2021-09-21 - Oh My Prom King

(TXT to Ruiz) Ravn : So, if there is a prize for most awkward morning-after text, I think I am at least in the running. Just wanted to say thank you for last night. The thing you do, for calming my neuropathy. And figuring out how the hell to get that horrible parody of a prom to be over. I'd pretend it all simply didn't happen except I'm pretty certain Hyacinth has no intention of doing so, and once news reach Rosencrantz he'll be shitting bricks laughing for a week, then demand pictures.

(TXT to Ravn) Ruiz : I assure you, you definitely don't qualify for most awkward morning after text. Fucking your boss's wife and talking about how good it was. to your boss. that, my friend, is awkward.

(TXT to Ravn) Ruiz : And no problem. It helps Rosencrantz sometimes. thought it might help you, too. So are you and Hyacinth boning or something?

(TXT to Ruiz) Ravn : Bonus awkward points if boss grins and asks to join next time? Anyhow. Yeah, it does -- I'm not sure what it is you do exactly but it feels like my nerve disorder goes for a nap. Which is -- really bloody useful when I'm being swept along in a current of entirely too many knees and elbows.

(TXT to Ruiz) Ravn : As for Hyacinth -- it's complicated. I wish? Maybe we will be? Kind of have a declaration of intent to see if something could work out between us, but she's got a business to run with half the damn city's employment hanging on her, and I am fighting my own little personal war against the Veil, and somehow, there's not a whole lot of time to actually get down to doing a whole lot about anything. Working on it.

(TXT to Ruiz) Ravn : ... I'll admit that seeing her come at you like a jealous cat was a tad uncomfortable but then, that was a fucked up situation in the first place. Wonder who the hell those other girls were supposed to be, there was definitely bad blood there.

(TXT to Ravn) Ruiz : You think I can't handle an Addington with her panties in a wad? wouldn't be the first time. probably won't be the last.

(TXT to Ravn) Ruiz : And no offense, but I've already got my hands full with two boyfriends. I don't need another one. she had nothing to be jealous about, it was just a kiss. You can't honestly tell me you've never kissed a guy.

(TXT to Ruiz) Ravn : Oh, I'm sure you can. Job like yours, I'm guessing having somebody scream at you is most days ending in -y.

(TXT to Ruiz) Ravn : Well. I can tell you that, I suppose, but it's not something I'm going to lose sleep over. I'm just glad somebody else had the brains and awareness to actually do something while I was freezing up like a fucking deer in headlights. Dreams keep getting more and more bizarre lately. Two days ago I was playing poker and having a saloon brawl with naked Seth Monaghan.

(TXT to Ravn) Ruiz : Naked? the fuck was he naked

(TXT to Ruiz) Ravn : Well, it was a poker game and he got drafted into it in his shorts, what else was he going to bet?

(TXT to Ravn) Ruiz : What, he didn't have any money?

(TXT to Ruiz) Ravn : If he had had money, I'm not sure I'd want to know where he'd been keeping it.

(TXT to Ravn) Ruiz : Okay, pretty sure naked Seth Monaghan is worse than having to kiss me. Because I am a damn good kisser

(TXT to Ruiz) Ravn : I mean, if you ever for some reason need somebody to verify that you're an excellent dancer and kisser, then yes, I can be at your disposal. 😆 Man, this town. It fucks with your head in so many ways.

(TXT to Ravn) Ruiz : I'm glad I have that in writing

(TXT to Ravn) Ruiz : Wait do you have pictures?

(TXT to Ruiz) Ravn : Rosencrantz is going to give me shit about this for a month.

(TXT to Ruiz) Ravn : Naw, it was some kind of fucked up dream. Isi Cameron and me -- you know her? Works at city hall, accountant. Anyhow, her and me and a bunch of gritty old cowboys in some kind of saloon, like a bad Western. And, well, Seth, in his duck print underoos.

(TXT to Ravn) Ruiz : Fuck. do you realise what blackmail fodder that would have been?

(TXT to Ruiz) Ravn : Which he bet. And I won. Sadly, I didn't have them when I woke up or I'd be giving -him- shit for a month.

(TXT to Ravn) Ruiz : You're terrible at leverage

(TXT to Ruiz) Ravn : I'll have to work on it. Maybe add 'polaroid camera' to the list of stuff I really ought to never go to bed without. You know, gun, first aid kit, sandwiches... -Clothes-.

(TXT to Ruiz) Ravn : ... Weasel repellant.

(TXT to Ravn) Ruiz : Sandwiches? you bring sandwiches to bed? the fuck kind of kink is that?

