2020-12-08 - North Pole Labor Disputes

It's December in Gray Harbor.

It'd be nice to say that as Christmas approaches, there was snow, and a pleasant chill on the air. Instead, it's warm and wet, with rain falling steadily. The natives to the Pacific Northwest are used to this sort of thing, and aren't going to let a little thing like snow to stop them from getting a limited edition Switch or robot or motorbike. The streets of the downtown district are crowded - as crowded as Gray Harbor ever gets. Tinny holiday carols are playing from speakers, and about half of the open storefronts are decorated in the cheesiest of decorations. That actually means only about a fourth of the stores are decorated - Gray Harbor is struggling. Always.

But right now, it's a cheerful sort of struggle. Alexander has joined the shopping hoards, and has a couple of small bags dangling from his good wrist as he pauses before one of the storefronts. People walk past him, some giving him a wide berth, and others offering curious looks. Probably because he's covered in bruises and one hand is in a full brace. But, you know, the holidays do that to some people.

Look, Silent Night is playing.

Shopping. Seth isn't really one to do much shopping in the way of getting things for other people. Usually, it is just the essentials that he goes out for...groceries, etc.

But Christmas is different. Christmas is that time of year when you are expected to go out and get things for other people, so that is what Seth is doing today. Dressed in winterish garb of heavy coat and warmer clothes, the enforcer walks out of one of the little boutiques along the strip and bumps squarely into Alexander. "Oh, Excuse me..." He doesn't notice who it is at first, but the realization dawns as Seth starts to help gather up the dropped packages for the current one-armed investigator. "Oh, Alexander. Sorry man."

Alexander twitches but doesn't scream when someone knocks into him, just jumps back, dropping his packages as he lifts a hand and cringes away. Then he recognizes Seth, and blinks. "Oh. Uh. Hey." He lowers the hand, bends to carefully gather the bags with the man's help. "It's okay. I wasn't paying attention." He straightens back up when he's got all his bags, and offers a smile. "Holiday shopping? Anything fun?"

Behind him, a couple of people dressed in dark green parkas, too warm for the weather by far, bring out a live Christmas tree in a big pot, and start to arrange it on the sidewalk. People mutter and grumble as they have to sidestep the workers and the tree, which is admittedly magnificent.

"Yes and no," Seth says as he continues to help Alexander pick up the dropped packages. "I am not usually one that goes out and gets a bunch of gifts for people at Christmas so I am having a hard time trying to figure out what to get people this year. I don't know. Maybe I am just not cut out to be the gift-giving sort."

Seth stands and offers his hand to help pick up the one-armed man. "Like, I have no idea what to get for people like Vic or Ravn. Ok, Ravn I think a nice bottle of scotch would work, but Vic? No clue. Hell, do I even get her anything at all? Am I going to be that loser that shows up with a gift and then makes her uncomfortable? Like what if she doesn't get me anything and I totally make her weirded out? Or worse, what if I don't get her something and she shows up with something...then I become the asshole who didn't get anything. Fuck man, this is why I don't do this shit."

Seth doesn't pay too much attention to the people putting up the tree, 'tis the season and all that.

"I'm bad at it, too," Alexander confesses, looking actually pleased that someone else asks themselves those sorts of questions. "My mother and father are easy, but everyone else?" A shake of his head. "I'd say it's as hard as reading minds but...in this case, it's actually harder." A long pause. "Psychic joke. Sorry. But if you want bad advice?" He cocks his head to one side. "Get her something light, a little bit funny, but not an actual joke. Something friendly. Don't overthink it. I think she wants friends. And make it something inexpensive, so if you /do/ get something and she doesn't, it's not a big deal." He brightens. "I need to look for a novelty glass for someone. Maybe we can shop together."

Tis the season, indeed! A couple other trees are going up along both sides of the street. It's very festive, and the trees look fresh enough to have been cut down this morning from Firefly.

"Sure," Seth says, nodding to Alexander as he shoves his hands into his pockets. "I'll grab something for her that is 'friend appropriate', don't worry. It's not like I am going to go buy a ring or jewelry or anything like that. I'm not a complete moron, just a somewhat adept one. I think novelty glassware though might not cut the cake, but let's go get what you need."

