2020-12-25 - Sweet and Sassy

(TXT to Itzhak) Ravn : I am very confused.

(TXT to Itzhak) Ravn : I am in a hotel room in Denmark. This is not the confusing part.

(TXT to Ravn) Itzhak : I am drunk, this is not a confusing part either

(TXT to Ravn) Itzhak : and really goddamn horny, also not confusing

(TXT to Itzhak) Ravn : Man, I should be. I sure as hell was last night in Reykjavik. Ended up texting Hyacinth Addington for three hours.

(TXT to Itzhak) Ravn : ... Drunk, not horny.

(TXT to Ravn) Itzhak : oh no shit??? girl, dish

(TXT to Itzhak) Ravn : We just chatted. But I was very drunk and very silly. So I texted her back to apologise today.

(TXT to Itzhak) Ravn : And now I'm not sure exactly how this happened but uh, I'm picking her up at Copenhagen Airport later, and not flying back until the 29th because she needs to go look at the architecture of my family's house.

(TXT to Ravn) Itzhak : just chatted for three hours? now she's flying out to see you? where I come from this is a booty call

(TXT to Itzhak) Ravn : I think this is more of a 'oh god I hate my family' call for her tbh.

(TXT to Itzhak) Ravn : Anyway, that horse pic that Mac put on Friendzone? Yeah. She saved it. Everyone did.

(TXT to Ravn) Itzhak : I mean. Why can't it be both

(TXT to Ravn) Itzhak : yeah I saved it too

(TXT to Itzhak) Ravn : ...

(TXT to Itzhak) Ravn : See?

(TXT to Itzhak) Ravn : I'm going down in history as horse boy.

(TXT to Ravn) Itzhak : mostly because that look on your face makes me laugh but you got a nice body going on under all that black

(TXT to Itzhak) Ravn : ... Not sure whether I should be laughing or blushing here.

(TXT to Ravn) Itzhak : again I says, why not both!

(TXT to Itzhak) Ravn : Point.

(TXT to Ravn) Itzhak : and okay fair, Hya hates her family. maybe she'll tell you why. but she could have gone anywhere else but she picked you.

(TXT to Itzhak) Ravn : Yeah, she's told me some of it. Margaret sounds like a right fucking bitch.

(TXT to Ravn) Itzhak : god damn, you don't know the half of it

(TXT to Itzhak) Ravn : I probably don't. Although I've picked up a fair deal by now.

(TXT to Itzhak) Ravn : From her, and a great deal of others.

(TXT to Itzhak) Ravn : I realised that last night when Alexander, Hyacinth and I were texting about Gray Harbor and Seth was just... what the hell are you guys talking about.

(TXT to Itzhak) Ravn : Which reminds me that a) Seth is disappointed you didn't check for his nice blue ribbon and b) I suck at not mixing up my text conversations.

(TXT to Ravn) Itzhak : oh he IS, is he? well I'll have to make it up to him. didn't think he was the type, not that it woulda stopped me

(TXT to Itzhak) Ravn : I think he's straight as a plank but he likes a good joke.

(TXT to Itzhak) Ravn : And he's proud of his looks.

(TXT to Ravn) Itzhak : oh yeah, he was saying to me that if I liked him in a kilt so much he'd wear it more...which don't strike me as all THAT straight tbh

(TXT to Itzhak) Ravn : I kind of envy you guys a little. I mean, the easiness of it all. I think I might possibly just die if I tried to go anywhere in a kilt.

(TXT to Ravn) Itzhak : eh, takes all kinds to make the world go round, tateleh

(TXT to Ravn) Itzhak : I wouldn't wear one either, too fucking skinny though

(TXT to Itzhak) Ravn : ... My mind raced back to that dress of yours, sorry.

(TXT to Itzhak) Ravn : As in, I'd have dug my nails into the doorframe and gone down fighting anyone who tried to get me to leave the house wearing one.

