexander Seth Ravn) Abitha : Balkins*

(TXT to Abitha Seth Alexander) Ravn : BALKANS

(TXT to Abitha Seth Alexander) Ravn : FFS AMERICANS

(TXT to Alexander Seth Ravn) Abitha : Triggered the dane, please dont hit me

(TXT to Alexander Abitha Ravn) Seth : He might break your nose. One hit man.

(TXT to Alexander Abitha Ravn) Seth : OR is that one minute man?

(TXT to Alexander Abitha Ravn) Seth : BOth. Asthma...

(TXT to Alexander Seth Ravn) Abitha : I mean ive heard some complaints online

(TXT to Abitha Seth Alexander) Ravn : I'd say 'come over and find out' but this is Gray Harbor and you'd probably think I actually sent you a booty call

(TXT to Abitha Seth Alexander) Ravn : I'm gonna stab you, Mac.

(TXT to Alexander Seth Ravn) Abitha : You already conned me into a date once, no go

(TXT to Seth Ravn Abitha) Alexander : Don't stab her. She's fun to play with.

(TXT to Seth Ravn Abitha) Alexander : Wait what?

(TXT to Abitha Seth Alexander) Ravn : Did I or did I not give you a date?

(TXT to Alexander Seth Ravn) Abitha : It turned into a date fpr seth

(TXT to Alexander Abitha Ravn) Seth : I had a date?

(TXT to Alexander Seth Ravn) Abitha : Ee drank alot probably har ftp remember

(TXT to Seth Ravn Abitha) Alexander : Are we talking fruit, or making out?

(TXT to Alexander Seth Ravn) Abitha : Dont be gross alexander

(TXT to Abitha Seth Alexander) Ravn : I promised Mac a date

(TXT to Abitha Seth Alexander) Ravn : I gave her a date. Wrapped in tinfoil.

(TXT to Abitha Seth Ravn) Alexander : MY CONFUSION IS LEGITIMATE.

(TXT to Alexander Seth Ravn) Abitha : 😂😂😂

(TXT to Seth Ravn Abitha) Alexander : ::explosion emoji::

(TXT to Abitha Seth Alexander) Ravn : IT'S A FRUIT

(TXT to Alexander Seth Ravn) Abitha : I thoight it was a nut

(TXT to Seth Ravn Abitha) Alexander : ::peach emoji::

(TXT to Abitha Seth Alexander) Ravn : Anyway, blackmail doesn't work on me

(TXT to Abitha Seth Alexander) Ravn : I can embarrass myself before anyone else gets to it

(TXT to Alexander Seth Ravn) Abitha : Trufax

(TXT to Abitha Seth Alexander) Ravn : Best part of social anxiety -flex-

(TXT to Abitha Seth Ravn) Alexander : 😕

(TXT to Alexander Seth Ravn) Abitha : DONT MAKE A SAD FACE THAT MAKES IT NOT FUN

(TXT to Abitha Seth Alexander) Ravn : 🙁

(TXT to Alexander Seth Ravn) Abitha : 🤬😤😑

(TXT to Seth Ravn Abitha) Alexander : 😃

(TXT to Abitha Seth Alexander) Ravn : 😇

(TXT to Alexander Seth Ravn) Abitha : 🤗

(TXT to Abitha Seth Alexander) Ravn : Eek

(TXT to Abitha Seth Alexander) Ravn : Volunteering Monaghan for all your hugging needs. Just, don't touch his nose.

(TXT to Alexander Seth Ravn) Abitha : ??? No. Virtual hugs only

(TXT to Alexander Abitha Ravn) Seth : My nose is fine TYVM. You didn't get me that hard....

PHRASING.

(TXT to Abitha Seth Alexander) Ravn : You wish, Irish, you wish.