Seth lets Alexander take the point, as the investigator knows where he wants to go, and Seth follows into step beside him. "Unless you think she would be into a novelty glass? Vic does have a sense of humor...I know! A taser. For those yachties at the bar."

Alexander rolls his eyes. "You're not a moron." He starts to walk down the street, and he points towards a gift store that has a lot of weird and funny (and 'funny') things in the window. "She's moving into a new place, right? So a glass might not be bad. Or some sort of...dishes?" He shakes his head. "Sorry. I said I'm bad at it. I don't know what I'm gonna get her." His eyes twitch to the side at the mention of taser, and his shoulders hunch as he misses a step. He recovers quickly, though, clears his throat, and says, "No taser. Pretty sure she'd be pissed at the idea that she needs a taser to control that situation. I'm told she terrifies with a glance." A quick flash of a smile, and then they're at the store. He opens the door with his good hand. The inside smells odd. Not BAD. But odd, for a gift store. Like peppermint and hot cider. The interior is pretty ordinary, though, with rows of gifts on neat little shelves.

Alexander pauses. He sniffs, frowns, but then shakes it off. "I don't know if she meant novelty like...nerdy? Or humorously inappropriate. I don't think we're at the humorously inappropriate stage of friendship. Is there one?"

"Do you think? See I think she would find it funny, and would look forward to the chance to use it." Seth says with a shrug of his shoulder as he purses his lips. "I don't think she needs it to control the situation, but the chance to make one of those guys loose bladder control? That I think she would enjoy...but maybe you're right. Ok, no taser. Maybe I will just break into her place and get the bathroom done so that is one less things she has to worry about. Hell, I should grab Ravn and you and we can all 'chip in' to get it done. It can be a gift from all of us."

He glances over at Alexander as they enter into the store, "Who are you talking about? Vic?" The enforcer shrugs, "Sure, there can be a humorously inappropriate stage of friendship. I can't judge where you fall onto that line though, only you and her can know for sure when it would be appropriate to get her a 24" rubber dong."

Alexander smiles. "If you think she won't kick our asses for breaking into her house, even for helping, then I'm game. That entire house needs to be set on fire and rebuilt from the ashes. It might be the only way to truly get the horror disco out. But we'll do what we can."

There's a shake of his head. "No. Machinae. She's a new friend. Owns a game store. Then it got burned down. And now she owns a game store again. She plays a lot of games. She's good. She says she wants to restart her novelty glass collection. I--" he breaks off, and just blinks at Seth. "Why would I get anyone a two-foot-long rubber penis? You can't even use that. Except maybe to beat someone to death."

Meanwhile, outside, the weather has changed. The hiss of the rain has turned to the softer sound of snow. Actual snow! It's falling fast. And...there are a lot more trees out there.

"I don't disagree, but I don't think she will let us burn the place down. I've asked. More than once." Seth says with a chuckle as he picks up a little tchotchke and looks at it, "Oh, I think I know who you are talking about. Green hair? Is that her name? I am not sure I ever heard it before. I think in her case it probably means nerdy, gaming-themed glasses. I don't know if you and she would be at the giant fake penis stage...and the whole point of it is just to be silly. There is no practical use for a two-foot-long dick. Not unless you were some fetish porn star anyway...though you reminded me that there was a giant purple dildo-bat in Saints Row, so maybe she would want on of those. I don't know."

He pauses, looks outside and hrm to himself. "Saint's Row is a video game, by the way. Just so you know the connection...was it supposed to snow today?"

Isolde wasn't really sure about Christmas shopping. She had a small list of definitely buying for: Alexander, Luigi, Princess Cat, and Leon and Maggie. Itzhak was a heavy...maybe. She didn't know the nuances of buying gifts for exes. In any case, she just so happens to be in the store that Seth and Alexander walk into, sort of aimlessly browsing. The familiar voices have her wandering closer to that direction and she flashes a bright smile. "Alexander! And Seth! Hello." She's wearing a red sweater and a pair of black jeans. Her gaze flits to the window, a little confused at the sudden appearance of snow and...trees? "Why are there so many trees?" Looking back to the men.