(TXT to Ravn) Itzhak : oh yeah well a really short skirt is different, THAT i can wear and look fantastic, the more slim leg you got the better it looks, yannow? a kilt you need CALVES.

(TXT to Ravn) Itzhak : oh, lol, yeah, well nobody's gonna make you

(TXT to Itzhak) Ravn : Well, no, but I still get to be envious of your confidence, don't I?

(TXT to Itzhak) Ravn : So anyway. Hyacinth is all, I'll just stay at a bed and breakfast too, we can do our own cooking.

(TXT to Itzhak) Ravn : Think she means that, or should I book at a proper hotel? Because I sure as fuck don't cook.

(TXT to Ravn) Itzhak : ehhh I guess ya do if you really want to be envious? a lot of stuff is nothing you can't do, though, you just gotta shake off some of that stuff about ain't nobody can notice you or they'll wanna latch onto your face.

(TXT to Ravn) Itzhak : sure you'll never wear a slutty dress to a halloween party, but you and every other guy in town, yannow?

(TXT to Ravn) Itzhak : okay not for nothing but a bed and breakfast is kinda romantic. but you can't cook, you say? serious? boychik. how you gonna catch a husband if you can't cook

(TXT to Itzhak) Ravn : Well, yeah. I know. Hardly the only guy with hangups. Just, I can tell how much FUN guys like you and Seth have, just doing whatever the hell you want. And that's kinda cool.

(TXT to Itzhak) Ravn : Weeeeeeell.

(TXT to Itzhak) Ravn : For one, I don't intend to catch a husband?

(TXT to Ravn) Itzhak : ..okay FAIR but there's nothing girls love more than a guy who cooks for em

(TXT to Itzhak) Ravn : ... I can call for take-out?

(TXT to Ravn) Itzhak : hah, yeah I have fun. but I'd be lying if I said a lot of that wasn't to impress de la Vega. he LOVES it when I wear dresses, don't tell anybody

(TXT to Itzhak) Ravn : Hey, my fiancee used to love it when I wore high fashion.

(TXT to Itzhak) Ravn : And you don't want to know how many people I've met who thought my gloves meant something else entirely.

(TXT to Ravn) Itzhak : shit, I'll bet, I kinda thought that at first too. Not for long, though, you don't exactly vibe like a dom

(TXT to Itzhak) Ravn : I can't imagine that I do.

(TXT to Itzhak) Ravn : You could probably write books about what I don't know about that scene though.

(TXT to Itzhak) Ravn : Help me out here, man. Am I showing someone my house that I haven't lived in for like five years, or am I going on a date?

(TXT to Ravn) Itzhak : uh. I wish I could answer that for ya

(TXT to Ravn) Itzhak : is it a castle? do you actually live in a castle? I been dreading asking you that but I guess now's the time while I'm fucking smashed and thinking about tackling one of my undermechanics

(TXT to Itzhak) Ravn : Me too. Hate that feeling of not having clocked what's going on until it's too late and I've already pissed someone off.

(TXT to Itzhak) Ravn : Well. Castle is in the name because people in the 1500s were pretentious arses too. But no, it's not a castle castle. And I don't live there. It's rented out -- it's an art school now.

(TXT to Ravn) Itzhak : oh man. look, it may not start out as a date, but once Hya sees it, I think it's gonna become a date

(TXT to Itzhak) Ravn : No one can afford to live in a place like that in modern times, almost every old manor house in this country is some combination of hotel, or conference center, or school, or resort now.

(TXT to Itzhak) Ravn : Ok, so basically, Hyacinth is going on a date, with a house.

(TXT to Ravn) Itzhak : she will LOVE that shit. but hey don't get me wrong, she'd also love it if you lived in some tiny old cottage. it ain't about the impressive factor, it's about the architecture and history for her.

(TXT to Itzhak) Ravn : Yeah, I get it. I mean, I'm a historian. I am totally up for geeking out over some old house and its history.