(TXT to Abitha Seth Alexander) Ravn : (I hang around Rosencrantz too much, he rubs off on me)

(TXT to Abitha Seth Alexander) Ravn : (speaking of phrasing)

(TXT to Alexander Abitha Ravn) Seth : sadface emoji

(TXT to Alexander Seth Ravn) Abitha : Gross

(TXT to Alexander Seth Ravn) Abitha : Sticky subject

(TXT to Abitha Seth Alexander) Ravn : he started it, with all his goddamn talk about kielbasas

(TXT to Abitha Seth Ravn) Alexander : Itzhak? If he's sticky, it's probably oil. He's a mechanic.

(TXT to Alexander Abitha Ravn) Seth : So how WAs Work last night?

(TXT to Abitha Seth Alexander) Ravn : Dunno, I do the morning shifts where there's no one around mostly and I just clean up

(TXT to Alexander Seth Ravn) Abitha : Keilbasa is a legitimately tawdry food. It doesn't deserve the dick jokes

(TXT to Alexander Seth Ravn) Abitha : Tasty*

(TXT to Abitha Seth Alexander) Ravn : I am from the land of sausages. Small letters, because the Land of Sausages is Germany. Which is one hour from where I live.

(TXT to Alexander Abitha Ravn) Seth : I always knew yoou liked sausage, Darth

(TXT to Abitha Ravn Seth) Alexander : I like thinking of tawdry kielbasa. It's probably slovenly, too.

(TXT to Alexander Seth Ravn) Abitha : Land of the real sausage fests skins like

(TXT to Alexander Seth Ravn) Abitha : Sounds*

(TXT to Abitha Seth Alexander) Ravn : partial to currywurst and if you don't keep your pants on I am decking you again

(TXT to Alexander Seth Ravn) Abitha : Things I didnt need in text

(TXT to Seth Ravn Abitha) Alexander : You'll never know whether my pants are on or off, Ravn.

(TXT to Alexander Abitha Ravn) Seth : Not my type. Thought we went over this.

(TXT to Alexander Seth Ravn) Abitha : THINGD I DIDNT NEED IN TEXT

(TXT to Abitha Seth Alexander) Ravn : THINGS I DIDN'T NEED EITHER

(TXT to Abitha Seth Ravn) Alexander : 😃

(TXT to Abitha Seth Alexander) Ravn : Fuck it, I'ma be gay and steal Rosencrantz' dress.

(TXT to Alexander Abitha Ravn) Seth : https://tinyurl.com/tkgjuue

(TXT to Abitha Ravn Seth) Alexander : That's not wrong, Seth.

(TXT to Alexander Abitha Ravn) Seth : I'm never wrong.

(TXT to Alexander Seth Ravn) Abitha : I mean... i agree with this meme, unless its from a male perspective, then gross.

(TXT to Alexander Abitha Ravn) Seth : Except when I am.

(TXT to Abitha Seth Alexander) Ravn : [picture of Itzhak Rosencrantz in a remarkably short Little Red Riding Hood dress, dancing]

(TXT to Abitha Seth Ravn) Alexander : Wait. Can men not wear comfortable pants? That doesn't seem fair.

(TXT to Alexander Abitha Ravn) Seth : https://i.redd.it/rzzd946wvn911.jpg

(TXT to Abitha Seth Alexander) Ravn : My jeans are pretty comfortable, thank you very much, that's why I wear them

(TXT to Abitha Seth Ravn) Alexander : And yet you want to move to very short red dress? Is it an air flow issue?

(TXT to Alexander Seth Ravn) Abitha : Look, don’t talk to me about fairness in clothing until we can talk about functional pockets

(TXT to Seth Ravn Abitha) Alexander : Women's clothing needs more pockets.

(TXT to Abitha Seth Alexander) Ravn : ... Mac's got a point

(TXT to Abitha Seth Alexander) Ravn : And no, I'm just obsessing about what it must be like to be confident enough to turn up to a party involving half this fucking city wearing THAT

(TXT to Alexander Abitha Ravn) Seth : This is my version of comfortable pants. https://tinyurl.com/s3xttu7

(TXT to Alexander Seth Ravn) Abitha : There’s a war on pockets. This is why there’s a conspiracy against cargoes. If we cant have them NOBODY CAN

(TXT to Seth Ravn Abitha) Alexander : You have the legs for a kilt. And I like pockets. 🙁 I will sign onto the pocket army. I wish I had the thing that made pockets infinitely huge.