"Unreasonable," is Alexander's opinion of Vic's unwillingness to let the past (and the house) be cleansed by flames. He bobs his head at Seth's description. "Yeah. That's her. And you're probably right." He wanders over to a glass and picks it up. It's overlarge, and shaped like a dragon. "This is nerdy. Not really gaming nerdy, though. Still. Dragons. They're not bad." He blinks at Seth. "I know what Saints Row is. Don't have a computer good enough to play it, but I know." But at the question, he looks out towards the window, and his eyebrows arch. "...no. It wasn't even supposed to get near freezing."

He eyes the outside. "That's a /lot/ of snow." And it is. There are drifts. But seeing Isolde makes him brighten. "Isolde! Hello." A glance back outside. "I think we got Lost," he says, with a sort of resignation.

As if to agree with this, there's the jingle-jangle of bells, and a scream from outside. A sleigh - an honest to goodness sleigh, pulled by reindeer - careens down the road and slams into the storefront, shattering the windows. The rotund, white haired gentleman driving it leaps out, grabbing and tearing away the small, green creatures assailing him. They're crawling all over him, howling in tiny, musical voices, "Elf rights! No more 24 hour shifts! We want more than milk and cookies!" The flung elves go sailing through the air at Isolde, Seth, and Alexander.

Seth lifts a hand to wave at Isolde as he continues to look out the window, "Yeah...a flagon with a dragon might be appropriate, but stay away from the vessel with the pestle. That thing contains the pellet with the poison don't you know."

"Lost? Again? Shit." says Seth with a sigh as he reaches up and strokes at his non-existent stubble, his eyes widening as he sees the sleigh approach, "Shit..watch out?!" He makes a dive for Isolde, to protect her from flying glass and debris...and elves? Leaving Alexander to fend for himself. "Not this again, I am sick of little green men messing things up!"

Isolde yelped out in surprise, instinctively ducking for cover. That combined with Seth's help - she avoids most of the glass and debris. Though there's definitely an elf that lands, sprawled out a little bit beside her. Except, you know, it's Isolde. And little green things are sort of her weakness because frogs are also tiny and green. "We should help them!" Not Santa. Santa is clearly an acronym of Satan and therefore definitely bad. Sage Nod

Though she does pause a bit, looking up at Seth. "...Unless these are the goblins. The goblins sounded like bad things.".....

She looks to the elf that's landed near her. Definitely without the urgency that one should probably have in this situation. "Are you a goblin?"

Alexander looks utterly blank at Seth's amazing Danny Kaye reference, because Alexander is a dork with no taste. "I don't want to poison anyone," he says, quite seriously. And then the sleigh comes crashing through, and Alexander also tries to make a dive for Isolde, but there's a large enforcer in the way, so he just sort of bounces off Seth and hits a shelf, falling down as he gets a face full of tiny, ragey elf. The elves aimed at Seth and Isolde sail past as the two go down, but recover quickly. One charges Seth, leaping onto his arm and biting down on any skin he can reach.

The other stomps his tiny, tiny feet at Isolde. "A GOBLIN! You don't even know an elf from a goblin?? Santa-sympathizers! Down with the oppressors!" He grabs a shard of glass from the shattered window, and launches himself at Isolde's faith. "COOKIES OR DEATH!"

Thankfully, Seth was wearing his winter hear so his overcoat covers the skin on his arm thoroughly, but even through the thick cloth it still doesn't feel that great. "Hey! What in the hell!" the enforcer says as he tries to shake off the elf in question, "Do I look like a fuckin' candy cane? Back off Hermey, I don't need a tooth filled, though you might if you keep going." What is it with Seth and referencing old movies or TV shows? Who knows, but if it works it works. With his free hand, the redhead tries to pick up the elf and fling him back from where it came, at Santa.

THONK. Seth's aim is true, and the elf goes "AAAAAAAA!" all the way into Santa's face, bowling the jolly old fat man over backwards. All the tiny elves let out a cheer and swarm him.

Isolde reflexively acts, pushing a soothing, calming sort of emotion at the elf charging her with a shard of glass. It was honestly pretty freaking adorable for her, even if injury was possible. "Santa is bad!" She clarified quickly. "I've never seen an elf before, I just want to help. Uh, down with Santa!" She cheers with the other elves, looking around wildly for Alexander, "Alexander! Are you okay?!"