(TXT to Ravn) Itzhak : she likes you, yannow

(TXT to Ravn) Itzhak : a lotta people like you

(TXT to Itzhak) Ravn : I like a lot of people?

(TXT to Ravn) Itzhak : good

(TXT to Ravn) Itzhak : just I'm not always so sure you know that

(TXT to Itzhak) Ravn : Well, there's a reason I'm back home getting a permanent residence visa for some bizarre country on the other side of the planet where I seem to have made some friends in some strange little shithole of a town

(TXT to Itzhak) Ravn : 😉

(TXT to Ravn) Itzhak : !!! you're staying? aw hell yeah this calls for another drink

(TXT to Itzhak) Ravn : I'm not going anywhere, I think that's pretty obvious by now.

(TXT to Itzhak) Ravn : But, you know, last time I thought a woman was just interested in the same things as me, it got bloody awkward.

(TXT to Itzhak) Ravn : I'm not saying I couldn't be interested, just... Bit early to make that kind of call.

(TXT to Ravn) Itzhak : yeah, totally early, she's just flying out to stay in a bed and breakfast on the spur of the moment and tour your house. Way too early to say anything

(TXT to Itzhak) Ravn : And escape the Addington family holiday traditions.

(TXT to Ravn) Itzhak : yeah but she could have gone to fucking Miami and be laying out on a beach drinking daquiris if that's all she wanted I'm just saying. this whiskey ain't near as good as that glenfiddich but it's serviceable.

(TXT to Itzhak) Ravn : Yeah, but I think she needed the excuse? It's a little hard to explain. You have this... family tradition, no one actually cares about you in it, but they sure as hell care if you upset the table by say, not turning up

(TXT to Ravn) Itzhak : ...honestly, I can't relate. My family ain't like yours guys. we got no money for one thing. we kinda only got each other.

(TXT to Itzhak) Ravn : So, like 'I don't wanna go' is not enough, but 'I got called overseas to see a friend's house from 1500-whatever' might actually get her chestnuts out of the fire.

(TXT to Itzhak) Ravn : It's very difficult to explain, at least if I am trying to make it sound even remotely rational. Also, honestly? I like your family's take better.

(TXT to Ravn) Itzhak : no, I kinda get it. you can't say just fuck you, you gotta say I have some real good reason and also fuck you.

(TXT to Itzhak) Ravn : Yeah, pretty much.

(TXT to Itzhak) Ravn : It's silly though.

(TXT to Itzhak) Ravn : And I told her as much. She doesn't have to do anything she doesn't want to do. She's not the queen of America.

(TXT to Itzhak) Ravn : But I guess that the rest of the clan will give her a hard time.

(TXT to Itzhak) Ravn : How are you holding up? Having to be away from home over Christmas has to suck for you.

(TXT to Itzhak) Ravn : Or is that why you are tackling your mechanics?

(TXT to Ravn) Itzhak : Jews don't do Christmas, don't matter to me. Javier took Cavanaugh on a road trip, anyway. They needed some time away, together. Not gonna lie, I'm jealous, but he promised we could do the same when I'm back. ...that IS why I'm thinking pretty seriously about banging this one guy though, I'm so hard-up I can hardly think.

(TXT to Itzhak) Ravn : Well, if it's not an issue... I mean, I'm assuming that you wouldn't be 'cheating', and that you would ask the guy in question before you start humping his leg...

(TXT to Ravn) Itzhak : nah, wouldn't be cheating, ain't no cheater. Haaa yeah I'd ask him, but the looks he's been giving me, pretty sure the answer is yes. believe it or not though I'm kinda shy and kinda working up to it.

(TXT to Itzhak) Ravn : No, that's what I mean, you're not the kind of guy to go behind your boyfriend's back. Or at least not that way.