(TXT to Alexander Abitha Ravn) Seth : Myt kilts have pockets. Why don't women's skirts?

(TXT to Abitha Seth Alexander) Ravn : a truck?

(TXT to Alexander Seth Ravn) Abitha : Clean lines, most often. Some do, just gotta shop.

(TXT to Alexander Abitha Ravn) Seth : What the truck?

(TXT to Abitha Seth Alexander) Ravn : big pockets? get a truck?

(TXT to Abitha Seth Ravn) Alexander : It's because a) women are expected to carry purses for all their stuff, and b) because putting things in pockets 'ruins the lines' of the way women's clothing is designed, so instead of letting women choose whether they want to

(TXT to Abitha Seth Ravn) Alexander : Oh. Mac said it in fewer words.

(TXT to Alexander Abitha Ravn) Seth : Makes sense...I guess.

(TXT to Abitha Seth Alexander) Ravn : Oh god don't get me started on ruining lines and posture and standing up straight and don't slouch and don't ruin your jacket oh god no just don't please I can't evne argh

(TXT to Alexander Seth Ravn) Abitha : It’s all marketing. They save money on design, they sell more handbags.

(TXT to Abitha Seth Alexander) Ravn : Now I want to go to that fucking turkey thing in an expensive suit and ruin it with grease.

(TXT to Abitha Seth Ravn) Alexander : ...why?

(TXT to Alexander Seth Ravn) Abitha : Oh boofuckinhoo, one style of clothing for anything business or fancy

(TXT to Abitha Seth Alexander) Ravn : Jeans.

(TXT to Alexander Abitha Ravn) Seth : I'd wear a kilt, but it might be too cold for kilts.

(TXT to Abitha Seth Alexander) Ravn : You wear a kilt, I'll wear something fancy, we ruin both

(TXT to Alexander Seth Ravn) Abitha : When is skirt appropriate, how long should it be, when can you wear slacks, what colors are appropriate/in. There are so many little fucking things women have to worry about when dressing. Men put on suits and just fucking roll with it.

(TXT to Seth Ravn Abitha) Alexander : I'm pretty sure that Kelly's house is a fashion judgement free zone.

(TXT to Alexander Abitha Ravn) Seth : But I don't want to ruin my kilt...

(TXT to Abitha Seth Alexander) Ravn : Men just... YOU NEED TO MEET MY TAILOR AND TELL HIM THAT

(TXT to Abitha Seth Ravn) Alexander : you have a tailor

(TXT to Alexander Seth Ravn) Abitha : No. Having shelving to fill.... should I alphabetize board games or order by type...

(TXT to Alexander Seth Ravn) Abitha : BBIAF

(TXT to Seth Ravn Abitha) Alexander : Type, then alpha.

(TXT to Abitha Seth Alexander) Ravn : well, I don't have one now. I live in a trailer park. What'd I want with a tailor in a trailer park.

(TXT to Alexander Abitha Ravn) Seth : I want to play board games. I like board games.

(TXT to Abitha Ravn Seth) Alexander : I also like board games.

(TXT to Alexander Abitha Ravn) Seth : Sounds like that is the place that needs a tailor the most.,

(TXT to Abitha Seth Alexander) Ravn : I wonder if I like board games.

(TXT to Alexander Abitha Ravn) Seth : Alexander, stop making me like you. Damnit.

(TXT to Abitha Seth Alexander) Ravn : hot.

(TXT to Abitha Seth Ravn) Alexander : It's okay. It'll wear off when I annoy you enough.

(TXT to Alexander Abitha Ravn) Seth : Fair enough.