Brushing off his sleeve from the attempted elf chomp, Seth looks over at the elves swarming over Santa like a pack of hyenas on a kill, or a swarm of piranha. "Uh..." the enforcer says as he looks at the mayhem occurring, "Do we help out the fat man? Do we help the elves? Do we just....watch? I don't know what is going on here."

At the call of Isolde to Alexander, Seth turns to look and starts to move over to help the man up, "I need your guidance here man. People are going to kill me if I let Santa die in an elf revolt, won't they?"

The elf's tiny, pointed face wavers when Isolde pushes that calm at him, and he lowers the glass. Suddenly looking sheepish as his buddies start apparently trying to tear Santa apart one tiny handful at a time. The reindeer look back and snort. It sounds sort of like laughter. The elf goes, "Oh, you're on our side. Sorry about that. It's just. We got rights too, you know? Eighteen hours crawling around inside all these complicated modern toys, attaching wires, soldering microchips. Something's gotta give, you know? The people have to rise up! Have to demand their due!"

"Mmmfphhhfmmff!" is Alexander's status report, because he has an elf on his face, and that elf is standing on his mouth and punching him in the face while he flails helplessly with one arm. With Seth's help, he brushes it away, and gasps, "Kill the fuckers! Every fucking Christmas, it's elves! Kill them all!" And then he stomps on the elf. He makes an adorable little squeal, then explodes into a cloud of green glitter that smells like fresh cut pine.

Every elf head turns towards the three humans. Isolde's elf says, calmly, "Oh, you're in trouble now." And the rest of the elf posse brandishes sharpened candy canes, and charges the three of them, bloodlust in their teensy eyes.

"Rights are important!" Isolde agrees. "But you shouldn't kill Santa either." She looks over quickly, hearing that squeal and she looks...horrified. "DON'T HURT THE ELVES!" She shouts at Alexander and Seth. Though it's probably too late. Still, when she sees the group coming she tries to exert her will over the group. Trying to placate the mob of tiny creatures.

"I'm sure Santa will listen to reason. If everyone just CALMS DOWN." Because mediating equal rights for elves definitely was a very normal thing. Not weird at all.

At Alexander's claim to 'kill em all', Seth sighs and reaches into his coat and starts to produce something up until the point Isolde yells at them to not hurt the elves. The redhead looks back and forth between the two, hesitating for the moment with a sigh, "Well, which one is it? Do we kill them or not?!"

"Definitely kill them--" Alexander starts to tell Seth, and then all the elves stop charging, and just stand there, blinking up at the humans with innocent green eyes.

One of them tells Alexander, "You killed James. He has three children, you know. Worked a hundred and fifty years without a single day's vacation. He just wanted a vacation."

And the investigator groans low in the back of his throat. "Fucking elves. Isolde, why'd you have to make them people?"

Santa heaves himself to his feet, suit torn, hat knocked off, tiny little bruises all over his jolly red cheeks. "HO HO HO, what have we here! You are all," he points at the elf horde, "going on the naughty list!"

Isolde just glares at her best friend. "Because they're entitled to not be slaves too!" Maybe she's watched Harry Potter recently or something and Hermonie's whole House Elf campaign is really resonating at the moment. "No killing the elves." She says firmly to the boys. Santa, definitely still on the table though.

Then, she rounds that glare on to Santa himself. "I don't think so. You're going to go on the naughty list if you don't listen to what your workers have to say. They're not your slaves! They're fully sentient elves, with families! I don't know how Mrs. Claus approves of this treatment." Sounding a little exasperated.

Hard to say if she actually believes all this or if she's just playing along for the sake of no one getting hurt.

Except Santa.

Alexander leans over to mutter something to Seth - namely, that the enforcer should slip to the rear entrance and make sure that it's clear, because Alexander, at least, thinks they should should be running away as soon as possible. When Seth fades back, he sidles over to Isolde to mutter to her, "They're elves. Elves are awful, especially this time of year. We need to just distract them and run."

Santa recoils at the glare from the woman, then laughs a jolly belly laugh. "Now, now, Isolde. You don't want to go on the naughty list, do you? Especially when I have such a wonderful gift for you in my sleigh! And keep my wife out of this!"