(TXT to Itzhak) Ravn : I have such a hard time picturing you shy. 😆

(TXT to Ravn) Itzhak : I already mentioned him to Javier, he said he wasn't his type but go for it, lol

(TXT to Itzhak) Ravn : I'm not sure what my type is.

(TXT to Itzhak) Ravn : I think I'm not-a-bitch-sexual.

(TXT to Ravn) Itzhak : why should you know, you only been with the one person for any amount of time and she was a raging cunt

(TXT to Itzhak) Ravn : I love your choice of words there.

(TXT to Ravn) Itzhak : but am I wrong

(TXT to Itzhak) Ravn : Well, I may be a little biased. TOTALLY NOT WRONG.

(TXT to Itzhak) Ravn : So tell me about your mechanic. Distract me from worrying whether I'm walking into yet another Ravn misunderstands everything, screws everything up situation here.

(TXT to Ravn) Itzhak : I mean personally my type tends to be the ones who know what they want and come after me, you know? Not that I don't ever go after anyone. But the ones who lock on me and go, I want THAT one? They're the ones I fit with best.

(TXT to Itzhak) Ravn : Hmm, yes. Clear signals? No having to wonder what they're after. Yeah, with you on that one.

(TXT to Itzhak) Ravn : I mean, my fiancee was that. Told me she what she wanted. And I liked that, not having to guess.

(TXT to Itzhak) Ravn : Things weren't always bad between us.

(TXT to Ravn) Itzhak : see Javier de la Vega for details. Hah, well, this mechanic, he's a redhead from Kentucky, got muscle on him. He's got an art degree, so obviously he's a mechanic. Comes from a coal mining town. Sometimes he calls me New York, which is just precious beyond belief. Usually when he's tellin' me to slow the fuck down lol. I think he's appointed himself minister of Rosencrantz not burning out

(TXT to Ravn) Itzhak : nah, man, if they were always bad between you, you wouldn't have stuck around

(TXT to Itzhak) Ravn : Sounds like someone who's interested in more than just your backside. Which is good -- I mean, gotta be nice when you can also have a conversation in the morning after.

(TXT to Ravn) Itzhak : yeah, I like him. He's got that sweet sassy Southern thing going on. Maybe you don't know what that is, but it's a thing

(TXT to Itzhak) Ravn : Well, I know sweet and sassy.

(TXT to Itzhak) Ravn : When I first met Hyacinth my immediate reaction was, oh god, she's my mum reincarnated. Fortunately, she's a hell of a lot less shallow.

(TXT to Ravn) Itzhak : I'm kinda half being shy about it and kinda half...like I KNOW I'm gonna think about de la Vega, at least some, and not real sure that's fair to this guy

(TXT to Itzhak) Ravn : Well.

(TXT to Itzhak) Ravn : If you were building a relationship then no, that'd be real shitty.

(TXT to Itzhak) Ravn : But if it's clear for you both that this is a this week thing -- I mean, you don't know who he's thinking about, either.

(TXT to Ravn) Itzhak : ehhh true, he knows I got a boyfriend I'm real serious about.

(TXT to Itzhak) Ravn : I don't know, I guess I don't see the big deal -- as long as everyone's clear on what's happening and cool with it, people should do what and who they want.

(TXT to Itzhak) Ravn : If you were telling me psst, there's this guy, don't tell de la Vega, THEN I'd have issues.

(TXT to Ravn) Itzhak : and you know, I can see it being kinda awkward, Hya reminding you of your ma.

(TXT to Itzhak) Ravn : Well, not really. I mean, she's nothing like my mother. Just, the whole rich girl thing, it's kind of what I ran away from.

(TXT to Ravn) Itzhak : oh God forbid, I would never do that to him. I love that guy. I fucking cherish that grumpy sexy bastard.

(TXT to Itzhak) Ravn : But, she knows my position, she knows I live in a trailer park. She may think I'm ridiculous for doing so, but she knows.