(TXT to Abitha Seth Alexander) Ravn : You know, once this weed cloud finally blows the fuck away we're probably all going to regret everything very much and hate each other like normal, but this week? this week has been GREAT

(TXT to Abitha Seth Ravn) Alexander : I will have a lot of work to do. I've gotten five new cases, but haven't done anything on them. I start giggling whenever I read the case files.

(TXT to Alexander Abitha Ravn) Seth : We sshould all be high more often.

(TXT to Abitha Seth Alexander) Ravn : Like, none of us are even trying to find out WHY this is happening because it's just so fucking great

(TXT to Abitha Seth Ravn) Alexander : you're right. Should try to find out something about that.

(TXT to Abitha Seth Alexander) Ravn : Noooo don't fix it if it isn't broken, damnit

(TXT to Abitha Seth Ravn) Alexander : but im an investigator. I must invest.

(TXT to Abitha Seth Ravn) Alexander : tigage.

(TXT to Abitha Seth Alexander) Ravn : I'll invest in you not investigaging.

(TXT to Abitha Seth Ravn) Alexander : investigate.

(TXT to Abitha Seth Ravn) Alexander : more people should try bribing me not to do things. instead of the guns.

(TXT to Abitha Seth Alexander) Ravn : I LIKE being this guy who talks to people and punches them in the face.

(TXT to Alexander Abitha Ravn) Seth : ...

https://media1.tenor.com/images/dbc2525fd40db776643e7093057033b8/tenor.gif?itemid=5332816

(TXT to Abitha Ravn Seth) Alexander : marijuana is legal. you can smoke as much as you want

(TXT to Abitha Seth Alexander) Ravn : It's not the same if everyone else isn't high.

(TXT to Abitha Seth Alexander) Ravn : Then I'm still accountable for my actions. Right now? We're all blitzed, no one cares.

(TXT to Alexander Abitha Ravn) Seth : So...when are we going to hit Easton up for waffletaco funding?

(TXT to Abitha Ravn Seth) Alexander : soon. sooooooooon.

(TXT to Abitha Ravn Seth) Alexander : before he sobers up

(TXT to Abitha Seth Alexander) Ravn : that's not fair

(TXT to Abitha Seth Alexander) Ravn : I mean, even I am not high enough to not realise that

(TXT to Alexander Abitha Ravn) Seth : What's not fair?

(TXT to Abitha Seth Alexander) Ravn : getting Easton to sign something while his brain is sitting in a jar of green smoke.

(TXT to Alexander Abitha Ravn) Seth : All is fair in business...

(TXT to Abitha Seth Alexander) Ravn : this is why we're not doing business

(TXT to Abitha Seth Ravn) Alexander : its for his own good

(TXT to Alexander Abitha Ravn) Seth : He will make millions. BILLIONS

(TXT to Abitha Ravn Seth) Alexander : and we will roll around in dollar bills. always wanted to do that.

(TXT to Abitha Seth Alexander) Ravn : sounds... like they'll get sticky

(TXT to Abitha Seth Ravn) Alexander : im not sticky

(TXT to Alexander Abitha Ravn) Seth : Yeah. I mean...you never know where those have been man.

(TXT to Alexander Abitha Ravn) Seth : I'm sure Nova could tell you.

(TXT to Abitha Seth Alexander) Ravn : Like when Bax and Aidan touched my boat

(TXT to Abitha Seth Alexander) Ravn : they read stuff

(TXT to Alexander Abitha Ravn) Seth : I meant more because she is a stripper...but sure.

(TXT to Abitha Seth Alexander) Ravn : not a good idea on a boat that some people call the Good Ship Cannabis Discowhore

(TXT to Abitha Seth Alexander) Ravn : Yeah, so where they

(TXT to Abitha Seth Ravn) Alexander : many have trace amounts of cocaine and other drugs, and up to twenty percent of American paper currency has traces of human blood on it

(TXT to Alexander Abitha Ravn) Seth : Where did my eye bleech go?