The elves pass sad looks among themselves. "Poor Mrs. Claus," says one. Another nods and adds, "Santa says he's 'practicing his route' when he goes out at night, but everybody knows he stops by the Tooth Fairy's place for some fun."

"Oh my god," Alexander says, "I didn't need to know that."

Santa's face turns red. "You shut your lying mouth, Mortimer! There are worse places to work than the workshops! You could be shoveling reindeer shit for the rest of the century! How does that sound?"

"You're just being prejudiced, Alexander. Not all elves are the same." Isolde muttered back to him and then refocused on Santa. Her brow furrowed, a glance to the sleigh and then back to him. "I don't want anything you have." She decides firmly. Though it's sort of hard for her to keep a straight face at the talk of the Tooth Fairy.

She clears her throat to disguise a giggle. "Listen, All the elves want is some time off and normal shift work. That doesn't sound difficult at all. And, uh, what else did you all want?" She looks down at them. "Explain your demands calmly. And maybe we can start negotiation?"

And Mentally to Alexander she will add, "Once we get them sort of peacefully talking...we can just slowly try to leave."

"Sure, you say that NOW, but I've seen the murder in their beady little eyes," Alexander claims, with a grumpy expression.

Meanwhile, Santa just laughs. "Of course you do, Isolde! Everybody wants Santa's gifts." He gestures towards the giant sack in the sleigh. It moves, and something inside goes ribbit. "Tell me, have you ever wanted to ride a frog of your very own?"

The elves are milling around, muttering to each other. "Hey! She's on our side!" "Yeah, don't try to bribe her! Listen to her!" "We want time off!" "We want extra rations of cookies. Chocolate chip cookies!" "We want dental care!" Other tiny demands go up - weekends, free sleigh travel for vacations, tiny reindeer.

Alexander gives Isolde a look, and his own mental reply is, "Fine. But as soon as they're distracted, we go. Seth's securing our exit."

Isolde's gaze snaps back to the sack at the ribbit. Ohmigod. A giant frog. Like a REAL one! Alexander can see for a half a second Isolde looks incredibly tempted. But then she curls her hands into fists. "No. Never." It's totally a lie, but she's staying firmly put. "This isn't about me. This is about your elves. If your elves are unhappy there's no Christmas presents! Which means you're out of work. Which means Mrs. Claus will leave you for the Muffin Man." Isolde narrowed her eyes a bit.

"So LISTEN to your people! So everyone can have a good Christmas!"

"She would never," Santa sputters, instantly offended.

"Yes, she would," the elves chorus as one. They seem to be picking up what Isolde is putting down, and turn as one to Saint Nick. "She's always loved his buns, you know."

"I can't be hearing this conversation. It is murdering what's left of my childhood," Alexander says under his breath to Isolde.

Ignoring him, the elves say, "We want to work, but not all the time!" "Yeah, we got kids too. What's the use of the toy discount if you never get to see your kids play with them?" Their little hands raise up. "Have a heart, Santa! We only want what's fair!"

Santa wavers. "I...guess I could allow a few more breaks. And maybe bring shifts down to twelve hours a day."

Shouts go up, and a dozen of the elves start arguing with themselves and each other. Alexander raises an eyebrow at Isolde, then tilts his head toward the back of the store. Mentally, he says, "They're distracted. Let's go before they start fighting again."

Isolde snickers a bit under her breath as the elves start chiming in. She watches for a moment or two and then slowly nods as she hears Alexander's mental query. "We go." She agrees.

Isolde grabs the sleeves of his jacket lightly and starts to back up. Slow steps. Careful steps. Making sure the elves and Santa are totally absorbed before turning to flee from the situation with the two men.

"See? Not everything has to be death filled." Isolde claimed once they'd put distance between themselves and the situation.

As they flee out the back door, instead of going into the snow they saw out the front window, they walk into the regular, Gray Harbor rain. Seth peels off, and Alexander sighs. "Yes, yes, it doesn't have to be. I admit this." He grimaces. "But elves. Elves are terrible." Grump grump grump! But he smiles a little, and adds, "Nice moves in there, Isolde. I need to go back home, but I'll walk you there until we split. If you want?"

Isolde nods, pushing a hand through her hair and giggles. "Yeah, we'll walk and you can tell me what authors you like."