(TXT to Itzhak) Ravn : But still, something about that idea still makes me think of this maybe.

(TXT to Ravn) Itzhak : oh Jesus you're fucking killing me, I'm dying. I watched that video about ten thousand times when I was a kid

(TXT to Itzhak) Ravn : Well, you're probably the other person it reminds me of, for obvious garage-related reasons. 😆

(TXT to Ravn) Itzhak : I ain't saying I used to wish I was Billy Joel in that video, but I'm not NOT saying it

(TXT to Itzhak) Ravn : I just don't want to screw anything up. Got a nice regular lunch and friendly sniping at ridiculous people thing going with Hyacinth and Vyv Vydal.

(TXT to Ravn) Itzhak : hey, listen. you keep doing that thing. Hya ain't the show up with booze for stargazing type, but what she wants? She goes for.

(TXT to Itzhak) Ravn : Hah, yeah, maybe that IS what I am asking.

(TXT to Itzhak) Ravn : As in, can I expect that if she's got ideas of that nature, she'll just bloody well tell me.

(TXT to Ravn) Itzhak : she'll sure as hell do SOMETHING. You know what I do sometimes, when I can't figure people out? I just tell 'em, I'm autistic, I don't get a lot of stuff. Just tell me. It works pretty good.

(TXT to Itzhak) Ravn : Well, I probably shouldn't tell people I'm autistic.

(TXT to Itzhak) Ravn : I mean, since I'm not.

(TXT to Itzhak) Ravn : Prone to chronic overthinking, though, that I definitely am.

(TXT to Ravn) Itzhak : yeah tell 'em you don't get stuff so good. If there's something they want you to know, just tell you. I mean it works for me, anyway.

(TXT to Itzhak) Ravn : Might be worth thinking about.

(TXT to Ravn) Itzhak : or, you know, she could be like de la Vega and just shove you against the wall, you never know!

(TXT to Itzhak) Ravn : But, on some level, maybe it's myself I need to say it to. My feeling on these things tends to be, don't rock the boat, you got something you enjoy, don't complicate it, don't take stupid chances.

(TXT to Itzhak) Ravn : ... Well, I might notice that.

(TXT to Itzhak) Ravn : Alexander Clayton told me I'm a risk chaser.

(TXT to Itzhak) Ravn : I mean, he's not wrong about SOME risks. But this kind? Hell no.

(TXT to Ravn) Itzhak : look, like I keep saying, would some guy DOESN'T chase risks go hitchhiking around the world, busk in bus stations, do all this hustling? I feel btw I should warn you that hustling is slang for gay hooking

(TXT to Itzhak) Ravn : Yeah, uh, I kind of learned that recently.

(TXT to Itzhak) Ravn : It explained a lot to me. Like, say, why Hyacinth and Vydal thought I was a male prostitute.

(TXT to Ravn) Itzhak : fuck excuse me i'm dying to death

(TXT to Itzhak) Ravn : HERE a hustler is basically a grifter.

(TXT to Ravn) Itzhak : christ almighty whiskey hurts when it comes out your nose

(TXT to Itzhak) Ravn : Like, East Coast Hustlers were a prominent rap duo going on about pool sharking, confidence scams.

(TXT to Itzhak) Ravn : From Copenhagen. Hence, East Coast.

(TXT to Itzhak) Ravn : ... I didn't kill you for real, did I?

(TXT to Ravn) Itzhak : no but jesus did you clear out my sinuses

(TXT to Itzhak) Ravn : Happy to be of service?

(TXT to Itzhak) Ravn : Wait, in the context of hustlers, I'm not saying that.

(TXT to Itzhak) Ravn : Hey. When I get back. Let's go to Seattle. Just one day. Do some HUSTLING.

(TXT to Ravn) Itzhak : hell yeah, we'll do some hustling and some busking, Sea-town won't know what hit it

(TXT to Itzhak) Ravn : It's a play date.