(TXT to Abitha Ravn Seth) Alexander : but actually, money doesn't carry many memories. it passes through too many hands, and most bills aren't owned in people's minds.

(TXT to Abitha Seth Alexander) Ravn : Aidan and Baxter ended up doing this kind of magic ritual shine thing to clean the Vagabond before they could even stand being on board

(TXT to Abitha Seth Alexander) Ravn : (⌐■_■) I own the party boat.

(TXT to Abitha Seth Ravn) Alexander : you should have a party

(TXT to Alexander Abitha Ravn) Seth : Party on Ravn' sboat. You heard it here first.

(TXT to Abitha Seth Alexander) Ravn : I have a party monday wednesday friday when my boat is in the water

(TXT to Abitha Seth Alexander) Ravn : what do you think lobster fight club is all about?

(TXT to Alexander Abitha Ravn) Seth : Combat Crustatians...duh. It's in the name.

(TXT to Abitha Ravn Seth) Alexander : animal cruelty. so disappointed.

(TXT to Abitha Seth Alexander) Ravn : don't look at me, it wasn't my idea

(TXT to Abitha Seth Alexander) Ravn : All I do is sit there and watch Gray Harbor do its thing

(TXT to Abitha Seth Alexander) Ravn : Hey Alexander

(TXT to Abitha Seth Alexander) Ravn : Investigage why these crazy stories even happen?

(TXT to Alexander Seth Ravn) Abitha : https://pin.it/sh6xPlp

(TXT to Seth Ravn Abitha) Alexander : The Revisionist makes them.

(TXT to Abitha Seth Alexander) Ravn : Well, yeah, but WHY

(TXT to Alexander Seth Ravn) Abitha : The who what now

(TXT to Alexander Abitha Ravn) Seth : And why some people and not others?

(TXT to Abitha Seth Alexander) Ravn : I mean, lobster fight club is INFINITELY better than being a celebrity chef and breaking every relationship in sight just by existing but I would kinda like to go back to just being a bum sometime

(TXT to Abitha Seth Ravn) Alexander : She says that if she doesn't, then things go wrong. Sideways. I think she just does whoever catches her eye. And she was watching soap operas, which is why the first were so. uh. sopey.

(TXT to Alexander Abitha Ravn) Seth : I am so confused....

(TXT to Alexander Abitha Ravn) Seth : I am not high enough for this.

(TXT to Abitha Seth Alexander) Ravn : How can me being a backpacking drifter GO WRONG

(TXT to Abitha Seth Ravn) Alexander : The Revisionist - someone who works Over There for the Collector. The Collector/Doctor/Director are apparently the sources of our abilities.

(TXT to Abitha Seth Alexander) Ravn : It's the only thing in my life I ever DID RIGHT

(TXT to Alexander Seth Ravn) Abitha : Sounds stinky

(TXT to Seth Ravn Abitha) Alexander : i did not notice a particular smell.

(TXT to Seth Ravn Abitha) Alexander : The Revisionist is rather nice, though? I think her head was beaten in, though.

(TXT to Alexander Abitha Ravn) Seth : We should give her a waffletaco.

(TXT to Alexander Seth Ravn) Abitha : No backpacking

(TXT to Seth Ravn Abitha) Alexander : She would probably realyl enjoy a waffletaco

(TXT to Abitha Seth Alexander) Ravn : it was sometimes

(TXT to Abitha Seth Alexander) Ravn : but fun? no obligations, no nothing, just go wherever the next bus is headed

(TXT to Alexander Seth Ravn) Abitha : Guys chock tacos aslre a thing already

(TXT to Seth Ravn Abitha) Alexander : i did that for a while

(TXT to Abitha Seth Alexander) Ravn : high5 Alexander

(TXT to Abitha Seth Alexander) Ravn : responsibility is overrated

(TXT to Alexander Abitha Ravn) Seth : CHocotacos are NOT deep fried, nor are they made with alcohol infused ice cream. Why do people keep telling me about fucking chacotacos!