(TXT to Ruiz) Ravn : No, I don't. But I amuse myself sometimes trying to think up the kind of emergency kit one really ought to wear to bed in this fucked up town. Pretty much every time I see somebody pop into a dream wearing a towel or less.

(TXT to Ruiz) Ravn : Which reminds me -- what the hell is the ADA's deal, anyway? I get that she doesn't see the weird stuff. But she comes down on people like she's on her own personal war with this town.

(TXT to Ravn) Ruiz : Let's just say I'm lucky I haven't yet been caught in any compromising situations, and leave it at that.

(TXT to Ravn) Ruiz : The ADA? Benett?

(TXT to Ruiz) Ravn : Yeah, angry little blonde.

(TXT to Ravn) Ruiz : Figured it was just me she didn't like. she used to text me obscure shit about my dick at three in the morning, I think to get a rise out of me.

(TXT to Ravn) Ruiz : Not in a good way.

(TXT to Ruiz) Ravn : Granted, she's not done that to me. Me, she just weird-flirts with, like she wants to find a reason to yell at me.

(TXT to Ravn) Ruiz : Maybe she likes you.

(TXT to Ruiz) Ravn : God save a man from a woman who likes him if she expresses it by yelling at him.

(TXT to Ruiz) Ravn : Oh well. In that regard? Considered climbing the fence and join you guys in the no girls allowed club a few times in my life already, no secret. Glad to hear it's not just me Bennett's got an issue with.

(TXT to Ravn) Ruiz : Who the fuck said anything about no girls allowed

(TXT to Ruiz) Ravn : 😆 Fair, fair.

(TXT to Ravn) Ruiz : I like girls plenty, cabron

(TXT to Ruiz) Ravn : I'm not going shopping for a tiara and corsage.

(TXT to Ravn) Ruiz : Feel like you're trying to tell me something here

(TXT to Ruiz) Ravn : You know one thing I need to rib Rosencrantz with after this? He told me a long time ago, you ain't made it in this town until you've been making it with you or him. Might walk in on him and just announce I made it.

(TXT to Ravn) Ruiz : He what? He told you that?

(TXT to Ravn) Ruiz : That little fucker

(TXT to Ruiz) Ravn : To be fair, there was a context.

(TXT to Ruiz) Ravn : It was back when half this town for some reason had convinced itself I was screwing Oakes behind Marshall's back. I was expressing my displeasure (read: whining my ass off) about the whole idea.

(TXT to Ravn) Ruiz : I must not have gotten that memo

(TXT to Ruiz) Ravn : I kind of still just stay away from the Twofer, not going to lie.

(TXT to Ravn) Ruiz : You need me to set anyone straight?

(TXT to Ravn) Ruiz : I mean, I assume you know about the time I fucked Marshall behind Oakes' back.

(TXT to Ruiz) Ravn : Nah. I talked to Marshall, he knows there was nothing between Oakes and me. Couple of other folks asked me, told them the same thing. No idea whether anyone believed it, but it's old news and honestly, if Marshall doesn't care, why the hell would anyone else. One of the first pieces of advice I got in this town when I fell off that truck in Main Street was, drink a lot, screw a lot, that's how you cope.

(TXT to Ruiz) Ravn : ... I didn't, but, not very surprised? I mean, Gray Harbor. It's how folks cope.

(TXT to Ravn) Ruiz : We'd gone out shooting, we were drunk, he made a move, I don't know. Yeah, well, it's certainly how I cope. I don't necessarily advise it.

(TXT to Ruiz) Ravn : I drink too much and go manic about trying to work out how shit here works. Whatever gets you through the night, I figure.

(TXT to Ravn) Ruiz : you should come over some time. Been a while since you stopped by for a visit.

(TXT to Ruiz) Ravn : Which is part of why my dating life is as exciting as it is. I'm the kind of guy who forgets to call for three days, and women don't much care for that.

(TXT to Ruiz) Ravn : You know, I should. Could pick up a bottle of decent European whiskey, have an argument over what constitutes proper alcohol. Watch Rosencrantz roll his eyes at us both.

(TXT to Ravn) Ruiz : Sure, bring the whiskey if you want. I have tequila, though.

(TXT to Ravn) Ruiz : I've got to go. got some paperwork to finish up. maybe this weekend? Let me know, yeah?

(TXT to Ruiz) Ravn : I never managed to get big on tequila. It's the worm. I don't think it's possible to be more white guy than me around tequila worms.

(TXT to Ruiz) Ravn : Yeah. Wear pants. In case of poker games. And stay safe, all right?

(TXT to Ravn) Ruiz : I always wear pants. you too, te veo luego.