(TXT to Alexander Seth Ravn) Abitha : Because thats the first thing I thought of and youre gonna have to clear that hurdle if you wanna market

(TXT to Seth Ravn Abitha) Alexander : cats smell good

(TXT to Alexander Abitha Ravn) Seth : Bah. That's Easton's problem.

(TXT to Alexander Seth Ravn) Abitha : Depends on the cat

(TXT to Abitha Seth Alexander) Ravn : my cat smells mostly like tuna

(TXT to Abitha Seth Alexander) Ravn : I will kill you if you say it, Seth

(TXT to Abitha Seth Ravn) Alexander : blue bell smells good. warm fur

(TXT to Alexander Abitha Ravn) Seth : https://media1.tenor.com/images/dbc2525fd40db776643e7093057033b8/tenor.gif?itemid=5332816

(TXT to Alexander Abitha Ravn) Seth : You have no idea how difficult it is not to type what I want. SO DIFFICULT!

(TXT to Abitha Ravn Seth) Alexander : doooo iiiit

(TXT to Alexander Abitha Ravn) Seth : It's already been implied. THat's good enough. I think.

(TXT to Abitha Seth Alexander) Ravn : I still think we should turn up in a kilt and a suit.

(TXT to Alexander Abitha Ravn) Seth : I am wearing a kilt, because why not.

(TXT to Alexander Seth Ravn) Abitha : Like some sort of Scottish wedding?

(TXT to Alexander Abitha Ravn) Seth : Kilts are not just Scottish, TYVM.

(TXT to Abitha Seth Alexander) Ravn : More like, I know Rosencrantz is going to rib me for the whole dress thing when people tell him I whined about wishing I had that kind of courage so why the fuck not

(TXT to Abitha Seth Alexander) Ravn : if not now when I'm too high to have shame, then when

(TXT to Alexander Abitha Ravn) Seth : Whenever you want? Now my only question is do I go traditional with a sporen, or modern utilikilt.

(TXT to Abitha Seth Alexander) Ravn : sporran!

(TXT to Abitha Seth Ravn) Alexander : what he said

(TXT to Alexander Seth Ravn) Abitha : Rosencrantz is the type thats just gonna flip your skirt when he gets a few drinks in sooooo

(TXT to Abitha Seth Alexander) Ravn : that's why I wear the suit and Monaghan wears the kilt

(TXT to Alexander Abitha Ravn) Seth : Well than I will makes sure I go traditional.

(TXT to Abitha Seth Alexander) Ravn : I AM SMART

(TXT to Abitha Seth Ravn) Alexander : oh dear

(TXT to Abitha Seth Alexander) Ravn : I went to university and everything

(TXT to Alexander Seth Ravn) Abitha : I'm no longer coming for turkey

(TXT to Seth Ravn Abitha) Alexander : i will protect you from seth's genitalia

(TXT to Alexander Abitha Ravn) Seth : Maybe I will wear a blue ribbon just to be ready..

(TXT to Abitha Seth Alexander) Ravn : what, you were only coming if I wore the kilt? I didn't know you felt that way after just one date

(TXT to Alexander Seth Ravn) Abitha : I'm screenshotting that text for posterity

(TXT to Alexander Abitha Ravn) Seth : Which one?

(TXT to Alexander Seth Ravn) Abitha : Genetalia protection 😂😂😂😂

(TXT to Abitha Seth Alexander) Ravn : He just wants to win first prize.

(TXT to Abitha Seth Alexander) Ravn : That's like the oldest Scotsman joke EVER.

(TXT to Alexander Abitha Ravn) Seth : Ha. I'd make some corney joke about it now being labeled as a lethal weapon, but that would be crass.

(TXT to Alexander Abitha Ravn) Seth : Why do you think I am already going to be wearing a blue ribbon?

(TXT to Alexander Seth Ravn) Abitha : I play video games I see enough dick jokes on the reg

(TXT to Alexander Seth Ravn) Abitha : Wait, around your duck? What for? That some weird fetish?

(TXT to Alexander Abitha Ravn) Seth : Hold on....let me find the song...

(TXT to Abitha Ravn Seth) Alexander : oh no i know this song

(TXT to Abitha Ravn Seth) Alexander : it is kind of funny

(TXT to Alexander Abitha Ravn) Seth : https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VoUV5d09JZw

(TXT to Alexander Seth Ravn) Abitha : That link is staying blue. Cant even

(TXT to Alexander Abitha Ravn) Seth : It's safe 😛

(TXT to Abitha Ravn Seth) Alexander : i am singing it now.

(TXT to Alexander Seth Ravn) Abitha : "Why's tire a song in your YouTube history about Irish men with blue ribbons on their divks" no thanks nsa

(TXT to Seth Ravn Abitha) Alexander : surely you have more interesting searches than that. you should see my browser history

(TXT to Alexander Abitha Ravn) Seth : ::Eyeroll emoji::. Fine.

Well a Scotsman clad in kilt left the bar one evening fair
One could tell by how he walked that he'd drunk more than his share
He fumbled round until he could no longer keep his feet
Then he stumbled off into the grass asleep beside the street
Ring-ding-did-a-little-la-di-oh, Ring-di-diddly-eye-oh,
He stumbled off into the grass asleep beside the street
About that time two young n' lovely girls just happened by
One says to the other with a twinkle in her eye
"See yon sleeping Scotsman so strong and handsome built,
I wonder if it's true what they don't wear beneath the kilt."
Ring-ding-did-a-little-la-di-oh, Ring-di-diddly-eye-oh,
I wonder if it's true what they don't wear beneath the kilt
They crept up on that sleeping Scotsman quiet as could be
Lifted up his kilt about an inch so they could see
And there behold for them to view beneath his Scottish skirt
Was nothing more than God had graced him with upon his birth
Ring-ding-did-a-little-la-di-oh, Ring-di-diddly-eye-oh,
Was nothing more than God had graced him with upon his birth
They marveled for a moment then one said, "We must be gone.
Let's leave a present for our friend before we move along."
As a gift they left a blue silk ribbon tied into a bow
Around the bonnie star the Scot's kilt did lift and show.
Around the bonnie star the Scot's kilt did lift and show.
Now the Scotsman woke to nature's call and stumbled towards the trees
Behind a bush he lift his kilt and gawks at what he sees
And in a startled voice he says to what's before his eyes
"Ah, lad I don't know you've been but I see you won first prize."
Ring-ding-did-a-little-la-di-oh, Ring-di-diddly-eye-oh,
"Ah, lad I don't know you've been but I see you won first prize."

(TXT to Abitha Ravn Seth) Alexander : my tiny screen scrolled so much

(TXT to Abitha Seth Alexander) Ravn : OLDEST SCOT JOKE EVER

(TXT to Alexander Abitha Ravn) Seth : I'm sorry your screen is so tiny, Alexander.

(TXT to Abitha Ravn Seth) Alexander : me too

(TXT to Alexander Seth Ravn) Abitha : This is awful TLDR

(TXT to Seth Ravn Abitha) Alexander : I prefer this: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6l1GvDWtccI&list=PLE1InrZfsJQmzE4Cq8OTDGzr0dPvpsn8d&index=3

(TXT to Alexander Abitha Ravn) Seth : WTF....

(TXT to Abitha Ravn Seth) Alexander : 😃 😃 😃 😃 😃

(TXT to Alexander Abitha Ravn) Seth : I can't.. I just can't. So bad...puns so bad...

(TXT to Abitha Ravn Seth) Alexander : puns so wonderful

(TXT to Abitha Seth Alexander) Ravn : ... I'ma gonna go eat turkey. In a suit. Before I die of shame.

(TXT to Alexander Abitha Ravn) Seth : I'll go get ready and see ya over there.

(TXT to Abitha Ravn Seth) Alexander : see you all soon.